Be Careful What You Wish For
by Whitlock-Masen
Summary: Charlie Swan has been successfully keeping a secret from his daughter, Bella, for years. When her mother remarries and Bella asks to live with him, Charlie is finally forced to face his fears and reveal the love he's hidden her entire life. SLASH
1. Home

_**A/N:**__ Amazing what things might come from one simple question of "If I go do FGB, what would people want to see?" (don't answer that! Have enough plotbunnies running around right now). Betham gave me a pairing, saying that though she knew she'd never be able to win, that's who she'd love to see. So rather than put myself on the block, we got to an arrangement. What was supposed to be a one-shot, turned...bigger. And now it's a collab that SorceressCirce and I are very excited about. We hope that you will grow to love these boys as much as you love the Marked-boys. _

* * *

**Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all,  
And then some you don't want.  
Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all, yeah.**

**"Home" by Daughtry**

I stared up at the ceiling. Comfortable as I was, with the sheets pulled up to just above my waist and my right arm behind my head, I couldn't fall asleep. My left hand idly played with the head of blond hair that was lying on my chest, and I couldn't help but smile at the serenity that the sleeping form exuded against me. My gaze shifted back to the ceiling, though I didn't actually see it as my mind wandered.

I was nervous. Bella would be flying in tomorrow. My daughter would be coming to live with me, and I hadn't seen her for more than two weeks a year for the last three years. The call asking if she could please come and live with me had come out of the blue. Apparently, Renee had remarried, and Bella wanted to give her mother and stepfather some time alone. I was happy for Renee that she had finally found someone to give her heart to again.

After our divorce, she'd never trusted another man enough to give herself to him fully. Not that I could blame her for that. It was mostly my fault she had become gun-shy about men in general - a fact I had felt guilty for every day for the past too many years.

When we first met, we were both seventeen. Renee had been all passion and life, so full of enthusiasm and so very sure of herself and of her love for me. I had never been a man of passion, though I'd longed for it. At the time, I had thought that being with Renee would be the closest I could ever get to it, getting it from her and living vicariously through her in a way. She had been determined in her pursuit of me - something I had never been able to understand, but was happy enough to accept. Eventually, I had even thought I had loved her, albeit without the fire she seemed to posses. I thought it would be enough.

Things went well enough for a while. We did everything other couples seemed to do; we kissed, went on dates. We'd even made love a few times, if you could call it that. It was never something I initiated; it was always Renee. And I had always thought it was...normal that she should start things, since she was the one with fire in her soul.

And then she got pregnant.

It was an accident. A two-in-one-hundred chance of the condom failing, and it just _had_ to be us that made up that two percent. Not that I didn't love Bella. I did. She had me wrapped around her little finger from the moment she was born. The moment I'd held her in my arms was the moment I had first felt the stirrings of intense love. She had been the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on, and that was despite her being covered in white goo and blood. I didn't ever want to let her go.

Bella had been three months old when things changed for me. For us as a family. I'd gotten a job at the hospital as a receptionist, working full-time as I put myself through school and attempted to support my family. I wanted to become an officer of the law, but had made a promise to my parents that I would go to college first. They didn't like the idea of me becoming a policeman, and neither did Renee - they were all worried that I wouldn't make it home one night. I'd conceded, not wanting to upset anyone, but I still dreamed.

It had been during my time at the hospital that my world spun on its axis and Carlisle walked into my life. I could remember that moment clear as day.

_The phones had been busy all night, and the other receptionist and I had barely gotten a break. During one of the few lulls in between calls, I'd offered to get us both some coffee from the cafeteria. Gianna had been grateful, so I walked to the elevators to go up to the cafeteria. The layout of the hospital had never made sense to me, and I couldn't fathom what had possessed them to put the cafeteria on the second floor, but they had._

_I stood waiting for the elevator to arrive when I saw him. This six-foot-something, lean, blond man walked through the hall, his eyes fixed on the clipboard in his hands, his brow furrowed as he muttered to himself, his supple lips moving almost imperceptibly - almost, but they were what my eyes had fixed on. The closer he got, the more the air seemed to charge, and I blinked as I realized that my breathing had become uneven and my hands had turned into fists to keep from reaching out to him. I was stunned by the realization that he was evoking a storm in me I never would have thought myself capable of._

_He was so focused on what he was reading, and I was so lost in my thoughts, my eyes still focused on his mouth, that he walked right into me. The forward momentum of him pushed me back, and we would have landed against the elevator doors had they not opened, effectively allowing him to - albeit unintentionally - push me inside._

_My hands reflexively grasped his elbows in an attempt to steady us both, whereas Carlisle's hands latched onto my upper arms - somehow still clutching the clipboard with one hand. It felt as if I had received a shock to my system. The doors to the elevator closed behind us; the small space was mercifully empty._

_The momentum had carried me to the wall, and Carlisle was now pressed against me, his face flushed with embarrassment. I stood, frozen and afraid to move because any movement on either part would alert him to the hard-on that was straining against my jeans. I couldn't recall ever having had such a response, to anyone. Not even Renee._

_He stuttered softly, his British accent washing over me like a balm, "I...I'm sorry...I didn't see you...Are you alright?"_

_All I was capable of doing was nodding, and with that, he slowly pushed himself away, muttering apologies as he ran his hand through his hair. His eyes kept darting to mine and away again, the blush on his face deepening further. My instinct to comfort him took me by surprise and left me gaping at him for a moment before__ I could pull mys__elf together enough to finally say something._

_"Yeah, I'm fine...don't worry about it."_

_I was surprised by the tenderness in my voice. _What the hell is going on with me?_ His eyes darted over my body before leveling to mine again, his hand again running through his hair as he sighed softly, smiling tentatively at me. He moved the clipboard to his left hand, reaching his right out to me. "I'm Carlisle, Carlisle Cullen. I just started here this week."_

_Taking his hand in mine, I shook it. "Name's Charlie Swan."_

My eyes had been glued to his, and we held on to one another's hands for longer than decorum would have dictated. He'd shaken his head as he finally let go, and we began talking. He mentioned something about being part of an exchange program and that he missed his hometown of Richmond, which he explained was just on the outskirts of London. The initial shock lessened somewhat as we continued to talk, though it had taken awhile before either of us realized that we were still in the elevator, and we hadn't changed floors, and miraculously no other people had called the elevator or entered it.

He'd joined me in the cafeteria and followed me back to my station as we kept up a surprisingly easy conversation. I normally was not a man of many words, but he seemed to draw them out of me.

After that night, we talked regularly, somehow always managing to take our breaks at the same time. Every time I was close to him, my body would respond to him - my breathing would grow shallow, my heart rate would pick up and with every interaction I was left aching for... something more.

About three weeks after our first run-in I finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to Carlisle. I couldn't deny that any longer. Renee had withdrawn since Bella's birth, and we certainly hadn't been intimate. I'd never once fantasized about being with her. I'd never fantasized about anyone, really. Before Renee, I had never given much thought to anything physical before.

But Carlisle... It had gotten to the point where just someone mentioning his name in passing would have me hard. I didn't understand it, but I didn't fight it, either. I was by no means sure whether it was just me, or whether he possibly felt the same towards me. It had never come up, and I wasn't able to tell by his behavior. It sure as hell wasn't something I was willing to bring up in a conversation, either. I may not have been fighting what was happening to me, but I wasn't about to risk my neck.

We were becoming friends, though we had yet to do anything outside of work. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out with him, I just didn't have the guts to ask him, and he never brought it up.

Then one day, I was taking advantage of time off from both school and the hospital, so I had been working around the house. My best friend Harry was helping me cut down some trees that were threatening to get blown over with the next storm. To this day, I have no idea exactly what happened. One moment, I was on the ladder cutting down a branch, with Harry holding the ladder in place. The next, I was lying on the ground, bleeding from a cut that ran from my side down to my thigh. Harry took me to the hospital, and as my luck would have it, it was Carlisle who ended up tending to my wounds.

Harry was told to stay in the waiting room, mostly because he didn't do well around blood, and it had been a small miracle he'd gotten me there without passing out himself. I was grateful, because I didn't need to have him witness what happened. Carlisle asked what had happened, all the while working to remove the shorts that were now soaked with my blood and tattered anyway. The cut turned out to be just a flesh wound, somehow having missed any major arteries and only requiring him to clean the wound and put stitches in it.

His hands were cool, and every time his skin touched mine, it sent a jolt through me. As always seemed to be the case when I was around him, my body responded, though this time there was no way for me to hide it from him. I was watching him intently as he worked, both praying that he wouldn't realize that it was his touch - however innocent since he was stitching up the gash on my side and leg - that was making me hard...and that he _would _notice.

When my cock twitched as his hands moved closer to my groin, his eyes flickered from what he was doing to my hard-on and up to my face before he blushed slightly and went back to what he was doing. I had no idea how to take his reaction, so I remained quiet and just watched him work.

After he patched me up, he handed me the scrubs a nurse had brought in and gave instructions for care and cleaning of the wound. His eyes were steadfastly fixated on anything but my eyes or anywhere below my chest and his blush had stayed in place through it all. He stood a little away from me, leaning against the wall with one hand jammed into the pocked of his pants, his white coat scrunched up and pushed slightly to the side.

As soon as I realized that my eyes had roamed down to his crotch, I blushed and looked up again, praying he hadn't noticed. He hadn't, as he was still determinedly looking somewhere between my eyes and chest. I chanced one more glance as I wondered why he was standing that way, finding it odd behavior for him as I'd never seen him do that before. It took me a moment to realize that his hand wasn't the only thing straining the fabric of his pants. That alone made me flustered, and I ran my fingers roughly through my hair as I tried to focus on what he was saying.

I was both mortified and excited by the realization that his body had reacted to mine, just as mine had done to his. Yes, I was attracted to the man, but nothing could come of it. Not as long as I was with Renee; I would not cheat. And wanting Carlisle already felt too much like cheating.

I went home, determined that I could no longer continue life like this. I had to tell Renee. She deserved the truth, and the truth was that though I loved her in a sense, it wasn't the same kind of love as she had for me. It wasn't the _right _kind of love to build a marriage on - it guaranteed that our marriage would be based on a lie.

I arranged for her parents to take Bella for the night, so that we would be free to talk. I knew this would be coming out of left field for Renee, and I didn't feel she needed the added worry of tending to our baby. This would be hard enough on her as it was.

That night, I told Renee everything - well, almost everything. There was no need to bring up Carlisle. Nothing had happened, aside from it sparking my self-discovery, nor would it, so I left the cause for this revelation vague. She didn't press the matter; she didn't want to know. I had been right in thinking the news would be hard on her.

She was devastated, and it broke my heart to watch her faith in herself crumble before my eyes. She doubted everything that had ever happened between us. I tried to explain myself as best I could, but even I knew I was lacking the words. There simply weren't any right words to say how screwed up things were or why they were the way they were. If they existed, I did not know them, and I doubted she would have been able to hear them anyway.

She said she needed time to think, so I told her I would move back in with my parents so she could stay in the house with Bella. I didn't want either of them to have to move because of me. This was difficult enough. That same night, I was packed and gone, leaving behind a mess I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to fix, and I hated myself for being the cause of it.

Two weeks after our talk, Renee called me to let me know she was filing for divorce. She asked if I would come over so we could discuss what would happen with Bella. When I got to the house, I could see boxes everywhere. She told me she had been offered a job as a teacher in Phoenix and that she was taking Bella with her. We talked for a couple of hours, both of us managing to keep our heads and agree on what we thought was best for Bella, even though the thought of having her move so far away tore at my heart.

We came to an amicable agreement, and since I wasn't contesting the divorce and was paying all the costs, everything was taken care of in a few short months. I decided to stay with my parents. During the time of the divorce proceedings, my father had fallen ill, so I stayed to help my mother take care of him. They were heartbroken that their only granddaughter had been taken so far away from them, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them the real reason behind Renee's leaving.

Before she left, I had begged Renee to not tell Bella what had happened. She had agreed, saying that it was my story to tell, not hers. It was up to me to explain the truth, as having it come from her would come with the tainted emotions she was left with, and that wasn't something she was willing to impart on our little girl.

Though I was helping my parents while my father was ill, I continued taking classes and working full time at the hospital. Despite the fact that I had fewer bills now, I still had expenses and responsibilities I neither could - nor would - ignore.

Things between Carlisle and me had been awkward the first few times after that fateful day in the ER. We didn't deviate from our established routine, though, and it took a week or so before things were back to normal... as much as things had ever been normal between us, all things considered. After about a month, just after Renee and Bella had left Forks, Carlisle asked if I wanted to have dinner at his place and, after some consideration, I accepted the invitation.

I didn't think anything would come of it, not after everything that had happened in the last few months. There was no way I was ready to do anything about, well... anything right then. That said, I was still nervous as hell when I showed up on his doorstep with a twelve pack of Vitamin R. I was relieved to find that Carlisle had opted for blue jeans and a white t-shirt, much like I had, though I was wearing an open plaid flannel button down instead of a jacket.

He smiled at me, inviting me inside and taking me out to the back of the house where he had the grill going. Surprisingly, we fell right into our groove, just like we did at work, and the thought of that made me smile, though it also saddened me. I knew he would be leaving for England again in a few short months, yet another reason I was certain nothing would ever happen between us. I'd long since resigned myself to being open to figuring out this revelation I'd had, but I was unwilling to just fool around to do so.

The conversation was mostly along the lines of the way we spoke at work: innocent enough, and it lasted us through a dinner of steaks and grilled vegetables. Both of us had had a few beers already, and I felt relaxed, at ease. We cleared away the rest of the food and worked easily together as we did the dishes before going back out to the patio to continue talking.

_We sat, both our chairs facing the woods that bordered the property Carlisle rented while he was living in Forks, each of us lost in thought for a while and nursing our beers. I figured there had to be a good reason for him to ask me here tonight, but I was hesitant to bring it up, so I waited for him. After a few minutes, he placed his beer back on the table and sat forward, leaning his forearms on his knees and looking at his hands as he spoke._

_"I'm sorry for what happened with Renee, Charlie. I know how hard it is for you not to be able to watch Bella grow up."_

_I nodded as I muttered, "Thanks."_

_Running my fingers through my hair, I sighed. That was probably the one thing that bothered me the most with everything that had gone on. Bella. He glanced up at me, his brow furrowed slightly as he seemed to think something over. He looked back at his hands, fidgeting as he cleared his throat. I expected him to speak, but he remained silent for a few minutes. Finally, he sat up, scrubbing his face before taking a deep breath, his voice so low I had to strain to hear it._

_"Charlie...did...did what happened with Renee have anything to do with that day you were brought into the ER?"_

_He glanced sideways at me, as if unable to face me. Worry was etched on his face and, for a moment, I had to fight the urge to go to him. I cleared my throat as I leaned forward, mimicking his earlier posture as I stared at the can of beer that I held between my hands. When I didn't say anything, he sighed again._

_"I couldn't help but notice the timing of it all. I'm sorry, Charlie; I shouldn't have asked..."_

_I shook my head slightly, muttering, "'s Okay. And yeah, I suppose in a way..."_  
_  
We sat in silence again for a while. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but I felt I owed it to him - and to myself - to tell him the truth. After that day in the ER, I was fairly certain that no matter what I told him about it, it wouldn't make things awkward between us. He had continued to be a good friend; in spite of that, though, I couldn't quite bring myself to look at him as I spoke._

_"It wasn't fair to Renee, to keep going as we were. Not when I was...am...attracted...to you."_

_I glanced at him, needing to see if I had been wrong in my assessment of him and had just completely blown our friendship. I could feel my cheeks warm as I blushed slightly and hurriedly shifted my gaze back to my beer as I realized Carlisle was watching me intently._

_"Nothing happened, and I know it's not going to, not with you moving back to England. And I'm okay with that, with just being your friend at least."_

_Silence again as I looked out to the forest, trying to swallow back the lump of nerves that was forming in my throat. I'd put it out there, and there was no going back. When he finally broke the silence, his voice was calm, but just above a whisper._

_"I'm attracted to you, too, Charlie. I have been for a long time, but you were married, and there was Bella. I never thought...never would have..."_

_He sighed and was running his fingers through his hair as I looked up at him. Our eyes locked, both of us unable to look away now that we knew how the other felt. I nodded once, letting him know without words that I appreciated he wouldn't have done anything to purposely upset my marriage. After a few minutes, he finally broke eye contact and stared into the forest. His voice quiet once more, almost as if he were afraid that to speak at all would break whatever was happening tonight._

_"Have you ever..." he swallowed, and tried again. "Have you ever been attracted to other men?"_

_I gave a quiet snort as I shook my head._

_"No, never. Hell... Before you came along, I'd never felt attracted to any one, at least not in the same way as I do you. Man or woman. Not even Renee."_

_Part of me felt horrible for admitting that, and I felt a pang of guilt as I realized how wrong it had been of me to ever have started a relationship with her given the lack of connection and attraction on my en__d, though__ at the time, I simply had not known any better._

_Carlisle nodded, but remained quiet. I glanced at him. "How about you?"_

_He gave me a soft smile as he answered. "I'm gay, Charl__ie, and it's somet__hing I've known for a few years now. And yes, I have been attracted to other men before. Never felt as strong a connection with anyone before, though. Never had the ease of being with anyone like I do with you."_

_I could feel a smile tugging at my lips as I nodded. Even if nothing would come of it - and I was certain it wouldn't - it felt good to at least know that he felt the same. I took a long pull of my beer as the silence stretched out._

_"Charlie?"_

_I turned to look at him, raising my brow in invitation for him to continue. He blushed a little, his eyes on mine as he ran his fingers through his hair again. A nervous habit, I realized._

_"May I kiss you? I know it's unfair and incredibly selfish of me, but... the thought of another man being the first to kiss you..."_

_He looked flustered as his blush deepened, his brow furrowing._

_"Never mind. I...I haven't the right; I'm sorry. Forget I said anything."_

_He got up quickly, grabbing his beer as he walked back into the house without waiting for any response fr__om me, no__t that I was capable of saying anything; I was too stunned by his question. Stunned...and more than a little intrigued. Images of Carlisle and me kissing played through my head. I wondered how he'd taste, how his lips would feel against mine. Now that he had put it out there - something I had fantasized about but never imagined actually happening - I couldn't shake it. Not that I wanted to._

_Draining the last of the Vitamin R, I got up and followed him into the house. I found Carlisle in the kitchen, leaning against the fridge with his forehead resting against the freezer door. He made no move to acknowledge me as I stepped next to him. I felt a moment's hesitation, wondering if he had changed his mind about wanting to kiss._

_I raised my hand, hovering by his neck for a moment before taking a deep breath and resting it on the nape of his neck. He slowly raised his head to look at me, several emotions playing through his eyes as he searched for something in mine._

_"Charlie..."_

_My eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips and back. I leaned in as I gently pulled him closer, whispering against his lips, "Shh," and closed the distance between us._ _As soon as our lips touched, I heard Carlisle utter a brief but needy groan as he turned around to face me fully, his hands going to either side of my face as our lips moved. I closed my eyes so I could focus on this wondrous new sensation of his lips on mine. Being this close to him, feeling him, smelling him, it all seemed surreal but oh so wonderful, so unlike what things had felt like with Renee. This kiss spread through me with a slow burn, and I welcomed it. I'd longed to feel like this, to have this._

_Our kiss started out chaste enough, our lips remaining closed, but after a while, he slowly began to open his mouth. The small noises he was making drove me on, letting me know he wanted and enjoyed this as much as I did. My free hand found its way to the small of his back, and somewhere in the back of my mind the thought _"my truth"_ kept running on repeat._

_Carlisle's hands slid from my cheeks down to my neck, and I was sure he could feel my pulse beating like crazy under his palms. He tilted his head a little, deepening the kiss, and I was startled when I felt the tip of his tongue dart out and trace my lips, actually making me whimper softly. I didn't think I'd ever whimpered in my life. When he slipped his tongue into my mouth, my knees almost buckled, my hands reflexively tightening their grip on him._

_The feel of his tongue against mine as he explored my mouth was too much. Twisting our bodies slightly, I__ pushed Carlisle against the fridge, pressing hard against him as I returned his kiss with something nearing desperation. Both my hands settled at his sides, just above the waistband of his jeans, and I clutched at the fabric of his shirt. I wasn't even fully comprehending what I was doing anymore, all my senses feeling as if they were on overload, especially when I moved to get closer to him still and in the process rubbed against his hard-on with mine._

_With an almost pained groan, Carlisle put his hands over mine, gently prying them loose from his shirt as he pulled away. We were both breathing heavily as he pushed me away slightly to get some distance between us. The pang of rejection I felt must have shown on my face because the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine again, though he kept things chaste, whispering assurances to me between each kiss as he placed his palm on my cheek.  
_  
_He rested his forehead against mine and sighed deeply, his voice a hoarse whisper as he spoke. "Ah, Charlie...We have to stop, love. This isn't fair to you..."_

_I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down, though everything in me wanted to keep feeling the fire he was igniting in m__e: the passion I had so longed for, and it was _his _touc__h that had sparked it. I wanted to shout it off the rooftops; I wanted to laugh; I wanted to cry. Because I had finally found it, and it would be leaving me all too soon._

_I felt my eyebrows knit together as I tried to find my voice again. I barely recognized my own voice when I finally was able to speak._

_"Do you really have to leave, Carlisle?"_

_"'fraid so, Charlie. I don't have a choice, love."_

'Love'. _I knew it was a term of endearment he used frequently. He'd explained once that 'it was a British thing'. Still, he'd never said it to me, and hearing him say it now made me pause, wondering if that one word held a deeper meaning here. I t__hought I heard the same disappointment in his voice as what I felt. I didn't want him to leave. Ever. I wanted the chance to explore this. Us. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me back to him, and I did the same. I rested my head on his shoulder, turning and effectively nuzzling his neck. I'd never done this with Renee, but it felt right. Intimate.  
_  
From that first kiss in April all through the summer, Carlisle and I spent as much time together as our schedules would allow, which wasn't nearly as much as I would have liked. We had agreed that we wouldn't pursue anything and just remain friends. Every now and then, though, one or the other of us couldn't resist, and we'd end up making out. We never did more than kiss, though our hands would roam on occasion, but we didn't let it go any further than that. Part of me was grateful for that, and part of me wasn't. I still wanted more, to find out what it would feel like to make love with someone who could set my very soul on fire with just a touch.

Dad was getting steadily worse, finally passing away in October, just two short months before Carlisle was supposed to leave. Carlisle was there to help me through it, lending me his strength when I needed it most. The way he was there for me, knowing just when to be quiet or when to speak and what to say, made me realize that he would make an outstanding doctor. I already knew he was smart, much more so than the average Joe. He was the youngest person to be allowed in the program he was here on, and - according to him - the youngest person in his class since he had skipped several grades and was one some fast track through college.

As smart as he was, though, he never let it show in a way that made you think he was above it all. He was passionate when he allowed himself to be, and he could argue as heatedly about sports as he could the latest scientific discoveries in his field. Often he would use that to try and pull me back when I threatened to feel too down about what had happened or about what loomed ahead.

I loved him for it.

For the first time in my life, I felt I knew what it was like to be in love, but I couldn't tell him. He would leave, and though we'd both admitted to a mutual attraction, we had agreed to just try and remain friends. Telling him I loved him would cross a boundary I didn't feel I should cross. Being left behind was going to hurt enough without adding those kinds of feelings into the mix, too.

For all that Carlisle tried to make it seem like he was okay with everything, I could tell it bothered him, too. The closer to the date it got, the quieter he'd get and the more we seemed to make out. A few nights we had even ended up in bed, though nothing happened beyond the kissing. But falling asleep with his arms around me was a gift I would not have traded for anything in the world.

The night before his flight was leaving, I was spending the night with him as I had volunteered to drive him up to Seattle. I wanted to have those last few moments with him.

_We were lying in bed, having stripped down to our boxer shorts, both of us needing the contact. I relished being in his arms, lying flush against each other with our arms wrapped tightly around the other. We would alternately talk and kiss, making promises to stay in touch. I wasn't sure whether he would follow through with it, though I hoped he would. I feared that he would forget about me once he was back home. Trying to push those thoughts away, I ducked my head, nuzzling his neck._

_As if sensing what I was thinking about, he coaxed my head back up and kissed me with such tenderness all thought left me. He gently pushed me on my back, hovering over me as his hands trailed down my side, briefly teasing my nipple on his way down. I moaned into the kiss, my skin heating up from his touch. I felt his fingers slip under the waistband of my boxers, and it took me a few seconds to realize he was trying to push them past my hips._

_I pulled away from his lips, my eyes wide as I looked at him, my voice breathless as I spoke, "Carlisle, what..?"_

_He leaned in, making a soft shushing noise before kissing me again. His fingers kept working my boxers down, my hips lifting automatically, and they were off before I was even aware of it. This was the first time I'd been completely naked around him, and a small part of me was saying I should be embarrassed by __it__, but I couldn't find it in me to feel any awkwardness as his fingers trailed along my thighs in ever decreasing circles, brushing against my hard-on._

_He placed open-mouthed kisses from my mouth down my jaw to my ear. With his lips brushing against my earlobe, he whispered, "Just relax, love._"

_He nipped lightly at it, causing me to moan. I could feel the smile on his lips as he pressed them against my pulse point below my ear. From there, he slowly made his way down, lavishing affection on every inch of my skin, paying particular attention to my nipples and eventually my belly button, darting his tongue into it. My eyes were glued to him; I wouldn't have been able to look away from this beautiful man worshiping my body._

_My breathing accelerated the lower he got. His fingers ghosted along my shaft, eliciting soft moans from me. He glanced up at me before he lowered his head, licking and kissing down my shaft before going back up and taking the head between his lips._

_"Sweet Jesus..." was all I managed to croak out as he slowly took me further in his mouth, until I hit the back of his throat._

_My eyes rolled back into my head as I muttered, "Oh, Christ..."_

_He hummed softly as he began to bob his head up and down, his tongue flat against my shaft one moment, twirling around it the next. When he got up to the head, he'd alternately tease the edge of it or the slit. I didn't even recognize the noises I was making as mine anymore, so gone was I in the sight and feel of him going down on me. I had never, ever felt anything like it._

_When he hollowed out his cheeks and starting to suck in earnest, I grasped the sheets, my fingers clenching and unclenching rhythmically as he continued. I was fast approaching that brink, and I both wanted this to never end and to just get there already. This was the sweetest form of torture, and it was driving me mad. _

_His fingers - which had continued to caress the insides of my thighs - moved to cup my sack, rolling it gently between them. He lowered his head, taking me all the way down so his nose was down to my short 'n curlies and my head was hitting the back of his throat as he swallowed. As if that wasn't enough to do me in, he pressed his finger behind my sack, and I cried out, my back arching, pressing my shoulders into the mattress as I came harder than I had ever done in my life._

_Carlisle took it all, not letting a drop be spilled as he licked me clean. My breathing was coming out in ragged gasps as I continued to watch him, my heart pounding in my chest. He shifted slightly and rested his forehead against my stomach, and I could feel his lips press against my overheated skin. I threaded my fingers in his hair, needing to somehow connect further with him as I slowly came down. The fact that he had swallowed filled me with awe. Renee had never done that; hell, she'd never done half the things that Carlisle had just done to me._

_I scratched his scalp lightly before coaxing his head up and pulling him to me. I ached to tell him how I felt, especially after what he had just done, but I couldn't do it. Instead, I took his face in my hands, my eyes intent on his before I kissed him with all the fire he had ignited in me, devouring him. He moaned as my tongue entered his mouth, and I could taste myself in him. Rather than finding it repulsive, it fanned the flame in me further, and I began to push him onto his back._

_I wanted to give to him the same gift he had given me, but though the idea of having him in my mouth was something I wanted, it also scared me. I had no idea what to do or how to do it, and I wanted to watch him become unglued without worrying whether I was doing things right. When I had him on his back, I began to trail my fingers up and down his side, slowly moving lower with every pass. When I grazed the waistband of his boxers, though, Carlisle grabbed my wrist and stopped me._

_He pulled away, and I could see several emotions warring in his eyes; his voice was gravelly as he spoke, "Charlie, please don't. I'm sorry... I shouldn't have. I know you never meant to take things that far, and I did it anyway... You don't have to..."_

_Twisting my wrist so I could grab his instead, I pulled his arm over his head at the same time as I silenced him by kissing him. I shushed him, much like he had done me. "I want to, Carlisle."_

_With that, I let my hand glide down his arm, caressing his skin lightly as I made my way down his body. Remembering how I'd reacted when he had teased my nipple, I grazed lightly over his, watching him closely to see his response. He gave a soft moan at the contact, which deepened once I rolled his nipple between my fingers. I felt myself grin, knowing that I could make him sound like that, and I was looking forward to finding out what else would elicit those noises from him. _

_I trailed my fingers down his side until they hit his waistband. Lifting his hips, I quickly got rid of them, tossing them somewhere to the side of the bed. I ran my fingers up his leg before ghosting them over his length, exploring the texture with just my fingertips. I'd never paid attention to how it felt when I touched myself before, and I was surprised with how soft the skin there was. After tracing a circle around his head with my fingertip, I finally wrapped my hand around his shaft, smiling quietly when he inhaled sharply._

_I glanced up to find his eyes closed, his bottom lip between his teeth as his hips rocked gently into my hand just once. When my thumb drifted over his head, spreading the pre-cum pooled in his slit, his eyes fluttered open, finding mine. I felt the faint heat on my cheeks as our eyes met, suddenly wondering if I was doing this right. I knew what _I_ liked, but I wanted to do this for him._

_As if he knew what I needed, Carlisle's arm wrapped around my waist as his hand began to rub my lower back. His eyes were hooded, filled with desire, when he murmured, "Charlie…feels so damn good, love…"_

_He kissed away the shy smile on my lips, his tongue brushing mine as I began to stroke him. He moaned loudly, the sound giving me the confidence I needed to break our kiss. My thigh drifted across his as I moved a little further down the bed, my mouth finding the join of his neck and shoulder. I kissed his throat, sucking gently as I tried to find the words to tell him I wished I was brave enough to do what I really wanted to. _

_Instead, I threw myself into pleasuring him with my hand, stroking as I squeezed gently. Whenever his hips bucked or he gave a small moan, I mimicked whatever I'd just done so that he was soon thrusting his hips upward into my hand, completely lost in the feeling. I felt a sense of awe as I watched him, knowing that I was doing that. _

_The bite of his fingernails into my flesh made me smile, and I pushed myself up slightly, managing to support myself on my elbow as I awkwardly reached between his legs with my other hand as well. I had _never_ felt a surge of pleasure like I'd felt when he pressed beneath my sack, and I wanted to see if it was the same for him. When my hands cupped his balls, I found myself mesmerized by the feeling of them as I rolled them in my fingers._

_My eyes were focused on my hands, on watching the skin glide along his thick shaft as I stroked him. When I heard him whimper and begin to pant, I turned my face to look at him and found him watching me, his eyes wide though his brow was furrowed in concentration. I flashed him a quick smile before my eyes were drawn to his body again. I glanced down and saw his toes curled, turned slightly inward as he rocked with me._

_Wanting to bring him over the edge he seemed to be clinging to, I let my fingers drift down, pressing beneath his balls as I increased the speed of my strokes. I twisted my wrist near his head, stroking him quickly._

"_Fuck…" The curse fell from his lips in his soft British accent, and I gave a moan of my own as my lips attacked his neck. A small part of me was in shock when my hips started grinding against his thigh, my spent dick semi-hard as I sought friction in response to the arousal I felt at seeing him so near the brink._

_My finger rubbed between his legs, pressing against that most sensitive place as he cried out, his hot release spilling over my arm and his chest as his hips bucked and his shoulders lifted us both from the bed. I smiled against his skin, placing kisses along his chest, his throat, his shoulder, his cheek – everywhere I could reach – while I stroked him slowly._

_I raised my head to watch him, seeing his eyes closed tightly as he licked his lips and his hips writhed on the bed beneath my hand. Eventually he stilled, his eyes drifting open as they focused immediately on me. _

_Much like I had done, he took my face in both hands and pulled me close, his lips insistent as he kissed me passionately. He murmured words between kisses, nearly incoherent words that made me feel…precious. Loved. _

_I blinked my eyes quickly, trying to will away the tears that threatened to fall as I realized at once that this was the last night I had with him. I suddenly wasn't sure how I was going to make it._ _In an effort to distract myself from thinking about it, I placed a tender kiss on his lips as I murmured, "I'll be right back."_

_I got up and walked to the bathroom, intending to grab a washcloth so I could clean him up. As I was waiting for the water to heat up, I looked up in the mirror and was shocked by the person I saw there. Before all of this - before Carlisle - the person who would look back at me was resigned, reserved. Now, I saw eyes looking back at me that were burning with an inner light that had never been there. My hands gripped the side of the counter as I hung my head, unable to continue looking at myself._

_Carlisle's arms slipped around my waist as he rested his chin on my shoulder; I hadn't even heard him get up. I lifted my eyes and met his in the mirror. Neither of us spoke for a while. He was leaning against me, and the feel of him against me, being held by him in this tender embrace, was almost too much. He was the first to break eye contact by pressing his lips against my shoulder and neck. _

_I turned the tap off and_ _straightened a little, leaning back into him as I placed my hands on his, my eyes still on him. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to think about how life could be if he stayed here, with me. The thought of being able to be with him whenever and however I wanted was enough to make me smile, even as my heart ached knowing it would never happen. Tomorrow he was leaving for England, and I would likely never see him again._

_But we had tonight. _

_With effort, I pushed away any thoughts of saying goodbye and turned around in his arms. He looked at me with a sad smile as I leaned in to kiss him. I cupped his cheek, my thumb gently caressing his cheekbone as I sighed softly._

_"Shower?"_

_The sad smile that was on his face turned into a mischievous one. "Just don't drop the soap, love, or I might not be able to help myself."_

_He winked, and I couldn't help but chuckle even as I rolled my eyes at him. He might have pushed my boundaries tonight, but I knew he would never really do anything I wasn't agreeable to, so I took it as the joke it was meant as and quirked a brow at him, grinning as I retorted, "Who says I'm the only one that should be careful with that, hmm?"_

_Carlisle's eyes widened briefly before they flashed with something I wasn't able to identify as he kissed me fiercely, his chest rumbling as he growled low against my lips, "I _ am _trying to behave, love. Don't tempt me."_

_My hands went to his hips, needing to steady myself. A sound somewhere between a whimper and a moan escaped my lips at his words, suddenly anything but sure that I wanted him to behave. It had taken me nearly twenty years to find passion, and the prospect of possibly never finding it again - to never feel the way I did with Carlisle again..._

_I wanted to know what it was like to make love to someone, truly make love. To feel _that _kind of passion, to be connected on every level. I wanted that person to be him. He had taught me so much over these past months, I wanted him to show me this, too. I wanted _him _to be the first man to touch me in that way. For him to be my first everything._

_I lowered my eyes, unsure how he would react, and my voice broke as I croaked out a soft, "Don't..."  
_  
_He began to pull away, but I tightened my hold on his hips as I raised my eyes to his, my voice barely above a whisper._

_"Don't behave."_

_Carlisle's eyes widened as he searched mine. My fingers were kneading his hips lightly, and I pulled him closer, our cocks brushing against each other as I whispered against his lips, "Don't behave... Please, Carlisle."_

_He rested his forehead against mine as he groaned softly. "Bloody hell, Charlie..."_

_I started kissing him, my lips growing more insistent as my hands began to roam over his back. It didn't take long for Carlisle to respond in kind, and we were both lost in the moment. He started to roll his hips into me, and the wanton moan that escaped my lips snapped me back to what was going on._

_My voice was breathless as I spoke, "Please, Carlisle..."_

_He pulled away slightly and looked in my eyes again, running his tongue over his kiss-swollen lips. His voice was hoarse with desire. "Are you sure, Charlie?"_

_At my nod, he grabbed my hand and dragged me back to the bed, leaving me there as he went to his suitcase, rummaging through it. After a minute, I saw him straighten up and turn around, a shy grin on his face as he caught my eye. He walked up to me, placing the small bottle of lube and a condom on the bed before running his fingers through my hair._

_"I wasn't expecting to need those..."_

_There was such tenderness in the gesture that it made me smile, despite the nerves that were trying to bubble to the surface. I grinned at him, pulling him against me._

_"It's a damn good thing you Brits are always prepared."_

_Carlisle grinned, his eyes dancing as he spoke. "I think you're confusing us with your American Boy Scouts, love."_  
_  
"Whatever," I murmured against his lips, taking his lower lip between mine._

_He moaned softly, pushing me back onto the bed and hovering over me, his hard-on pressed against mine. He dipped his head, latching his lips over my nipple, teasing it with his tongue and biting lightly down on it. He rolled and pinched my other nipple, leaving me writhing under him; the friction that created was heavenly._

_Though I was certainly enjoying the attention he was lavishing on my body, I knew what I wanted, so I threaded my fingers in his hair, scratching his scalp lightly with my blunt nails, moaning softly, "Please..."_

_Carlisle slowly pulled away and sat up on his heels, grabbing the condom and tearing open the small packet. When he began to put it on me, I sat up, grabbing his wrist as my eyes searched out his with a shake of my head. He raised a brow in question, and I had to swallow before I could speak._

_"I want to feel you..." My voice lowered, and I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks. "I need to feel you... in me."_

_His eyes searched mine for a moment before he nodded, putting the condom aside and grabbing the lube instead. I settled back down on the bed with a shaky breath; as much as I wanted this - wanted him - I was nervous. He gave me a reassuring smile before he scooted down the bed a little, settling himself between my knees and leaning forward, his face hovering just above my cock. _

_He placed a small kiss on my shaft before his head ducked lower, and I felt his warm lips lavishing kisses on my inner thighs. His hands followed behind, kneading and rubbing as they moved upward. When I felt his thumbs brush at the juncture of my legs, I instinctively stiffened._

"_Shh…" His hot breath drifted across my skin, helping relax me as his hands continued their steady movements. "This may be a little uncomfortable at first, love…" His words halted as his tongue moved to lick my balls before he sucked one into his mouth, teasing it gently before seamlessly speaking again. "…but just relax, and I promise I'll make you feel so good…" _

_He kept up his murmured reassurances as he explored me with his lips, his tongue, his hands. My eyes were closed, my fingers tangled in his hair when I felt his slick finger rubbing teasingly around my entrance. He was kissing and licking along my length as he pressed against my perineum, and my hips were squirming, beginning to beg for some sort of release._

_I inhaled sharply when he finally penetrated me, his index finger gliding smoothly. He brushed against my prostate, and I jerked at the new – and completely pleasurable - sensation. "Fuck…" I felt the burn as I stretched, and I wondered if I would be too tight – if it just wouldn't work – but then he took my dick between his lips, swirling his tongue around the head, and all my worries were forgotten. _

_With him overwhelming my senses, I couldn't concentrate. I was left with only vague impressions of what was happening – his fingers probing me as his teeth teased my skin, his tongue wrapping around my cock before he'd pull away, whispering sweet words, only to envelope me in his mouth once more._

_I'd never known the meaning of the word "ecstasy" until Carlisle worshiped my body. Gradually, the sensations fell away, leaving me with only his fingers pumping slowly inside me as he moved to lie beside me. His lips found mine, our tongues brushing as we kissed passionately. I was breathless when I broke our kiss with a soft moan. "Carlisle…please…"_

_I felt a slight sting as his fingers pulled away, leaving me feeling empty and wanting. His other hand brushed my short hair from my forehead as he murmured, "Are you sure, love? Is this what you want?"_

_I started to ask him if I needed to fucking beg, but all I managed was a nod and another whispered, "Please."_

_A smile ghosted across his lips as if he'd heard my unspoken question, and he kissed me once more before he turned his head, reaching over to pick up the condom again. He shifted until he was kneeling between my knees, and my eyes were completely focused on his stiff shaft as he absently stroked it a few times before he pinched the tip of the condom and rolled it smoothly on. I had never actually seen another man do that before, and the sight was strangely arousing. I felt a pang of disappointed longing as I realized that I wouldn't see him that way again. _

_As I was trying to forget that he was leaving in the morning, he picked up the small bottle of lube and poured some into his hand, his eyes gazing into mine. Once more, he stroked himself, this time spreading the slick liquid over his shaft as he gave me a small, almost shy smile._

_Forcing any dark thoughts away, I reached toward Carlisle, intent on simply enjoying this with him. He smiled as he leaned forward, pressing his body against mine as he supported himself on his elbows and kissed me. For the first time, his cock slipped down between my legs, and he rolled his hips against mine, teasing me with the sensation of him brushing past my balls and just barely touching my entrance. _

"_Are you ready, my love?" His accent was more pronounced, his words soft and lilting as my eyes widened. _

My_ love, he had said…not just some casual term of endearment. Not just some 'British thing'. _

_I swallowed, blinking rapidly as I nodded. I didn't trust my voice not to betray the many feelings I was trying to keep inside. It wasn't fair to him to say all the things I wanted to say…not when I knew he had no choice about leaving._

_He placed a chaste kiss on my lips before he reached between us, guiding himself as he gradually entered me. I couldn't stop my hiss when I felt the ridge of his head stretching me._

"_I know, love, I know…" He kissed me tenderly, holding still while I worked to relax. His hand caressed my shoulder, my neck, before he cupped my cheek. My hands had been gripping his shoulders, but I took a deep breath, moving them downward as I lifted my chin to kiss him._

_He smiled against my lips before I felt his tongue lightly brush mine. With a moan, I sucked on it, deepening the kiss as my hands found his hips. I pulled him a little closer, urging him on, and he pressed further into me. Now that the initial shock had passed, all I felt was a dull burn that was quickly overshadowed by his lips on mine and the feeling of completeness when he was completely buried within me. _

_He withdrew nearly all the way before pressing forward again, and within a few passes, the discomfort had faded, leaving me with only pleasure. I quickly gave up on trying to comprehend all the things he was doing as I instead let the sensations roll over me. His skin was smooth beneath my palms, the muscles of his hips contracting and relaxing as he pumped into me. His hard length stroked my prostate, making my hips writhe and buck against him. His forearms forced my shoulders forward just slightly as his blunt fingernails dug into my flesh. His breath was hot and sweet as it washed over me, his forehead pressed against mine. Our grunts and moans blended together with whimpers punctuating our shared pleasure as we moved together. _

_My cock was aching, trapped between our stomachs slick with sweat. It was maddening – just enough friction to bring me to the edge, but not enough to push me over. His body was hard – bone and muscle and sinew – and I couldn't get enough of the salty taste on his lips as we kissed. _

_When Carlisle straightened his arms, his fist pressing into the mattress to support his weight, I frowned at the sense of loss I felt. But then he reached over with his right hand, grabbing the bottle of lube and flipping it open. He paused for a moment, squeezing some into his palm before he capped it and tossed it to the side. Rubbing his fingers along his palm, he warmed it as best he could before his hand was wrapped around my needy cock._

"_Christ…" I mumbled, my eyes closing as he stroked me. He began slowly, matching the rhythm of his thrusts, but as my breathing sped, so did his hand and his hips. Soon his hand was moving furiously, his fingers brushing my head as my thighs tightened, my jaw clenching. "Carlisle…I…I…"_

"_Please…" The word was a simple plea, and hearing it uttered in that gently accented voice strained with want pushed me over that precipice. Inarticulate sounds poured from my lips as I exploded in his hand. Heat coursed through my body, washing over my chest as his hips began thrusting harder and faster, spurred on by the euphoria he had brought me._

_I felt his right hand press into the mattress as his left reached to caress my cheek. His voice was hoarse when he spoke, barely more than a whisper, "Charlie…look at me…"_

_My eyes opened immediately, and he smiled briefly. His eyes fluttered closed as an inaudible curse left his lips, but they opened again at once, and his gaze never left mine as he thrust into me twice more before he shuddered as he came. _

_As his hips began to slow, his lips were suddenly all over my cheeks, kissing me tenderly before I pressed my lips to his. No words were exchanged, but I knew. And I knew he did, too._

_For the first time in my life, I knew what it meant to make love. _

_He kissed me again before he slowly pulled out of me and went to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. The sense of loss I felt shook me to my core, and I had to work hard to stay calm. It wasn't just the loss of the feel of him in me; it was the loss of what was to come. I had to close my eyes as I tried to push the thoughts away. I wouldn't think of that, not now._

_I heard the water running and, a moment later, Carlisle's footsteps as he padded back to the bed. The feel of the warm cloth on my skin startled me at first. A soft smile tugged at my lips as I realized that he was taking care of me yet again. I kept my eyes closed, allowing myself to just enjoy the moment. Soon I heard him walk away again before immediately returning and crawling back into bed with me.  
_  
_I rolled over so I was snuggled against his side, resting my head on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around me. I put my arm around his waist and my leg over his, needing to be as close as I could possibly get. I felt his lips press against my hair as he whispered softly, "Sleep now, love."_

_I didn't want to sleep but was quickly out anyway, my body spent from our lovemaking._

_Much too soon, the alarm went off. I was surprised to find that neither of us really had moved much during the night; I was still curled up against him and in his arms. I couldn't remember ever waking up and feeling as content as I did then._

_That is, until the realization hit me that this was the first - and last - time we would be like this.  
_  
_Carlisle moved slightly, turning the alarm off before wrapping me in his arms again, a sad smile on his lips as our eyes met. "Morning, love."_

_I tightened my arm around him, grunting softly in response, not sure I could trust myself not to say what I wanted to._

_I wanted to tell him I loved him._

_I wanted to show him, to make love to him like he had done the night before to me, but I didn't know how to ask him. Instead, I raised my head and kissed him, and we lay like that for a while. Just kissing, enjoying being in the other's arms. When the alarm went off a second time, we both gave an annoyed grumble, neither of us ready to let go but knowing we had to.  
_  
_We didn't speak as we showered, each taking turns washing the other, exchanging tender touches but nothing more. We dressed in silence, and the sound of Carlisle zipping his suitcase closed ripped through me._

_He was really leaving._

_We put his luggage in my car and headed to Seattle. I had a hard time focusing on the road, and I felt my jaw clench as I tried to hold back the words that were dying to spill from my lips. Neither of us spoke much, though, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I felt his eyes on me about twenty minutes into the drive, and when I turned to glance at him, he simply nodded, as if he knew what I wanted to say but couldn't._

_As if he wanted to say the words, too._

_I sighed, shifting my eyes back to the road with a small nod of my own. After a moment, his hand was over mine as he carefully coaxed it away from the steering wheel. He laced his fingers through mine, giving my hand a squeeze before resting our joined hands on the console between us. We spent the rest of the journey like that, holding hands, only breaking away when I needed both hands to maneuver the car, but always ending back again. _

_We had made good time and got to the airport with an hour to spare before he absolutely had to leave, so we checked his luggage and found a place to sit and have some coffee. We sat in silence again, just watching the other, trying to commit to memory every line, every curve, every moment we had had together. At least, I was, and I could only assume he was doing the same. I chuckled softly as I realized that this was the longest stretch of time we'd gone without talking._

_He grinned, his voice low as he spoke, "Yeah, not like us to be this quiet; is it, love?"_

_I shook my head, not entirely surprised that he'd been thinking the same thing I had. He reached his hand across the table to cover mine as he gave a quiet sigh. I glanced at the clock behind him and frowned; it was time._

_We got up, threw our empty cups away, and walked hand in hand to security, where I would have to say goodbye to him. We stood a little to the side to allow other people past. He pulled me in, hugging me tightly as he whispered in my ear, "Take care of yourself, Charlie."_

_I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. People were looking at us as they walked by, but I didn't care. My whole being was focused on the man in my arms. He placed both hands on either side of my face and kissed me with abandon, as if he would swallow me whole and take me with him. I was helpless against it as I responded in kind, struggling to stay on my feet._

_His breathing was ragged when he finally pulled away at the sound of his flight being called for the first time. His eyes bore into mine, his hands still holding my head as he whispered, "I'm going to miss you."_

_I covered his hands with mine, caressing the backs of them with my thumbs. My voice wavered from the tears that were threatening. "I'll miss you, too. More than you know."_

_He kissed me again, briefly this time before pulling away with a sigh. I smiled sadly at him, caressing his cheek with the backs of my fingers. "Call me, so I know you arrived safely?"_

_He nodded, "Of course, love."_

_With that, he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and, with one last brush against my lips, he turned and headed to security. I whispered, "I love you," needing to say it out loud, at least once. I was sure he wouldn't have heard me, especially when he kept on walking, and I watched as the man I loved walked out of my life, never to return.  
_  
A quiet moan startled me out of my thoughts, and I glanced down at the man in my arms. Still fast asleep, but obviously dreaming. I watched as several emotions played on his features, first sadness, giving way to an almost beatific smile. I shifted slightly, kissing the top of his blond head, and wrapped my arm around his waist as I finally allowed sleep to take me.


	2. I'm Yours

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much to our betas, __**AHelm**__ and__** kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!  
_

_We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey._

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I woke to the feeling of soft caresses and tender kisses. I hummed in pleasure, a smile playing on my lips as I opened my eyes slowly, taking in the sky blue eyes in front of me that were still slightly dazed from sleep.

Carlisle whispered against my lips, "Good morning, love."

I sighed contentedly as I pressed my lips to his. "Good morning, sweets."

He shifted closer to me, and my arms tightened reflexively around him. Even after all this time, waking up to him never ceased to fill me with awe and wonder. He nuzzled my neck affectionately, his lips brushing against the mark he left there the night before as we made love.

He pulled away, resting his weight on his right arm as he placed his left hand on the torch tattoo over my heart. He looked at me, his thumb brushing my skin lightly as he spoke, "You didn't sleep very well, love. Are you going to be all right to drive to Seattle and back?"

I placed my hand over his, squeezing it lightly as I nodded. "I'll be fine. Nothing some coffee won't deal with. Though I wish you could come with me."

His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, placing my finger against his lips. "I know, I know...I need to do this on my own." I sighed. "I still don't know how I'm supposed to tell my daughter... especially after all this time..."

His eyes were saddened as he moved his hand to cup my cheek. "I don't know, love. But she will need to hear the truth before she finds out for herself. I know this is hard for you, Charlie. She's your daughter. If she takes after you at all, she will be okay. It may take her some time, though..."

All I could do was nod. We'd had endless discussions about this ever since Bella's call. In truth, it had been a topic of discussion for years, but now that Bella wanted to live here...

I wished we could have stayed in bed; I needed his comfort, his touch. I was scared to death for Bella's reaction, afraid that she would run away like her mother had done and not look back. I had never blamed Renee for leaving, but the thought of Bella turning her back on me chilled me to my core. It had been partially for that reason that I had never been able to bring myself to tell her the truth. And now there was no choice but to do just that.

As he always did, Carlisle seemed to sense what I needed most. He moved so that he lay completely on top of me, letting me feel his weight as he ran his fingers through my hair. I welcomed it; it let me know he was there, would be there always. I slipped my arms around his waist and tilted my head, lifting it a little so I could kiss him.

We lay like that for a little while, just holding each other as we kissed. We both knew we wouldn't have time for much else as I needed to head out, but we afforded time for this. We both needed the contact right then, as he was moving to a hotel for a few days to give Bella time to get used to the idea of us. He felt it was important that we not throw it in her face, that telling her her father was gay was enough information to digest without forcing Carlisle down her throat, too.

I hated the thought of being parted from him again, and I had tried - in vain - to talk him out of leaving. I was selfish in my need for him with me, I knew that. I knew he was right, but that didn't stop me from wanting to be able to hold him, to draw on his comfort.

Eventually, Carlisle moved off of me with a soft sigh. "C'mon, love. We need to get moving if you're going to be at the airport on time."

Grunting, I reluctantly got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to start the shower. I heard Carlisle give a soft chuckle, and I shook my head, feeling my lip twitch as I tried not to grin. By the time the water was the right temperature and I had stepped under the spray, Carlisle had joined me, slipping his arms around my waist from behind.

We took turns washing each other, wanting these last moments of being able to show affection openly. It had become a ritual of sorts, over the years. All too soon, though, we were dressed and I was heading out the door. Carlisle would be gone by the time I got back, and my heart ached as we said our goodbyes at the door, even knowing that it was only for a few days and he would be right here in town. In a way, that actually hurt more than all the other times we'd been apart. He whispered some last encouraging words, telling me he loved me before sending me on my way.

As I made my way to Seattle, my thoughts drifted back to just after Carlisle had left. I had gotten depressed, and it had taken Harry and Billy little effort to figure out the reason behind it. Harry and Billy were my best friends and had seen me through all the changes in my life, so it shouldn't have surprised me when they confronted me about Carlisle. I had told them everything - well, mostly everything.

Neither man batted an eye at the revelation that their friend was gay, and their reassurances and support helped me find my way back out of my state of depression. They made sure I wasn't alone, especially once mother's health took a severe downturn. She was giving up, missing my father too much, and she was slowly withering away. It killed me to see it happen and not be able to really do anything for her.

Carlisle and I wrote back and forth. I'd never been one for writing letters, but for him, I took time to write them, and I found I was able to tell him more with him gone than I could before. His letters were always full of comforting words, his love was palpable, and I often found myself re-reading his letters, tracing the words with my fingers and almost able to hear him speak. I missed him so much.

My mother took me by surprise one night. I hadn't thought she had paid much attention to anything or anyone since my father had passed away, as she had withdrawn into her own little world for the most part.

_We were sitting on the couch, watching some mindless show that she used to follow. I was hoping to get her interested enough in _something_ to help her find a way to move on, but everything we'd tried so far had failed. Without her husband, there just wasn't anything left for her, not even me. The thought stung, but I could understand it. After all, my parents had loved each other fiercely, and hadn't I just learned how that kind of love could feel?_

_I got up to get myself another beer when she grabbed my wrist and looked at me with more life in her eyes than I had seen in months._

_"Charlie-boy, you promise me something. You follow your heart, always. I know you, Son. Your heart won't lead you wrong; trust it, be true to it. Be true to yourself. You deserve to be loved, Charlie-boy, to be as happy as your Dad and I were."_

_I sat heavily back on the couch and stared at her. I had never told her about Carlisle, and this was the closest to that conversation as we ever had gotten. I was dumbfounded, and when she spoke again, I was stunned._

_"I know you've been lonely since Carlisle left, Son. Find a way to work things out, if you can. Be happy."_

_With that, she patted my knee and turned to look at the TV again, her eyes getting that faraway look once more.  
_  
Within a couple of weeks, I had gotten a tattoo over my heart to remind me of my truth; it was a small, black torch, and nestled in the flames was a scrolled letter C. The torch was a symbol of truth, and the C was for Carlisle, though people assumed it was my own initial. It didn't matter, but for me it was a reminder that Carlisle was my truth. Even if I never saw him again, he would always - _always _- be a part of me.

After that conversation with my mother, time seemed to go by without my being truly aware of it. Before I knew it, I was heading to Seattle to pick up Bella for her first visit. Renee was flying her in, and Sarah had come with me as the drive back to Forks would be long - honestly, I didn't think she trusted me to be able to deal with a crying infant while driving, and she may well have been right. As it was, she had come with me, leaving Billy in charge of their twin girls for the day. She had also arranged with Sue that they would stay with me in shifts while Bella was with me, to help take care of Mother as she refused to leave the house.

The support they all gave me meant the world to me. Sarah said she would be waiting for me at one of the coffee shops, knowing that I would want some time to talk to Renee before heading home. When Renee and Bella arrived, I felt a pang of guilt again. Renee looked thinner than when I'd last seen her, and not in a good way. She'd smiled at me, though, and hugged me. We went to one of the delis and sat down after I grabbed us something to eat. As Bella slept in her stroller, we sat and talked about what had happened, how she and Bella were doing down in Phoenix, about my father passing away and how my mother was doing.

I apologized again for everything, and she surprised me by taking my hand in hers and telling me she had forgiven me a long time ago, that there really had not been anything to forgive. She told me that though it had hurt her, she would be fine in the end, and I had to believe her. When it was time for her to get checked in for her flight back to Phoenix, I walked her to security where she hugged me again and told me to be happy.

Watching her walk through security gave me a sense of déjà vu as I was reminded of Carlisle leaving. Pushing Bella's stroller with one hand and grabbing her luggage in the other, I walked to the coffee shop to find Sarah.

For the first few days, I hardly ever left Bella's side. Having my little girl with me was a bittersweet thing as it reminded me starkly of the events that had led to the situation we currently found ourselves in. I had missed her so much, and she had grown a lot since I had seen her last. I was almost afraid to miss another minute while I had her with me. With the help of Sarah and Sue, everything went smoothly. I made sure that my mother got to spend as much time as possible with her only grandchild, but even Bella was unable to reach her.

My time with Bella was over all too soon and I had to drop her off in Seattle again, where Renee was waiting for me. She had flown in the night before and stayed in a hotel, not quite able to make herself go back to Forks. I couldn't blame her; this was hard for both of us.

When I got home, I locked myself up in my room. Sue was staying with Mother, sensing that I would not likely be up for dealing with anything or anyone for a while. I just lay in bed, curled up on top of the covers and staring blankly at the wall, my mind going in a hundred different directions, all of them focusing on what I'd lost, what I was missing. _Who _I was missing.

_When the phone rang around eight, I almost didn't answer it. I couldn't tell you what made me pick up the phone then, but I had to choke back a sob when I heard the soothing quality of Carlisle's voice._ "Hey Charlie."

_I glanced at the clock again, doing some quick math, and frowned. "Carlisle? What are you doing up? Isn't it four in the morning over there?"_

_My voice sounded thick with emotion, almost to the point where I didn't recognize it as my own. In spite of that, I could feel a smile form, knowing that he was on the other end of the world, thinking of me, talking to me. _

_His voice was filled with tenderness, and it made me ache to feel his arms around me again. _"Yes it is, love. I figured you could use someone to talk to tonight. Didn't you drop off Bella today?"  
_  
I had to swallow a few times before I found my voice again. "Yeah, I did. Thanks, Carlisle. You don't know how much that means."_

_There was a short pause where I could hear him take a deep breath, and I could almost see his shy smile when he spoke again_. "Any time, love. Tell me about Bella?"

We spent the next two hours on the phone. I told him about Bella's stay and how much she'd grown since I had seen her last. I filled him in on the latest with my mother, and he said he wished he could be there to help. He told me to call him if anything happened, no matter the time. It felt good to know that even half a world away, Carlisle knew just what I needed. It made me feel loved, cared for, though it also made me ache for him. I wanted him here, but I knew that was impossible.

The next three months were hard. Harry, Sue, Billy, and Sarah all tried to keep my spirits up, but it was difficult. I missed Bella, and I missed Carlisle. And I missed my father. The first anniversary of his death came ever closer, and as it did, my mother got worse. She passed away in her sleep on the very day he had left us a year before. She had just given up completely. When I went into her room to wake her, she looked so peaceful that I just knew.

Sue found me sitting on the edge of her bed, having come looking for me when I didn't immediately come down with Mother for breakfast. She placed all the phone calls, made all the arrangements. I just couldn't. I knew my friends were all there; they spent the entire day at the house, not wanting to leave me alone, but I wasn't up for their company. I spent my time in my room, silent tears running down my face as I curled up on the bed and hugged my chest. I felt alone and lonely, more than I ever had before.

_The phone rang frequently throughout the day, but I couldn't bring myself to answer it. Eventually, I heard Sarah walk into my room and stop by my bed as she said, "Here he is, Carlisle."_

_I looked up at her, disbelief clear on my face as she pointedly held the phone out to me. I grabbed it, and she leaned down to kiss my forehead before leaving me to my call. I wiped my eyes, as if he would be able to tell the difference as I croaked out, "Hello?"_

_Carlisle's voice sounded tired and thick with sleep still as he spoke, _"Ah, Charlie... I'm so sorry, love."

_"How did you know?"_

"You've got some very good friends, my love. Sarah found my number and called to let me know."

_I frowned at the phone for a second._ Sarah had called him? _"She woke you up?"_

_He gave a short chuckle,_ "Yes, but it's okay. I told you you could call me any time, Charlie. I meant it." _He sighed softly, and I could hear a faint rustling as I imagined him shifting in bed. His voice was so soft, I could barely hear him._ "Why didn't you call me?"

_I turned to lie on my back, staring up at the ceiling as I ran my hand through my hair, blinking away the tears. "I don't know. I just..."_

_He sighed softly. _"It's okay, love. Talk to me now? I want to be there for you, Charlie. I wish I were there."

_I snorted softly. "Yeah...me, too."_

We had spent another hour on the phone, just talking. Hearing his gentle voice was both a balm to my soul and a slap in the face. I would not have gone without it, though. He called every week for a while, to make sure I was holding up okay. During our talks, he would encourage me to follow my dreams. He knew I wanted to be a police officer, and the small inheritance left me by my parents would pay my way through the rest of college and allow me to do what I needed to do to achieve my wish. I also didn't need to worry about house payments, as the house they left to me was paid for by their life insurance.

I kept my job at the hospital while I finished college, not because I needed to anymore, but because it forced me to interact with people. Sue and Sarah were particularly insistent I do so, and I relented after a while. Between my work and my classes, I didn't have a lot of time, and that was probably a good thing.

I graduated that next May, and was glad to be done with it.

_When I got home from graduation and sorted through the mail, I paused. There was a padded envelope from Carlisle. I put the rest of the mail on the little table by the door and walked to the couch with the envelope in hand. I wondered what it was, but before I managed to open it - it was taped up really well - the phone rang. "Swan."_

"Congratulations, Charlie."

_I smiled as I sat back, putting the envelope on my lap. "Carlisle!"_

_I heard him laugh softly on the other end._ "Yes, love, it's me. Wanted to congratulate you, and check if you'd any post today."

_His voice sounded hesitant, which made me frown as I looked down at the envelope. "Yes, I did, just now in fact. Was about to open it when you called. Your timing is as great as ever."_

"Please, open it, love."

_Tucking the phone between my ear and shoulder, I picked up the envelope again. I took out my pocket knife and carefully cut through the tape. Pulling out the letter and a small __gray __satin drawstring pouch, I put the envelope aside, opened the letter and skimmed through it quickly. As if knowing what I was doing, he said, _"Never mind the letter right now, love. Please, open it."

_Putting the letter on top of the envelope, I tugged at the string, opening the little pouch. Holding my hand palm side up, I upended the pouch, and a small silver coin fell out. I picked it up after discarding the holder and held it up to examine it more closely. It was about the size of a dollar and at its center was a tiny diamond. There were words inscribed around it that read, 'Think of me when you look upon this.'_

_I gasped softly. Never had anyone given me anything like this before. I was stunned.  
_  
"Charlie?"

_I had to clear my throat before I could speak. "Carlisle...I don't know what to say..."_

_He sighed, and I could imagine him running his fingers through his hair._ "There should be a card with the coin, love. Did you read it?"

_I picked up the pouch again, only now realizing that it was stiff, so I opened it further and fished out the small card. It read:_

_"How beautiful poetry can be. I see.  
It transports faraway friends.  
But this token, I think, serves better the role,  
As my remembering of you never ends."_

_I read it several times, trying to figure out what he meant._

"Charlie? Still there, love?"

_I blinked, frowning. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here, sorry." I picked up the token again, my thumb lightly tracing the words on it. "Thank you, Carlisle. I don't need a token to remember you by, though. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you," I admitted quietly. _

"Same here, love. I know I'm being selfish, but I needed you to know..." _he paused a moment before continuing,_ "I just needed you to know, love."

_I could feel the words he seemed unable to utter hanging in the air. I tilted my head back, looking up at the ceiling. "I know, Carlisle."_

He had called it a selfish thing to give me; to me, it was a most precious gift. One I treasured still. It was too precious to keep on my person. With my job, I was afraid to lose it, so its home was in the drawer of my bedside table. It was nestled on top of his letters and taken out frequently over the years.

I checked the arrival board and saw that Bella's flight had been delayed. Deciding to grab a cup of coffee while I waited for her flight to land, I went to the Starbucks and ordered my usual black coffee. I didn't care for all their fancy drinks that were supposed to be coffee. Plain old black coffee worked fine for me. I found a seat out of the way from people and just sat, sipping my coffee as my mind drifted back over my life since Bella was born.

Coffee at Starbucks had become another ritual of sorts. Every year, I came here to wait for Bella's flight to arrive; that only changed once she no longer wanted to come to Forks, and I instead went to see her for two weeks in California.

Every year, it was the same bittersweet pleasure to have my little girl with me. Sue and Sarah both stuck around closely in case we needed them. I appreciated their help over the years. I knew things would have been much more difficult for me had they not been there. Another reason I was grateful for their presence was that they kept sneaking pictures of Bella and me together. They worked together on a scrapbook for me, and I frequently leafed through it when I missed her particularly badly.

Carlisle always called me every night after I had dropped Bella off, as well as on the anniversary of my parents' deaths. He knew those were the hardest times for me, and I was grateful for his calls. It made the pain just a little less, if only for a little while. We still kept in touch through letters, but we now also used e-mail and on occasion instant messenger, though it was difficult for us to connect, given the time difference.

He would always ask me about Bella, ask me how I liked being an officer of the law. He inquired about Harry, Sue, Billy, and Sarah as well as their kids. Every little thing, he was interested in, and I was more than happy to share it with him. It felt like he was there, in a way. He would tell me about the work he was doing. He had been working hard to become a doctor, doing more than was needed because he said he wanted to do research. I was proud of him, but worried about him overdoing things, and I always told him so. He would just give a soft chuckle and change the subject.

When he graduated medical school, I had sent him a stethoscope with his name engraved in it. I felt incredibly corny, but I couldn't think of anything better to give him. He had called to thank me, and in a letter told me he always had it with him. He sent me copies of articles he had written. In short, he included me in his life as much as possible, and I cherished everything he offered.

The others would try to get me to go out or try to date, but I wasn't interested. I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure if I ever would be, again.

The summer before Bella turned five was the hardest yet. She was growing up so fast; she was more observant than I thought a child her age would be, and she asked questions. Lots and lots of questions. Questions that I had no answers to. She had asked me why I wasn't living with her and Mommy in Phoenix, why I always seemed to look a little sad when I thought she wasn't looking. Why I was alone.

I couldn't tell her. How do you tell your almost-five-year-old little girl that Daddy fell in love with another man and that was why Mommy left?

I couldn't, so I left her questions unanswered. Not that it mattered much, she seemed to draw her own conclusions, stating with the utmost certainty any four-year-old can muster that I must still love her mommy and I was sad because I missed her so much. I couldn't bring myself to set her straight.

Dropping her off in Seattle had been nothing short of torture as she kept trying to convince me to come with her and Mommy to Phoenix. I had to quietly explain to Renee what had happened, and the hurt in her eyes tore at my soul. There was something else there, too - disappointment, I thought. I wasn't sure.

_By the time I was home again, I was tired and more than a little down; depressed, even. The only thing I looked forward to was Carlisle's call. He had never failed to call me on this day, but it was early still, so I tried to distract myself. I turned on the TV to ESPN but was soon lost in thought, not paying any attention to whatever they were showing._

_After sitting on the couch for about an hour, I glanced at the clock with a frown as I realized that it was past the time Carlisle would usually call me. I shook my head at myself; I felt a sense of loss and rejection, and I mentally scolded myself for it. He was a busy man; something probably came up. I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't have forgotten._

_With a sigh, I got up to grab myself a beer but instead wound up in my bedroom, sitting on the edge of my bed as I stared at the bedside table. Muttering to myself about being a sap, I pulled open the drawer and took out the little gray pouch, fingering it gently. Rolling my eyes at myself, I clutched the little pouch in my hand and went in search of a beer before settling down on the couch again._

_Setting the pouch on my knee, I opened my beer and took a long pull before placing it on the coffee table. The TV was still going in the background, and I vaguely noted that the Mariners game had started. I took the token out of its pouch, tracing the words with my fingers. I felt silly, but I needed the connection it afforded me. I sat like that for a long time, occasionally glancing at the clock._

_The phone finally rang almost two hours later than normal, but I knew it would be him before I answered. "Swan."_

_I smiled at the soft British accent that came through the receiver. _"Hey, Charlie."

_"Hey yourself. Everything okay?"_

_He chuckled softly. _"Isn't it usually me asking you that question?"

_"Yeah, usually. Just worried when you didn't call..." I scrubbed my face with one hand, feeling like a complete tool._

_He sighed softly. _"I know, I'm calling late; I'm sorry. I wasn't able to get to a phone until now. Been running around a lot today."

_I frowned. "Work?"_

_He hummed. "Mhmm..."_

_There was a knock on the door, and I let out a soft curse under my breath, hoping he hadn't heard me. "Sorry, Carlisle, someone's at the door. Can you hang on a minute?"_

"Of course, love."

_Holding the phone to my chest to cover the mouth piece, I unlocked the door, opened it, and froze in shock._

_Carlisle stood at the door as he put his phone in his shirt pocket. He smiled shyly at me, running his fingers through his hair. "_Hi Charlie..."

_I stood there, stunned, as I took in the sight before me. He looked every bit as handsome as I remembered him to be, though he looked tired. His blue jeans and light blue button down shirt looked rumpled, but to me he had never looked better._

_He shuffled his feet slightly, uncertainty flashing in his eyes as I remained quiet. I felt the phone slip from my fingers and before it even really registered in my mind that I was doing it, I had placed both my hands on either side of his face and closed the distance between us, kissing him with everything I had. He gave a quiet moan as he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer still as he tilted his head slightly to deepen our kiss._  
_  
I couldn't quite believe that he was here, even with his arms around me, his body pressed against me, and our lips locked in a kiss I hoped would never end. Air was a necessity, though, so I reluctantly pulled away and looked in his eyes, my voice breathless as I spoke, "Running around a lot for work, huh?"_

_He chuckled softly and pressed his lips to my forehead, murmuring, "You could say that, love."  
_  
_I looked at him in confusion. He smiled shyly again, tightening his hold momentarily as he tilted his head toward the living room. "Not that I'm not happy to be with you, love, but do you think we can take this inside and sit down? It's been a long day."_

_I blinked, suddenly realizing that he must have spent most of the day traveling. "Oh! Yes, yes, of course... sorry."_

_Blushing slightly, I grabbed his hand in mine and pulled him inside. The need to make sure he was real - having to have the __tangible __proof - was too strong. Once we were in the living room, he sat down on the couch with his back to the armrest. His eyes were on mine as he toed out of his shoes, putting one long leg along the couch and pulling me down to sit with my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, nuzzling right below my ear, and gave a soft, contented sigh. "I take it from your very welcome greeting that you don't mind this? I've been waiting so long to hold you again."_

_Did I mind? Was he kidding? The only response I was able to manage was a soft snort as I turned my head and rolled my eyes at him. He chuckled softly, kissing me lightly on the lips._

_"Carlisle, not that I am complaining about seeing you, far from it. But... what _are _you doing here?"_

_I shifted slightly so I could see his face properly. He blushed, running a hand through his hair again as his eyes darted across the room before settling on mine. "I'm the new doctor the hospital hired, Charlie. I'm here to stay, this time."_

_I had heard rumors of a new hire at the hospital, but no one knew who it was, just that he or she was good and would be starting in mid-August. The hospital administration had arranged housing for them - the same house Carlisle had rented when he was here - and that was all I had heard. It took me a moment to fully register what he had just said, and a hundred questions popped in my mind. The only thing I was able to say was a simple, "Why?"_

_My eyes searched his, both hoping and fearing what I might find in them. He placed his palm on my cheek, his voice low. "Because I'm a selfish creature, my love. I needed to be close to you. There hasn't been a day that's gone by in these years past that I've not thought about you, that I didn't long to be with you again."_

_All I could do was stare at him; I was speechless. When I didn't reply, he frowned slightly, his thumb brushing my cheekbone as he whispered, "Tell me I'm not too late, Charlie. Tell me that you want to try with me."_

_His voice sounded so insecure, it broke through the daze I was in. I had to swallow a couple of times before I found my voice again, and it still came out as little more than a breathless whisper, "God, yes."  
_  
_The smile that lit up his face was brilliant and the emotions I saw flicker in his eyes made my heart race. He pulled me closer as he leaned in and kissed me - tenderly at first, but quickly becoming more urgent. Any thoughts I had - any further questions - melted away for the moment as we got lost in just being together again._

_I had thought I would never get to see him again, let alone touch or kiss him, and I didn't want to waste any time by thinking right now. It felt too good just to feel again. It was as if I'd gone on autopilot all these years, never really alive anymore after saying goodbye to him. Now here he was, holding me again, and it felt as if he was breathing life back into me with every kiss, every touch, with every breath I took that carried his scent to me. _

_When we finally had to break away, we were both breathing heavily. I brushed his cheek with the back of my fingers, my eyes intent on his as I calmed my breathing. After a minute or so, I whispered, "You're really staying?"_

_He smiled softly and nodded. "Yes, Charlie, I'm really staying."_

_I could feel the frown form on my face as I tried to figure out if I could tell him now; God knew I wanted to. I got up, pulling his leg so that he was seated properly on the couch before I climbed on his lap, straddling him. Carlisle watched me with confusion clear on his face as I settled myself and cupped his face in my hands. His eyes searched mine even as his hands went to my thighs, gently rubbing them. "Charlie, what..?"_

_Kissing him briefly, I interrupted him. The need to tell him overrode the fear of doing so - the fear of it being too soon, too much. The man had come back for me. I _had _to tell him, needed him to know. My eyes were intent on his as I spoke, and I was surprised by the strength I felt even though my voice was low. "I love you."_

_His eyes lit up at my words, making me smile. His hands moved up to my hips, gripping them tightly. "I love you too, Charlie. I have for a very long time now."_

_I had known, but to hear him say the words back to me, confirming them, was like a balm to my soul, healing wounds I wasn't even aware that I had. I didn't want him to leave, and I had no idea if the house he would be renting was ready yet or if he would be staying in a hotel in town. All I knew was that he was here and that I wanted him to stay with me. I wanted him. _

_Leaning in, I kissed him right under his ear before whispering, "Stay."_

_He moaned as I continued to place soft kisses, trailing along his jaw until I finally met his lips, whispering, "Stay," in between each kiss. When I pulled away and sat back a little, he opened his eyes and nodded. With a smile, I leaned in and kissed him again, tilting my head as I teased his lips with my tongue. He responded immediately, and as we explored each other's mouth, I began to unbutton his shirt._

_I wanted to feel his skin again. I needed to learn, needed for him to teach me. I felt his hands kneading my hips, and I rolled them into his, causing us both to moan at the friction it created. Once I'd gotten his shirt open as far as it would go without moving, I slipped my hands inside and ran my fingers over his skin, brushing against his nipples._

_He pulled away from the kiss and let his head loll back as he moaned. I watched him intently as I took both nipples between my fingers and gently rolled them. His eyes rolled back as he moaned again, his hips bucking up into mine before he lifted his head and watched me through hooded lids. His voice was gravelly with want as he spoke, the grip he had on my hips tightening as he pressed me firmly into him. "Charlie..."_

_His grip was so tight, I couldn't move even though I longed for more. I ducked my head, brushing my lips against his as I repeated the words that had allowed him to let go so many years ago. "Don't behave... please, Carlisle."_

_His eyes flashed as his fingers dug into my hips almost to the point of pain, but I didn't care. His lips latched onto mine, and for a moment, I thought that he would go no further. When he pulled away again, he was breathing heavily, as if trying to control himself. "Bedroom, Charlie?"_

_I grinned as I indicated where my bedroom was and made to get up to show him, but he just shifted his grip and scooted forward on the couch before pushing off to stand. My legs automatically locked around his waist even as I gaped at him with wide eyes, and I couldn't help but chuckle. I hadn't been expecting him to do that, and my voice was questioning as I said his name. "Carlisle?"_

_He quieted me by planting a kiss on my lips, holding me up flush against his body, so I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and let him carry me. I couldn't stop chuckling as I felt completely silly, but at the same time, I loved that he wanted to keep the connection with me.  
_  
_How he managed to get us to the bedroom unscathed I had no idea, nor did I care. When we got to my bed, he carefully lowered me until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and he half-crawled over me, pushing me back against the __mattress __and hovering over me as he kissed me. I tightened my arms around him, pulling him closer, and I moaned into his mouth as he pressed his hips into mine._

_His hand ran down my side before sliding under my t-shirt, bunching the fabric up as he moved his hand back up. When he could go no further, he pulled away, tugging at the shirt to get me to sit up. As he did, though, his phone, a small bottle, and a piece of plastic spilled out of his shirt pocket. We both glanced down at the items, and when I looked back at Carlisle, he was blushing._

_He made a grab for them, but I was quicker and snatched them up. As I did, he groaned softly, burying his face into my chest. As soon as I got a good look at what I had in my hand, I started to laugh, eliciting another anguished moan from Carlisle as he shook his head against my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair before coaxing his head up to look at me. I grinned as I held up my half-open hand. "Lube and a condom, Carlisle? Expecting to use them this time?"_

_His shy smile was almost negated by the gleam in his eyes. "Not...expecting... as much as _hoping_, my love. And you know us Brits; always prepared." _

_At that, we both started laughing, and I pulled him to me again, pressing my lips against his as I murmured, "I think you've got it confused with American Boy Scouts, sweets."_

_He pulled back to look at me with slightly widened eyes and a lopsided grin. I frowned. "What?"_

_He shook his head, but his grin remained firmly in place. "Nothing..."_

_My eyes searched his as I asked, "What, Carlisle?"_

_He ducked his head slightly, shaking his head again as he spoke softly. "You just called me 'sweets'."_

_Going over what I had said, I grinned as I realized he was right. "So I did." _

_His eyes danced as he looked back up. "I could get used to hearing that."_

_I just rolled my eyes at him before brushing my lips against his, my hands going to his waistband and grabbing the fabric of his shirt, tugging it out of his pants so I could undo the last few buttons. My hands ghosted up his abs and chest to his shoulders, pushing his shirt off of them. He stood up slowly, his eyes on mine as I sat up on the edge of the bed. He let the shirt fall to the floor before reaching to pull my shirt over my head._

_As soon as my arms were free, I reached for his belt, unbuckling it with fumbling fingers. I just wanted those pants off, to see _all _of him, feel _all _of him again. After the buckle, I unbuttoned his jeans slowly, tugging at each button as I brushed against his erection. I looked up at him as I palmed him before pulling his pants down__; __he moaned softly as he watched me, his fingers running tenderly through my hair. I hooked my thumbs under the waistband of his boxers before slowly pulling them down as well, and he stepped out of them._

_He made to sit down on the bed, but I placed my hands on his hips, keeping him in place. His hard-on was right in front of my face, and as my breath washed over it, it twitched. My eyes flickered from his face to his dick and back. I had thought so often about what it would be like to taste him, to do to him what he had done to me. I knew I wanted to try it, but now - quite literally - faced with the possibility, I felt nervous. Could I do it__? __Would I be able to make him feel as good as I remembered him making me feel?  
_

_Taking a shaky breath, I leaned forward slightly, placing a gentle kiss on the head of his dick. He hissed, his fingers running through my hair as he murmured, "You don't have to, Charlie. I've missed you so much…I just need to be with you."_

_I peered up at him, swallowing before I licked my lips and whispered, "Please…I've spent the last four years regretting that I didn't do this when I had the chance." _

_As my thumbs ran lightly across his hipbones and my fingertips caressed his ass, he frowned down at me, a look of concern in his eyes. "Charlie, my love, I swear to you – I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for good. We have all the time in the world." _

_I gave him a small smile and said, "I know." I felt my cheeks __heat __as I cleared my throat. My eyes were focused on his navel and that thin trail of blond hair leading from it as I admitted, "I've fantasized about this for years. I need to know what you taste like. Please? Can I taste you?" _

"_Oh, bloody hell…" His voice was so low it was hard to hear, and then he raised it as he pleaded, "God, yes…do whatever you want…" He slipped his fingers beneath my chin, lifting my head so I was looking up at him. "I've fantasized about you for years, too. Every day we were apart." His thumb ran along my bottom lip, and I placed a small kiss there before I licked my lips and smiled. _

_When I leaned forward and kissed his dick again, I saw his head loll back as his grip tightened in my hair. His other hand stayed beneath my chin, and I gently moved it away. I lowered my face, tentatively taking him between my lips. The little bit of liquid that had gathered in his slit was salty and thick; I licked it with my tongue, and his quiet moan let me know I was doing something right. _

_His voice was in the background, murmuring words of encouragement mixed with his moans and groans. It had been so damn long since I'd been with anyone – not since Carlisle – that I wasn't even sure I remembered what _I_ enjoyed, much less what he might. But I remembered my time with him clearly, and it was with that memory in my head that I began to move. _

_I kissed my way up and down his shaft, teasing him with teeth and tongue and lips. I lapped at his base and reached up, cupping his balls as he let out a loud moan. I smiled to myself and took his shaft in hand, pumping him slowly as I lavished attention where he so clearly enjoyed it. _

_As I licked at one of his balls, carefully taking it into my mouth, a part of my mind – albeit a very tiny part – marveled that this wasn't strange for me. It wasn't uncomfortable. All those years ago, I'd worried that I wouldn't know what to do or how to make him feel good. Carlisle put all those worries to rest, his vocalizations leading me even as they reassured me that he was loving it. _

_I trailed my tongue back up along his shaft, swirling it around his head before I looked up at him. His chin was lowered, his lips parted as he peered down at me through half-closed eyes. As I watched, he swallowed once, licking his lips before he breathed out, "Charlie…" in a voice so reverent, I felt my pulse quicken in response. _

_I couldn't deny him then, and I didn't want to deny myself anymore either, so I took him again between my lips, this time more than teasing as I felt his hard length fill my mouth. It was such an utterly new sensation – this hardness encased in the soft flesh I'd touched for only one night and then fantasized about for nearly half a decade. _

_I flattened my tongue, sucking lightly as he slid further back in my mouth. His head brushed near my throat, and I felt the constriction that I fought against. I managed not to gag, but I knew I couldn't take him any further, so I massaged him with my tongue as I pulled my head back again._

_My fingers kneaded his balls, pulling just a bit – _that _part, I knew well, as my hands had been quite busy over the intervening years. My other hand stroked his length as my lips and tongue worked at his head, swirling and licking and sucking as I bobbed up and down._

_A thrill shot through me when his hips began rocking to meet me, mild curses tumbling from his lips in that sexy accent that made me moan. That voice – the sound that had so often comforted me through the phone lines – had me squirming, trying to shift my hips to adjust myself as my dick suddenly rebelled violently against the confines of its denim prison. _

_I was sucking earnestly, and the sounds he was making and the sting of his fingers tugging my hair while his hips thrust insistently, his dick gliding between my lips - it was all too much, driving me toward the edge as well. I tried to ignore it, throwing myself into pleasuring him, so I reached between his legs, pressing against that sensitive place just behind his balls._

_He jerked, his hips moving toward me as his hand pulled my hair, shoving himself deeper into my throat than I had taken him. My loud moan was buffered by his, and I couldn't take it anymore, my hand going to the button of my jeans as I ripped it open and lifted my hips to unzip them. My mouth didn't still, didn't pause in the attention I was giving him, until I felt his hands over both my ears, tugging gently upward as he tried to move his hips back._

_He slipped from my lips as __I heard his muffled voice say something, but I couldn't make it out with his hands covering my ears, so __I licked my swollen lips__ as my eyes turned upward. "Hmm?" I asked, confused at the imploring look on his face._

_A smile ghosted across his lips as he lowered his hands to my neck. "Please, Charlie…it's been so long…I'm not going to last much longer. I need to feel you. Please?" _

_He was babbling, his voice quick and low, and it made me smile to hear him so flustered and pleading. I felt my teeth biting into my bottom lip as I nodded wordlessly, not trusting my voice. He leaned down, kissing me soundly before he helped me stand. He pulled me close, his bare chest pressed against mine as he whispered into my ear, "That was bloody unbelievable, love…" His teeth teased my earlobe before he kissed all along my neck, his hands moving to push my jeans and boxers down from my hips. He gave a sigh, his voice nearly inaudible when he said, "I hate to admit it, but I'm envious." _

_His hand slipped from my hips to cup my balls, and my hips jerked immediately, but I reached out, catching his wrist to still his hand as I pulled back to look at him. "Envious? What are you talking about?"_

_He blushed faintly, and there was pain he tried to hide dulling his eyes. He swallowed slowly, keeping his eyes on mine when he whispered, "I'm envious of whoever got to teach you that…" He paused, licking his lips. "Whoever knew what that felt like before me." _

_I was absolutely confused for a moment before his words finally made sense. Without even thinking about it, I pulled his wrist behind my back and then dropped it, wrapping my arms tightly around him. Our faces were a scant inch apart, our dicks pressed together between our hard bodies when I looked at him fiercely. "Carlisle, _you _are the only man I have ever been with."_

_He didn't speak, his eyes cautious as he looked at me, and I could easily guess what he was thinking. We had never talked about dating, never broached the subject of romance for either of us, so I had spent so many nights wondering if I was the only one alone – if he was out there, wrapped up in some other man's embrace. It had killed me, the thought of someone else touching him, but at the same time, I'd hated to think of him lonely and miserable as I was. _

_I loosened my hold on him only to bring my hand to his face, cupping his cheek as I said, "There's been no one else since you, not in any way." I placed a hard, chaste kiss on his lips before I pulled away, gazing into his eyes again. "There was no one else I wanted. Only you." _

_When I backed up a bit further, he suddenly yanked me to him, kissing me deeply. His teeth clicked against mine with the force of his passion, our tongues tangling as he gave a low moan. His hands were all over me, clutching and rubbing from my shoulders to my thighs as he pushed me back against the bed. I sat down hard, and he shifted his knees to either side of mine. _

_We moved together, never breaking our kiss as we worked our way back onto the bed. I stretched out on my back, my hands clinging to his hips as he settled between my legs. My lips never left his, and I was completely absorbed with him – his scent, the feel of his skin beneath my fingertips, the way his stubble roughened up the edges of my lips. _

_He lowered his body onto mine, and I finally had to pull my lips away, turning my head to the side as I moaned loudly. He felt so _right_. The weight of him, the feel of his hard-on brushing against mine, his strong, sinewy arms wrapped tightly around my body. He was my home, my life. _

_Kissing down my neck, he sucked lightly at the junction of my shoulder and my throat, making my hips writhe on the mattress. He hissed and rocked his hips against mine, panting into my ear. As lost as I was in the sensation, it took me a moment to realize he hadn't said anything about his relationships over the past few years. I argued with myself, saying it didn't matter – he was here. Across the ocean. With me._

_Who cared if he'd been with other men?_

_But in the end, I had to know. It _did_ matter – though I sure as hell wouldn't kick him out of my bed either way. I tried to stop the words from leaving my lips – especially right then, when I was seconds away from the first sexual gratification I'd had in years that hadn't come from my own hands – but they wouldn't be stopped._

"_Carlisle?" I knew he heard the fragile tone of my voice, though I tried to hide it. My head was still turned to the side, cheek pressed against the cool pillowcase as my eyes stared at the plain white wall. His kisses slowed, becoming lighter as he worked his way back to my lips. I turned my head at last, looking up into his concerned blue eyes. _

_His hips grew still against mine, his fingers tracing my cheekbone the only movement as we watched each other in silence. "Talk to me, Charlie…" His gentle accent was more pronounced, his voice soft._

"_I'm sorry." I cursed myself internally. What the hell was I thinking, bringing this up right then? "I just…I…I need…I…" I stuttered and then paused, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. Bolstered by the darkness behind my eyelids, I murmured, "I just need to know…if you've been with anyone else."_

_When my words were met with utter stillness and silence, my eyes flew open. He was watching me with an indecipherable look on his face, and my words tripped all over each other as I tried to explain. "It doesn't matter. Well, I mean, it does matter, but it sure as hell doesn't matter right now because I just need you, and I missed you, and dear God please don't stop because I'm an idi-" _

_Carlisle's lips on mine effectively ended my babbling, and I returned his kiss hungrily, beyond thrilled that my idiocy wasn't going to end things before they even started. The taste of him on my tongue, the feel of his lips against mine, and the way he began thrusting against me again drove out all my insecure thoughts, and I was panting when he finally pulled away, his forehead resting against mine as he struggled to catch his breath._

"_Charlie," he began, pausing as he waited for my eyes to meet his. He gave a fleeting smile and kissed me lightly. "There has been no one else for me since I nearly knocked you over in that lift. I'm yours and yours alone – if you'll have me." _

_So many nights I had stared at my ceiling, wishing more than anything to feel his weight on me, just like this, and to hear words so very like those. And now that it was happening, I laid there like a complete fool, staring up at him and unable to say any of those meaningful things I'd imagined myself saying. I was frozen for a moment, speechless, before I finally slid my hands down his back, coming to rest on his ass as I thrust my hips up slowly against his. He shuddered, his eyes closing briefly before he looked back down at me. I said the only word I could._

"_Please."_

_He smiled, murmuring, "I never could resist your voice begging…" and I loved the tone in his voice – somehow smoldering and playful at once. We kissed again, his hands beginning to roam all over my body, and I wanted to both frown and cheer when he slipped away, moving to lie by my side. His hard-on pressed against my hip, and I reached over, holding onto his waist to bring him closer. I heard the snap of the bottle, and my thighs quivered as my knees instinctively spread._

_I'd been sure this would feel completely new – that we'd be starting all over again – but my body had forgotten nothing of Carlisle's touch. When his slick fingers rubbed down my shaft and over my balls, circling my entrance before one pressed slowly into me, it was all I could do not to buck my hips, begging him to go further. The intense pleasure he'd brought me last time seemed to be inscribed in my flesh, permanently etched there and needing only the smallest of reminders to be brought to the surface again. _

_His lips left mine as he ducked his head, taking my dick between his lips. I could tell he was holding back, trying to take this slowly, make sure I was okay, but I was rapidly reaching the point of begging. "Don't behave," I murmured softly, my hips thrusting up into his mouth as I felt him smile against my skin. A second finger pressed into me then, and I groaned at the exquisite sting of him stretching me as he brushed against my prostate._

_He continued to tease, each touch designed to bring me pleasure and leave me wanting more. I couldn't stand it – my body was aching for him, my hips writhing as my hands fisted the sheets. "Christ," I moaned as his hands sped. One was stroking me as the other pumped steadily in and out while his tongue teased my dick, and it was all just too much. If he didn't stop – _now_ – I was going to explode. "Carlisle," I admonished. "Now…please?" _

_I saw his cheek lift as he smiled before he released me, his fingers leaving me feeling hollow as they slid away. He moved to kneel on the bed, searching briefly before he found both the condom and the lube. He tore open the package with his teeth, his lubed hand stroking his length. I rose up, supporting myself on my elbows as I watched. "Fuck," I cursed softly._

_He arched an eyebrow at me, and I shook my head, swallowing as I nodded to his hand wrapped around his dick. "Damn beautiful," was all I managed to say, my voice a gruff grunt. _

_He gave me a wicked little smile as he pinched the tip of the condom and rolled it on incredibly slowly. I could feel his eyes on mine, but I couldn't tear my own eyes away from the seductive sight of Carlisle touching himself. He flipped open the bottle of lube, and I moaned when the shimmering liquid coated his length. He stroked himself again, his hips rocking into his hand, and I reached out, my blunt nails digging into his hips as I pulled him toward me a little more roughly than I intended. _

"_Eager, aren't you?" The amusement in his voice was tempered by the husky sound of his own desire. He nipped at my earlobe, his breath hot as he whispered, "You can't possibly be more eager than I am." _

_He knelt between my legs, lifting my knees before he leaned forward, supporting his weight on one arm. He kissed me gently, whispering his devotion, and then he reached between us, guiding his head to press against my entrance. His eyes flickered between mine as he said softly, "Are you ready, my love?"_

_In answer, I reached between us, my hand covering his as I helped guide him in. My ankles crossed behind his hips, my heels digging into him as I urged him forward. The initial burn made me squirm, and I felt the sting of my teeth biting into my bottom lip as we both pulled our hands away. His hand moved to my thigh as he slowly and steadily buried himself within me._

_When he could go no further, he closed his eyes, his lips parted as he remained motionless. Finally, he swallowed, and his eyes opened, gazing into mine as he began to move slowly. My legs fell away, my heels braced on the mattress as my hips matched his rhythm. _

_Before Carlisle, I had never been one for romantic sentiments. I'd thought all those scenes in movies where lovers stared into each others' eyes as they made love were ridiculous – overdramatized to make women swoon and cause trouble for their husbands. With Carlisle, though… _

_I'd spent years aching for his touch, wishing I could have just one more night with him. To have him here, his body joined with mine as he moved above me…to know that when this night ended, he would still be here with me…to see all those sights I'd remembered and longed for in the time we'd spent apart…_

_I found I couldn't look away. He was giving me the most amazing pleasure, stroking my cock as he thrust deep inside me, his lips kissing mine and sucking lightly on my neck, but I was most enthralled with just the way he looked – and the way he was looking at me. _

_I felt like a man who'd been denied light for long, lonely years as he atrophied in the shadows only to be thrust into the sun. It was blinding. He was dazzling. I studied him, memorizing this man who was to be my partner. He'd developed the lightest of laugh lines around his lips, and his blue eyes glittered and smoldered as they roamed my face. Seductive noises and words of love were uttered in that accent I knew so well – I knew it better than his face, having spent so many nights listening to it across the waves. _

_I kissed him with abandon, rolling my hips against his as my dick began thrusting more insistently in his hand. He smiled and then bit his bottom lip, his eyes closing as his brow furrowed in concentration. His speed increased, and I groaned loudly, my back arching as my head pressed against the pillow. _

_I was so close – I knew it wouldn't be long for me – and I needed him with me. My hands were gripping the tops of his thighs, and I twisted my body slightly, reaching even further with my right hand as I stretched my finger to press against that sensitive place just between his legs. He shuddered, crying out, as he thrust into me harder and harder. My body was rocked with the force as his eyes flew wide, seeking mine._

_The rest of my body seemed to have shut down, every nerve focused on the point of our union as my hips clenched and my thighs shuddered, tightening around Carlisle. That was all it took for him, and I felt him spasm within me as the final few strokes of his hand sent my release spilling over my chest. _

_He collapsed on top of me, and I automatically wrapped my arms around him, holding him to me tightly. My vision was blurry, so I closed my eyes, and I was unaware of anything at all but the delicious burden of his weight on my chest and the perfect way my arms formed to his body._

_I lost long moments to just relishing him in my embrace when I was suddenly covered in small kisses, Carlisle's lips moving slowly but with an edge of urgency as he kissed my cheeks and eyelids and jaw, even the tip of my nose. He was whispering the most beautiful words – promises and declarations – and though I wanted to feel his lips on mine, I never wanted to silence him._

_Instead I just smiled up at the ceiling, finally realizing that my heart had made his wa__y home. _

_Eventually, his lips stilled, and his head came to rest on my shoulder as he shifted to lie at my side. His fingers were idly tracing circles on my chest when he lifted himself up on one elbow._

"_What's this, love?"_

"_Hmm?" My mind was in some sort of blissful fog, so it took me a moment to realize he was tracing the shape of the torch on my chest with his fingertip. "Oh…" My smile was soft and lazy as I put my hand over his, closing my eyes. "That's for you."_

"_For me?" At the surprise in his voice, I opened my eyes. He was looking down at me, his blue eyes wide as I nodded at him. _

"_Yes, for you." My voice was low and husky, worn out from grunting and moaning and from the sheer force of my emotions. "I got it a few months after you left. Just before the end…" I swallowed. "…my mother told me to be true to myself, to be happy. So I thought about what my truth was, and…" I shrugged, unable to explain everything I'd felt at the time. Instead, I went with simple words, simple ideas. "The torch is for truth. The C is for you. You…all the things I feel for you…that's my truth." _

_The smile that spread on his face was truly a thing of beauty, and I knew I would die a happy man if I could see him look at me like that every day. He leaned in to kiss me, his palm lying flat on my chest as I could feel his need building again. _

The buzzing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I drank the last of my now cold coffee as I pulled my phone out of my pocket, flipping it open to see a text from Carlisle. I smiled at his message _'You can do this, love. I'm here. I love you.'_ I shot him a quick text back, letting him know Bella's flight had been delayed and that I loved him, too.

With a sigh, I got up to check the delays and found that her flight was minutes away from landing. The nerves that made themselves known were fluttering around uncomfortably in my stomach. As I made my way over to where she'd be coming from, I kept trying to imagine scenarios of how to tell her. Each one had me stumbling over my words, even in my head. And each one ended with her turning right back around and booking the next available flight back to Phoenix.

I took a seat facing the arrivals area. _Calm down, Charlie, for crying out loud._ With a sigh, I scrubbed my face before standing up and pacing the area, feeling like a trapped animal. I couldn't see any way for this to go well. I'd backed myself into a corner over the years, one I was clueless how to get out of. When she was still a child, I was convinced she'd been too young to understand any of what happened and what everything meant. As she grew older, I thought she might be able to understand, but I had stayed quiet, not wanting to make her life harder as she already had so much going on. The kids at school were giving her a hard enough time just with her being who _she_ was, and she had trouble fitting in; I could not bring myself to make things worse for her by having her find out her dad was gay.

As she got older still, and past the awkwardness and everything teenagers go through, I was certain that it was too late. How could she possibly accept that I had - in effect - lied to her all those years? She had grown up to be such a mature young woman; she would hate me if I told her now. _God help me, what am I going to do?_

"Ch...Dad!"

I turned around, grinning in spite of my worries at the sight of my little girl walking up to me - duffel bag slung over her right shoulder, a backpack on her back, and a suitcase in her left hand. I walked up to her and took her duffel bag off her shoulder, slinging it over mine before giving her an awkward hug. "Bells," I kissed her lightly on the crown of her head. "How was your flight?"

I looked at Bella, amazed as always at how much she'd changed since the last time I had seen her. She was growing into a beautiful young woman, so much like her mother in so many ways, though she had my eyes and my curly hair. Her heart-shaped face framed by her dark brown hair reminded me starkly of her mother, and I had to repress a sigh in an attempt to push away the guilt I felt for hurting her.

It was always the same, though this time it was something I felt more keenly because I knew that, this time, Bella would hear the words that broke her mother's heart and spirit. Those, and then some. I kissed her crown again before starting to walk to the parking lot, Bella falling into step easily.

She sighed as she tucked her hair behind her ear, glancing over at me with a soft smile. "It was fine. Long, though." She wrinkled her nose as she continued, "They had to hold the flight because of some counting error or something. Sorry you had to wait, Ch...Dad."

I flexed my jaw, trying my best not to show her how it stung that she kept wanting to call me by my name. She knew I hated it; no matter what, I was still her dad. Her use of my first name just drove home how I hadn't been able to play as big a part of her life as I would have wanted.

We walked to the car in silence, and as soon as her bags were in my car, I pulled her into a hug. She returned it hesitantly; this wasn't something we normally did a lot, though I wished we'd been able to have that kind of relationship. I patted her back awkwardly, clearing my throat as I let her go and got in the car. She eyed me warily as she buckled up, but didn't say anything.

On the drive home, I tried to make small talk with Bella, but it was difficult. My mind kept going back to the past; I couldn't seem to stop it.

Carlisle had moved in with me a few months after he had come back. Everything seemed to be going very well, both in our relationship and in our respective jobs. Harry, Sue, Billy, and Sarah had all welcomed Carlisle into their midst - he was as much a part of their lives now as I was, and I loved them for it. Now that Carlisle and I were together, things were a little different from what they had been before, at least when it came to how some people acted around us, be it together or separately, but I took it all in stride. I didn't care - in general terms - what people thought of me, or who I happened to love. It wasn't any of their business. We kept our life private, both preferring it that way.

The only real point of contention we had was Bella.

With Carlisle back and living with me, it would be hard to keep Bella from finding out. He wanted to be able to be a part of her life as well, knowing that she was important to me made her important to him. Telling Bella was not something I could find in me to do. I maintained that she was still too young to understand. I feared losing her above all else. She was the only family I had left, and she was my baby girl.

I knew it hurt him, and I hated being the cause of any pain for him. He understood - to a point, at least - my reasoning, and though he would try to assure me that she would accept me, specifically because she was still so young and therefore more open-minded, I couldn't do it. So when it came time for my annual visit from my daughter, he opted to go back to England for an extended visit with his family. The thought of him leaving killed me, but he said it would be easier if he weren't around while she was here. He was doing it as much for me as for himself, because we both knew that if he were around, we'd want to spend time together.

So the day I went to pick up Bella was also the day I ended up saying goodbye to Carlisle again. Though I knew that this time it would be temporary, it didn't make it any easier. It took everything I had to try and keep from getting too depressed about our parting; I didn't want Bella to know. She picked up on it, though, occasionally commenting about how I must miss her mommy, too, or just coming up to me for a hug, resting her small head on my shoulder and wrapping her arms as far around me as they would go as she sighed.

Over the years, this was our routine. I would drop Carlisle off, hang around the airport waiting for Bella's flight to arrive, and spend a month with her. Then I'd drop her off again, and a few hours later, Carlisle would be back in my arms. The older Bella got, the harder it seemed to get. She had picked up on Carlisle being in my life, but thought he was a friend. I didn't tell her any different. All she knew was that he was never here when she was. She'd ask about it on ocassion, and I told her - truthfully - that he was visiting family back in England. And that was that.

As she got older, though, she stopped making comments about my missing her mother or hugging me. She'd grown quieter and felt awkward hugging her old man. She would always give me a look whenever she caught me feeling gloomy, but never spoke of it.

Part of me was amazed that she hadn't found out yet on her own, but our friends understood she didn't know and that it was my story to tell - much like Renee had said. As far as other people went, they respected our privacy enough to keep their comments to themselves. There was something to be said for being a cop in a small town and being involved with a well-respected doctor. Bella didn't really hang around other kids much while she was with me either, choosing instead to read. Sometimes she would hang out with Billy's or Harry's kids, but they all were familiar with the situation and knew better than to go against the wishes of their parents to say anything to Bella.

Usually, anyway.

_Bella was fourteen. We'd all been hanging out on the beach and were settled around a campfire while Billy told a few stories from their tribe. Jacob and Bella were sitting together, only speaking when Billy was in a lull between stories. The two of them were thick as thieves that night, and Billy would shoot me a grin every now and then, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I just rolled my eyes at him; I was definitely not anywhere near ready to think about my little girl in that fashion yet._

_Sarah and I were chatting when I heard Jacob ask Bella what she thought of Carlisle. My eyes flew from Jacob to Billy's in alarm, and I could heard Bella answering the boy, "Dunno, never met him. Seems to be a good friend of my dad's though. Why?"_

_At her question, my eyes went to Jacob, who was opening his mouth to answer her when Billy's voice cut across the bonfire, "Jacob! The fire needs more wood; go grab some."_

_I glanced at Billy, and the look on his face brooked no argument, so I wasn't surprised when Jacob stood up and went to gather more wood. I sighed in relief, nodding in thanks to Billy, who gave me a short nod back before watching his son with sharp eyes. Story time was officially over. _

I sighed, running my hand along my face as I glanced at Bella from the corner of my eye. She hadn't said anything in a while, staring out the window as she watched the landscape roll by. I frowned as I tried to think of something to say, but to be perfectly honest, everything seemed trivial and pointless in the face of the conversation I knew we had to have soon. Bella was going to be pissed off - and rightfully so - and I didn't know if it would make it worse when she realized I'd been chatting idly in the meantime.

Instead of talking, I let the silence linger in the car as I remembered how tense I'd been at dinner the night after Jacob brought up Carlisle. Bella had asked about him, simply wondering why she hadn't met him, and I'd told her a half-truth - it was a tradition for him to visit his family every summer at that time. She nodded, seeming to accept my explanation, and I'd taken the opportunity to turn the conversation back to her mother, asking how Renee was doing. Bella had given me a shrewd look, but she'd let it drop, talking about her mom's teaching job, and before long, we'd done the dishes and were heading to bed.

That was the last year she'd visited me in Forks. The next year, I'd gotten a call about a month before she was supposed to arrive. Renee was frantic, telling me Bella was refusing to spend a month away from her friends and that she had told her mom she wasn't going to fly to Washington. The news was a blow to the gut, hitting me hard. I knew Bella hated the rainy little town, but for her entire life, I had been reason enough to visit.

I wasn't anymore.

_As I hung up the phone, I stood staring at the wall, lost in thought. I didn't hear Carlisle come up behind me, but I felt the comforting weight of his arms as they wrapped around my waist from behind. I put my hand on top of his at my belt buckle and sighed as I leaned my head back against his shoulder._

_"What's the matter, my love?" he murmured softly, kissing my temple.  
_  
_I cleared my throat, answering quietly, "My daughter isn't coming to see me this year." The words burned in my chest, leaving me feeling hollow._

_He didn't say anything. He just stood there and held me for a minute, his right hand moving from my waist to rub my chest gently, almost as if he knew the ache I felt there. After we'd stood in silence for a while, he kissed my neck and whispered, "Go to her then."_

_I frowned, considering his words as I swallowed. Finally, I shook my head. "I can't take that long off work. And a month in Phoenix...?" I trailed off, knowing Carlisle would understand the difficulties in my being around Renee for such an extended period of time._

_I felt him nod, and then his lips were on me again, leaving tender kisses along my neck, grazing my ear. He squeezed me once, pulling me back against him comfortingly. His voice was soft when he murmured, "She needs you, Charlie. She's at a tough age...you said yourself that she was growing up, becoming a young lady. Maybe it's just time for a change."_

_I moved my right hand to cover his on my sternum. He spread his fingers, lacing them with mine, and just the feeling of having him here and being in his arms was a comfort, a balm to my aching heart. Still, I didn't understand what he was saying. "What do you mean?"_

_He kissed the place where my shoulder joined my neck and then turned me around to face him, putting his hands on my hips as he looked into my eyes. "Let her choose where you go. Call her up and tell her you wanted to see if she'd go on vacation with you - her choice. Then take a couple of weeks off and spend them with her." He looked at me seriously, his hands shaking my hips lightly to emphasize his words. "She's too important to you, Charlie. Don't let a little thing like her growing up push you two apart."  
_  
_I was already nodding, seeing the wisdom in his words. I never could understand how he would take situations that seemed so complicated and just make them...simple. Easy. I smiled at him quietly and kissed his lips tenderly. When I pulled back, I saw the flash of pain in his eyes, but he didn't voice his wish again - that wish that I would tell Bella about us and let him be a part of her life. As quickly as relief had come to me, a new pain seeped in, and I found myself biting the inside of my cheek to keep from saying the words...whether they were the words that would make him smile or make him nod in resignation, I wasn't sure._

_Instead of doing either, I pressed my lips against his once more, trying to show him with my kiss and my embrace that it wasn't _him_. I wasn't ashamed of him and never had been. I was just a coward, too afraid of losing my daughter forever to tell her what I should have told her long ago._

_That was one problem I'd never let Carlisle simplify for me._

_After kissing me in return for long moments, he pulled back and smiled at me gently. He caressed my cheek and then said, "Call your daughter, love. I'll start dinner and open a bottle of wine - we'll need to celebrate once she tells you where you're going on vacation." He winked at me, keeping that playful gleam in his eyes, and when he turned around, I smacked him lightly on the ass. He grinned at me over his shoulder, and as he disappeared into the kitchen, I wondered how I'd ever gotten so lucky._

He'd been right, of course. He always was. Bella had been excited about a vacation with me and had squealed into the phone, making me grin until my cheeks were aching. She babbled and told me she had so much to think about and would call me sometime that week with some ideas.

She'd called the very next day and had our entire trip planned out already. We'd spent two weeks in California - the first in Anaheim at Disneyland, where we'd run around like mad, eating too much ice cream and riding every ride under the sun. I would've thought she'd be too old - or at least that she'd _think _she was - but for that one week, we were both transformed into little kids, and we had more fun together than we'd had since she was small enough to ride around on my shoulders, pulling my hair to make me turn.

The second week had been spent at the beach and was as relaxing as the first had been exhilarating. All in all, it was absolute perfection - or would have been, had one other person been with us.

Carlisle and I had kept in touch, mostly on instant messengers as I'd bought a laptop before the trip. We chatted late at night, and sometimes I just had to call him to hear his voice. That summer, more than any other, I had so wanted to tell her. I nearly had a few times, but I felt weak and afraid, and then the two weeks had passed so quickly and I was taking her to the airport so she could fly home to her mother.

I sighed as I glanced over at her again. Airports...so much of my life with her was tied to airports, dropping her off and picking her up...and even more so, with dropping off Carlisle before Bella arrived and picking him up again once she had gone back home. As often as possible, he scheduled his trips for the same day, so many times, I waited around for a few hours for one of them to arrive after watching the other fly away. When Bella and I had changed our summer plans, he had as well, going to visit his family for only two weeks rather than the four he had before. When I asked him about it, he shrugged and gave me a sheepish smile, telling me he didn't want to be apart from me a day longer than necessary.

I felt like a real ass then. He'd kissed me and made love to me, telling me that's not how he meant it, but it still stung - and I knew he was right. I was the reason for our separation every year.

In hindsight, it was ridiculous. I knew I should've told her. But I hadn't, and dwelling on the mistakes I made wasn't going to change the fact that I was facing a monster talk with my daughter when we got home.

I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, looking over at her once again. The silence and the memories were making me uncomfortable, so I cleared my throat. "So ahh...what's your favorite subject?"

She glanced over at me, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Oh." She brushed her hair back from her face, tucking a lock of it behind her ear. "English."

I wanted to laugh at the irony. Usually I loved the silence, but right then I'd give anything if she hadn't inherited the Swan family trait of single-word answers. I kept trying. "Oh yeah? Still like to read, huh?"

"Yeah..." She glanced out the window, and I saw her biting her bottom lip. Finally she smiled and looked back over at me. "Still like to watch baseball?"

I chuckled and nodded, my grip tightening on the steering wheel before I relaxed it. "Yup, still like baseball..."

The rest of our drive was passed in somewhat comfortable silence and only slightly awkward conversation. It at least helped the time pass a little faster, although every so often, I would remember what was waiting for me at home, and then I found myself wishing the drive would take a little longer. Of course, wishing doesn't do shit for altering time, so before I would've liked, we were pulling into Forks.

The familiar wooden sign welcoming us made my heart beat a little faster, my chest constricting, and I realized I was chewing on the inside of my cheek, but I couldn't make myself stop. I grew quiet again, unable to keep up my end of the conversation, and silence descended over the car as Bella gave up. She was watching the tiny town pass by out of her window, and I humored myself with thinking she didn't notice my discomfort.

When we pulled up to a stop sign just a block or two from my house, and I adjusted in my seat, clearing my throat. When a knock sounded on Bella's window, I jumped.

"God damn it..." I muttered, pressing the button to roll down her window when I saw Pamela Jenkins waving at me like a fool. I repressed my sigh, smiling at her as I said, "Afternoon, Pam."

"Chief Swan! And this must be Bella! It's so good to see you again, dear..." Bella glanced over at me, wide-eyed and seeking rescue as Pam prattled on. Apparently, she was out at the stop sign because she'd been putting up an advertisement for the sale she was having at her clothing store. She spoke quickly, inviting Bella to come check it out and offering her an extra ten percent off as I was trying to find a break to politely tell her we wanted to get home. Bella kept glancing between her and me with an amused expression as she tried to keep up, and I was having a hard time not laughing as well.

That is, I was right up until she said, "So how's Carlisle? I haven't seen him lately."

Instantly, the desire to laugh faded, and it was only with effort that I kept the smile on my face. "He's doing fine." I paused for half a second, not long enough for her to start babbling again and make this worse. Glancing in my rear-view mirror, I was relieved to see a car behind me. "Well, Pam, we should get going. It was good to see you again."

I winced involuntarily when she added, "Tell Carlisle I said hello," as she was saying her goodbyes. I pulled away, rolling up the window as quickly as possible.

Bella sounded a little amused as she said, "Oh, so am I finally going to meet the elusive best friend? I was beginning to think Carlisle wasn't real."

"Oh, he's real alright," I muttered and then rolled my eyes at myself.

_Real smooth._

I could feel Bella's eyes on me, but she didn't say anything for the rest of the drive. I pulled into the driveway and parked, not looking at her as I got out of the cruiser and shut my door. I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, twirling my keys around my forefinger as I walked to the trunk to get her luggage. I grunted as I pulled her suitcase out and then grabbed the duffel, slinging it over my shoulder. She reached in beside me, picking up her backpack, and her thick, dark hair formed a curtain between us so I couldn't read her face.

I didn't want to stare, so I just led the way inside, listening to my heavy footsteps and her lighter ones as I walked down the hallway to her room. It was just across from mine, which had never been an issue before...I wondered how awkward it would be now once Carlisle moved back in, and I couldn't stop my sigh.

I tried to cover it by clearing my throat as I put her bags on the floor. Glancing around, I said the first thing I thought of. "We updated your room a little bit. Thought you might like to get rid of the unicorn stuff." I chuckled. "The purple alright?"

"Yeah, purple's cool." There was only the sound of Bella's backpack hitting the ground before she said, "Who's 'we'?"

_Motherfucker._

All my careful words and evasions had been for nothing as she immediately picked up on that one little slip. "Ahh...yeah..." I hooked my thumbs into my pockets and turned to face her finally, intending to explain. "You must be thirsty."

Without waiting for an answer, I left the room, rolling my eyes and muttering at myself under my breath. So much for telling her the truth. She followed me into the kitchen, and I could feel her eyes on my back the whole way. I sensed her confusion. She really had no idea - she hadn't pieced it all together yet.

When we got to the kitchen, she sat down at the table. I asked her what she wanted to drink and pulled a Coke for each of us from the fridge. I sat down across from her, taking my time flipping the top, and the sound of the can opening was unnaturally loud in the otherwise silent room. She didn't open hers, tapping her thumb against the top as she watched me. I finally looked up, taking a long drink before I sighed, realizing I couldn't put it off any longer. "Time to pay the piper..." I muttered under my breath.

"Carlisle is..." I began and then realized instantly that was a terrible way to go about things. I frowned, staring down at the can in my hands as I backed up and tried again. "How much do you know about the divorce? About the stuff leading up to it?"

_Oh Jesus Christ, Swan. Yes, that's _much_ better._

She frowned in confusion. "The divorce? What do you...what are you talking about?"

I took another long pull from my can, wishing that the sugary liquid was a nice stout beer instead. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I decided to just get it out there. This dancing around it was killing me. What I wasn't prepared for, though, was the way my dumbass mouth decided to share my revelation. "Well, you know how your mom just married Phil? You sort of have...two stepdads now..."

I bit my bottom lip, my brain screaming at me that I was an absolute fucking moron and that I couldn't have picked a worse way to tell her.

I agreed.

I watched her brow knit together, a small frown on her lips before her eyes widened and she stared at me. "What the hell? What are you saying?"

I swallowed hard, both against the knot that formed in my throat and the impulse to call her down for her tone. _She has a right to be angry._ "I'm saying that..." I bit the inside of my cheek. "I'm saying that Carlisle is my..." Thankfully, my brain worked for once and censored the word 'lover' just before it fell from my lips. "...partner. I'm gay, Bella."

There was something liberating in saying the words finally - in openly acknowledging that Carlisle and I were together to the one person who had been kept in the dark. I even began to smile...

...and then Bella _exploded_. She shoved her chair away from the table and stood up, her hands shaking. She clenched them into fists at her side to stop the movement. "What?! Are you serious?"

I frowned, my eyes narrowing as I felt the pain spreading through my chest. My greatest fear, happening right before my eyes. "Yes, I'm serious."

She blinked, a slightly dazed look on her face as she tried to absorb what I was telling her. The anger had faded from her voice somewhat, replaced by quiet bewilderment. "How long has this been going on?"

I licked my lips. "I've been with Carlisle for a long time now." I couldn't bring myself to tell her I'd been in love with him since before she was even a year old.

Her eyes narrowed in response. "Wait a damn minute. The divorce? Are you telling me you got _divorced_ from my _mom _because of him?"

I wasn't able to answer, knowing that no matter what I said, she wouldn't understand.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Is this some kind of goddamn joke, Charlie?"

I couldn't even focus on the hurt I felt at her words, so stunned was I by the onslaught. I latched on to the first thing that came to mind. "You watch your mouth, young lady!" I stood up as well, moving to stand behind my chair. My hands gripped the back of it, my knuckles turning white. "And _don't_ call me 'Charlie'! I'm your father, damn it."

She laughed, a low, humorless sound as tears filled her eyes. My heart broke at that sight and at the way her voice was choked when she spoke again. "You don't get to tell me what to do anymore, _Dad_. I don't even know who the fuck you are."

She stormed out of the room, her footsteps heavy on the hardwood floors as I stood there frozen, watching her leave. I heard her door slam, and the sound of her strangled sob reached me even in the kitchen.

I don't know how long I stayed there, unable to move for fear of falling apart. Finally, I realized that muffled noises were still coming from Bella's room, so I crept down the hallway, trying to figure out what the hell to do. When I got closer, I heard her talking to someone, her voice cracking as she sniffled. _"-can't believe you fucking knew! Why didn't you tell me?"_

I was standing outside her door, my hand literally over my heart as I tried to somehow soothe the pain I felt. More than for myself, I hurt because I knew my baby girl was in there, her heart breaking as well - and the last person in the world she wanted to see was me.

_"Whatever. I can't do this right now."_ Her voice broke off again in a muffled sob.

Everything was quiet for a moment, and I paced outside her doorway. My fingers were running constantly through my hair, pulling at it as I tried to figure out what to do. I winced when my boots made noise on the floor and stopped, feeling my pulse pounding in my ears as I watched her door. Hesitantly, I stepped toward it and raised my fist, knocking lightly. "Bella?"

I jumped when something crashed against the door.

"Go. Away."

"Bella, baby, please...just let me-"

"God, will you please just go away? _Please?_ I can't...I need..." She couldn't finish her sentence as the sound of her crying filled my ears.

My fingers traced the wood pattern of her door aimlessly. I was completely fucking lost. Not a clue what to do.

I didn't even realize I was texting Carlisle until my phone was in my hands. The first button I hit seemed incredibly loud, so I quickly switched it to silent, and my fingers flew over the keys.

_She's hysterical. Won't talk to me. What the hell do I do?_

I stood utterly motionless, staring at the little screen as I willed it to light up, telling me he'd responded. The seconds stretched on interminably, and as soon as I saw the notice that I'd received a text from Carlisle, my finger was on the button, my eyes reading frantically.

_Give her some space, love. She'll calm down. How are you holding up?_

Even through digitized words on a screen, his presence calmed me, albeit very little. I could hear his sigh, feel his fingers running through my hair, and I was horrified to feel my own eyes fill with tears.

_Not good. I can't take this._

I slid down the wall beside my door, my eyes on hers as I waited for his response. For the longest time, I sat there, my legs sprawled out in front of me, my ass falling asleep, as Carlisle and I communicated silently. He managed to talk me down, ease some of the panic, but I still ached. Every piece of me seemed broken; even my joints felt loose and weak.

Over an hour and a half had gone by when I realized that her room was silent and had been for some time. I stood slowly, slipping my phone into my pocket as I took the few steps needed to reach her door. I turned the knob cautiously and poked my head in just far enough to see her bed. She was curled up on her side facing the door, the thick purple comforter Carlisle had picked out for her pulled up around her face so that she looked like she was wrapped up in a cocoon. She was sound asleep, her lips slightly parted, and I smiled, blinking back fresh tears when I saw how peaceful she looked.

As I stepped back to close her door again, I glanced down and saw what she'd thrown at the door - her phone lay in pieces at my feet. I closed the door silently, taking a shaky breath as I pulled out my phone again to send one more text message.

_My nerves are shot to shit. I need you._

His reply was so fast, I wondered if he felt the same pull I did - or if he'd just known I'd need him.

_Meet me in the hotel bar. I need to be able to touch you._

I tiptoed down the hallway, careful not to wake Bella as I put my phone back in my pocket and grabbed my keys. I knew this was far from over and that I had - hopefully - many long hours of talking to Bella to try to get her to understand, but for now, I needed to be with the one person who had always understood me implicitly. I locked the front door behind me and climbed wearily into the cruiser, on my way to see the man I loved.

----------  
_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much for giving Charlie a chance and reading and reviewing! The response to chapter one was much greater than we expected, and we appreciate your honesty in saying that you were really unsure about Charlie slash at first. We hope that we've changed your mind a bit :) And to those who have said it's about time Charlie got laid - we couldn't agree more._

_A lot of housekeeping stuff to take care of this time, but we hope you will read through it all because there really are some items we feel are important._

_First, __**MsKathy**__ is organizing __**Twifans for Haiti**__, a relief effort offering a compilation of fanfiction from approximately 180 fanfiction authors that you can receive for as little as a $5 donation to a reputable charity helping out in Haiti. So far, this effort has raised close to $13,000! The disaster in Haiti is heartbreaking, and both of us are proud to be participating by contributing stories to the compilation. Stories will be sent out on __**January 25th**__. Please check out http://mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/_ for details.

_Next, there is another auction going on to __**Support Stacie**__, a fellow fanfic author who was diagnosed with cancer. SorceressCirce participated in the September auction, and in the current __**Vampire Author Auction**__, we have two auctions up for grabs. __**Naelany**__ is offering a one-shot or outtake of one of her stories, and our collaboration of __**Whitlock-Masen**__ is offering the same. Have an outtake you'd love to see or an idea for a one-shot (which is, of course, how this fic was born...just sayin') you'd like us to write? Check out the boards at http://www(dot)supportstacie(dot)com/phpBB3/index(dot)php to place your bid, but hurry, the auction ends tomorrow at 9:00 PM CST!_

_On a less serious note, there are two contests we'd like to mention as well. First up is the __**TwiSlash Unveiled Contest**__ going on right now. This round is slash (which, let's be honest, is __**Whitlock-Masen's **__favorite brand ;)), so if you have a boy-boy story you're dying to write, stop by http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1945699/TwiSlash_Unveiled to read the rules and enter before __**February 28th**__!_

_Finally, we are both proud to be helping out with the __**FML Contest**__ going on now through __**February 15th**__. __**SorceressCirce**__ is one of the hosts for the contest, while __**naelany**__ is a judge. This is a unique sort of contest based on FML prompts given out by the hosts at random. Please have a look at the contest page at http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2187120/FML_Contest and send in your request for a prompt by __**January 31st**__ if you want to take part. So far, we've fucked over 110 people...will you be next?_


	3. I Will

_**A/N:**__Thank you so much to our beta, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey._

**----------**

**Carlisle POV**

I stood in the doorway, watching Charlie pull away to go pick up his daughter. I wished with all my heart that I could have gone with him, but that wasn't possible. Charlie had to do this alone. I knew it, and yet I wished for the millionth time that he had told her years ago, that I could've played a part in her life up until now. I sighed and, with a shake of my head, closed the door before walking into the kitchen.

I muttered to myself, "All the wishing and hoping won't change what is, Carlisle."

Running my fingers through my hair, I glanced around. _First things first. _I checked the fridge and freezer to make sure they'd have everything they would need and to see that Bella's favorites were still there. I knew they were, but I felt nervous and needed to double check. I'd made sure to get the baby carrots she loved to munch on cleaned and put into Tupperware so they wouldn't go bad.

The chicken I had marinated would be ready to cook, and there were a few side dishes all ready to go, just needing to be taken out of the freezer and re-heated. Charlie was a terrible cook. The only thing he was any good at was grilling, so most of that chore usually fell in my lap. Not that I minded it; I loved cooking for him. I smiled as I thought about how Charlie's face lit up when I made his favorite things and how he moaned quietly when he took his first bite of something he really liked.

_My Charlie..._

Grinning, I shook my head. Most people never got to see the side of Charlie that I knew. People usually thought he was a quiet man who never had much to say, someone who didn't show much emotion. Someone who held no passion.

How wrong they all were.

He was very much a man of passion, but he was also a man who valued his private life. He was careful with his words, not because he didn't have a lot to say, but because he knew that words were powerful. Under normal circumstances, he weighed his words carefully, though there were those times when his passionate side would win out.

And then there were times like now, where he was too worried and too afraid for the results to be able to think straight. I knew my Charlie, and even though I knew he had to do this on his own, I was worried about him. When he was nervous, he tended to blurt things out, and that would not be a good thing right now. I wished I could be by his side, and not for the first time, I wondered whether staying away was the wisest choice.

But as much as I knew Charlie, I also knew enough of Bella - and teenagers in general - to know that she would need space. I had never met her, but I felt I knew her from all the stories Charlie, Billy, Harry, Sue, and Sarah had told me over the years. In so many ways, she seemed to be so much like her father, and that alone was enough to convince me of the wisdom behind my absence.

I started some water for coffee before going to the bathroom Bella would be using and checking to see that everything was in place there. I'd bought her favorite strawberry-scented shampoo and the body wash she preferred to use, just like I had done every year. After I was satisfied that there were enough towels and everything looked to be in order, I went to her bedroom. I fluffed her pillows again before running a hand over the purple bedspread to straighten it.

I smiled at the copy of _Wuthering Heights_ that was waiting for her on her bedside table. Ever since she had taken an interest in classic novels, I'd placed a different book on her nightstand before I left. These little touches were the only ones I was ever allowed, since Charlie hadn't told her about me...or him...or us. So I did what I could, even if it never felt like it was enough. I just needed that small connection with her.

The whistle of the kettle broke through my reverie, and I hurried to the kitchen to turn the stove off. I grabbed the French press, scooped in the coffee grinds, and poured the water. Stirring it briefly, I placed the lid on so the coffee could brew. Charlie didn't like fancy coffee drinks, but this was one concession he had made on my behalf.

While I waited for the coffee to be done, I went to our bedroom and packed the few things I would need for the next couple of days. It felt strange knowing that I would be in town, but not be home. I had plenty of time before I would need to get going, so I set my suitcase by the door, grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down on the couch to relax for a while.

My mind wandered as I sipped my coffee, going back to when I had first met Charlie.

_I had only been at the hospital for two days when I first caught sight of him. He was on the phone, focused completely on his work, allowing me to watch him for a while without his being aware. He looked to be late teens, early twenties - a little younger than myself. His plain white button down was opened at the top, giving him a relaxed look - the hospital didn't have a very strict dress code, especially not for desk personnel. His brown hair was short but wavy, and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to run my fingers through it - and I didn't even know the man yet._

_A nurse walked up to him then and handed him a clipboard, and from where I stood, I was able to see the wedding band on his finger. The depth of disappointment I felt surprised me as I realized that whoever this man was, he was married. I shook my head at myself for being ridiculous. It didn't matter, right? Taken was taken and out of bounds._

_I kept seeing him as the day went on, and every time I did, I felt a pang of...something. I wanted to know him, needed to know more about him, so I asked some quiet questions and found out his name was Charlie Swan, that he was married and had just had a little girl a few months back. _

Married, _and _straight. Definitely not for you, Carlisle...but still...

_The next day was much the same, and I felt like a fool for wanting to know him better. He didn't even know I existed, and it was probably better that I keep it that way. _No sense in torturing yourself._ So by the end of the day, I resolved to stay away and try to put him out of my mind._

_The following day, though, I managed to run into him - literally. The shock that had gone through me the moment we touched rendered me speechless for a while. Thanks to my momentum, I had pushed him into the lift and up against the wall. Standing that close to him, my body responded immediately, and I could feel myself begin to blush. _Oh God...Why him? _I was afraid to move, knowing that if I did, he would feel my arousal, and I didn't want him to think it was because of him - no matter how true that fact might be._

_After ascertaining that he was alright, I carefully pushed away, trying with all my might to keep from attacking him for real. I wanted to kiss him, to push myself harder against him so he could feel me; he was so close, so very tempting. _

Taken! Forget it, Carlisle. Taken and straight, to boot_._

_We introduced ourselves and started talking. I couldn't help myself. The need to get to know him was too strong, and I reasoned that if I couldn't be anything else, I could at least be his friend. I had to be something._

Over the next few weeks, we spent our breaks together and became friends. He was so easy to be with, to talk to. There was a sense of comfort I felt when I was around him. It baffled me, but I was loathe to be without it, so we kept going, just as friends. He told me all about his little girl, and I could tell that he loved her deeply.

Not long after, he was involved in an accident and had to come into the ER. I was the one to help him. Several things happened during his time there that made me wonder whether or not he truly was straight, or if I was losing my marbles. His body responded to my touch, I was certain - and mine was certainly responding to the close proximity, not to mention the sight of his arousal. I was aching by the time I was done, my erection pushing uncomfortably against my pants to the point that I had to jam my fist into my pocket just to create a little more room. I could not look him in the eye as I gave him instructions for the care of his wound.

Not long after that, Renee filed for divorce. We'd continued hanging out during our breaks, though at first we were uncomfortable, and I wondered if he had noticed my reaction in the ER. It would kill me if I lost his friendship because of that. Thankfully, though, we soon found our groove again. I had always been careful to see him only at work, never inviting him over - though God knew I wanted to. The temptation was just too great, and I refused to be the cause for discord in his life.

After Renee left, I had to know. A part of me was certain that Renee had left him because of what had happened in the ER, though I was by no means sure how it came into play. I just had to find out, so I asked Charlie over for dinner. He accepted, and I was both elated and nervous as hell that he had.

We talked about inane things, mostly keeping to the topics we discussed at work - sports, hobbies, and the like. After dinner, I finally found the guts to ask him. When he said that he was attracted to me, I almost wanted to pinch myself - this couldn't be real. Then he said that he knew nothing would come of it, regardless of how he felt, because I would be leaving. I felt as if I had been punched in the gut. He wanted me, just as I did him, but would not act on it because I wouldn't be staying around either.

This was all new for him. The way he quietly accepted his revelation amazed me, and I found the fact that he didn't want to just fuck his way into understanding his new discovery appealing. I had been the first man he had been attracted to. The thought both elated me and made me want to weep, because 'the first' meant that there would likely be others. And the idea of another man touching him, kissing him, when I couldn't...it killed me. _I _wanted to be his first kiss. His first everything, if truth be told. So I foolishly asked him if I could kiss him. The stunned look on his face brought me up short, and I beat a hasty retreat, apologizing for stepping out of bounds.  
_  
I leaned against the fridge, my forehead pressed against the freezer as I mentally berated myself for being such a selfish, insensitive prick. I had no right asking him for that. None, and yet I hadn't been able to stop myself from doing so anyway. I was appalled at myself and shuddered to think what Charlie would think of me for it._

_I heard him walk into the kitchen, stopping next to me, and I had to force myself to stay in place and keep my mouth shut. I wasn't sure what would come out if I said anything now. I half-expected for him to chastise me, to call me a fool or yell at me. I expected anything but the feel of his hand tentatively placed on my neck, or the sound of the steadying breath he took before moving closer. My heart started to beat faster, and I slowly turned my head to look at him, my eyes searching his, trying to find an answer to the many questions I suddenly had racing through my brain._

_"Charlie..."  
_  
_He shushed me before closing the distance between us, and as soon as his lips touched mine, I wanted to cry with joy. I barely recognized the groan that erupted from my throat. God, I wanted to feel more of him, to taste him - the feel of his lips on mine was heavenly. I turned to him, my hands going to his face, needing to hold him to me, afraid this moment would pass too quickly. _

_Charlie's hands on me, his lips on mine, his scent pervading my senses - it was all too much, and not nearly enough. I wanted more, and his whimper when I traced my tongue over his lips was the sweetest sound I had heard in a long time, if not ever. Our kisses became deeper, more urgent, each feeding off the other's passion. When Charlie turned us around and pressed into me, I could feel the desperation in his touch, and I had to fight to regain my composure. And then he pressed closer still, effectively rubbing his hard-on against mine. _Sweet Christ! Have to stop - now - before I take him right here in the kitchen.

_I pulled away with a groan, everything in me screaming to keep going even as I pushed Charlie away to get some space to think, to breathe. The look of hurt in his eyes as I put distance between us tore at my heart. I didn't - couldn't - let him think I was rejecting him. Far from it. I wanted him like I had never wanted anyone in my life, and he was the one person I _couldn't_ have. _It's not fair to him, he deserves to be with someone...

_I couldn't finish my thought. _

_I kissed his lips as my hand cupped his cheek, and I searched for the words words I hoped would let him know that I wasn't rejecting him, that I wanted him, too. I rested my forehead against his with a deep sigh. My voice sounded hoarse and thick in my ears as I whispered, "Ah, Charlie...We have to stop, love. This isn't fair to you..."_

_He closed his eyes, and I could tell he was trying to compose himself. His voice was almost broken, and the near-defeat I heard in it pierced my heart._

_"Do you really have to leave, Carlisle?"_

_"'Fraid so, Charlie. I don't have a choice, love."_

_I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into me, and he did the same, nuzzling my neck as he rested his head on my shoulder. I breathed in his scent and closed my eyes, just letting myself enjoy the feeling of having him in my arms. I was certain I would not get the opportunity again.  
_  
He had made it clear that things couldn't go further, and I had to accept that, had to respect his decision. It was hard, though. We spent more time together, both during and after work as our schedules permitted, and the better I got to know him, the more I wanted him. I was falling for Charlie Swan, hard and fast. And I could not tell him.

I frowned as I realized I had finished my coffee. I had been so wrapped up in my memories that I hadn't even noticed it. I rolled my eyes at myself as I got up to grab another cup. As I made my way back to the couch, I glanced at the clock, noting that I had about an hour before I had to go to the hospital. I had taken today offbut wanted to get some paperwork taken care of, and I had my weekly appointment with Edward later in the afternoon.

I pulled my legs up under me and got comfortable, my mind once again going back over the years. I remembered how hard Charlie had taken the loss of his father. He held it all close to his heart, only letting his guard down around me. It wasn't long after his funeral that we ended up lying in bed together, both of us needing the comfort of just being held.

It was so hard not to cross the line we had drawn - I wanted to love him in every way, give him everything of me. The closer we came to the date of my departure, the harder it got, and the more we ended up wrapped up in each other. The night before I was to fly home, I broke down, unable to resist. I had fantasized so often about being with Charlie; the thought of tasting him just once was too much, and the need to have one memory of being with him in some way was too tempting. I knew Charlie was worried I would forget him - as if I ever could. He was branded on my heart, even if he didn't know it.

The thrill I felt as I took him over the edge was quickly overshadowed by the guilt that flooded through me at having pushed his boundaries. When he wanted to reciprocate, I almost didn't let him, but again I was too selfish. To watch Charlie go from shy to something akin to proud as he stroked me to bliss was something I'd never forget. He seemed mesmerized by what he was doing to me, and I loved every minute of it.

What happened next still amazed me to this day, and I smiled into my cup of coffee as I remembered Charlie asking me not to behave. He wanted more, too, and I was unable to deny him anything as he gave me his quiet plea. The gift he gave me that night was what helped me through so many lonely nights in the years we were apart. The memory of our love making was all that sustained me, both making me crazy with want and loss and fueling the drive to work harder. It was a strange paradox.

Charlie drove me to the airport the following day, and we were both uncharacteristically quiet. There was so much that I had wanted to say to him, but in the end, all I could do was say goodbye. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, especially when I caught Charlie's whispered "I love you." I knew he thought I wouldn't be able to hear him, but I had, and it took everything I had in me to keep walking. I knew that if I stopped, if I turned back to him and told him I loved him, too, I would never be able to leave.

I felt like I was leaving behind my heart, my world. I wasn't going home; I was walking away from it, and it killed me.

That flight back to London was the longest flight I ever remember being on. I was in a daze the entire trip home, and when Esme picked me up at Heathrow, she knew something was very wrong. I hadn't told her much about Charlie - it wasn't something I felt I could tell my sister over the phone, if at all. She wrapped me in her arms, and as soon as I felt her warm embrace, the silent tears began. It _hurt_, so much. She just held me for a while, people walking around us, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

After a while, she slowly pulled away and gently placed her hands on my cheeks, wiping my tears away with her thumbs as she gave me a soft smile. She didn't say anything, didn't bid me welcome home - as if she knew this wasn't home anymore. She took one of my bags in one hand and took my hand in the other, tugging lightly on it to get me moving.

As soon as we got home she made us a pot of tea, ordering me to go to my room and freshen up before we sat down to talk. I did as I was told, too tired and too down to argue. I wanted to talk to her, needed to tell _someone _how I felt, and if anyone would understand, it would be her. She and I were so much alike in most every way, and she had been the first person I had come out to. She had stood by me, as she always had. She claimed it was her duty as the older sister, but I knew she loved me as much as I did her.

Esme was the one who smoothed the waters with our parents after I had finally come out to the family as a whole. It had taken awhile, but in the end, they came around, accepting and loving me for who I was. Uncle Aro had also helped, taking me under his wing after the initial response to the news. I owed him a lot and would come to owe him more still.

Before joining Esme, I called Charlie as I had promised. His voice sounded flat, lifeless when he answered, only brightening a little after he heard it was me. All I wanted in that moment was to be able to hold him and tell him I was never going to leave him again. When I made it down for tea, Esme let me have peace for as long as it took to drink the first cup before asking me what was wrong. As soon as I finished telling her about Charlie, how I felt about him and how much it hurt to have to walk away, she came over to me and hugged me tightly.

_She pulled away slightly, placing her palm against my cheek as she spoke softly, "Well, Carlisle, what are you going to do about it?"_

_I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to think. Charlie's life was in the States. With Bella, there would be no question as to where he'd stay, and I would never ask him to remove himself even further from her life. I had my family here, but... I looked up at Esme. "I'm not sure..."_

_Her eyes twinkled as she smiled at me, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it lightly as she said, "You, my dear brother, are going to call Uncle Aro tomorrow. You and he will have to figure out the best way for you to be able to go and be a doctor in the States. If Charlie is the one you were meant to be with, then you do what you need to do to be with him. You know I'll support you however I can."_

_I pulled her closer to me, hugging her tightly. "Thanks, sis."_

The next day I got together with Uncle Aro and explained everything to him. He promised he'd look into it for me and advised me to contact the hospital in Forks, saying it would be a good idea to keep a relationship with them going, in case I wanted to be able to go back there. About a week later, he had come back to me with all the information he had been able to gather - which had been rather impressive.

We set up a plan for me to graduate on schedule, but with extra curriculars added to help me build a name for myself with the help of Aro. He was a well-respected physician and had written many articles. He had me help him with some of the things he was working on, and I studied harder than I ever had before. I'd never really _needed _to study, since I had a photographic memory, and anything academic had come easily to me. But now I had something to really work for, and I did everything in my power to reach my goal.

The next few years were spent with little socializing and much studying. Charlie and I wrote countless letters to each other, and often, his letters were the only thing that kept me going when I was weary and worrying about whether or not my dream was possible. I did everything I could think of to let Charlie know how I felt without outright telling him. I was selfish in my need to let him know, but I couldn't quite bring myself to tether him to me either. Even if I managed to pull things off, there was always the chance he would meet someone else along the way, and though the thought of him loving another hurt like hell, I could not deny him whatever happiness he might find.

I had kept in touch with Maggie, the Forks Hospital administrator, over the years as Aro had suggested. She had been there during my time at the hospital and was impressed with how things had gone and what I had done in the time since I'd left. When I explained my situation, she set about to find me a position in a hospital near Forks, but with no luck. That is, up until the beginning of '97, when one of the doctors at Forks Hospital quietly announced he was retiring later that year.

It took months to get all the paperwork in order, my visa in place, and my license to practice in the States set to rights. When word finally came that I would be allowed to move to the States, I was elated.

And scared to death.

I had asked Maggie to keep things quiet, in part because I wanted to surprise Charlie and tell him myself, and in part because I was scared out of my wits that I would be moving halfway across the world for nothing. She agreed, and even went as far as arranging for a place for me to live.

_After careful planning, I said goodbye to Esme, my parents, and Uncle Aro the same day that I knew Charlie would be dropping Bella off with Renee. I'd always called him after she left as I knew he had a hard time not being a part of her daily life. Now that I had the chance to actually be there for him, I took it, and I was on a flight that would have me arrive at his doorstep only a few hours later than I normally would have called him. Esme was going to ship the things I needed but had left behind within the week of my leaving, and though it was difficult to leave her and the rest of my family behind, I felt lighter than I had in all the years I'd been back in London._

_The closer I got to Forks, though, the more nervous I became. _What if I'm too late? What if he found someone? What if he no longer feels the same way? What if...?

_I'd bought a cellphone as soon as I was able once I was in Seattle. I wanted to be able to call Charlie, to surprise him. When I pulled up in Charlie's driveway, I had to sit for a few minutes and just focus on calming my breathing. I was so nervous; my hands were cold and clammy. Part of me - albeit a very small, insecure one - wanted to just turn the car around and leave, unable to face the possibility that I was too late...that another man would answer the door if I were to knock._

_Forcing those negative thoughts away, I focused on my Charlie and the reunion I hoped to have with him. My fingers trembled slightly as I opened the console in between the front seats of my rental car. A nervous smile flashed across my lips, soon fading as I bit my bottom lip and looked at the items I'd stored there. I had no idea if Charlie would greet me the way I hoped he would..._

Dear _God_, please let him want me, too...

_But even if he did...even if he welcomed me with open arms and told me he loved me just as I loved him, I wasn't sure how he'd feel about what I'd brought. _Presumptuous ass.

_I nearly left them in the car - I mean, we could always come back out for them, right? But then...he'd know I brought them either way. What difference did it make if they were in the car or on me at the time? And there was no way in hell I'd want to interrupt what was going on between us to dash out to my car._

_Finally deciding, I sighed softly and ran my fingers through my hair before reaching into the console and pulling out a condom and a small bottle of lube. The rest were in my suitcase in the trunk, but I'd planned ahead, wanting everything to go perfectly if he would agree to be mine. I slipped the items into my shirt pocket, blushing even here, alone in my car, and trying to suppress the memories of the only time I'd been with Charlie that way - the last time I'd been with anyone that way. My fingers tapped on the steering wheel before I finally exhaled._

_After several minutes of trying to quash the panic I could feel building, I dialed Charlie's number. I got out before hitting 'call', so he wouldn't hear me close the car door. If I knew Charlie at all, he would be on the couch with the TV on, trying not to think about having dropped his little girl off again. I leaned against the car, worrying my lip as I waited for the call to connect. He had answered almost immediately, and a familiar warmth spread through me as soon as I heard his voice._

_As we talked, I walked as quietly as I could to his door and knocked, praying he wouldn't pick up on the sound through the phone as well. When he opened the door, my pulse started to race. He looked older, and tired, but still every bit my Charlie. The look of shock on his face made me wonder if I truly had taken too long, especially when he didn't do or say anything for a while._

_Needing something to do, I slipped my phone into my shirt pocket and shuffled my feet, feeling like a boy who had been naughty and was waiting to find out just how much trouble he was in. My heart was pounding - the sight of Charlie there, so handsome, so _close,_ was almost torture. I didn't feel like I could go to him. I had flown halfway around the world and driven nearly five hours, all without batting an eye. But those last three steps...those had to be taken by him._

_Charlie...my Charlie._

_My chest ached as I watched him for endless moments before the phone he was holding suddenly fell from his hand. I didn't even hear it hit the ground because those beautiful hands were suddenly on me, his rough, calloused fingers on my cheeks as he stepped to me. His brown eyes were blazing, life flickering in their depths, bringing out those hints of gold that I loved. That exquisite sight was the last I saw before his lips were on mine and my eyes fluttered closed, and I was cast adrift on a sea of sensations - feeling the softness of his lips, the firm muscles of his back as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him even closer...the way his strong arms wrapped around me, his biceps squeezing against mine as he jerked me a little roughly, pressing his body fully against mine.  
_

_That exquisite kiss helped ease all my worries, allowing me to forget for a time that I wasn't sure if Charlie was available. If he was still interested in me. If he would appreciate that I'd uprooted my life to move around the world to be with him – or if he would think I was insane and tell me to go home. _

_His lips parted mine, and as he was kissing me passionately, I just let all of it go. We could talk later and figure out what we were. If he wanted me, I was his._

_It was that simple. _

I smiled against the rim of my cup as I took a sip of my coffee, feeling the heat spread throughout my chest much as those first kisses with Charlie had warmed me. I think he would've stayed there all night on his front porch, just kissing me, had I not suggested we move inside.

I remembered all the things we'd said so clearly, but above all, his whispered, "God yes," still sent the most delightful shivers down my spine. I will never forget the reverent tone in his voice and the way he looked at me almost pleadingly as he straddled my thighs.

And then so soon after, he'd looked me in the eye and told me he loved me. Hearing those words again - this time with his awareness – made everything real to me. I had been right. I hadn't left home when I flew away from London…I'd been coming home.

I sighed softly before taking another drink from my mug, chasing away my melancholy mood with the memories Charlie and I had made that night. We'd explored each others' bodies, learning so much as we breathed new life into one another. For so long, we'd lain dormant, and that inactivity had heightened each emotion, each physical sensation, so that the whole night had been perfectly preserved in my already photographic memory.

As I remembered the second time we made love that night, I felt my teeth bite into my bottom lip as I automatically shifted, settling into the corner of the couch more comfortably. This was a memory I always savored, and I never failed to start my recollection with one of my favorite moments.

"_What's this, love?" I asked, tracing the torch tattoo on his chest with my fingertips. A 'C' was superimposed in the center, and I felt this wild, ridiculous hope that it somehow referred to me. I knew it was likely his own initial – I'm not stupid – but the thought of him marking himself permanently with something that reminded him of me, especially when he'd had no way of knowing I was coming home, was precious to me._

_My secret hope was realized when he smiled lazily and murmured, "That's for you…" with his eyes closed._

"_For me?" My voice rose an octave, so surprised and touched was I that he really had given himself a way to remember me always. _

_His brown eyes had opened again, gazing up at me seriously as he explained the significance behind the tattoo. Hearing him say that _I_ was his truth touched me in a way that nothing else ever had. A confusing array of emotions was coursing through me, making me feel almost light-headed as I leaned in to kiss him. Ironically, I couldn't find the words to tell him how I felt. He had left me speechless with just a few seemingly simple words...words that were etched onto my heart just as permanently as that ink was into his skin._

_He returned my kisses eagerly, and he smiled when he felt my growing arousal pressing against his hip. I couldn't help it…something about the man left me insatiable. I had never felt like I had enough of him, and I wondered if I ever would. Somehow, I hoped not. _

_I needed more of him, so I moved to straddle his hips, moaning loudly when I realized he was hardening again as well. Our bodies were a mess, still covered in sweat, and all I wanted to do was taste him again, to know him again. I leaned forward, my elbows pressing into the mattress on either side of his shoulders as I kissed him soundly. He began rolling his hips into mine, and we both moaned as our hardening cocks rubbed together. _

_His lips were all over my upper body, kissing and sucking along my shoulders and neck, teasing my nipples while his hands roamed my back. He cupped my ass, pulling me closer as his hips bucked insistently, and then his lips were on mine again as he kissed me hungrily._

"_Fuck, Carlisle…how could I have forgotten how good you taste?" His voice was a breathless whisper that breezed across my lips, and I shivered at both the sensation and his words. It was not the first time he'd ever cursed like that in bed, but something about the desperation – the sheer _need_ behind his kisses and those words – made me squirm with anticipation. _

_I didn't realize I was aching with desire until Charlie's arm slipped between us. He wrapped his hand around both our cocks and began pumping them slowly, hissing at the way the soft skin over our hard shafts felt brushing together. A small sound escaped me, and my eyes found his. We watched each other as our hips began thrusting rhythmically into his hand, and he licked his lips as he reached out, taking one of my hands and wrapping it around the heads of our dicks as his hand slid down to the bases._

_I groaned, my eyes closing as my hips began moving more quickly, immediately matched by his. Eventually, I heard him panting and opened my eyes to find his tightly closed, his jaw clenched and his teeth grinding. A smile flitted across my face before I leaned down, kissing this man I loved gently. When his warm brown eyes opened, his hand did as well, releasing us as he moved to put both hands on my hips._

_His thumbs were gently rubbing my skin, and his voice was gruff when he said, "Can I?"_

_I frowned slightly, completely at a loss. "Can you what, Charlie?" _

_It didn't really matter what it was – I was convinced there was nothing I would deny him – so I was surprised when he blushed, his cheeks flaming red as he licked his lips. He opened and closed his mouth several times, and I was torn between amusement and concern as I gently caressed his jaw with my thumb. "Whatever it is, you can ask me…"_

_He nodded quickly, letting me know he knew, but when he opened his mouth again, nothing came out. He sighed, glancing over to the right, and then he finally mumbled, "You…you always…" He cleared his throat. "You always do. Can…I?" _

What in the bloody hell is he talking about? 

_He finally turned back to look at me, a small, sheepish smile on his lips as he thrust his hips lightly upward. _

Oh!

_I moaned in anticipation as I finally understood. He was absolutely adorable lying there blushing, asking if he could make love to me the way I had to him, and he had no idea how much the thought of that excited me. I leaned down to whisper in his ear, nibbling on the lobe. "God, yes…please…" _

_His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, holding me close as he whispered, "You don't mind?"_

_I smiled softly and sat up to look at him again. His arms loosened their hold slightly as I ran my hands up his chest and along his shoulders. "Please make love to me, Charlie…" _

_He groaned, and suddenly I was on my back with him hovering over me as he kissed me deeply. His hand was lightly tracing my ribs, and I could feel both his excitement and his hesitation. I whispered quiet words to him, encouraging and guiding, until I felt his apprehension drain away. _

_Long moments were spent blissfully as Charlie's lips and hands began preparing me. I heard the snap of the bottle of lube, and then his slick fingers were teasing my entrance, stretching me gently. I shifted my hips against the mattress, biting my bottom lip as I imagined what would soon be happening._

_I habitually topped, as my few past lovers – all three of them – had shared a preference for bottoming. I enjoyed it, of course, but I had to admit that the few times I had bottomed stood out all the more for it, and I was nearly giddy with the thought that Charlie actually _wanted_ to do this – especially since I fully planned to spend the rest of my life with him, if he'd have me. _

_I ran my fingers gently through the dark curls on top of his head, relaxing as I simply enjoyed the care he was giving me. I felt a second finger enter me, and as he was turning them, he brushed against my prostate, making my hips rise from the bed as I moaned softly. I saw his cheeks lift as he smiled, and when he repeated the motion, my lips parted, and I exhaled shakily. I was so turned on by everything about him – his raw masculinity, his caring heart, his beautiful face and body, but right then, I loved nothing more than the way he paid attention to me, noticing every little thing I liked and disliked. _

_I was seconds away from begging him to please just take me, for the love of God, but I wanted him to do this his way – for him to be comfortable with what was happening. He raised his head, granting me the incomparable sight of my dick slipping from his lips. His hand quickly replaced his mouth, stroking me gently as he said, "God, Carlisle…I'm sorry. I can't make it much longer…are you…" He paused, licking his lips, and the movement of his hand never slowed. "Do you feel ready?"_

_I chuckled softly, amused that we'd each been holding out, trying to last for the other. "Come here…please…" _

_He flashed me a smile and then sat back on his heels, rubbing my thighs as he glanced around. "Oh, umm…" There was a faint flush on his cheeks again, but I couldn't tell if it was embarrassment or arousal. "Do you happen to have another condom? I haven't…well, I haven't needed them in a long time." _

"_Bloody motherfucking hell!" I cursed under my breath. I gave Charlie an apologetic smile, berating myself for bringing only one and thinking I was so prepared. "I have more…in my suitcase in the trunk of my car." _

_He laughed quietly, but when I went to sit up, he pushed me back down, lying fully on top of me as we kissed. "Oh, no, you don't…we're not about to waste all that work getting you ready for me…" The gleam in his eyes was playful, and he nipped at my lower lip. "Where are your keys?"_

_I frowned, pondering. "I don't really know…" _

_We both laughed this time, and he kissed me once more, telling me he'd find them. I watched as he ducked into the bathroom, taking time to admire the way his body had hardened over the years. He'd told me that he was using his free time to work out and run, keeping himself in shape for his new job as a police officer, and it showed. He came back out in a bathrobe, winking at me. "Be right back." _

_I lay on his bed, looking up at the ceiling with the biggest smile on my face as I finally started to understand that this was _real_. This was happening. Ever since I'd made the decision to move back to Forks, I'd fantasized about moments like this – okay, not like _this_, with leaving condoms in the car and the like, but being with Charlie this way – and it was taking me some time to absorb that it was actually happening. They were fantasies no more. This was my reality, my truth. _

_And what a gorgeous truth it was… _

_My hand drifted down my abdomen, wrapping around my hard length as I stroked myself with a lazy smile on my lips. I was so lost in the feeling and in imagining Charlie inside me that I didn't hear him come back in until something dropped to the floor. I glanced over at the doorway to see that he'd brought in all my bags from the trunk. _

"_You didn't have to do that," I said, frowning slightly as my hand fell to my side._

"_Don't," was his answer. At my confused look, he licked his lips and said, "Don't stop doing that. I've imagined you just like that so many times…" The robe fell to the floor as he stalked toward me, kissing me before he stretched out beside me, and his hand went to his own cock. I groaned at the sight, and he smiled. "Yeah…that's the way I feel about it, too." His breath was hot on my ear as he whispered, "Do you have any idea how many times I fantasized about you touching yourself? Do you know how often I wished you were thinking about me? Because I sure as hell was thinking about you…" His voice continued to murmur softly in my ear as I could feel the mattress jumping slightly in response to the movement of our arms, and I kept lifting my head to watch before it would fall back onto the pillow once more. _

_Finally, I couldn't take it, and I whispered again, "Charlie, please…I need you so badly."_

"_Anything for you." His answer was so quiet, I wondered if I'd heard him right, but he immediately slid from the bed, walking on his knees to the largest suitcase. "This one?"_

_He glanced over his shoulder, and I nodded. "Outside pocket."_

_He flashed me a devilish grin and said, "So prepared…" as he unzipped it and pulled out the box. He made his way back to the bed and knelt between my knees, taking a single condom out and putting the rest on the nightstand. "Just in case." He winked at me. _

_When I arched an eyebrow at him, he mimicked my expression and said, "I brought in your bags so you'd have no excuse. You're not leaving my bed tonight, Dr. Cullen." _

_The new confidence he was exuding was exhilarating – and contagious. I laughed softly as I answered. "Who said I planned to let _you_ leave?" _

_He watched me with a gentle smile, rolling the condom down his length and moving to hover over me before he finally answered. "Whatever you want…it's yours." He swallowed slowly, glancing away before he looked back at me, and a little bit of his timidity had returned in his eyes. "I'm yours." _

_I blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden lump in my throat and the way my eyes were stinging. My voice was husky, deeper than normal when I was able to speak. Even though I'd told him before, I needed to say it again - he needed to know, without a doubt. "I've been yours for a very long time, my love…" _

_He smiled as I traced his cheekbones with my fingers, and when they reached his lips, he kissed them softly before he reached between us. "You're sure this is what you want?"_

_I nodded, my smile broadening as my hands moved to his waist. He leaned down, kissing me as he moved his hips forward, entering me gently. The slight burn was exquisite, and he peppered my face with small kisses as he worked his way in, inch by inch. At last, he kissed me fully, his lips and tongue exploring mine as he paused, presumably to give me time to adjust to him._

_Time I didn't want, to be honest, so I rocked my hips against his, and he moaned, murmuring in my ear, telling me how good I felt and how lucky he was to be with me. I'd never felt so…_full_. In every way. My heart and mind and body…every bit of me felt full to bursting. It was a feeling I never wanted to lose – and I realized with a start that I didn't have to. This was it – us. Together. _

The alarm on my phone startled me out of my thoughts, and I reluctantly let my memories of Charlie fade into the back of my mind, keeping with me the warmth that came from being with him. With a heavy sigh, I got up and took my cup to the kitchen. I made sure to wash what few dishes there were before leaving, and after grabbing the last few bits and bobs I would need, I stood in the hallway - suitcase in hand. I looked around the house once more, my heart heavy as I turned and left for the hospital. I would check into the hotel after I was done there.

Once I got to the hospital, I went straight to my office. Bree, my assistant, handed me a stack of papers, smiling at me when I groaned at the thought of even more paperwork today.

She winked and said, "Sorry, Dr. Cullen. Those just need your signature, though, so it's not too bad."

I smiled at her. "Thank you, m'dear. Oh, Edward should be stopping by in about half an hour. Please just send him straight in?"

She nodded but didn't get the chance to respond as the phone started ringing. She made a shooing motion with her hand, and I walked into my office, chuckling. Bree was a good girl, and I was lucky to have her as my assistant. Sitting down behind my desk, I shot a quick text to Charlie, just to let him know I was there. I knew he'd be nervous, and Bella was supposed to land any moment.

I began sorting through the stack Bree had handed me, signing off where I needed to and putting aside those that I wanted to take a closer look at.

There was a soft knock on my door, and I smiled when I saw Edward's head poke around it. I stood, waving him in before walking to the mini-freezer I kept in my office just for these visits. It had become our custom to enjoy some ice cream as we talked.

"Come in, come in. What'll it be today, Edward? Cookie Dough or Strawberry Cheesecake?"

I looked over my shoulder to see Edward sitting on the couch as usual, grinning at me as he said, "Cookie Dough, please, Doc."

Grabbing us each a mini-tub of Cookie Dough ice cream and a plastic spoon, I walked over to the couch and sat down on the other end, tossing him his spoon and ice cream. He caught each deftly and grinned, "Thanks, Doc."

We both took the lids off at the same time and took a bite, just savoring the moment before we started. After another bite, I looked at Edward as he licked his spoon clean.

"So how's school going? Are things getting any easier yet?"

He rolled his eyes with a huff as he dug his spoon into his ice cream. "If by easier, you mean can I ignore some of the village idiots and their stupid ass comments a little better, then yes, I suppose they are. If you mean are they leaving me alone, then no, they're not."

He took a bite, frowning as he did. I sighed softly. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"'S okay. I'll live. Only another year or so before I'm out of that place anyway. Besides, I wouldn't want to be all well-adjusted and have to miss my weekly ice cream sessions."

He snickered and winked at me as I chuckled. We chatted a bit about what was going on in school and how he was doing apart from school - how things were going at home, since his parents had had a difficult time as well. He told me that his situation at home was improving somewhat, though there was still some distance between him and his parents. When I asked him how things were going with his part-time job at the hospital cafeteria, he smiled.

"I love it, actually. Beth's sweet, and she lets me work around my school shit. Thank you again for getting me that job, Carlisle."

"You're welcome. I'm glad that you enjoy it."

"I do. It's kinda nice to be around people that don't judge me - hell, they don't even care about what happened."

I smiled and nodded. "I'm sure that's a relief after everything at school."

He made an affirmative noise around a mouthful of ice cream, smirking a little as he did. I sighed, looking down at the tub in my hands as I pondered how best to say what I wanted to talk to him about. Charlie and I had discussed this already, and he had given me the okay to fill Edward in if I felt the need, but I was reluctant to do so. Not because I didn't trust Edward, but I hated the thought of burdening him and, truthfully, I felt like I would be betraying a trust. Which was silly, since Charlie _had _given permission, but still.

"What's up, Doc?"

I looked up and smiled apologetically at him. "Sorry, was just thinking about school. You know Charlie's daughter is flying in today, right?"

"Yeah, I heard something about that. All the kids are buzzing about the new blood coming to town."

He rolled his eyes in disgust before taking another bite of his ice cream. I chuckled softly. I could well imagine how the other kids were acting. I put the rest of my ice cream away, suddenly not in the mood for it anymore. I turned to look at Edward as he finished the last of his, putting the empty tub next to mine on the small table.  
"Edward...I wanted to ask you a favor. Bella won't know anyone here. I think she could use a friend, someone to talk to as she...adjusts to life here. Would you look after her? I understand she'll probably be in a few of your classes at least, from what Charlie's mentioned anyway."

He nodded. "Sure, Doc, no problem. I'll keep an eye out for her, make sure the wolves don't descend on her."

He winked, but the smile I tried to give him faltered on my lips. I watched Edward for a moment, and I felt my brow knit as I tried to decide what to do. I muttered under my breath, "Bugger!" as I scrubbed my face with both hands before running my fingers through my hair with a sigh. When I looked up at Edward again, his eyes held concern and curiosity in them, but he didn't speak.

_I've got to tell him... We've worked too long on trust and honesty for me to let him walk into this blind._

Running my fingers through my hair once more, I spoke.

"Edward, there's more. She doesn't know..." I faltered.

_Bloody hell..._

Trying again, I kept my eyes on his as I spoke softly, "Charlie never told Bella. She doesn't know he's gay, and she doesn't know about me."

I clenched my jaw, working hard to try and keep the old pain out of my voice and - hopefully - out of my eyes. I watched as the look of incredulity on Edward's face as he first heard my words changed to anger.

"He's letting her move all the way over here, and he never even _told _her? That's some fucked up shit, Carlisle!"

I sat straighter at his words, automatically feeling defensive, though I knew he was right. I sighed, forcing my body to relax a little.

"You're right, Edward. It _is _'fucked up', as you so eloquently put it. Charlie's going to tell her when they get home, and I'm sure it'll be quite the shock for Bella when he does."

I heard him mutter, "No shit, Sherlock."

I chuckled and shook my head, shifting in my seat so I could lean my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands together with my fingertips under my chin.

"I would appreciate it a lot if you would be there for her. You have an insight that I think might be useful to Bella."

I glanced at him and was pleased to see him nod, though he still looked pissed off - and rightfully so. I had always advised him to be honest with his family, especially after what had happened earlier in the year. It had taken a lot of talking and a lot of working, but we had built a relationship based on trust and mutual respect. I hated the idea that this could damage that in any way.

I leaned back, crossing one ankle over my knee as I put my elbow on the back of the couch. With a sigh, I rested my head in my hand, my fingers idly scratching my scalp as I tried to think of what to say.

"Edward, I'm not going to get too much into the reasons why Charlie didn't tell her. It's not my place to share that with you. But you know how I feel about honesty, and I couldn't let _you_ leave here without telling you the truth. If you think badly of me that I didn't force Charlie to tell her all those years ago, just remember that we all make mistakes...and sometimes we have to be there for the ones we love, even when we know they're making them, too." I gave a short, humorless chuckle. "_Especially _when we know they're making them."

Edward sighed, nodding curtly. I could tell he wasn't happy about it, and I couldn't blame him. After giving him what information I was comfortable giving him though, he promised he would do what he could.

When Edward left, I sat back in the sofa just staring blankly out of the window. _Please, God, let everything work out okay. It would break Charlie's heart to lose his daughter. _

The buzzer on the intercom went, and Bree's voice chimed out, "Doctor Cullen? Your sister's on line one."

I got up and walked over to my desk, putting on my headset even as I thanked Bree and switched lines.

"Esme! To what do I owe this honor? Shouldn't you be sleeping right about now?"

The quiet chuckle coming from Esme made me smile.

_"I was just about to head to bed; don't you worry. I just wanted to see how you were holding up. Isn't today the day?"_

I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. I walked over to the window, leaning against the sill as I crossed my arms.

"Yeah, he's picking her up now. Her flight was delayed, so I don't know if he's told her yet."

My voice sounded low, and I knew Esme would pick up on the sadness even I could hear in it. Esme had been the one I confided in when I needed to talk to someone other than Charlie. She knew how hard it had been for me to not be included in that part of his life. It was to her that I had confessed worrying that maybe he was ashamed of us, of me. It was foolish, and she had not minced words about that fact. She and Charlie had met by that point, and she had gotten along great with him.

I sighed, closing my eyes as I lowered my head, feeling like a fool for ever having doubted him in any way. _Ah, Charlie, love... _

_"Carlisle?"_

I blinked. "Sorry, I'm here... I just..."

She finished my sentence, _"...you wish you were with him, rather than stuck on the sidelines."_

"Pretty much, yes."

I sat down in my chair, swiveling it around to look out of the window again. We chatted for a bit until she started yawning. She hung up after telling me she loved me and making me promise to give her love to Charlie, too. I was grateful for her call; I had needed the quiet reassurance she always gave.

I tried to get back to the paperwork I had come to the office to do, but I found myself unable to focus. My thoughts constantly went back to Charlie. After about an hour of futily trying to work, I gave up and put everything away for later. I bid Bree good day and headed for the hotel.

Once in my room, I sat down on the bed, leaning against the headboard with my legs sprawled out in front of me. I desperately wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, but I knew that doing so would not be a good idea. If he was with Bella and he hadn't already told her, it would make things harder on him. And if he was talking to her, I did not want to interrupt. I would have to wait for him to contact me - and I knew that he would. I just hated having to wait without knowing what was going on. I was sure that he would need me.

Resting my head against the wall, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. Charlie had asked me to move in almost straight away, and though I wanted to, I felt it best to wait at least a little while. We spent most of our free time together, which was considerably more than the last time I had been here since he no longer had classes to contend with. He introduced me to his friends, who were all incredibly welcoming. I had hugged Sue and Sarah, thanking them for taking such good care of my Charlie over the years, which had made both them and Charlie blush.

After a couple of months of seeing each other - and Charlie's gentle insistence that I move in with him - I gave in. I knew it was silly. I had, after all, moved halfway around the world just to be with him, but I wanted him to be sure about us before taking that particular step. I was staying at his place more often than not anyway, as he always seemed to manage to convince me to stay the night. Not that I needed much persuading, mind.

Things went well for us as we settled into a life together. It was pretty much as I had dreamed it would be, and I couldn't have been happier. Esme had surprised us with a visit the following May, claiming she wanted to see what her little brother was up to and to make sure that I was being 'treated right' by the American that had stolen my heart. She had instantly taken to Charlie and he to her, and I was elated that the two most important people in my life got along so well. I could only hope that the same would hold true once I got to meet Bella.

When it got closer to the time where Bella would be visiting, things became a little more difficult. Charlie and I had countless discussions about what to do. I tried again and again to convince him to tell her about him and about us. He steadfastedly refused, claiming she was too young. I knew he feared losing her, and I could understand it - to a point. So rather than fighting over something there was no easy solution to and something that he would need to get to in his own time, I arranged for an extended vacation to visit my family back in London.

I _hated _the idea of being away from him for so long. As much as I missed my family, my home was with him now, and I would miss the comforting warmth he always surrounded me with. It hurt that Charlie held this part of his life back, though. It felt like he gave me everything - except that which was most important to him, most dear to his heart. I had to admit that that first year especially, the thought had crossed my mind that my leaving and his continuing to keep his truth from Bella would make him change his mind about life with me - that when I came back, he would send me on my way again.

He hadn't, of course. Coming home to him that time had been nearly as charged as it had the first time. The enthusiasm he had shown when he had me to himself again assured me that he still wanted me as much as I did him, and it had helped ease the ache of our separation and the reason behind it.

In mid-November, my Mom called to invite us to celebrate Christmas with them. We talked it over for a few days and checked our schedules to make sure we'd even be able to make it. Charlie was hesitant to go, in part because he had never flown anywhere, let alone been out of the States before, and in part because he was nervous about meeting my parents. He'd already met Esme, so that wasn't an issue. He also admitted that it felt odd to him to not be in the same country as Bella over Christmas, even if he wouldn't be able to see her were he to stay here anyway.

_We'd decided to fly in on the Sunday before Christmas so we would have a couple of days to relax, do some shopping and do some sight seeing. I'd planned to take Charlie to some of my favorite places in London. Charlie had opted for the window seat and sat looking outside at the clouds underneath us, his knee bouncing with nervous energy. I placed my hand on his knee, squeezing it lightly as I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Relax, love, everything'll be fine."_

_He gave me a fleeting smile as he mumbled, "Sorry... can't help it."_

_I placed a soft kiss just under his ear as I whispered, "Would a distraction help, Charlie?"_

_He turned his head so he could see me better, a small crease on his forehead as he looked into my eyes. His voice was barely above a whisper as he asked, "A distraction? What did you have in mi-"_

_I cut him off with a kiss, and I felt him relax a little bit as he moaned softly. I pulled away with a smile and looked at him. He grinned back at me as he said, "Yeah, I think that just might help... a little."_

_The flight attendant had left a couple of pillows and blankets when I'd asked for them shortly after take off, figuring we'd take a nap. Now, though, I had something altogether different in mind as I put a pillow between our seats on top of the armrests and unfolded a blanket, putting it over Charlie's lap before doing the same for myself. Charlie watched me with curious eyes, but said nothing._

_I grinned at him. "Sit back, love; try and relax?"_

_I stifled my chuckle as he lifted one brow questioningly. I was sure he was wondering what I was up to, but I just kissed him briefly on the lips before settling back into my seat. I heard him huff a little, but he reclined his seat enough to be more comfortable, but still sitting up. _

Perfect.

_After a minute or so, Charlie gave up trying to figure out what I was up to and turned to look back out the window. His knee began bouncing within five minutes, and I knew that his nerves were ratcheting up again. He _definitely _needed a distraction. I'd kept my seat in the upright position to better shield us from prying eyes - not that there were any to begin with. The seats directly surrounding us were either empty or had people already fast asleep in them. I turned around so I sat facing Charlie as I placed my hand on his knee again after I'd slipped it under the blanket._

_He turned to look at me with slightly widened eyes as he felt my hand trail upwards over his inner thigh. I leaned in, kissing him briefly before whispering in his ear, "Can you be very quiet, Charlie, love?"_

_"Wh..." He groaned as I lightly palmed him, and I quieted him by kissing him._

_I pulled away just far enough so I could whisper against his lips, "Shh, love, you'll have to stay quiet now. Can you do that?"_

_Charlie's eyes were on mine as he nodded slightly, biting his lip as I began unbuttoning his fly. Never had I been so glad that he usually preferred button fly jeans as I was now, because the tell-tale sound of a zipper would have given things away. Once his fly was undone, I slipped my hand into his boxers and gently pulled his erection out of its confines. I grinned slightly as I realized that Charlie was definitely turned on by this, as he was already quite hard._

_I shifted slightly so it would appear I was just looking out the window and talking intimately with him. Charlie gave a soft whimper as I began to stroke him slowly. His eyes fluttered closed as I ran my thumb over his head, spreading the pre-cum that had gathered there. I took my time with him, wanting him to relax as much as possible, take his mind off of his nerves, and focus only on feeling me._

_His breathing got shallower with every twist of my wrist. He was clutching at the armrest, trying to stay still, though from time to time his hips would buck up into my hand. His eyes had long since closed, and he had a look of concentration on his face as he tried to be quiet - something I knew to be hard for him. I sped up my movements, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer._

_As I did, I fished my handkerchief out of my pocket and held it over his head. As he began to tense up, I kissed him hard, swallowing the groan that escaped his lips as he came. I continued to stroke him gently, prolonging his orgasm as much as I could. When I pulled away, he opened his eyes and muttered, "Bloody hell..."_

_I snickered at his choice of words, knowing he had picked that up from me. I kissed him briefly again before smiling at him. "Feeling better now?"_

_He hummed as I cleaned him up as well as I was able. I carefully wrapped the handkerchief and stood up. "I'll be right back, love."  
_  
_I went to the restroom, disposed of the handkerchief, and washed my hands before returning to my seat. Charlie was looking a lot more relaxed now, which made me smile. He looked at me as I sat back down, his eyes dancing slightly as he leaned into me, whispering, "You know, Doctor, I could have you arrested for indecent exposure for that little stunt."_

_I grinned at him. "Sorry, Officer, but I do believe you are out of your jurisdiction. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining earlier."_

_He chuckled as he slipped his hand to the nape of my neck and pulled me in for a deep kiss, murmuring against my lips as he pulled away, "Thank you."_

_I pecked his lips again with a chuckle of my own. "You're welcome, love."_

For the rest of the flight, he had been more relaxed, even taking a nap for a while. When we had arrived at Heathrow, he got nervous again, though, thinking that he would be meeting my parents then and there. Instead, we were greeted by Esme. She said that she thought it would be nicer for Charlie to get a chance to settle in first and recover from the long flight before dealing with meeting our parents. Charlie had blushed as he had muttered his thanks; I was fairly certain he was remembering what had happened on that flight, and I had to fight back a grin.

We were staying at Esme's, who lived alone now that I had moved to America. We had shared an apartment while I had been in school, mostly for convenience and because we got along so well. Neither of us had wanted to deal with housemates, so it was easy to come to that arrangement instead. After I left, she had just stayed there as she didn't need to worry about money anyway.

_Charlie and I shared my old room, and he had seemed almost... reverent... as he walked around it, taking in all the small things I had left behind. Esme had not touched a thing, knowing I would come back to visit. He stood, looking at all the photographs that lined the dresser - pictures of my family mostly, and one of him taken on the back porch of the house I'd been renting when I met him. He seemed thoughtful, and perhaps a little sad. I walked up to him and slipped my arms around his waist from behind as I rested my chin on his shoulder. He leaned into me, placing his hands over mine as he sighed._

_"I'm sorry."_

_I frowned. He had spoken so softly, I wasn't sure whether I had even heard him right. Squeezing him slightly, I murmured, "Sorry? For what, love?"_

_He turned his head to look at me. "For not being able to give you this." He motioned at the pictures.  
_  
_I sighed, kissing his neck lightly. I wasn't sure what to say. I couldn't tell him it was okay, when I really didn't feel it was. Nor could I tell him I didn't mind, as we both knew it bothered me that he didn't open up that part of his life to me. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to think of anything to say, but I could only come up with one thing that really mattered. Placing my palm over his heart, I kissed his neck again and whispered, "I love you, Charlie, always." _

We had gone down to have tea with Esme not long after that, just relaxing and catching up. She informed us that Mother and Father would be coming over in the morning to meet Charlie. She confided later when Charlie had gone to the bathroom that she had felt it better to meet here where Charlie had a place to retreat to, rather than at our parents' house. She knew he was nervous about meeting them, and she just wanted to make it as easy as possible for him - I loved her all the more for it, and I hugged her tightly as I thanked her.

The next day, we had gotten up early, though not early enough to help my sister with breakfast, as that was already waiting for us when we walked into the dining room. Esme had made an all-out English breakfast - scones, scrambled eggs, bacon, ham, toast, fried tomatoes, baked beans, cornflakes; you name it, it was there. Charlie's mouth had hung open as he took everything in, asking me quietly if Esme always did this or if she had gone all-out just for him. I grinned and kissed his cheek, telling him that he'd better get used to it.

Esme had laughed at Charlie's look of astonishment as she walked in with a large pot of tea, urging us to tuck in. We all ate heartily, even Charlie, which surprised me a little. I knew he was nervous, and normally that meant his appetite deminished. He did seem more relaxed than he had been the night before, something I attributed to Esme's warm welcome into her home.

Charlie and I both started to pick up the dishes to take them to the kitchen for Esme, but she would have none of it, ordering us to go get ready as our parents would be there within half an hour. As tempting as it was to do more than clean ourselves, we didn't go beyond kisses and tender touches while we showered together. I didn't think Charlie would need to be remembering just having fucked me or I him as he was shaking hands with my parents.

_Charlie had become more nervous the closer time came to my parents' arrival, and he was constantly running his fingers through his hair, his eyes darting to me for reassurance. He was sitting on the couch next to me, and once again, his knee was bouncing with nervous energy. I shifted myself to one end of the couch, pulling him to me so he was leaning against me with his back._

_Placing my hand over his chest, I whispered softly in his ear, "Stop worrying, love. Everything will be fine, I promise."_

_I was rubbing soothingly over his heart, trying to quietly remind him that I would be here with him and hoping that he would remember the reason he had gotten his tattoo. He relaxed minutely and was about to say something when the doorbell rang and he stiffened up, scooting to sit further away from me like a teenager being caught making out by his parents. If it hadn't been for the fact that it was Charlie about to meet my parents, I might have found it funny. As it was, I just wished I could calm him down. He really didn't have anything to worry about from my mother and father._

_I sighed softly as I squeezed his knee before getting up, holding my hand out to him. He got up as well, grabbing my hand and holding it in a vice grip. I could hear Esme and our parents talking in the hallway, and Charlie started to walk to the door, but I pulled him close to me, kissing him tenderly as I caressed his cheek with my free hand._

_I murmured against his lips as I looked in his eyes. "Just remember I love you. Nothing else matters, Charlie. Now breathe, love."  
_  
_He let out a shaky breath, nodding once. I kissed him again briefly, and as I pulled away, Esme led them into the living room. I squeezed Charlie's hand once before letting him go and stepping up to greet my mother with a warm hug. As I kissed her on the cheek, I noticed Esme go up to Charlie, standing by him._

_"Mother, it's so good to see you again."_

_She smiled at me as she patted my arm before releasing me so I could hug my father. "Father."_

_He gave me a quick hug, after which I stepped back to Charlie, who had been watching us quietly. I wondered what was going through Charlie's mind, how we would look to him. Both Esme and I looked like younger versions of our parents. Mother was slightly shorter than Esme, whilst Father and I were the same height. The only differences between us were the fact that his hairline was slightly receding, he was grayish-blond, and he was slightly heavier than I._

_Esme and Mother could have been sisters, though Mother's hair only remained the same shade through the help of her hair salon. I shook my head slightly to rid myself of these thoughts so I could introduce them._

_I placed my hand behind Charlie's elbow as I spoke._

_"Charlie, these are my parents, Avery and Abigail Cullen. Mother, Father, I would like you to meet my partner, Charlie Swan."_

_Charlie blushed a little at the introduction, holding his hand out to Mother as he said, "Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cullen."_

_I had to stifle a chuckle when my mother waved his hand aside and stepped up to him, engulfing him in a warm hug. Charlie shot me a panicked glance before returning the hug - I knew he hadn't been expecting a welcome like that._

_Mother stepped back, placing her hands on his arms as she looked up at him with a warm smile. "Charlie, please call me Abby. Mrs. Cullen is my mother-in-law. I'm happy to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you from both Carlisle and Esme."_

_Charlie cleared his throat, muttering, "Thank you."_

_Father stepped up to him, clapping him on the shoulder as he winked at him, while at the same time coaxing his wife away from Charlie to allow him some space. "Now, now, Abby; let's give the poor chap a break, shall we? Charlie, please call me Avery."_

_Charlie just nodded. He looked a little shell-shocked, so I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him to my side. He smiled tentatively at me as he placed his hand on my elbow, holding onto me. I whispered in his ear, "See, nothing to worry about."_

_He gave a soft snort and whispered, "Says you."_

_Esme gingerly patted Charlie on the arm and said, "Well, what are we all standing around for? Sit down while I go and get the tea."  
_  
We all sat and chatted for a long while after that. Charlie had sat down close beside me, and we were always touching in some way, affording him some comfort and allowing him to relax little by little the more he got to know my parents.

The next few days we spent mostly by ourselves as I took him around London to shop and do some sightseeing. I took him to the Sherlock Holmes Museum, thinking he might enjoy it - which he did. He marveled at how small the house was and how tiny the furniture seemed to be. The tour guide explained that people back then were a lot smaller than they are today, but it still amazed him to see it. He got a kick out of seeing Sherlock Holmes in the flesh, so to speak, when a guy came up to us in costume and introduced himself as such, never breaking character. I ended up buying him a special edition of the collected stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, making sure he didn't see so I could give it to him for Christmas.

I also took him to Scotland Yard, and even though we didn't go inside, he was still intrigued by it. We made the obligatory stop at the Palace as well as the Tower of London. He had loved it all and was in awe of the city, saying that we would have to come back soon so I could show him more.

My phone, chirping in my hands, brought me from my thoughts of that Christmas, and I sighed when I read Charlie's text.

_She's hysterical. Won't talk to me. What the hell do I do? _

I sent a text back, advising him to give her some space and asking him how he was holding up. We texted back and forth for well over an hour, and I knew that he was hurting. I wanted so much to hold him, to comfort him, to just be there, that there was no hesitation on my part when he said he needed to see me.

_Meet me in the hotel bar. I need to be able to touch you._

If I knew my Charlie - and I did - he would not have eaten at all, having been too worried and upset to even think about food. I could make him eat at the bar as we talked. I could have opted for room service, but I didn't want to chance our being distracted.

I went to the bar as soon as I had sent the text, knowing that he would be there within minutes. I ordered us an appetizer and a couple of beers - it would be something, at least. I had just taken a seat in a booth when Charlie walked in. I stood up as he got to the table and hugged him tightly. He buried his face in my neck as he clung to me, almost as if he feared he would drown if he let go.

He kept muttering, "I've lost her," over and over again.

"Oh, Charlie..." I sighed softly, rubbing his back. "Tell me what happened."

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_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much for reading and for all the fantastic reviews we've gotten! We hope you enjoyed this little peek into Carlisle's head. Oh, and now we can lay the question to rest...no, Edward is not Carlisle's secret love child ;)  
_

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	4. Another Brick in the Wall

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much to our beta, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and to our prereader, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey._

_The A/N at the bottom contains __**very**__ important information if you enjoy __**Marked**__ and __**Be Careful What You Wish For**__. Please read it._

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**BPOV**

"Bella, baby, are you sure you want to go?" My mom smoothed my hair away from my face, biting her lip nervously as she babbled. "You don't have to. You know you can stay with us. We'll figure it out. I mean, you hate it there and-"

"Mom," I broke in, actually putting my index finger over her lips as if she were a young child. "I'm fine. This is what I want."

I sounded far more sure than I felt as I hitched my backpack onto my shoulder again. It was my carry-on for the flight that would take me away from the hot, dry city that had been my home my whole life – well, all of it that I remembered anyway – to the sodden town of Forks. Really, it was a short flight – just a few hours – but it loomed ominously in my mind, this significant event that was going to change my life forever.

Mom was right – I _did_ hate it there…so much so that I'd refused to visit my father there anymore when I was finally old enough. Thinking back on that phone call and how selfish I'd been made me cringe now. I'd been fifteen at the time and thought I knew everything. I resented him for taking me away from my friends for a month every year and sticking me in a tiny town where I didn't know anyone – a town where it rained every stinking day and where he left me alone so often to go fishing with his friends…or worse, "invited" me to go with them. I'd convinced myself that Charlie was the selfish one, always asking me to leave home and spend four weeks in exile.

Even though it had been only two short years since then, I'd grown up a lot. Charlie's reaction to that phone call had changed the way I thought of him, and I actually kind of…respected him now. Or again, depending on how you looked at it.

I sighed, finally putting the other strap of my backpack over my shoulder so the damn thing would stop sliding off. My mom was staring at me, her brown eyes concerned. I rolled my eyes and grinned at her. "You worry too much. I'll be just a couple of hours away by plane."

I swallowed, hoping she couldn't sense the lump in my throat as I thought of being that far away from her. From home.

"Gonna miss you, Bells," Phil's voice was gruff as he hugged me tightly, and I smiled against his shoulder. We had our ups and downs – typical teenage you're-not-my-dad stuff – but overall, he was a good guy, and I knew he loved my mom completely. If it hadn't been for her contentment and excitement, I would never have been able to leave…but watching them, seeing their happiness, just made me feel more and more sorry for Charlie, all alone up in Washington.

He pulled away just as they announced boarding for my flight, and I gave Renee one more hug as I cleared my throat. "Well, that's me," I said cheerfully, feeling the lie as my stomach fluttered uneasily.

Before I knew it, we'd said our last goodbyes, and I was walking down the jetway, trying to keep my mind blank as I stared at the back of the guy in front of me. He was wearing a flannel shirt that reminded me of Charlie, and I took a deep breath, puffing out my cheeks as I exhaled.

I checked my boarding pass several times even though I had all the information memorized, and I found my seat easily. I'd wanted to pay for my ticket, but Phil had insisted I let him, and he'd sprung for the extra fee that let me sit in business class. I'd thought it was a little ridiculous, but when I glanced back at how crammed the people were on the other side of the divider, I made a reminder to myself to thank Phil when I called them to let them know I'd made it okay.

It seemed to take forever before we were finally in the air - I noticed the flight attendants going back and forth a few times, and when I asked why we hadn't taxi'ed to the runway yet, one of them muttered an apology. I overheard another flight attendant telling his colleague that the headcount was off in the economy class. While they bustled around, trying to figure out whatever was wrong, I just sat there, listening to all the people around me. There was a mom somewhere behind the divider trying to quiet a cranky toddler. She was singing "Old McDonald" and was running out of animals already. When she got to "On this farm, he had a fish," I couldn't help my giggle. I shook my head, pulling my iPod out of my jacket pocket.

The plane was comfortable – and Phoenix, of course, had been hot - so the jacket was thrown carelessly over the empty seat beside me. I put my earbuds in and cranked the volume, letting the Rolling Stones drown out the sound of Old McDonald's elephant as we finally took off. I was sitting in the window seat with my knees pulled up, my feet resting on the base of the seat in front of me. I had the shade lifted, so I watched the cloudless, cerulean sky as the buildings of Phoenix shrank into the distance.

I was trying not to think, so I distracted myself with trying to pick out major landmarks, but when I could no longer even tell where one blob ended and the next began, I pulled the shade down and pressed my head back against the seat with a sigh.

_Fucking Forks… _

Looking down at my hands in my lap, I picked at my cuticles, vaguely hearing the opening staccato notes of "YYZ" in my headphones. My mind was far away, focusing on the people I was leaving behind. It hurt too much to think of my mom, so I deliberately forced her aside.

Instead, I thought about my friend Charlotte. We'd known each other since we were in pre-K, and I normally called her my best friend. Sometimes it was a chore to hang out with her, though, and I'd been known to ask my mom to tell me I couldn't go somewhere, just so I could get out of it. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with her.

More like, there was something wrong with me.

I just didn't really fit in with people my age. I could play the game. I could hang out with Charlotte and squeal and paint my toenails, but…it just took a lot of effort. I'd much rather be spending time alone, reading books or playing video games. I had some guy friends that I played with, and they were a little better most of the time, but to be honest, I just felt…older, somehow. I wasn't even sure why. Maybe they just seemed too immature for me, and I was the little old woman trapped in a teenager's body that my mother always teased me about.

God knows one of us had to be the adult. It sure as hell wasn't going to be her.

Needing something to do, I pulled a fine point Sharpie from my pocket and then put one foot on the opposite knee. I began idly drawing on my baby blue Chucks, adding to the picture I'd been working on for a while. It was abstract, and even I couldn't tell you what it was supposed to be, but the swirls and angles made me long for…something. I would say freedom, but it wasn't exactly that. Maybe it was just an escape from the tedium of high school.

_Ugh._

Wrinkling my nose, I bent closer so I could see what I was doing in the dim light. I would be starting a new school in four days. I was socially inept at the best of times, and these were hardly the best of times.

It was November, so it wasn't like it was the beginning of the school year or even the semester change. My body was going to go into shock from the cold as soon as it stepped off the plane and likely wouldn't defrost until…well, ever. Or at least until I moved away from the God-forsaken town.

Added to all of that was the fact that while _I_ knew no one in town, I had a feeling they'd all know me – or of me, at least. With my dad being the Chief of Police in a town that had about as many people as lived on my block in Phoenix, I was sure that anonymity wasn't going to be an option. So take that spotlight, throw in my penchant for falling down and making a fool of myself, and all that was lacking was the big top.

_Come see Bella Swan, the clumsiest girl on Earth! _

My phone vibrated in my pocket – I never carried a purse – and I let my foot drop back to the ground, capping the Sharpie before I managed to write all over myself. These were my favorite jeans, and while I didn't mind a little decoration, I preferred for it to be planned.

When I pulled my phone out, the screen was flashing, _New Message from Char_. With a half-smile, I pressed the button to read her text.

_**only a yr & a half – u can do it. ms u.**_

My smile softened as I felt a lump in my throat, and I traced the words on my screen as I took a deep breath. I hated the thought of leaving everyone behind. I might not be that close to them, and they might piss me off sometimes, but at least I knew _how_ they were going to piss me off. I was touched that Charlotte missed me and was concerned about me. That honestly wasn't something I'd expected.

I quickly typed a message back.

_**ms u 2. dis sux **_

I actually hated textspeak, but it was one of those things I did because…well, it was just a thing you did. Most of the time, I didn't try to fit in, but when I just really didn't care about something, it was easier to conform. I saved my big blowups for when something mattered.

Before I'd even had a chance to hit send, the screen lit up to let me know there was another message. Once the text was on its way, I cleared the screen to see that the second was from Charlotte as well. I half-hoped for something else that was sweet and thoughtful, but that hope was dashed as soon as I opened it.

_**whch shirt makz my boobs look bigr? wnt 2 blo peter 2nite **_

I snorted in disgust.

And then I dutifully opened the two attached pictures – one was a green tank top cut low enough that I could nearly see her nipples while the other was a skin-tight red shirt with cap sleeves.

_**red. bt wear ur purple tank. peters fav clr**_

I stuffed the phone back in my pocket and ignored the next few messages that came in as I went back to the drawing on my shoes. If Char asked later, I'd just claim that I flew through a dead zone.

She'd been after my friend Peter for months now, pretty much as soon as I'd introduced them. I'd met him in the art classes I took at the community center on Saturdays. They got me out of the house and let me do something I loved, and they'd had the added bonus of providing a really cool guy for me to hang out with – Peter. He was a freshman at Arizona State in Phoenix, but he'd moved from New Jersey because he wanted to get away from the cold. He didn't really know anyone in the area, so he had started volunteering a few different places, and he was one of the helpers who walked around the class, making sure everyone understood what they were supposed to be doing.

He was witty and intelligent and fucking _hot_. He had messy blond hair that came down to his chin, and he just didn't seem to care what anyone thought of him. He loved to read and write – and, of course, draw. His passion, though, was photography.

And I'd been fooling around with him since the day I met him. Charlotte didn't know – it wasn't any of her business. He'd never given her the time of day, but that didn't stop her from trying.

Of course, Peter and I had ended…whatever we were…two nights ago when I told him goodbye, so that might all change tonight. Charlotte just might get to fulfill her little fantasy.

"Ugh." I wrinkled my nose again, shaking my head. I was determined not to think about Peter, and I was actually a little appalled to realize I…missed him.

When we'd first met, neither of us had been looking for a relationship in any way. I planned to go to college and study art and literature before backpacking through Europe, soaking up history and inspiration. I wanted to visit Greece – I'd had a fascination with the Acropolis since I first heard about Athena and Arachne and then read everything about mythology I could get my hands on. I was determined that I would see as much as I could before I ever thought about getting married.

In short, I wanted to _live_.

My mom loved me – I knew that. But her life had been fucked up for a long time, all because of one little "oopsie" – me.

Yeah, that shit wasn't happening to me.

So when I met Peter, I wasn't planning to get involved at all. I'd had casual boyfriends, but I'd never gone beyond a few days, a few kisses, and maybe a few touches – all pretty innocent, really. I didn't get that innocent vibe off of Peter, but he wasn't interested in some long term, deep, emotional thing either. He had his own goals, and I was drawn to that – to his determination and his spirit. And what a free spirit it was. The man was tatted and pierced in places that made me cringe to think about…but made me wet to see.

I colored in a small section of sky blue on my shoe, feeling the heat on my cheeks as I thought about that first day with Peter.

_He walked by just a few feet away, and I realized I was staring. Again._

_I couldn't figure out what it was about him, but I was drawn to him. It was something in the confident way he moved. Or maybe it was the tattoo I caught sight of on the back of his neck._

_Or the way he just busted out a William Blake quote when that old hag beside me criticized my art. We were supposed to be drawing a tree, and there were several pictures around for inspiration, but the instructor, Gianna, had told us to draw whatever came to mind when we thought of a tree. So in the middle of the sea of Christmas trees and oaks, I was drawing a Joshua tree. I'd been enthralled by them since I was a kid and had first seen one when we took a little trip into the desert._

_When the bitch beside me looked at my drawing and sniffed, I glanced over to see the predictable sprawling oak and bit back a comment. When she "reminded" me that we were supposed to be drawing trees, my eyes narrowed._

_Before I could speak, though, I heard a low voice rumble, "A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees." _

_My sarcastic comeback faded on my lips, and I looked up to find Peter studying my drawing, a look of utter innocence on his face. The woman beside me pressed her lips together so tightly they turned into a thin white line, but I didn't pay her any attention. Peter was leaning in closely, and for the first time, I could smell him – ozone and creosote and cinnamon from his gum. _

"_Very nicely done with the shading here," he said, gesturing toward the right side of my drawing with his pinky. "But if the sun is here…" He pointed to the upper left corner. "Then there shouldn't be shadow here…" Again, he pointed out another part of the drawing, and I saw immediately what he meant._

_I nodded and set to work blending and erasing, and when he patted my shoulder, his hand lingered a little longer than it should have. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, and the smile he was giving me made my stomach clench._

I'd helped him clean up that afternoon, and once the last of the easels had been put in the supply closet, we'd found ourselves kissing against the door. There was definitely chemistry between us, some sort of heat that I'd never felt before, and I'd wanted to pout when he pulled away. He'd jokingly asked me if I wanted to get some ice cream, and I'd agreed. I was eager to spend time with him, even though I knew I was moving in a few months and didn't want to get involved regardless.

Or maybe it was _because_ I was moving that I agreed. Who knows?

All I know is that we spent the next two hours talking about anything and everything. Stuff that mattered, stuff that didn't. We ended up in this weird almost-relationship where we were half casual friends, half shove-me-against-the-wall-and-drop-to-your-knees. We never had actual sex – I was a virgin and planned to keep it that way. Barring some divine intervention, there would be no babies for Bella before I'd graduated college and felt like I'd really lived on my own.

But despite the lack of penetration, there wasn't a hell of a lot we hadn't done. It was kind of strange, the fact that no one knew about us, but that made it more exciting.

Of course, now that same discretion was leading to the possibility of Charlotte's lips around his dick in – I checked the clock on my phone, ignoring the six unread texts – about eight hours.

_Gross._

So obviously Peter was no better topic for thought than my mother. There was only a little over an hour and a half left of my flight, but I was growing agitated, and I knew that if I kept thinking about all the people I would miss, I would talk myself into going back home.

And I was determined to make this work.

It wouldn't help to think about Charlie, though. I barely knew the man, even if he was my father, and I really wasn't sure how our living together was going to work. I'd spent a month at a time with him, of course, so I knew from experience that he was out of the house a lot – fishing, working, whatever the hell else he did that his daughter wasn't supposed to see.

That was alright with me. I was a loner and enjoyed time spent in solitude, so it really wouldn't matter to me if he was gone most of the time. It would probably even help the time I spent in Forks pass by more quickly – less opportunity for awkward conversations and forced interactions. Still, there was a part of me that hoped that somehow Charlie and I would become closer, get to know each other better. I had a great relationship with my mom – although it was really more best friends than mother/daughter…unless you counted _me_ as the mother. So I hoped that Charlie and I could get there as well. Or at least somewhere close to it. My main concern was that he would try to be a "real" dad. You know, the kind that tells you to be home by nine and how to wear your hair and "That skirt's too short, young lady!"

Not that I wore skirts much. It was the principal of the thing.

I'd been without a parental figure since I was old enough to say the words "parental figure" – so I was a little nervous that Charlie might try to become one.

_Okay, seriously? Enough._

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, stopping my knees from bouncing with nervous energy. Clearly, I didn't need to spend the rest of the flight working myself up over how Charlie would react.

Instead, I scrolled through my iPod, finding my "Comfortably Numb" playlist. I was generally pretty lame about how I named those things – I just called it the first track that came up. So I settled back in my seat, turning the volume up to mask the sound of "This Old Man" now coming from behind the divider, and tried to let it all fade away as I heard, "Hello…is there anybody in there?"

I didn't figure I'd be able to sleep, but the last thing I remembered was hearing, "There is no pain; you are receding…"

And then I was jolted awake when the plane's tires hit the tarmac with a screech.

_Shit._

Immediately, I was awake. Not just awake as in eyes open and bleary and yawning, but awake as in eyes wide, heart racing, dear-GOD-did-I-really-just-move-to-Washington?

"Shit." This time, my curse was aloud, and a little blue-haired woman across the aisle turned her head to me quickly. I ignored her. If that was the worst she'd ever heard, she probably shouldn't stay around me too long.

It seemed to take forever for us to get to our gate and even longer before the flight attendants started waving us out of the plane with their plastic smiles. I felt my brain shift to autopilot – some sort of primal sense of self-preservation kicking in to help me make it through the next however long it took to find Charlie.

When I finally had my bags, I stood there a little longer than necessary staring at the blue plaid of my suitcase. I focused on my breathing, the toes of my shoes, the little annoying hangnail on my left thumb…anything but what I was about to do.

"Grow the fuck up, Bella," I finally muttered to myself, slinging the strap for my duffel bag over my shoulder as I picked up my suitcase.

I tossed my head to get my hair out of my eyes and walked the way my mom had always taught me – chin up just a little, shoulders back, still relaxed. It always made me feel more confident than I actually was, and it definitely made me look it. I put a smile on my face – hoping it would become more real when I saw Charlie at last – and set off in what I hoped was the right direction.

I was beginning to worry a little when I didn't see him, but then I caught sight of his black police jacket. He was pacing. Of course.

I grinned in relief and called out, "Ch-" _Fuck!_ "Dad!"

My smile faded as he spun around, and I was sure he was going to say something about not using his first name – we'd had that conversation before. But it really wasn't my fault. My mom always referred to him as "Charlie," so that's what he'd become in my head. I had to work to remember to call him "Dad." It wasn't a disrespect thing…it just…well, it just was.

Thankfully, that grin that made his eyes crinkle spread across his face when he saw me, and he came charging over. He pulled my duffel bag from my shoulder and hugged me. I wasn't really expecting it, I guess, so it took me a second to respond, and by the time I did, he'd kissed the top of my head and was pulling away again, asking about my flight.

He seemed as keyed up as I was, all nervous energy, but I was relieved to realize that I…liked being with him. Somehow, he seemed to calm me, even though he was tense himself. Maybe it was the way he always looked at me, like I was the most special person on the planet. I'd always known he would love me no matter what – even when he was yelling at me about something – and that made me feel…safe somehow.

I gave him a small smile, a warmth I hadn't expected filling me as I said, "It was fine. Long, though." I wrinkled my nose as I told him about the delay, and then I did it. Again. "Sorry you had to wait, Ch-" _Damn it!_ "Dad."

I really needed to work on that.

Sure enough, he clenched his jaw and turned around to lead the way out of the airport. I stayed a few steps back, and I tried like hell to think of something to say on the way. I wanted to apologize for almost calling him by his first name, but that seemed kind of pointless. I mean, I kept fixing it, so he knew I was trying…right?

I bit my bottom lip and sighed. He didn't even look over his shoulder at me.

We stepped out of the airport, and a gust of wind blew my hair all over the place as it cut straight through me. I shivered and paused to pull on my jacket. Charlie didn't slow down – I wasn't sure he'd noticed – so I picked up my suitcase and quickened my pace to catch up.

_Great job, Swan. Alienate your dad on the first day. _

I sighed, exhaling upward so that my hair blew away from my face. Just as I was sure this was going to be the longest nineteen months of my life, we turned down a row in the parking lot, and the squad car came into view. I repressed a groan as I thought of having to ride in that thing regularly again.

_Nothing like the sight of a police car to make the boys come running. _

With just a few more steps we were at the car, and still Charlie remained silent. I was beginning to wonder if he was going to give me the cold shoulder all the way back to Forks, but when he put my bags in the trunk and slammed it shut, he suddenly hugged me, holding me tightly.

I was sort of stunned, to be perfectly honest. A hug when he first saw me was normal. This…wasn't. I patted his back, unsure what was going on in his mind, and I really kind of hated that I didn't feel like I could ask him. Before I could work up the nerve to say anything, he cleared his throat and turned to get in the car.

I climbed into the passenger side, eyeing him curiously as I wondered what sort of relationship we might have. Maybe he was more…open…than I'd been expecting.

The further we drove, the more confused I became. He was acting strangely, at times talking about random shit and then growing completely silent before he'd suddenly bust out another question. It was a little bit disconcerting, and I found my mind wandering as his pauses became longer and longer.

I thought about my friends in Phoenix, wondering what they were all up to. I tried to keep my mind off of Charlotte and Peter, but I kept seeing her kissing down his bare chest, her tongue licking the edge of my favorite tattoo – it was small, kind of nerdy, and that's what I loved about it. It was another Blake quote in a script based on Blake's illuminated manuscripts. The words, "No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings," ran down the top of his thigh to his knee.

I'd loved to kiss his kneecap and then trail my tongue up those inspirational words to find that place that seemed to inspire the most enthusiastic reactions from Peter.

I smiled, shifting in my seat as I glanced out the window. I wasn't really seeing the green Washington landscape, though. I was seeing the dusting of blond hair along Peter's muscular thighs. He was in shape, but thin, with a sort of surfer's build despite having moved from New England to Arizona. He belonged on a beach somewhere, that free spirit of his fitting in way too well where the weed and alcohol flowed freely.

Just as I made my way to the top of Peter's bare thigh, Charlie cleared his throat. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, and I tried my best to block him out, trying to remember the particular sound Peter made when I-

"So ahh…what's your favorite subject?"

I swear to God, I think I jumped. The sound of my father's voice when I was thinking of things that I would rather he really never, ever hear about was…jolting, to say the least. It took me a minute to figure out he'd asked me a question, and I thought hard as I tried to remember what it was. "Oh!" _Thank God._ I nervously tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, trying to cover my blush as much as I could. "English."

He pushed a little more, asking if I still liked to read. I had a hard time answering normally, and I wanted to do anything to shift the attention off of me – at least until my thoughts were a little more under control – so I stared out the window for a few seconds, chewing on my bottom lip as I tried to find a question for him. _Shit, doesn't he _do_ anything? Oh, yeah…_ "Still like to watch baseball?"

It was lame, but it was the best I had. He told me he did, and we actually talked sort of comfortably for a little while about nothing in particular. He told me about how the Mariners' season had gone, since I had no idea, and then he told me a little bit more about my school. It wasn't really anything I didn't know – it was small, most everyone knew everyone else from birth, and I would likely be the only new student all year – but it was cool to have him talking to me that way.

He got quiet again when we passed the sign that said we were entering Forks, but I hardly noticed as I looked out the window. I was hoping that at some point in the two years since I'd been here, _something_ interesting would've happened.

No such luck.

I sighed as I took in the diner on the corner and the old, faded red bench sitting in front of it. There really wasn't much to look at – even though it was a Sunday, there weren't very many people out. It was overcast but not raining for once, and the dark sky gave everything a sort of surreal horror movie feel…like if I went into the diner, I might not come out again.

As we were getting closer to Charlie's house, he stopped at a stop sign, and I saw a woman holding a sign advertising a clothing sale coming up. She waved and smiled at me brightly, and when I just stared at her, she knocked on the window.

Charlie's mind had clearly been elsewhere because he jumped and muttered, "God damn it!" He pressed a button and my window rolled down. As soon as it did, the crazy woman with the sign stuck her head through so that her face was only a few inches in front of mine. I barely caught Charlie's, "Afternoon, Pam," as I pressed back further into my seat and looked at him with wide eyes.

The woman babbled. It was so fast, I caught about every third word, but she seemed to own some sort of store that was having a sale. She promised me an extra ten percent off, and as I watched Charlie trying to get a word in edgewise, I got a little tickled. And then it just got worse. And worse.

Charlie looked sort of half-amused, half-stunned, which made sense given the onslaught from the woman. He kept trying to control his face, and I just found it even funnier when his lip twitched before he cleared his throat and assumed a serious expression again. It didn't last, and the smile was back across his face almost immediately.

It was really cool to see my dad like that – just happy and relaxed. He seemed more himself, somehow, when he wasn't thinking too hard about something.

"So how's Carlisle? I haven't seen him lately."

Those few words from Pam changed everything. Immediately, Charlie's smile froze into a mask on his face, and he paled. He actually looked a little green – I'd never really seen that before.

_What the fuck is going on?_

His reaction made no sense to me, and I wondered if maybe something was wrong with Carlisle – maybe he was worried, and that was why he'd been so tense. But that thought was proven wrong as soon as it had formed when Charlie said simply, "He's doing fine."

He glanced in the rear view mirror, and I swear he actually sighed in relief. He told Pam we had to get going, and she stepped away from the car…finally. When I mused aloud, wondering if I'd finally get to meet Carlisle, I joked that I'd wondered if he was real or not.

Charlie muttered under his breath, and I thought I heard him say, "Oh, he's real alright."

Something was definitely off, something strange. Charlie was never very vocal, but he was acting downright weird, and it was all about Carlisle. Something didn't add up, and I pondered what it might be as I stared at my dad the rest of the way home. Different ideas flickered through my mind, but I discarded each of them nearly as quickly as they came. There was one…

_No. No way. _

I couldn't seem to form the thought coherently. I stayed silent as we pulled up at Charlie's house and got out of the car. We got my luggage from the trunk, but my mind was far away as I walked behind him down the hall to my room. It was just across from his, and it had looked the same for as long as I could remember – Grandma Swan's quilt over the rocking chair in the corner, a unicorn valance over the single window, a matching unicorn comforter on the bed, my drawings and pictures of me with Charlie and me with my mom on the walls.

When he opened the door this time, I almost didn't recognize it. Everything had been rearranged. The bed was on the opposite wall, the rocking chair – and Grandma Swan's quilt – had vanished, and in its place was a computer desk with a nice office chair and space for my laptop. The drawings were still there, but some of my newer ones had been added, and they'd all been rematted and put into coordinated black frames. The unicorns had abandoned the room and been replaced by lavender bedding and curtains. The light material was decorated with embroidered vines and flowers done in a darker shade of purple, and the entire room seemed updated, modern…mature.

I loved it.

And then Charlie said, "We updated your room a little bit. Thought you might like to get rid of the unicorn stuff. The purple alright?"

Only one word stood out to me as I dropped my backpack, mumbling something about the purple being fine. I had other things on my mind.

"Who's 'we'?" I asked.

He stammered and rocked on his heels, shoving his thumbs into his back pockets the way he always did when he was uncomfortable. My heart sped up as I wondered what this meant. Putting together all the little clues he'd been unintentionally leaving…

_No._

He turned around and left the room after mumbling something about being thirsty.

For a moment, I stood there, my body motionless, though my brain was in turmoil. I inhaled deeply and held it, silently counting to ten before I exhaled and took the first step to follow Charlie.

He was only a few feet ahead when I stepped into the hall, and as I watched him walk, my mind began to reject the thought that was only half-formed. He was so…masculine. His hair was cropped short, and he was wearing his black police jacket, and his thick work boots made a thudding sound on the wood floors.

He didn't fit. Nothing about him suggested…

And then, of course, there was the fact of…well…_me_. And my mom.

They were divorced, but if Charlie were…then he wouldn't have…and I wouldn't…

I frowned, my confusion appearing in troubled lines across my forehead. I moved automatically, going to the kitchen table and taking my usual seat. Charlie hadn't changed the placemats since I was here a few years ago, and I finally tore my eyes away from him, staring down at the familiar plaid as he asked what I wanted to drink. I answered, my eyes straying over the muted greens, blues, and yellows to the purposely frayed edges until he sat down across from me.

The sound of his can opening startled me, and I jumped, my eyes going immediately to his face. He was definitely uncomfortable, but that was nothing unusual. What _was_ unusual was the resignation I saw in his eyes, which was only reinforced when he muttered, "Time to pay the piper."

I don't think I was supposed to hear, but those five words cemented one thing for me: I didn't want to know whatever he was going to say. It was obviously something big, something he'd kept from me, and normally I'd be demanding to know. But I felt a hollow fear in my gut, some instinctual warning that I was about to hear something that was going to stand my world on its head, and I didn't want to hear it.

"Carlisle is…"

I didn't realize my thumb had been tapping nervously on the top of my can until it stopped suddenly at those words. He stopped, too, not saying anything as he stared down at the can he held. I wasn't prepared for what came next.

"How much do you know about the divorce? About the stuff leading up to it?"

_Oh, God._

I was surprised my voice was steady when I asked what he was talking about. Instead of answering, he took a long drink from his Coke and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I watched as he lowered his hand slowly, and then he said the words that ended the world as I knew it.

In my world, my parents had been in love. They'd had me, but they hadn't been able to work things out between them for whatever reasons – people got divorced all the time. But I had been a product of two people who were totally wrapped up in each other, happy and in love and all fucking sunshine and roses. My dad hadn't been able to let go. He was still in love with my mom, and he still missed her, but he knew they weren't good together, so instead of moving to Phoenix and trying to win her back, he pined away – alone – way up here in motherfucking Forks, Washington.

That world was gone, completely obliterated the moment my dad said, "Well, you know how your mom just married Phil? You sort of have...two stepdads now..."

It didn't make sense at first. I heard him, and I processed it, and it fit with what I'd begun to suspect, but I didn't _get_ it.

And he just sat there, biting his lip – something I did all the time – and that infuriating reminder that I was _his_ daughter filled me with the desire to know. I was tired of this. My heart felt like it was being crushed, every belief I'd had about my parents – and consequently myself – crumbling around me, and I wanted to _know_, without a doubt, what he meant.

Exactly what he meant.

"What the hell? What are you saying?"

His eyes flashed, and I _wanted_ him to say something to me about my tone of voice. I wanted him to give me any excuse to tear into him.

He didn't, of course. How could I expect him to do what I wanted him to do? He never had before.

"I'm saying that..." He paused, biting the inside of his cheek like he couldn't figure out how to say something.

_Oh, you know what you want to say. Just fucking say it._

"I'm saying that Carlisle is my...partner. I'm gay, Bella."

_I'm gay, Bella._

The words reverberated in my mind, at once confirming that I'd put together all those little hints correctly while they chipped away at what was left of my heart. A distant corner of my mind – the only sliver that was left with any sort of self-awareness at that point – wondered why this was such a big deal. I'd never had a problem with homosexuality. One of my friends was gay, and we had a good time picking out good-looking guys together.

But this was my dad.

And he _lied_ to me.

And he was sitting there fucking _smiling_ about it.

My chair scraped across the floor as I stood up, clenching my hands into fists to keep them from shaking. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry.

I wanted to know why the hell he'd hidden something so important from me.

Didn't I matter to him at all?

None of that came out. I don't even know what I shrieked. I just knew I needed confirmation, needed to know – without a doubt – that he meant what he said before I let it fully sink in.

I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes as he said calmly, "Yes, I'm serious."

_Oh._

Okay…so my dad's gay. Alright, then.

I tried to make sense of everything, but there was too much I was missing. Maybe he hadn't told me because he hadn't known…maybe…maybe he _had_ been in love with my mom…maybe he'd just discovered this about himself, and he was letting me know that he and Carlisle were together now…

Maybe I was the first person to know.

My voice was quiet, and I could hear the confusion in it – along with a little bit of hope – when I asked, "How long has this been going on?"

He licked his lips, suddenly looking nervous. He said he'd been with Carlisle for a long time, and my suspicions flared again.

I remembered his initial question, and I could barely even get the words out as I hissed, "Wait a damn minute. The divorce? Are you telling me you got _divorced_ from my _mom _because of him?"

He just sat there.

He literally just fucking sat there, watching me.

Like I was supposed to…what? Say, _"Oh, that's cool that you knocked up my mom and then left us both for some asshole with a dick. Congratulations"_?

Fuck. That. Shit.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Is this some kind of goddamn joke, Charlie?"

He stood up, moving behind his chair, and I wanted to cheer that _finally_ he was going to yell at me. "You watch your mouth, young lady!" So predictable, so perfect, so exactly what I needed just then – tone and all. "And _don't_ call me 'Charlie'! I'm your father, damn it."

I laughed, completely at a loss. There was no doubt he was my father – we had the same hair, same eyes, same habits – but had he even _been_ with my mom? Was he a fucking sperm donor? Was he bi and having a little fun on the side? Was he with Carlisle even then?

I couldn't stand the thought of voicing any of those questions. The hole in my chest was raw, pulsing with fire, and I said the only thing I could think of before I had to leave the room or cry in front of him. "You don't get to tell me what to do anymore, _Dad_. I don't even know who the fuck you are."

_I don't even know who the fuck _I_ am…_

I turned around and stomped down the hallway, stumbling as I finally made it into my room and slammed the door. I threw myself on the bed, finally letting out the sobs that had been building in my chest. I didn't want Charlie to see me like this – didn't want him to know he had this sort of power over me – but I couldn't stop myself.

I'd never just…_hurt_…like this. It was the same sense of loss and confusion I'd felt when I'd found out at seven that Santa Claus wasn't real – only magnified exponentially because, this time, I'd found out _I_ wasn't real, at least not the way I'd thought. I lay there crying, my face buried in the crook of my elbow as my shoulders shook and my chest heaved and goddamn snot and tears leaked onto the comforter, and I couldn't think of anything but the millions of questions I had.

There were only two people who had the answers I needed. I couldn't stand to look at one of them just then, so I sat up, pulling my phone from my pocket to call the other. As the phone rang, I brushed my hair back from my face irritably and ran the back of my hand under my nose, sniffling as I tried to calm myself enough to talk.

My face crumpled again when my mom answered with a cheerful, _"Bella! I've been waiting on you to call! Did you have a nice flight?"_

All I could do was sniffle, taking quick, shortened breaths and trying not to hyperventilate.

"_Bella, baby? What's the matter? Are you alright?"_ Her voice was rising in alarm with each question, and I cut her off with a dry laugh, my voice thick.

"Is Charlie really my dad?"

"_What? Of course, he is, Bella. You have his eyes."_ She didn't sound nearly as confused or concerned as I thought she should. She sounded…tired.

"He…he said…" I broke off, my lower lip trembling as I couldn't seem to get the words out. I changed what I was going to say, trying something that didn't hurt as much. "Were you married?"

"_Yes, sweetheart, we were. You know that."_ Her voice was guarded, and I knew her well enough to tell that she was hiding something – or she didn't know how much she should say.

I let out a shaky sigh, feeling my shoulders sink as I deflated. Reaching out, I pulled a pillow to my chest to try to stop up that gaping wound. I sat Indian style, hugging the pillow close and resting my chin on top of it as my words became muffled. It felt easier to say things that way, if not any easier to hear the answers. "Why did you get divorced?"

She hesitated, and that told me everything. I squeezed my eyes shut, my tears spilling onto my cheeks as I waited for her answer. I ached because I knew it would be the same answer I'd heard my whole life…and I knew now that it was a lie.

From my own mother.

"_Well, honey, we were really young…we were just out of high school when we got married, and we weren't ready for all the stress that…"_

I tuned out the rest of her answer, pulling the phone a few inches away from my ear as I buried my face in my pillow. I cried silently for a few minutes, trying to regain control of myself, and when I put the phone back to my ear, my mother's voice was becoming frantic.

"_Bella? Bella! Are you there? Answer me, baby."_

"I'm here," I said dully.

"_Oh, thank God…you had me worried."_

"Why would you be worried?" I knew I was baiting her. It was easy to get answers out of Renee if you knew the right questions to ask.

"_Because…because you seem upset, sweetheart. Are you tired from your flight?"_

I wanted to growl. I couldn't believe that she was still trying to play this off, still trying to pretend there was no reason at all for me to be upset. "No, I'm not tired." It was a lie – I was fucking exhausted. But it was mostly from emotional scarring rather than actual physical fatigue. I decided to play along with her charade. "I'm just a little upset. Mom, do you know what Charlie told me today?"

"_No…"_ She drug out the word a little too long, letting her uncertainty show.

"He told me he's gay."

A pause. _"He said what?"_

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head with a huff as I switched the phone to the other ear and stood up. I threw the pillow across the bed and began pacing back and forth across the small room. "He said he's _gay_. As in, he likes other men."

"_Huh…"_

The little non-committal noise really pissed me off, and I just kept going. "One man in particular. A man named Carlisle. You know…his best friend? Yeah, apparently they're a lot more than friends."

Dead silence on the other end of the line.

"And you know what else he told me? He said they've been together a long time, and he brought up the divorce, and you know what that makes me wonder?"

"_Wh…what, baby?"_ Her little stutter made me clench my jaw.

_Just fucking come clean, Mom. I need _one_ of you to be honest with me. Please…_

"How long have you known, Mom?" I had quieted, stopping my pacing as I stood in the center of the room with one arm wrapped around my waist, the other holding the phone to my ear. My head was bowed as I nearly whispered, "Was it…" I swallowed. "Did you know before I…?"

I couldn't finish my question, but I listened to my mom's even breathing on the other end of the line. Finally, she sighed. _"No, baby…he didn't realize it until after you were born. We were both so young, and he got caught up in everything, in trying to be normal, and…it just happened. I loved him, sweetheart, and I think he loved me, too." _

I hadn't realized I'd started crying again until the tears dripped onto my hand where my fingers were digging into my ribs. "You knew," I breathed.

"_Yes..."_

"You _knew_," I accused, not letting her get another word in. "I can't believe you fucking knew! Why didn't you tell me?"

"_He asked me not to say anything, baby…he wanted to tell you himself, when you were ready. I would've told you if I could-"_

"Whatever." I cut her off. I couldn't listen to it anymore. It seemed like every word she said just drove home even more that _everyone_ had known…but me. And apparently for my entire life. "I can't do this right now."

I ended the call and fucking sobbed, my fist wrapping around my phone as I stood in the middle of my room, my head bowed with my eyes closed. I didn't know if she'd call back right away…or if I'd answer if she did. I didn't know if I could hear her make excuses for him, for herself. I wouldn't be able to take it if she said she knew how I was feeling – she had _no_ fucking idea how I was feeling.

Neither did I.

I heard a knock at my door as Charlie's voice called softly, "Bella?"

Without thinking, I whipped around, throwing my phone as hard as I could at the door. I watched as it shattered, falling to the floor in pieces, and I wanted to scream. All of my rage fueled my voice as I growled, "Go. Away."

He was pleading, asking me to please let him explain, and the sound of him calling me "baby" broke me. I just needed him to go away. I needed to be alone to figure out who the hell I was…who _he_ was.

I stifled my sobs long enough to say, "God, will you please just go away? _Please?_ I can't...I need..." and then all the grief I'd felt poured out of me. I made it back to the bed, crawling across the top as I pulled the pillow to me again. I didn't even try to think anymore. I just cried.

And cried.

And eventually I began to calm, thoughts slowly returning, but all they did was make me tired. It was too much – all of it was too much to think about at once, too much to absorb. I'd had a little nagging worry that maybe I wouldn't love my parents anymore after all of this…but as I cried, that worry changed.

What if they didn't love _me_ anymore?

I bit my bottom lip, my eyes squeezing shut as I waited for fresh tears to come. None did. I was utterly spent, drained of all emotion, and all I felt was that dull, throbbing ache that began in my chest and spread through my limbs, all the way to the tips of my toes.

I rolled toward the edge of the bed and sat up, staring for a moment at my feet on the floor. The sky blue Chucks looked happy and mocking, taunting me with their illusion of freedom, and I kicked them off, leaving them lying haphazardly on their sides. I undid my jeans and lifted my hips, pushing them down to the floor before I yanked back the comforter and crawled between the sheets.

They were so very soft…so warm…and there was a fresh, clean scent to them that helped clear my head, making me give a jaw-creaking yawn as I laid my head down on a pillow. Pulling the covers up as far as they would go, I left just my face sticking out as I gratefully gave myself over to the oblivion of sleep, half-hopeful that the morning would bring a measure of sanity back into my life, half-fearful that nothing would ever be sane or normal again.

When I woke up, my head was pounding. My room was dark, only a weak light that made everything look gray filtering through the curtains. I rolled onto my back, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands before letting my arms fall onto the pillow beside my head.

I was in serious need of some aspirin, but I wasn't willing to run into Charlie to get it. When I glanced at the alarm clock on my nightstand, I saw that it was just after eight. I'd slept for a really long fucking time without eating, and I was feeling the effects.

_Fuck_.

The longer I lay there, listless and lost, the more apparent it became that I was going to have to get out of bed soon – at least to go to the bathroom. "God damn it," I muttered, swinging my legs over the side of my bed as I sat up. I saw the shattered phone on the floor and swallowed hard.

_Fan_tas_tic idea, Swan…destroy your primary link to the world outside this hell. _

For a moment, I felt completely helpless, wondering what to do without my phone, without my friends to talk to. I wasn't likely to call any of them up and say, "Oh, so I need some help here. My dad's gay, and he lied to me my whole life. My mom, too," but at least they were a little bit of normal in the midst of this insanity.

Then I realized that destroying my phone probably saved me from gloating texts from Charlotte about the noises Peter makes when he comes, and as I stalked toward the door, I kicked the broken pieces, scattering them. I stopped, staring at the wooden door as I bit my bottom lip and tilted my head, listening carefully for the sounds of Charlie. I wanted to avoid him if at all possible. When I hadn't heard anything for a while, I slowly turned the handle and cracked open the door, peeking through the little sliver.

Nothing in the hallway.

I opened it a little further and shifted my weight from foot to foot quickly, practically bouncing as my bladder protested. Unable to stand it any longer, I dashed down the hall, doing this weird little bouncing tiptoe thing, and closed the bathroom door behind me.

_Fucking figures that I can't even have a bathroom of my own._

I was grumbling as I ripped down my underwear and sat on the toilet. Everything seemed so unfair. I'd left a nice house in Phoenix, where it was warm and dry and I had my own bathroom attached to my room…to come here, where it rained every goddamn day and I could already feel the chill in my toes even though I'd _just_ climbed out of a warm bed and I had to leave the sanctity of my room carrying things like my underwear and socks to take a shower.

Sighing, I finished up and then stood in front of the mirror, turning the water on and letting it warm up. The pipes in Charlie's house were old, and unless I wanted to lose feeling in my fingers, I needed to wait a good minute or two before I could use the water. I stared at myself in the mirror, noticing that I looked like hell. My eyes were puffy and my lips chapped from crying myself to sleep. I looked like I was wincing slightly, which I guessed was from the headache, so I pulled on the mirror, opening the medicine cabinet behind it as I prayed for aspirin.

_Thank you, Jesus._

I yanked down the massive bottle of aspirin and popped the top, pulling out the cotton and tossing it in the trashcan. I shook three of the little white pills in my hand and capped the bottle, grimacing at the taste as I put the aspirin on my tongue. Cupping my hands beneath the faucet, I drank down some of the lukewarm water, swallowing the pills before I washed my hands and turned off the water.

I turned around, sitting on the edge of the small counter with my feet braced against the wall on the opposite side. I stared at my socks, my hands gripping the edge of the countertop as my shoulders slumped.

_What the hell am I going to do? _

My first thought was to move back home to Phoenix, but I rejected that as quickly as it came. I'd never been a quitter, and I didn't really want to go back and face all my friends after saying goodbye to them – because I'd have to tell them why.

I could just imagine Alec's face if I told him it was because I found out my dad was gay. Yeah, there would be no more picking out hot guys with him anymore. And his sister Jane was a frigid ice queen bitch – the only thing she cared about was her baby brother. She'd shred me alive if I upset him.

Not to mention that I really wasn't thrilled with my mother at the moment either. Going back to live with her and have her tiptoe around me…bleh, no thanks.

I exhaled loudly, wiggling my toes against the wall.

Okay, so that meant staying here in Forks. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Everyone here obviously knew my dad…and Carlisle. And I seriously doubt they'd kept their relationship a secret from everyone. From the way dad had talked about being with him for a "long time," I had a sneaking suspicion that I might be the _last_ to know.

Biting the inside of my lip, I let my feet drop to the floor and stood up before my ass could fall asleep. I turned around, pressing my palms against the countertop as my head hung down, staring blindly at the faucet. If they knew and my dad was still Police Chief – which he clearly was – then they had some acceptance, it seemed.

_Not from me._

The thought was a snarl, and I was instantly pissed off at Charlie again, my rational thought shoved aside by the hurt I felt at being lied to for so many years. I really wasn't sure what I thought about my father being gay – that part hadn't even really come into play yet. All I knew was that I was pissed the fuck off that he'd played me for a fool for so long and even gone so far as to let me move states away from my home before telling me.

I felt like a caged animal, trapped and alone…and scared.

Carlisle must've helped hide it, too. All those carefully scheduled trips home to England, always coinciding with my visits.

God, I really was a fucking fool.

They'd probably been congratulating themselves on how clever they were, how easy it was to keep it all hidden from poor, stupid Bella.

"Fuck you," I said aloud.

I yanked the door open and stepped out, willing Charlie to appear. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet, but he'd make a damn good target for the rage I felt building inside. When I didn't see him anywhere, I called out, "Charlie?"

No answer.

I took a few steps down the hall, stopping between our doors, and shoved his open. "Charlie?"

There was nothing there but his bed – his king-sized bed, which I'd always found odd – and the rest of his furniture. For the first time ever, there were pictures scattered around the room – framed photographs on top of the dresser and chest of drawers, hanging over the bed, even some on each of the nightstands.

Without conscious thought, I took a step forward. And then another. I walked to the edge of his bed and sat down, picking up the picture there. It was a snapshot taken at the beach, and Charlie was sitting on a huge driftwood log beside a blond-haired man I recognized as Carlisle. I'd seen pictures of him over the years, but never of the two of them – not like this. They had their arms around each others' waists, and instead of smiling at the camera, they were looking at each other.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and set the picture down. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was intruding somehow – the look they were giving each other was…intimate. There was no other way to describe it. I had never seen my dad like that – never _imagined_ him like that, and to see it now…with the man he'd lied to me about for so long.

It just...it…hurt.

But masochist that I am, I stood up and walked around the room, looking at all the other pictures there. Some were of other people – I saw myself smiling down from several of the frames. One of my favorites was there. I was six, and I was on Charlie's shoulders. He was wearing his sunglasses and holding onto my legs, while my hands were in his hair. I smiled as I remembered how I used to pull his hair to get him to turn, and he'd play along, being silly and going in circles while I squealed.

I felt a tear drip onto my cheek and reached up, brushing it away angrily as I stopped looking at the pictures of myself. There were others of people I didn't recognize, but when I looked closely, the older man looked a lot like Carlisle. I assumed it must be his father, which would most likely make the woman standing next to him his mother. There was a woman, too, posing with both my dad and his….his partner. Her resemblance to Carlisle was striking, and while I didn't know for sure what the relationship was, it was obvious to me that Carlisle's family had met Charlie as well.

_What. The. Fuck?_

I let the frame drop back onto the dresser, my eyes glancing over the image of a younger girl – just a little older than me, I thought – with short, black hair. My mind was churning, wondering if there was a reason for the king-sized bed and pictures of Carlisle's family in this room.

_Did he seriously _still_ keep something else from me?_

I had completely forgotten that Charlie might walk in at any minute. I didn't care. I was too absorbed in finding out if I was right.

I walked toward the closet, flipping on the light as I stepped into the walk-in. At first, all I saw were the predictable flannel shirts and jeans. Charlie's work pants and a couple of spare jackets. Then, I saw the scrubs. The sweaters Charlie would never wear. There was an entire shelf of shoes at the bottom, all sorts from work boots to tennis shoes to dress shoes. My curiosity got the best of me, and I found myself kneeling on the floor, picking up pair after pair of shoes.

Sure enough. Two different sizes.

"Motherfucker."

I pushed back up onto my feet, disgusted as I stalked back out of the closet, flipping off the light and slamming the door. Not only had Charlie not bothered to tell me he had been keeping something from me my entire life, he left out that the secret he'd been keeping was _living_ with us.

"What the _fuck_?!" I couldn't even find words to voice what I was feeling. I stomped down the hallway to the kitchen, holding onto a shred of hope that I would find Charlie there. It was empty. Of course.

I made a small snort of disbelief, shaking my head as I realized that, like so many times when I'd visited before, he'd left me alone. I stood in the center of the kitchen indecisively, at a loss with nowhere to direct my anger, and my stomach picked that infuriating moment to rumble, reminding me that I hadn't eaten since before I got on the plane yesterday morning.

With a sigh, I pulled open the refrigerator door and looked in, finding it well-stocked as always. There was a sectioned plastic plate with a lid filled with food and a note on top addressed to me. I snatched it up, my eyes scanning the words quickly.

_Bella – _

_I know you're upset, and I know I should have told you sooner. Believe me, no one is more sorry than I am that I didn't. I figured you might want some time to think, so I went fishing with Harry. I'll be back around dinnertime. Call me if you need me._

_I love you,_

_Dad_

Scrawled beneath the message as a hasty afterthought was a note that said the food in the plate was for me, but I was welcome to anything I wanted.

I stared at the paper in disbelief, wondering how in the world he could be so delusional as to think that one day was going to be enough time for me to think through this nightmare. And he was dead fucking wrong if he thought he was sorrier than I was that he hadn't bothered to tell me he was gay and that his life partner was going to be sharing a bed with him across the hall from me.

I spun around, searching through the drawers in the kitchen to find a pen to write back a short message of my own – a simple "Fuck you" – but I couldn't find one. I crumpled the note up instead and put it back in place, sitting on the plate of food I would _not _be eating.

Instead, I pulled out a carton of cottage cheese and a little plastic container of baby carrots. I took them into the living room and plopped down on the couch, turning on some mindless TV. I couldn't take it anymore. Being angry was draining, but it was a hell of a lot better than letting the hurt seep in again. Instead, I tried to just not think. At all.

Since I knew I had the house to myself for the day, I spent a few hours doing absolutely nothing – literally staring at the moving pictures on the TV screen. I didn't even know what was on. I ate my way through one of the containers of baby carrots and a quart of Ben and Jerry's Brownie Batter before I started to feel sick.

Cutting the TV off, I left the living room, tossing the empty carton in the trash on the way. I'd left my dishes in the sink, but I didn't even consider washing them like I normally would have. Instead, I went into my room to unpack, muttering to myself as I put my clothes away and set up my laptop. I collapsed into my desk chair as it booted up, intending to email my friends to at least let them know I'd gotten here okay, but when I hit the "compose" button, I just…couldn't.

What the fuck could I say without saying everything?

With a loud sigh, I slammed the laptop closed again and got up, gathering what I'd need for a shower. In the bathroom, I put my deodorant, brush, and all those other little things in the drawer I'd always used and started the water, letting it warm up for a few minutes before stepping beneath the steaming spray. I tried to relax as I washed my body and my hair, but it just wasn't working. I felt drained again, just utterly spent, and by the time I'd dressed in a pair of flannel pants and a t-shirt, I decided I needed a nap.

My hair was wet, soaking my pillow, but I didn't care. I just pulled the comforter over my head to block out the weak sunlight and passed out.

I was still sleeping when I heard a knocking sound. I rolled over, sure it was part of my dream, but it just kept going. I tried to ignore it until I heard Charlie's voice calling my name as the door handle rattled. He said it softly at first, and I hoped that if I just kept on ignoring him, he'd assume I was asleep – which I had been – and go away.

No such luck.

His voice kept getting louder and louder, panic seeping into it, and by the time he'd gotten to "Isabella Marie Swan! Are you in there? Don't make me break down this door," I realized I was going to have to answer. I still wasn't speaking to him, so I rolled out of bed, staggering as I crossed the floor. I stepped on one of the pieces of my phone just before I reached the door and cursed.

I jerked it open, and he stood there, his hand poised to knock again, a worried look on his face, and reeking of fish. When I stayed in the open doorway, my hand still on the knob with my other hand on the doorframe as I looked up at him, he lowered his hand and frowned, though I saw the relief that flickered in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

_Wrong damn question, Charlie._

I couldn't even answer. I just laughed and stepped back, shutting the door in his face. I went straight back to bed, burying myself in the covers again, but it was several minutes before I heard his footsteps retreating down the hallway.

The next morning, I was startled awake when I heard my door open. I sat straight up in bed, holding the covers close around me, and found Charlie standing in the doorway. He didn't smile at all. He just said, "Get up, Bella. We need to talk."

He turned around and walked out the door, and something in his stance made me realize he was serious. He'd let me get away with my tantrum the day before, but this was Charlie-the-Father back again, and I knew I had no choice but to go. Even so, I was tempted to just go back to bed. Maybe I could sleep away my year-and-a-half in Forks, Rip Van Winkle-style.

"Now, Isabella." Charlie's commanding voice echoed down the hallway, and I sighed as I tossed back the covers and stood up. I was sore, my joints aching as I'd slept far too much in the last couple of days.

When I left my room, I turned right instead of left, heading to the bathroom. He could just wait while I did what I needed to do. I took my time using the restroom, washing my hands, brushing my teeth and hair…everything I could do to delay the conversation I really didn't want to have. I didn't know what he expected me to say, but I could promise him it wasn't going to be, _"So now that I've had a couple of nights to think it over, I think it's _fabulous_ that you lied to me for seventeen years."_

I opened the bathroom door, flipping off the light and lifting my chin the way my mom had taught me. My jaw was clenched, and my arms wanted to fold across my chest sullenly, but I kept them at my sides. When I walked into the living room, Charlie was sitting in his recliner, so I sat on the edge of the couch, looking away from him with my hands in my lap.

Charlie sighed. "Bella, honey, I know you're upset," he began in a slightly softened tone of voice. "And you have every right to be."

_How generous of you._

"But you can't go the rest of your life without talking to me. I know you have to have questions, things you want to ask…things you want to say to me. Nothing is going to be resolved if we're not talking."

_Good luck with that because I'm not saying shit. _I kept my eyes ahead, but I could see him running his fingers through his hair in my peripheral vision.

"Damn it, Bella. Say something."

_You really don't want to hear what I want to say to you right now._

"Baby, I wanted to tell you so many times, but there always seemed to be some reason not to. Looking back, I know there was _no_ reason good enough to keep you in the dark, but that-"

I tuned him out. I didn't want to listen to rational, apologizing Charlie. _Pleading_ Charlie, if the expression I could see out of the corner of my eye was any indication.

_Keep right on pleading. Not going to get you anywhere._

Finally, he actually _growled_, and I would've laughed at the sound if I hadn't been so determined not to show any reaction. He muttered something about me not being ready to hear him, and then he sighed, standing up as he pulled something from his pocket.

"Look, I was hoping you would listen to me…but I called you out here because there's something I want to show you."

I frowned, confused by the unexpected turn in his monologue, and my eyes shifted to him without my consent. _Damn it._

He gave the ghost of a smile before he controlled his expression – likely because of the glower on my face. "I thought you might like to get out over the next few days before school starts. You haven't been here since you could drive, so I thought it would be good to explore a little, and well…" This time the smile was more than a ghost as he motioned toward the window. "Look outside."

I gazed at him suspiciously, and he grumbled, "Oh for fu-…just do it. Please."

I heaved a sigh and pushed away from the couch, taking a few steps so that I could see outside. Through the window, I saw an antiquated red truck that I thought I recognized. It belonged to Billy Black, who was my friend Jake's dad. I'd been looking forward to talking to Jake and hanging out with him again – he was the only one I knew up here that was close to my age…well, that I remembered and liked, anyway – but recent events had sort of driven him out of my mind.

I glanced back at Charlie in confusion, and his grin broadened. "Thought you might like some way to get around on your own now that you're living here. I bought it off Billy. It's old, but it runs great, and Jake's kept up on all the repairs for it."

I was stunned. The truck was absolutely perfect – exactly the sort of thing I loved because it wasn't the typical little Honda or flashy my-parents-have-too-much-money-and-not-enough-sense sports car. But I wasn't about to show Charlie that, especially not when he was trying to buy me off. Seriously? Did he think a truck was going to make this all better?

"I brought some money with me. I can buy my own car." _Not a very _nice_ car, not with the couple thousand I have, but still._ Besides, I planned to get a job as soon as I could, too, so I'd be able to afford payments.

Charlie's eyes darkened, anger replacing the vague excitement and happiness that had been tenuously holding on. He shoved the keys in his pocket and said, "Fine. I'll be sure to drop you off on the front step right on time for school so everyone can see you getting out of your _gay_ father's squad car."

Before I knew it, he was walking across the living room, and I found my voice just in time to say, "Wait."

_Fuck._

He stopped. Then he turned around slowly and spread his feet, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched me. His eyes were angry, but more than that, they were filled with hurt.

As infuriating as it was, I didn't like hurting him. It was making me feel wretched, and that just pissed me off more. "I'll take it." Those three words were the most I could manage, as I couldn't even begin to put everything else I wanted to say into coherent _thoughts_, much less words.

"How generous," was his only answer.

_Come on, Charlie. Work with me here._

I couldn't give anymore, not right then. I didn't like seeing him upset, but damn it, I was upset, too. And I hadn't done a goddamn thing to cause any of this, other than being born, apparently.

Neither of us moved.

At last, I sighed and stepped toward him, holding out my hand. He pulled the keys from his pocket and held them over my outstretched hand, but when I moved to take them, he jerked them away again. "What's the magic word?" he said gruffly.

A smile actually flitted across my lips as I quietly said, "Please."

He cracked half a smile, too, and answered, "How about 'thank you'?"

"Thanks, Charlie."

His smile faded immediately, and he dropped the keys into my hand, muttering, "You're welcome." He turned around and stalked away, and the sound of his bedroom door closing was loud in my ears.

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_**A/N:**__ Yes, Bella is a petulant emo teenager. Hope you enjoyed a bit of the journey inside her head despite that._

_There are several things we need to mention this week, and we'll save the most important for last. If you read nothing else, please make sure you see it!_

_First, we'd like to remind you about the two contests we've been promoting. If you received an FML prompt, remember to have your story complete and turned in by __**February 15th**__. For those of you looking for all sorts of stories from hilarious to heart-breaking, visit the __**FML Contest**__ C2 at http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ - The first round of voting begins __**February 18th**__!_

_**TwiSlash Unveiled**__ is hosting its __**Slash Contest**__ right now. Submissions are accepted until __**February 28th**__ for this anonymous contest. Please check out the contest page at http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1945699/TwiSlash_Unveiled for more details._

_**Marked**__ was up for__** Best Slash**__ at the __**Golden Lemon Awards**__. Thank you so much to everyone who nominated and voted! Winners will be announced sometime today, February 14th._

_Finally, after many conversations, we have decided that since our stories do not conform to the ffnet Terms of Service, we will be pulling them. Don't panic! You will still be able to read them, and they will most definitely still be finished. Both stories are up on our blog __**http://whitlock(dash)masen(dot)blogspot(dot)com**__ and are up on twilighted as well. Any additional stories and chapters will appear in those two places. To help us with the move and to make sure we have everything in order and ready to go, we are going to take a short break from posting so that everything will run smoothly._

_Our next posting, then, will be on both twilighted and the Whitlock-Masen Blog on __**Markeday, March 7th**__. We hope you all understand and will follow us to the new sites. We also post teasers and other important information on both the blog and the twilighted forums. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! _


	5. It Stops Today

_**A/N:**__Thank you so much to our betas __**kimberlycullen10**__, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__ for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies! We did not finish this chapter until late, however, so any mistakes you find here are totally our doing and not the fault of these lovely ladies._

We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey.****

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Charlie POV

I pulled out the plate of fried chicken and mashed potatoes with a heavy sigh. The note I had left for Bella was crumpled and lay precariously on top of it. Again.

I had left her a plate of food every day for the past couple of days. The notes I left with them went unread, of that I was sure, because thinking she was too stubborn to read them hurt less than believing my own daughter hated me so much that she would continue to ignore me even after reading what I had to say.

Since she wasn't speaking to me, I figured that at least putting my apologies on paper might do some good. But... nothing. I placed the plate in the microwave and turned it on, leaning against the counter as I waited for it to be done. There was no point in wasting the food, after all - though I would rather have had my daughter.

She seemed to be avoiding me at all costs, and the few times that we had been in the same room together, she had either pretended I wasn't there or acted so coldly she might as well have stabbed me in the heart with a knife.

I had hoped that after I gave her the truck, she might at least have mellowed a little, maybe opened up to talking, tell me what was going on in her head - and let me explain my side of things.

I knew she wasn't talking to her mother, either. Renee had called here in tears, raging for all of two minutes before apologizing. She felt like she had let both of us down, and while I tried to relieve her of that burden - one that was mine and mine alone to bear - it had done little good.

I had promised Renee I would keep her posted on how things went with Bella, and she said that if Bella decided she wanted to move back to Phoenix to let her know. She would go home immediately if that was what Bella needed. Though it pained me to no end to do it, I agreed - even as I was praying for a miracle by that point.

The microwave beeped, so I carefully pulled the hot plate out. I grabbed a fork and napkin and put everything on the small kitchen table. After getting a beer from the fridge, I sat down and poked at my food. I hated eating alone. Over the years, I had gotten used to having dinner with Carlisle - it was the one time that, our schedules permitting, we were able to sit back and catch up on each other's days.

The silence that hung in the house now was deafening to me. Bella was in her room after storming through the place earlier, muttering under her breath. I had just caught a snippet as she stalked right past me, "...no goddamn decent bookstore in this freaktown..."

I hadn't even called her on her language. I was too stunned to react as I had no doubt that her view on Forks was largely due to how she felt about me.

_Great_.

I picked up a piece of chicken and tore into it angrily, as if the vehemence of that action could make the pain any less. Despite the fact that fried chicken was one of my favorite things that Carlisle made, I didn't taste it. It was as if - between Bella's loathing and Carlisle's absence - life had lost all manner of flavor for me.

I finished eating as quickly as possible, cleaning up the few dishes before going to Bella's room. I knocked quietly, closing my eyes as I steeled myself for the inevitable cold shoulder. "Bella?"

I heard her chair creak as she got up, followed by shuffling and a low oath along with a _thud_. The door opened just enough for me to see Bella, watching me with an eyebrow raised in question. _Silent treatment it is, then._ I repressed the sigh that threatened to come out and rubbed the back of my neck, trying to loosen the muscles as they tightened.

"Just wanted to know if you needed anything before school tomorrow?"

She huffed, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest. I stuffed both hands in my pockets, my shoulders hunching up as I did. I looked at her pleadingly. "Really, Bella...can't we just..."

Before I could even finish my sentence, the door closed in front of me, and I heaved a heavy sigh. I knew I had screwed up with all of this - I knew it, but did I really deserve _this_?

I didn't know how much more of this I could take - not on my own, at least. I needed my partner, now more than ever. Unfortunately, at this moment, even if I had been able to talk to him, it would do no good, as he would be starting his shift.

I trudged into our bedroom and closed the door before leaning back against it. I took in my surroundings, my eyes lighting on every picture that adorned the room. Every snapshot was one of my family, of those I loved.

My eyes fell on the picture on my nightstand, the one of Carlisle and me at the beach in La Push. I walked over to the bed and sat down as I picked up the simple black frame. Tracing Carlisle's silhouette with my finger, I couldn't help the fond smile on my lips as I thought back to the day it was taken.

It had been a long day, one even longer in the making. Carlisle had decided a few years before that he didn't want to keep dealing with renewing his visa and had started the process of naturalization. It was expensive, tedious - and, frankly, a royal pain in the butt. In the end it was worth it, though.

Ten years after he had moved here - almost to the day - he had taken the last few steps needed, and after a trip to the Seattle Federal Courthouse, he was officially an American citizen. He would no longer have to deal with immigration, and that sword of him possibly - unlikely as it was - being forced to leave, or being refused re-entry into the country, was now gone. We had celebrated, just the two of us, by having a nice lunch in Seattle afterward, but Sue and Sarah - and Billy and Harry, too - had insisted on having a bigger celebration together.

We had all sat by a bonfire as we enjoyed the food Sue and Sarah had prepared. They had kept things simple as always, having brought fried chicken and corn on the cob. Harry had put potatoes in to bake at the edge of the fire, and we rounded off the meal with s'mores - something Carlisle had never had before coming to the States, but had taken an intense liking to. I loved watching him as he meticulously roasted his marshmallows until just before they burned and then put his s'more together - the look on his face when he'd first bite into one always made me think of a little boy eating a rare treat.

I'd often tease him about it, and nine times out of ten, he'd retaliate by dipping his finger in the melting chocolate and smearing it on my chin or nose, or even on my lips. And always he gave a wicked little smile before leaning in and licking it off. I couldn't say I ever complained about that.  
With a sigh, I put the frame back in its place and scooted up the bed so I was sitting against the headboard. I pulled my phone from my pocket, staring at it for a moment before flipping it open and typing out a quick text to Carlisle, telling him I loved and missed him. I knew that he'd be at work already, so I kept it short. There would be time to talk tomorrow. His answering text made me smile in spite of how I was feeling.

The smile didn't last long, though, as I looked back at the picture, my fingers automatically finding Carlisle as I wondered how things might have been, had I not been such an idiot all those years ago and just told my daughter when she was young.

Would she have reacted any differently? Or would she have hated me anyway? I wondered whether she would have been a part of that particular celebration - or any of the others we had over the years. It hurt my heart to think that it wouldn't have mattered. I crawled down, pulling the covers over me and staring at the picture until I finally fell asleep, still in my clothes.

The following morning, I woke up early. I had forgotten to set my alarm, but I'd always been an early riser anyway, and this time was no different. The first thing I did was check the messages on my phone - a habit after years of night shifts - and sure enough, Carlisle had sent me a text, wishing both Bella and me good luck today. I texted him back to let him know I was awake and to send him my love, wishing once again that he was just _here_, holding me.

The sound of the shower running alerted me to the fact that Bella was up already, too. I muttered under my breath, "Guess she takes after her old man in more ways than one."

With a sigh, I climbed out of bed, grabbed a change of clothes, and headed to the bathroom connected to our bedroom. I turned the shower on and, while it was getting to the right temperature, I stripped and then stepped under the cascading water, letting it relax my muscles.  
I didn't linger, and I was dressed, shaved, and in the kitchen in the span of ten minutes. I had just put on water to make coffee when Bella walked into the kitchen. She went straight to the fridge without so much as a "Good morning." My jaw clenched, and I closed my eyes briefly before turning to her.

"Good morning, Bella. I'm making coffee; would you like some?"

I saw her eyes dart across the kitchen in confusion, and I had to actually work to stifle the chuckle that threatened to escape. We had no coffee maker, and I knew she would be wondering how I was able to brew coffee without one. Instead of saying anything, though, I simply reached into the cabinet above and to the right of the stove, pulling out the French press and coffee grinds.

Without waiting for her answer - figuring I wasn't going to get one, anyway - I put in enough coffee to make a whole pot. I looked up at her in surprise when I heard her clear her throat lightly, followed by a very low, "Yeah...thanks."

My own "No problem" came out a lot softer than I'd intended, but I couldn't get my voice to work right. Maybe things would work out, after all, if she was voluntarily speaking to me. She was blushing slightly, and she shifted her weight from foot to foot awkwardly for a moment before she abruptly turned around and left the kitchen.

_Or maybe it was a fluke caused by a lack of caffeine..._

I sighed and leaned forward, my hands resting on the counter as I hung my head.

_God, how am I supposed to _fix _this?_

While going through the motions of my usual morning routine, I soon found myself pouring coffee for two. I took mine black, but I had no idea how Bella took hers. I frowned down at the cup as if it could tell me the answer to such a simple, inane question.

Bella walked back into the kitchen, tossing her school bag on the floor next to the table before walking over to me. She shuffled her feet again, and I had a brief moment of just wanting to grab her by the shoulders to shake her - tell her to stop being so goddamn stubborn and beg her to let me make things right again.

Instead, I handed her the mug with a sigh, giving her a small smile as she whispered, "Thank you," and went to take a seat at the table. I noted that she took her coffee black, too, and I grinned to myself.

I cleared my throat, frowning when I realized that she hadn't eaten anything, nor did she seem inclined to do so as she simply sat there sipping her coffee.

"Bella?"

She looked up, her eyes questioning though she remained silent.

"Can I fix you anything to eat? I know I'm not the world's greatest cook, but I can manage toast and eggs..."

When she continued to stare at me, I sighed.

"You need to at least eat something, Bella. It's your first day at school; you need the fuel for..."  
She interrupted with a soft, "Toast's fine."

_Oh Christ, please tell me this isn't going to keep on like this..._

I nodded and set about making some toast for us both. I took out some butter, jam, marmalade, peanut butter, honey, and lemon curd - a favorite of Carlisle's - and set them in the middle of the table. I had no idea what she might want, and I didn't want to push things much further - not with her having to go to school and dealing with all of that.

She watched me move around the kitchen in silence, and I found myself gritting my teeth to keep from saying words I was sure would be detrimental to what little there was left between us. I wanted to tell her to just grow up, because this silent treatment was ridiculous and childish - as were most of the things she had done over the last few days.

But I kept quiet, biting my tongue because I couldn't bear the thought of losing her completely. She was here, at least, and for me that meant there was a sliver of hope that things would get better. I prayed that they would.

I put the toast in the holder, and once there was enough for us both, I grabbed plates, a knife, and a couple of spoons and then set it all on the table as I took my seat opposite Bella. I kept my eyes on her as I buttered my toast lightly. She was biting her lip as she tried to figure out what to have, finally reaching for the jam - at the same time I was reaching for the marmalade, which was right next to it. Our hands bumped lightly, and she pulled hers back as if she had been shocked - I cringed, but said nothing as I took the jam and handed it to her. She muttered a quiet, "Thanks."

She didn't make eye contact all throughout breakfast, and I kept eating only because it was the one thing I felt I could do, though I'd long since lost my appetite. After she was finished, Bella got up and started to clear off the table, putting everything back where it was supposed to go - just like she had always done when she had stayed with me before.

After she was washed the few dishes we had used, she leaned against the counter, her hands resting on the edge as her fingers tapped nervously against the side. She still wasn't looking at me, and I thought I saw her open her mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, she gave a soft huff and pushed herself away from the counter, picking her bag up off the floor. She glanced at me quickly, but as soon as her eyes met mine, she looked away with a blush creeping up her neck as she hurried to the door.

I called after her, "Good luck today, Bella." There was no answer, not that I'd expected any.

As soon as I heard her truck rumble to life, I got to my feet and tried to figure out what to do with myself. I had taken this whole week off in the hopes of spending time with my daughter, but that turned out to have been...well...useless. I wasn't due back at work until Monday, but I figured I might as well stop by and do some paperwork that I knew was waiting on me. I didn't particularly feel like going fishing again. I loved fishing, but even I grew tired of it when I knew I wasn't doing it to relax, but to escape.

Half an hour later, I walked into my office. Carmen greeted me in surprise, saying she wasn't expecting me back.

"It must be nice to have your little girl home again, Chief."

I felt my brow furrow and my cheeks heat up as I cleared my throat. "Yeah, must be...you know teenagers, though..."

I was praying she would leave it be because this was not something I was prepared to talk about. Thankfully, she just smiled and asked if I wanted her to make some coffee. I thanked her and walked into my office, shutting the door behind me with a sigh of relief. It felt good to be here. This, I knew - this was familiar. And here, I had something to do; I could feel useful.

As soon as I sat behind my desk, I booted up the computer to check my email, figuring that would be the best place to start. I checked my personal account, too, since I hadn't taken the time to do so at home. When I saw the short message from Esme wishing me luck, I had to swallow hard a few times before I was able to respond. She had become as important to me as she was to Carlisle, and I again felt that stab of disappointment - in myself - for never having given the same opportunity to Carlisle with regards to Bella. I vowed that - should they both let me - I would do all I could to correct that mistake.

After I was done catching up on emails, I began to sort through the regular mail and faxes that were waiting for me. I was so engrossed in these menial tasks that I lost all track of time, and I was startled when my cell phone rang.

I glanced at the clock, noting that it was already nearing ten o'clock as I shuffled papers around before locating my phone. I answered without checking the I.D., concerned that it might be the school calling. "Swan."

The weary sound of Carlisle's voice as he said_, "Hello Charli__e," _made me simultaneously smile and worry. I leaned back in my chair as I ran my fingers through my hair, my eyes darting to the window.

"Carlisle...did you just get off shift?"

I heard him groan slightly, and I could imagine him stretching his arms over his head. _"Mhmm, it's been a long day, love. How did things go this morning? Did Bella get off to school alright?"_

This time, I groaned as I remembered how our morning had gone. I wasn't at all sure what to make of things. On the one hand, she had talked to me...sort of. It was certainly more communication than we'd had all week since the day she had gotten the truck. On the other hand, she had still acted as if I were a pariah or something. With a sigh, I told him what had happened since we had last spoken - I had long since resolved not to hold anything back from him, good or bad. After I was done, he was quiet for a moment - so quiet, in fact, that I started to wonder if the connection had dropped, or if he had fallen asleep on me.

"Sweets..?"

He sighed. _"I'm here, love...I just...I wish there were something I could _do_. I'm so sorry, Charlie..."_

I huffed, shaking my head even if he couldn't see it. "Don't, Carlisle. I did this to myself. I know that. I should have just done like you advised me and told her years ago."

I heard him sigh again._ "Charlie, love...I need to see you. Come to the hotel and have lunch with me?"_

I glanced around my office. Part of me wanted to finish what I had started, get the office cleaned up and get things ready. That was just how I was, how I had always been, when it came to my work. Another part of me, though, really needed to spend time with the man I loved, so I smiled as I said I would be there in fifteen minutes. We hung up after each saying, "I love you," and I quickly set about straightening the desk as well as I could before wishing Carmen a good weekend as I headed out the door.

Carlisle was waiting for me in the bar of the hotel again, sitting in a booth with his back to the wall, his head tilted back and his eyes closed. I took a moment to just look at him, a fond smile on my lips. I could see movement out of the corner of my eye, and I turned to find Garrett watching us with a grin on his face as he cleaned glasses.

I walked up to the bar and leaned against it, my own grin in place as I glanced over my shoulder at Carlisle, who still hadn't moved.

"Hey there, Garrett. Has he been behaving himself?"

Garrett chuckled, nodding. "You know it, Chief." He nodded toward Carlisle, lowering his voice a little. "He's beat, poor guy. Can I get you two a drink?"

I nodded, ordering a couple of beers, but when I started to pull out my wallet, Garrett shook his head, holding up his hand to stop me.

"On me, Chief."

I smiled, taking the beers from him. "Thanks, Garrett. I take it he hasn't ordered any food yet?"

When he shook his head again, I asked if he could place an order for a couple of BLTs and an order of french fries. As he went off to take care of it, I walked over to Carlisle, quietly placing the beers on the table. He still hadn't so much as twitched.

Placing my knee carefully on the bench, I leaned forward - bracing my hands on the table and the back of the seat - and kissed him tenderly on the lips. He gave a quiet hum of appreciation before opening his eyes to look at me, smiling softly as he ran the back of his fingers against my cheek.

"Hey... glad you're here."

He shifted to make room for me, and I sat down next to him as he pulled me in for a hug, nuzzling my neck lightly. I wrapped my arms around him as best I could, given the somewhat awkward positioning of being seated side by side in a booth. We sat like that for a minute or so, before my back started to protest too much, and I reluctantly let go of him.

Straightening back up, I took a moment to really look at Carlisle. He was a bit on the pale side, and the rings under his eyes from lack of sleep stood out starkly against his light palor. His hair was disheveled, looking as if he had run his fingers through it one too many times for it to cooperate any longer. He had taken off his tie and undone the top two buttons of his light blue button down. His shoulders were slumped, and I could tell he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

I cupped his cheek with my hand and sighed softly. "Rough shift?"

He nodded, saying they had been a few people short for various reasons - not the least of which had been one of the other doctors having slipped and injured himself, which resulted in him being sent home after his own trip to the ER. Not a lot really happened in our small town, but just like anywhere else, there was always a little Jimmy who had shoved a marble up his nose, or Billy the high school punk who had snuck into his parents' alcohol cabinet and gotten drunk to the point of alcohol poisoning, or a Margaret who had sliced up her hand while preparing dinner.

Garrett brought us our food as well as another beer on the house. After thanking him, I turned to Carlisle as he squeezed my leg and murmured, "Thanks, love."

I smiled as I covered his hand with mine. "You're welcome, sweets. Now eat; you need to get some sleep soon."

He nodded, and we both ate in relative quiet. Carlisle asked a few questions about Bella and how things were going, and I answered as best I could. I told him that the situation wasn't improving, and that I wasn't sure how much more I could take. I needed him home, needed his love and support with me, and I told him as much.

"Please, Carlisle, just come home with me?"

He shook his head sadly. "She just needs more time, love. At least let her get through her first days in school, without having to deal with the fact I'm there, too. Besides..." He stifled a yawn before continuing, "I'm so tired, I don't think I'd even make it as far as home before I passed out."

I placed my hand on the back of his neck, gently rubbing it as I sighed. He hummed, closing his eyes as he tilted his head forward a little to give me more room. "That feels good, love."

We sat like that for a few minutes, until he actually started to sway in his seat. I grabbed his shoulders and gave him a half-grin as I shook my head at him. "We need to get you to bed, sweets."

"Mmm, sounds good to me, love. Join me? I've missed you."

He didn't need to ask twice. I leaned in, kissing him briefly before whispering, "I've missed you, too. Let me go settle the tab, and then we'll go, okay?"

He nodded, smiling softly at me as I got up and walked over to the bar. After paying Garrett for the food - he again refused to let me pay for either round of beers - I went back to Carlisle. I stood in front of the booth and held my hand out to him. He gratefully took it, and I pulled him up, steadying him when he lost his balance. I chuckled softly, trying to hide my worry, but as always he saw right through me.

"I'm alright, love. Nothing a good night's sleep won't cure."

I knew he meant for his words to be comforting, but I felt the implication of his not having slept well the last few days - he never did when he couldn't sleep in his own bed. I slipped my arm around his waist, my eyes on the ground as we walked up to his room - I didn't want him to see the guilt I felt.

As soon as we got to his room, he walked over to the bed, sat on the edge of it, and flopped down with a groan, throwing an arm over his eyes. I locked the door before walking over to him, standing between his legs as I leaned forward, resting my palms on either side of him.

"Need some help?"

He lifted his arm to look at me and grinned, raising one eyebrow. "What kind of help did you have in mind, love?"

I chuckled, shaking my head lightly. _Even as tired as he is...God, I love this man.  
_  
"Sorry, sweets, you need to get some sleep."

He huffed, muttering something that sounded like, "Sleep's overrated..." I knelt against the bed to steady myself as I began to unbutton his shirt. Carlisle just watched me, his eyes darkening a little the further down I went. I grinned and rolled my eyes at him.

Once his shirt was open, I slid my hands up his torso to his shoulders, causing him to moan softly. He lifted slightly to allow me to remove the shirt altogether before lowering back onto the bed. I tossed the shirt to the side - not really caring where it landed - and began to slip the end of his belt through the catch before pulling it out completely. I might have been teasing him just a little as I brushed my fingers against his hardening cock, and Carlisle bit his lip to keep from saying anything. We'd done this too many times for me not to know his signals, and I loved that I did.

Instead of working on his jeans, I leaned forward again, trailing open-mouthed kisses up from his abs, over his pecs, along his neck until finally moving down his jaw and ending on his lips, where he returned my kiss hungrily. He threaded his fingers in my hair, anchoring me to him with his tight grip even as his other hand went to my lower back and pulled me down against him. I moaned into his mouth as he shifted his hips just enough to brush his hard-on against my own. He pulled away just far enough to whisper against my lips, "Please, Charlie...it's been too long..."

I couldn't even speak, so I just gave a tight nod before attacking his lips again. I shifted slightly so I could rest my weight on my right arm, while my left hand trailed up and down his side. It felt so good to be close to him again; even if it had only been a few days, it had been a few days too long. I lifted off of him just enough to give myself room to fumble with the button of his jeans, refusing to cease kissing him as I worked to remove his jeans. Only when I had finally gotten his button undone and his zipper lowered did I move away from him. He lifted his hips as my hands went to his waistband, and I pulled off the offending material. I had to remove his shoes before being able to get his pants off, leaving him in just his briefs and socks.

Carlisle's voice was husky, his eyes hooded and dark as they roved my body. "You have far too many clothes on, Charlie."

I grinned at him as I took off the long sleeved t-shirt I had been wearing. I toed out of my shoes and socks, stripping out of my jeans before kneeling down in front of him and taking his socks off as well. I slowly trailed my hands up his legs, my eyes on his as he watched me closely, his breath quickening the closer I got to his crotch. I slid my fingers under his briefs, teasingly stroking along his length, delighting in the soft moan that elicited from him. I'd had enough of teasing, though, so I hooked my thumbs into his waistband and pulled his briefs off, tossing them aside before repeating the same action with my own, having to shift my weight awkwardly from one leg to the other so I wouldn't have to get up to do it.

My eyes trailed over his body, and I once again wondered how I had gotten so lucky to have Carlisle love me as much as he did - how he had stood by me all these years, even with everything I was sure I had put him through. I raised my head, meeting his gaze - my voice was gruff with emotion, with awe, with desire for this man. "God, I love you, Carlisle..."

He cupped my cheek with his hand, his thumb brushing my skin lightly as he smiled at me. "I love you too, Charlie...so much."

I turned my head so I could kiss his palm before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on the tip of his erection. I heard him whimper as my tongue traced his head before slipping it between my lips and sucking lightly, teasing his slit and tasting the pre-cum that was already coming forth. Releasing him, I licked and kissed my way down his shaft, lavishing attention on him as my fingers caressed his inner thighs and teased his sack.

He moaned, lifting himself up so he was half-seated, half-reclined. "Charlie..."

I didn't wait to hear what he had to say as I wrapped my lips around his cock and took him in as far as I could, earning a soft, "Fuck, Charlie!" when his tip brushed the back of my throat. He put his hand on my shoulder, urging me upward as he chanted softly for me to stop. I looked up at him in confusion until he sat up fully, taking hold of my other shoulder and pulling me up onto the bed with him before kissing me soundly.

"Please Charlie...I need-...you...I need to, too..."

It wasn't often he was so flustered - so worked up - that he couldn't get his words out like that, which was all the incentive I needed to comply. I nodded and shifted on the bed so I was facing the end of it. I patted the space next to me, indicating he should lie down on his side, facing the headboard.

He had barely gotten himself comfortable before I felt his tongue on my hard-on, and I moaned at the slick wetness, the warmth of his mouth as he mimicked my earlier actions. I didn't hesitate as I resumed my attention to him, taking him fully in my mouth once again at the same time as he did me. I felt my eyes roll back as he took me all the way and swallowed around my head. _Fuck, that never gets old..._

I concentrated on him as much as I was able - my tongue curling around his shaft, teasing his slit, my cheeks hollowing as I sucked hard and swallowed around him. My hands never ceased moving, either - nor did his. Fingers caressing soft flesh, tugging, squeezing, gently prodding. I couldn't contain my moans, and neither could he, sending the most delightful shivers along my spine even as my hips bucked, and his did in turn. Both of us were continually moving, teasing, bringing the other pleasure and seeking our own.

I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out for long, so I worked him hard, wanting him to come first. I could feel his thighs begin to tremble as he tried to hold back, so I took him as far as I could, relaxing my throat until my lips were at his base, swallowing several times while I gently pressed just behind his sack. His scream was muffled by my cock still buried in his mouth as he came into mine, and I swallowed every drop he gave me. His release had triggered my own when the vibrations of his scream shot through me, and I could feel him taking everything as well.

I let him slip from between my lips as he did the same, and I turned my body around so I could face him. He shifted, pulling the covers out from under him as I did the same before settling them over us. His arm was immediately over my waist, holding me close as he kissed me languidly. I slipped mine around his as well, relishing in the feel of his skin against my own. This was where I was meant to be, with this man, in his arms. If ever there had been any doubt in my mind, there certainly was none now. As long as he would have me, I was his - always and forever. Not even Bella's disapproval would shake that truth. She was my daughter and I loved her, but I neither could, nor would, deny my heart.

I sighed softly as I pulled away from the kiss, my eyes searching his as I whispered my plea again for him to come home.

He placed his hand just below my jaw, his fingers curling around my neck and playing idly with the hairs at my nape. "I want to be home, love, believe me. I just think Bella could do with more time, from everything you've told me...I don't want to make things any harder on her than they already are."

I closed my eyes and nodded. "I know, sweets; I do. It's just...I need you, Carlisle. I can't do this without you." I sighed. "And I want the two of you to get to know each other. I love you both, and I was a fool to let what happened, happen. You're both too important to me. I won't stand in the way of a relationship between you again - if she's even willing to..."

He cut me off with a searing kiss, holding me so tight it almost hurt, but I welcomed it. When he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine and smiled, whispering, "Thank you, Charlie."

I snorted softly - I couldn't help it. "Don't thank me yet, sweets. You haven't seen her in action."

"I'm sure it won't be as bad as all that, Charlie."

I averted my eyes and muttered, "I wish I could be so sure of that..."

He shook me lightly to get my attention. "Charlie, I know this is hard for you, but this can't be easy on her, either. She's just uprooted her life, expecting to come and live with her single, straight father - only to find out that he is neither. Everything she has based her life on when it comes to you has to be shaken; how could it not? Just...give her some time, love. Let her get used to the idea."

I knew that what he said made sense, but he hadn't seen her - he hadn't felt the sting of her words in person. With a soft sigh, I pressed my lips to his forehead, changing the subject. "You should get some sleep, sweets. We can talk more later."

He was about to protest when he was overcome by a huge yawn. He rolled his eyes with a small grin as he nodded. "Stay for a while?"

"Of course."

I settled onto my back, pulling him with me so his head rested on my shoulder and wrapping my arms securely around him. He hummed softly as he nestled closer, throwing both his arm and leg over me before placing a soft kiss on my chest.

I pressed my lips to his hair, whispering, "Sleep now."

It wasn't long before I felt his breathing even out, and he was asleep. I lay there for a while, trying to quiet my mind and eventually succumbing to sleep as well.

I woke up a couple of hours later and glanced at the clock, groaning when I realized that Bella would be out of school soon. I wanted to be home in the hopes that maybe she would talk to me, but I felt reluctant to leave the comfort of Carlisle's presence. With a sigh, I carefully began to extract myself from his hold, as we hadn't moved much since falling asleep. When I moved his arm, though, Carlisle woke up just enough to lift his head and mumble, "What is it, love?" His eyes watched me blearily.

Pressing my lips to his forehead, I whispered for him to go back to sleep and to text me once he woke up. I told him I was going home, since Bella would be done soon, and he simply nodded, shifting slightly to give me a kiss and then moving so I could get up. I got out of bed and dressed quietly before walking over to the side he was sleeping on and kissing his temple. I murmured, "I love you," which he echoed along with a "good luck." He was out again before I had even reached the door.

I made it home a few minutes before school was supposed to be out, so I went to the kitchen and started up some milk to make hot chocolate for us before mixing up my mother's cocoa recipe. I had just poured the hot milk into two cups when I heard Bella's truck pull up and the door slam. The front door opened, and I held my breath as I stirred the drinks, listening to her footsteps as she walked down the hallway to her room, only to walk back to the kitchen seconds later. The smile on her face was the first I'd seen since she arrived on Sunday, and I felt hope flare in my chest as I gave her a smile of my own, asking how her day went. I held out a cup to her in offering, and the small stirring of hope I felt died a little as she paused with a frown, her teeth worrying her lower lip.

My smile faltered, and I started to turn away - in part to simply put the cup down on the counter, and in part to hide the hurt I felt that she was acting this way. Right as I set the cup down, I felt her hand wrap around it, her fingers grazing mine as she lifted it with a muttered, "Thanks..."

I turned to look at her, swallowing hard when I saw a tentative smile on her lips. My voice was gruff as I nodded. "You're welcome. I thought you might like something warm to drink. I know it's a little colder here than what you're used to."

She nodded, the frown back on her brow as she carefully sipped her drink. I chuckled as I saw her eyebrows shoot up in surprise, her eyes finding mine as she said, "Wow, this is really good, Charlie."

I tried to hide the disappointment and hurt I felt at her use of my first name as I reminded myself that she was at least talking to me. I took a small sip of my own cocoa before saying, "That's your Grandma Swan's recipe, if you can call it that. The one thing I know how to make well in this kitchen - aside from toast and coffee."

I winked at her, hiding my smile behind my cup when she chuckled at my statement. She leaned against the counter, holding onto the cup with both hands as she closed her eyes with something akin to contentment on her face. I kept watching her - hoping, praying, that Carlisle was right, and that maybe she was beginning to come around.

"I never did get to make it for you while you were here; it was never cold enough for hot cocoa during the summer."

And just like that, I could almost see the shutters close again as she stiffened up, a scowl appearing on her face as she squared her shoulders. She put her mug down - only half-finished with her drink - pushed herself away from the counter, and with a terse, "Thanks for the cocoa, Charlie," left for her room, banging her door closed behind her.

I put my own mug down and slammed the countertop with the flat of my hand, hissing, "God _damn _it!"

I stood, leaning against the counter with my hands placed flat on the surface, my shoulders hunched as my head hung in defeat. Every time she acted so harshly, so cold, it felt like getting my heart ripped to pieces, and I couldn't stand it anymore. This had only gone on for a week - less, even. How was I supposed to cope with it every day? Definitely not on my own. I pushed myself away and walked to our bedroom; even though I had just had a nap, I was drained beyond belief.

I laid down on the bed, grabbed Carlisle's pillow, and hugged it to me as I made my decision. Tomorrow - come hell or high water - Carlisle was moving back home. Having it be just Bella and me was obviously not working, and aside from the fact that I desperately needed my partner by my side, I refused to allow him to continue to be an outcast in his own home. I was done trying to hide anything from anybody. It was with this on my mind that I fell asleep, only to wake briefly when Carlisle sent me a text to let me know he was awake and heading in to work. I sent him a text back with my love, saying that we'd talk in the morning - I was back asleep almost instantly.

The following morning, I woke up with a headache that appeared to be trying to imitate a marching band - the price I paid for too much sleep and too little food, not to mention too few fluids. I repeated the same motions from the day before, only deviating long enough between getting out of my clothes and into the shower to take some Tylenol. I let the hot water relax the muscles of my neck and back for longer than I ordinarily did and was shocked out of the shower by a sudden blast of cold water before it returned to almost the same temperature as before.

_Right. Guess that's something to get used to..._

I turned off my shower, and sure enough, I heard the one in the other bathroom. Figuring I should probably make another attempt at conversation - or at least civility - with my daughter, I hurriedly got dressed. She was still in the shower as I started the coffee and toast, and I was setting the table when she walked into the kitchen. I chanced a glance in her direction, only to find her looking about as miserable as I felt. The thought that she might feel that way because of me made my stomach twist uncomfortably.

She sat down at the table without a word. In an effort to distract myself, I finished making the coffee and poured us both a cup, handing one to her as I placed my own in front of my seat. I honestly intended to talk to her, to ask her how she was doing, if she slept well...the words formed in my head but refused to exit through my mouth. The only thing I managed was a gruff, "Good morning, Bella."

Her eyes flitted to mine, only to shift away again - looking anywhere but at me as a small furrow marred her brow. I sighed, shaking my head as I went to grab the toast before taking my seat. Even though I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, I found myself without any appetite. I put some marmalade on my toast and took a bite anyway, forcing myself to eat when all I wanted to was to leave the table and heave - my stomach was roiling from the stress.

The hoped-for conversation never happened as we both ate in silence. Bella's face seemed to become harder the longer we sat, but neither of us moved until it was time for her to leave. As she had the day before, she went about putting everything away and washing the few dishes that were used. She cast a quick look my way, cleared her throat, and walked out the door without a word.

I sat staring out the window long after she had left, not sure what to do to make any of this better. I huffed. _At least this can't get a whole lot worse..._

I cringed even as I thought it, knowing that it very well _could_ get worse. She could walk out of my life forever - hate me, forever.

Just to give myself something to do so I hopefully wouldn't have my thoughts go in a never-ending loop, I collected all the laundry, leaving Bella's alone. I had never had to deal with...delicates before, and I didn't relish the idea of my first time doing so being with my daughter's things. Once I got a load started, I grabbed the vacuum and ran it in every bit of the house, this time including Bella's room - picking up bits of her phone that appeared to have scattered everywhere. Though I didn't really feel she deserved it, I made a mental note to buy her a new phone so she could at least be in contact with her friends.

After all the vacuuming was done and I had switched loads, I decided I might as well grab my laptop and see if I could find a replacement for Bella's phone. I took the laptop to my armchair, flipped the handle so the footrest popped up, and booted the computer up. After browsing for about half an hour, comparing models, prices, and various bells and whistles, I settled on an LG Chocolate. I figured it would be the most useful to her...and that she might appreciate the gesture as well as the pun.

Around noon, Carlisle called, saying that he was finally done for the day after a surprise meeting just after his shift was supposed to be finished. I asked him if he was okay to drive or if he needed me to pick him up, but he said he would be alright.

"Carlisle...come home. Please?"

_"Are you sure, love?"_

"I need you here, sweets, and I need to know you're getting your sleep, too. Just please...check out of the hotel and come here?"

He was quiet for too long before he sighed softly. _"Alright, love. I'll be there as soon as I can. I love you."  
_  
I smiled for the first time that day as I told him I loved him, too. Not twenty minutes later, he pulled his car up next to mine, as he always did. As soon as I heard him, I walked over to the door and my heart felt lighter than it had all week when I saw him walk inside. He put his bag down and opened his arms as I stepped up to him, kissing him tenderly.

"Welcome home, sweets."

He smiled as he hugged me tight, nuzzling my neck as he murmured against my skin, "It feels good to be home again, love."

I pulled away so I could look at him, and when he lifted his head to meet my gaze, I reached my hands to his face - my thumbs brushing along the circles under his eyes as I kissed him briefly. "You should go lie down for a bit, baby. You look beat."

He hummed. "I am, to be honest. Wake me before Bella gets out? I'd like to meet her finally."

I nodded. "I will, promise."

He went to the bedroom after one final kiss, and I spent the next couple of hours doing the rest of the laundry...and thinking - remembering every interaction with Bella, every reaction she'd had to anything, worrying how things would go once she finally got to meet the love of my life. This part was what had me most concerned. It was one thing for her to react to me the way she had because I was gay, but it was quite another for her to react poorly to Carlisle for it. I knew full well that we had both had worse reactions from people about our orientation, but this was my _daughter_.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee when I heard Carlisle come out of our room. I glanced at the clock and shook my head when I saw that Bella would likely be home within half an hour.

_Should've known he wouldn't actually need me to wake him up. That man's internal clock is better than anything you can buy in a store._

I got up to get him a cup of coffee as well, handing it to him with a kiss as soon as he was within reach. "I was going to wake you in about five minutes."

He ran his fingers through my hair before cupping my jaw, smiling at me. "I know, love. Thank you."

I nodded, taking his hand in mine and leading him back to the table. We sat down and just enjoyed our coffee for a moment - as well as being together again. For the first time that week, I felt a semblance of peace while I was at home. I took his hand in mine, squeezing it lightly, needing the contact. When we both finished our drinks, Carlisle took our cups to the sink and rinsed them. My eyes found the clock again, and I groaned softly. I was _not _looking forward to what was coming. I propped my elbows onto the table and hid my face in my hands, muttering - praying - under my breath for everything to please, _please _go well.

I felt his arms slip around my neck as he leaned down, pressing his lips against the crown of my head. With a heavy sigh, I lowered my hands, placing one of them on his wrist as I tilted my head to rest against his upper arm. My voice barely made it to a whisper when I spoke, "I'm scared Carlisle."

"Shh, love, it'll be okay."

He rested his chin on my head as he held me tight, lending me his strength as he always had.

"What if she..?"

He didn't let me finish, squeezing me gently as he said, "Don't, Charlie. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it, but don't go inviting trouble where there needn't be any."

He was right, of course, but that didn't stop my mind from going over all the possible scenarios. Carlisle continued to stand behind me, holding me as he murmured soft words of love and encouragement - none of which penetrated my brain as my mind raced.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear Bella's truck drive up, nor did I hear her come in. The sound of her "Oh!" followed by her bookbag being dropped to the floor jolted me out of my reverie. Carlisle slowly straightened up, letting his hands linger in their contact with me as he did. I wanted to look, needed to see her reaction, but I couldn't move except to close my eyes as I waited for the bomb to explode.

I heard him move toward her as he said, "Hello, Bella, I'm Carlisle. It's a pleasure to meet you."

His voice was friendly, that familiar British cadence soothing me even as my nerves seemed to stand on end._ Get ahold of yourself, man!_ I took a shuddering breath as I tried to steady myself. I opened my eyes, turning in my seat to face Bella...and I cringed at the hostility I saw in her eyes. _Oh, God..._

Her posture was rigid, her eyes darting between Carlisle and me as she opened and closed her mouth a few times, seemingly unable to say anything. _Guess that beats having her blow her fuse...  
_  
Carlisle had stopped walking toward her and stood halfway between me and my daughter as if unsure what to do next. I saw his hands twitch, and I knew that he was aching to comfort her - to soothe _her _nerves, _her _pain - in spite of the obvious animosity coming from her.

Bella blinked hard several times, shaking her head before finally stuttering, "I...You...I..."

She growled, turned on her heel, and all but ran to her room, the door closing with such force that we could hear it bang right back open again before being slammed shut. The next sound to follow was that of music blaring from her room, and I thought I heard her scream.

"Oh, God..."

I didn't realize I had spoken aloud, if one could even call the sound coming from me 'loud', as all I managed was a croaked whisper. My elbow on the table again, I raised my hand to my eyes, covering them as I whispered, "Carlisle, I'm so sorry..."

I felt him kneel in front of me as he pulled my hand from my eyes - the sadness I saw in his cut me deep, and I hurt for him more than I did for myself. I blamed myself for all of it, for hurting Bella, for hurting _him _all those years, and now this - when I knew all he wanted was to just be able to love her, too. Or rather, to show her that he loved her, as I knew he already did.

He took my face in both hands and pressed his lips insistently to mine before resting his forehead against my own.

"It's okay, love...It'll be okay..."

I could hear in the tone of his voice, in how it broke just the tiniest bit, that her behavior had hurt him more than he was letting on. I placed my palm on his cheek as I clenched my jaw. Watching the pain in his eyes, and hearing how he was trying to shield me from that - it caused the first flarings of anger to stir in my chest. I knew she was hurting - understood it, even - but how _dare _she treat Carlisle this way? He had never done anything to hurt her - he had tried to help her, guide her, love her - so where did she get off hurting this sweet soul?

"How can you say that, Carlisle? You saw her yourself. How can you say it'll all be okay?"

He tried to reassure me that he was fine and that Bella would come around - that it was just a shock to suddenly be faced with the fact over the idea - but it didn't matter anymore. It was done. Nothing I could do could take it back, and that thought killed me. Finally, he sighed as he looked me in the eye.

"Love, do you really think it's for the best that I stay here? Maybe..."

I scowled, shaking my head, my voice harsher than I meant it to be as I tried to rein in the anger I felt licking at my insides. "No! I'm done, Carlisle. I'm done hiding anything from anyone, especially my daughter. This is _your _home, too, and I will not let her or anyone run you from it ever again."

"But..."

"No, I mean it. Bella had better get used to having you around if she's going to live here. If she hates me because I'm gay, there's not shit I can do about it. It's just who I am, Carlisle. And I don't want to be anyone else - I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm just _not_, anymore."

I sighed deeply, feeling myself deflate as my emotions drained what energy I had. Carlisle wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close to him as he placed a soft kiss right below my ear, whispering, "Alright, love."

Slipping my arms around his shoulders, I hugged him tight as I murmured, "I love you, sweets. So much."

I felt his smile against my skin as he said, "I love you, too, Charlie."

As he pulled away, I heard Bella's door close more quietly than before, though her music was still blaring.

_Must be going to the bathroom_.

I sighed again and frowned at the table top, the quiet peace that Carlisle seemed to lend me fading away as he went to start dinner. I listened to the soft thump of the cabinet doors closing; the rattle of pots and pans sounded subdued compared to the noise coming from Bella's room. I kept waiting for her to go back there, but I never heard her door open again, so I figured I must've just missed it somehow.

When I glanced up, Carlisle's brow was beaded with sweat as he peeled potatoes next to a pot of boiling water, and there were several other pans simmering on the stove. I didn't know how long I'd been sitting there, lost in my own world, but the sight made me frown. I stood and walked over to him, making sure he heard me before I slipped my arms around his waist from behind and rested my forehead against his shoulder.

"Sorry, baby..." I murmured, lifting my head to place a soft kiss at the nape of his neck. "I didn't mean for you to do all this alone."

I could hear the smile in his voice as he whispered, "It's alright. You've a lot on your mind."

I nodded, feeling the enormity of his words before I pressed my lips against the pulse point beneath his ear. "Let me do that."

"Gladly." His wry voice made me grin. He hated peeling potatoes with a passion, but he did it because he knew I loved his mashed potatoes...just like the chicken that was frying in the skillet. He'd made it for me just a few days ago before he'd gone to the hotel, but he knew it was my favorite - so he was making it again.

The care he was taking with me despite the fact that this whole mess of a situation was my fault put a lump in my throat. I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, though, so I played along, making a production of taking the knife from him before I bumped him out of the way with my hip. He laughed and went to the sink to wash his hands.

"So what was the meeting about?" I asked to change the subject to something a little safer.

"Oh, they're looking to add another doctor to the rotation. One of the candidates was there today, so they wanted all of us who were around to meet her..."

"Yeah?"

We fell into our comfortable rhythm as we worked together, talking about Carlisle's day and exchanging a kiss here and there. It felt..._normal_. It felt right. And it only strengthened my resolve that he belonged here, at home, with me.

When dinner was close to being ready, I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 5:45. I had been leaning against the counter as we chatted, and I pushed away, washing my hands one last time. Carlisle's eyes were focused on the pan as he turned the chicken, and I reached out, carefully taking his chin and turning his face to mine. "I'm going to go tell Bella dinner's almost ready."

He swallowed carefully, but then he nodded and flashed me a brief, timid smile. I traced his lower lip with my thumb, wanting once again to tell him how goddamn sorry I was and how I wished I could take it all back, but the words were pointless. He knew, and he understood, and for some unfathomable reason, he didn't hate me for it. He loved me, just as I loved him. "Be right back," was all I said in the end.

I kissed him and then walked away, heading down the hall. When I got to Bella's room, I realized she was listening to Pink Floyd's "Run Like Hell," and I stood there for a minute, wondering when she'd switched from that terrible pop shit to classic rock.

I shook my head at myself, seeing my delay tactic for what it was. I squared my shoulders and reached out, knocking on the door with my fist.

Her music turned down almost at once, but I didn't hear any footsteps moving toward the door. I gave her a minute, and when she didn't answer, I knocked again. This time, the door was yanked open at once, and my eyes stared up at me out of her angry, stubborn face.

I was through trying to be nice, through tiptoeing around her.

"It's five forty-five," I said, my voice harder than I'd intended. I realized at once that I was pissed - not so much for myself, but for Carlisle. "Dinner's at six."

She just stared at me, not saying a word.

"You will be there, and you will be civil. Be upset with me all you want, but Carlisle has never done anything to you except love you and want to meet you, and you _will_ be nice to him."

As I was speaking, her eyes flashed, and she stood up straighter. She lifted her chin, and her lips parted to say something - probably something that would've set me off in my current mood - but I didn't give her a chance.

"You have fifteen minutes. I expect you to be at the table on time." She gaped at me as I pulled the doorknob out of her hand and closed the door before turning on my heel and heading back to the kitchen.

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_**A/N: **__Just in case you missed it, we want to remind you that we will begin posting unedited chapters over on twilighted (we're all caught up there on all our stories) and our blog - http://whitlock-masen(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ - so be sure to check those out. We are in the process of editing this story and Marked to conform to ToS on ffnet, and we will be posting edited/censored chapters here. So if you'd like to read the boys as they were intended to be read, visit those sites!_


	6. Communication Breakdown

_**A/N:**__Thank you so much to our betas __**kimberlycullen10**__, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__ for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey._

_One important note for the beginning here - we know some of you balk at certain things that may be suggested in this chapter. Please trust us and read through until the end. Please?_

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**EPOV**

I kicked Tyler Crowley's tree trunk of a leg out of my way as I went to my desk, ignoring his lame attempts to start some shit. He'd probably been thinking of the witty remark all morning – that was how long it took to rub his two brain cells together and produce something like a spark – so it was almost a shame that I wasn't listening.

_Fucking moron_.

Letting my backpack drop to the floor, I slid into my seat with my legs sprawled out in front of me. I reached into the outer pocket of my bag and pulled out my iPod, slipping the earbuds into my ears and closing my eyes as I heard the opening to "All Along the Watchtower."

I was humming along under my breath and murmuring, "So let us not talk falsely now. The hour's getting late," when I felt a tugging. My left earbud popped out, and I opened my eyes to find Jasper Hale's ugly mug grinning at me as he took his seat.

Okay, so he wasn't really ugly - pretty damn good-looking, actually - but I didn't see him that way. We grew up together, so it was hard for me to look at his clear blue eyes and messy blond hair and see anything but the little kid who whined when Emmett took his ice cream. Or maybe I just didn't _let_ myself see beyond that. Jasper was one of the very few people who'd stuck by me when my life had gone to utter shit nearly a year ago.

Jasper winced as he stretched his long legs out in front of him, and I chuckled, turning off my iPod and tossing it back into my bag.

"Yeah, yeah…laugh all you want, fucker," he grumbled. "You know you should be out there, too."

"Right." I rolled my eyes. "Because I'd be _so_ welcome."

"Whatever, dude. Don't let their shit get to you. You know the team misses you. We'd have a hell of a lot better shot this year with you out there running."

Jasper was on the track team – a team I'd been a part of up until last spring – and they'd been doing early conditioning all week. I snorted. "Not gonna happen, man."

He shrugged and sighed, but he let it drop. It was a topic of conversation at least weekly, and he knew by now that I wasn't going to budge. I guess he just hoped that might change. It was kind of a nice reminder, in a way, that he and Emmett didn't give a shit about what I'd done or who I was. "So the Swan girl is supposed to start today," I said, changing the subject.

"Oh, yeah?"

I nodded. "Yeah, new quarter and all." I started to say more, since I'd already filled him and Emmett in on what Carlisle had asked me to do, but from the corner of my eye, I could see the way Crowley was leaning slightly toward us, his body turned our way even though his head was facing the front. He was always too interested in me and what I had to say.

_Closeted fucker. _

Guys like him really pissed me off. It wasn't like I didn't know how hard all this self-discovery shit was, but to take out his own frustrations and fears on someone else was inexcusable – and had caused many long hours of conversation with Carlisle as he tried to get me to see Tyler's side and understand why he might react the way he does and blah blah blah.

Whatever. No matter how the good doc put it, Tyler was a prick.

"Hope she doesn't have Charlie's mustache," Jasper said wryly, leaning over to pick up his notebook and a pen as Mrs. Hinton walked to the front of the room to start class. As I was reaching into my backpack to pull out my own notebook, he added, "Oh, but I guess you like that sort of thing."

I hit him with my binder and muttered, "Motherfucker," under my breath. He chuckled, but before I could retaliate, Mrs. Hinton began lecturing. At the first mention of the Civil War, Jasper was gone, his mind filled with imagined battles while I took notes, struggling not to yawn. Jasper was the history buff, in love with wars and politics and disputed borders, while I much preferred…pretty much anything else.

As soon as the bell rang, he snapped his notebook shut and looked at me with a grin. "See you at lunch!"

I shook my head but couldn't help my own smile as I stuffed my things back into my bag and stood up. I stretched my arms over my head with a groan and threw my backpack over my shoulder as I made my way out of the classroom. Jasper's blond head was already disappearing into the crowd when I turned toward my next class.

Tyler was in my Spanish class as well, and we were the first two to sit down as usual, though at opposite sides of the room. Whenever we were alone like this, he stayed as far away from me as he could, like I was going to attack him or something.

_Dream on, bud. _

I tapped my thumbs on the corner of my desk as I waited for class to start. Before long, Mike Newton came in the room, and I could tell from the bounce in his step and the idiotic grin on his face that he was buzzing about something.

"Crowley!" His grin widened as he made a beeline for Tyler, taking the seat right next to him. He started talking excitedly about the "new meat," gesturing with his hands as he described her figure. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, settling in to spend the class period drawing. Newton thought anything with tits was the hottest thing he'd ever seen – especially if they were _new_ tits. I tried to ignore their crude comments, but they grated on me for some reason.

_God damn monkeys._

All they needed was to jump around and beat their chests, and the image would be complete. I shifted in my seat, my eyes narrowing as I opened my mouth to say something, but Emmett walked past me just at that moment, breaking my eye contact and my train of thought.

"Who pissed in your Cheerios?" He snickered.

"Fuck off," I answered absently, my eyes cutting over to Newton and Crowley again.

"Ahh," he said by way of answer, turning to stare at the two morons. "Up to their usual shit?"

I shook my head, making a face as I tried to forget about them. "Nah, they haven't done shit to me. Just piss me off."

Emmett grinned and was about to answer, but Señora Goff picked that moment to stand up from behind her desk. "Buenos días!" she said, her fat face overly cheerful for a mid-level Spanish class so fucking early in the morning.

Never one to be deterred, Emmett pulled out his notebook and scribbled away, looking for all the world like he was taking notes. He shoved it toward me, nodding down at the paper like I was too fucking stupid to figure out he'd written a message for me.

_Que pasa? _

I snorted, covering it with a cough as I pulled a pen out of my pocket and wrote back, _Fucking monkeys are all hungry for a Swan dinner. _

Emmett frowned, wrinkling his forehead and pursing his lips as he read my note a few times. He licked his lips and thought for a moment before writing back.

_She __is__ pretty fucking hot, dude. I think you'll like her. _

What the hell kind of answer was that? I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and felt the frown on my lips.

_That's not the point. You know she didn't know about Charlie. Can't be easy to move here and find that shit out – hard enough without the fucking wolves descending because they smell fresh meat. _

I shoved the paper back toward him and put my elbow on the desk, resting my temple against my fist as I hid my face from Emmett. Truth was, I wasn't even sure why it upset me, and I felt like a fucking idiot trying to explain it to Em. It wasn't like I owed this girl anything, and it wasn't exactly my M.O. to go out of my way to help someone.

Emmett was too quiet and too still for way too long. It made me wonder if he was actually paying attention for once. Finally, though, he nudged my elbow, and I looked down to see the paper sitting at the corner of his desk again.

_Yeah. Guess so._

Great. So he thought I was acting weird, too. It wasn't like Emmett to just drop something like that. I muttered to myself, nodding to let him know I'd seen it, and we didn't speak again for the rest of class.

As soon as Señora Goff had dismissed us with an exuberant, "Adiós!" I stood up and grabbed my backpack. I was frustrated and irritated without fully understanding why, and that put me on edge, but I'd made a promise to myself last spring that I would try to watch my mood swings around Emmett and Jasper. It wasn't that I didn't fucking go off on them sometimes – it was just that I didn't do it without reason.

A good reason.

And this wasn't one.

I rolled my neck, shaking my arms as I tried to shake off the weird tension, and I put a smile on my face as I turned to Emmett. "See ya in a couple hours?"

His grin was already back as he nodded and said, "You know it." He clapped me on the shoulder and headed out the door in front of me.

When I walked into the Art room, I relaxed almost immediately as I went to the corner I'd staked out and spread my shit everywhere so no one would come near me – not that that was usually a problem. I popped my earbuds back in my ears and spent the next hour sketching and rocking out to Jimi and Zeppelin and The Who.

Midway through class, I felt eyes on me, and I lifted my head, taking a quick glance around the room. I had a vague hope that maybe the Swan girl was in this class and I hadn't noticed, but she wasn't, and the only eyes on me were those of nasty ass skank Lauren Mallory, so I lowered my head again with a shudder. She'd had a thing for me since sixth grade, and it had only gotten worse in the last year.

_Like I'd let you anywhere _near _my dick… _

Funny thing about my little episode that had labeled me "troubled" and landed me with the good doc as a mentor…people invariably had one of two reactions. They either stayed well the fuck away from me and treated me like the social pariah I'd become, or it was like a magnet drew them to me, the way it did with Crowley and Mallory.

Unfortunately, it was nearly always the ones I couldn't stand who were drawn to me. I didn't like to think about what that said about me.

When the bell rang, I was the last to leave the room. I was never in a hurry to leave Art – it was the one time a day where I never had to interact with anyone, and I enjoyed spending time locked inside my head with nothing but a pencil and paper. Carlisle called it therapeutic, and maybe it was, but to me, it was just something I enjoyed.

The Biology classroom was already full when I strolled in, but my table was, as always, empty. I tossed my backpack into the chair beside me and sat down, stretching my legs out in front of me. I didn't really pay attention to anyone in the room – that is, until she walked in.

I knew at once that she had to be Charlie's daughter – she had his eyes and that same brown hair, but thankfully, she was missing the mustache. She glanced around the room and frowned slightly at something in the corner before her eyes darted to Mr. Banner. I couldn't help myself and followed her gaze, even though I knew what I would find.

Sure enough, fucking Mike Newton was there, his back as stiff as his cock must've been as he craned his neck to watch her. Her obvious dismissal of him put a smile on my face, and I looked back at her, watching her jaw clench as she went to talk to the teacher.

I took the opportunity to really look at her while her attention was elsewhere. Her face was pretty with high cheekbones and full lips, and there was something pleasing about her that I couldn't define - she was just really nice to look at. She was short and thin, but she had a killer body. Her build told me she wasn't overly athletic; she seemed kind of…soft somehow – feminine - but she wasn't sporting the little pudgy paunch that came with hours of Facebook and Taco Bell. She was just in shape, toned, and…

_Fucking hot._

I sighed as Emmett's words came back to me. I hated it when that asshat was right.

Didn't matter, though. Somehow, I didn't think when Carlisle asked me to "look after her," he meant "get in her pants." Besides, she really did look like she could use a friend, and one glance at the Mike Newtons of the world told me it wouldn't be them.

I was the only one without a lab partner, so I didn't have to engineer some way to talk to her or invite her over. I simply had to sit back and wait for the inevitable. I reached over, dragging my backpack out of the seat and onto the floor beside me. I saw the look of unease on Mr. Banner's face as he handed Bella a book and motioned toward my table. The irony was that I was his star student – science just came easily to me, like most things – but he avoided contact with me as much as possible.

She walked down the aisle toward me, watching her feet rather than looking around at anyone. When she reached me, she sat down in the empty seat and glanced over, giving me a small smile. I saw her eyes widen just slightly when she really took me in, and I couldn't help the half-grin I gave her in return. I knew I was damn attractive – I'd had enough members of both genders tell me so.

_Keep it in your pants, Masen. Carlisle's stepdaughter, remember? _

The image of Carlisle's accepting, smiling face put an immediate damper on my interest. The man had been there for me when few others were, and he'd helped me out more than anyone. I tried again, giving Bella a genuine smile as I said, "Hi, I'm Edward."

I heard a low voice behind me mutter, "Of _course_ that fucking freak would…" but Newton trailed off before I could catch just what, exactly, this fucking freak would do. I resisted the urge to turn around and show him what I would do to _him_ and tuned him out instead. It was nothing new.

I saw the corner of Bella's mouth tighten and knew that she'd heard Mike – the idiot didn't seem to realize that it wasn't helping his situation with her any. She held out her hand and smiled brightly as she answered, "Hey...I'm Bella."

When I reached out to shake her hand, she held on a little longer than she should have, and I was the one to pull away with a wry smile as I said, "Yeah, I know…'fraid it's hard to keep a secret in this town very long."

I was testing her a little, goading her to see what sort of response I'd get – see if I could get any clues to whether or not Charlie had told her and what she'd thought if he had. Her eyes darkened as her jaw clenched again, and she gave a little huff as she shook her head once and pulled out her notebook. She mumbled something under her breath, but all I caught was, "…damn well keep secrets…"

_Well, the Chief fucking told her… _

And it looked like she'd taken it about as well as I would have.

Figuring a science lab might not be the best setting for the "So…you found out your dad is gay…" conversation, especially not within five minutes of meeting her, I sighed and reached into my backpack, pulling out my lab manual and notebook. Mr. Banner was making the rounds, passing out little containers of slides, and I decided to go the small talk route, even though I usually hated that shit.

"So you liking Forks okay?"

She rolled her eyes but gave a half-smile as she said, "Oh, yeah. It's thrilling."

I chuckled, knowing all about how stifling the small town could be. "Well, there's no way you've seen all it has to offer yet. Maybe I'll take you out on the town sometime. Show you the diner." I winked, and she laughed with the first genuine smile I'd seen on her face.

_Fucking beautiful_.

"How do you know I haven't already agreed to go out with someone else?" she joked.

I could feel Newton's eyes boring into the back of my head, and I knew at once that he'd already asked her out – and, judging from her teasing, she hadn't taken him up on it. And she was fucking taunting him about it.

Right there in the middle of class.

With me.

_I love this girl. _

Of course, I didn't _really _love her, but anyone who gave Mike shit was alright in my book. I cracked a smile and said, "Because I can tell you've got better taste than that," as arrogantly as I could. She smiled, her eyes telling me that she knew what I was doing. Her eyes were brown – nothing great there – but there was this little devilish light in them that was pretty fucking awesome.

We talked throughout the rest of class as we worked on the mitosis lab Mr. Banner had assigned. It was pretty mindless, so we spent our time trading insults, both about each other and our classmates. She was easy to talk to, and we seemed to get along well, but I wasn't naïve. There was a really massive fucking subject we hadn't discussed yet, and I had no clue how she would react to it.

So I kept my distance but talked to her and tried to get her to relax a little. Every once in awhile, she would suddenly stiffen and clam up, like she just remembered she was pissed off or something. It was weird, but then she had a lot going on, so I ignored it the best I could and just kept steering the conversation back to something that didn't make her look like she'd just had a broomstick shoved up her ass.

Lunch followed Biology, so as we got ready to leave the room, I said, "Hey, feel like starting the grand tour of Forks with the high school cafeteria?"

She laughed and said, "Yeah, sure…I'll be sure to brace myself so I'm not overwhelmed or anything."

I smirked. "Well, you _will_ be meeting some friends of mine, so that's a very real danger."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, throwing her backpack on one shoulder. "Lead on, tour guide."

As we made our way to the cafeteria, I automatically ignored the wide berth the other students gave me. To be fair, I wasn't the number one topic of conversation anymore, but the habit was ingrained now, and most of them either stared or their eyes seemed to slip over me without really seeing me. It was pathetic, really, how little it had taken in the grand scheme of things to turn the golden boy of Forks High into an outcast.

And there was very little of it I would take back.

If I didn't pay attention to what was happening around me, Bella did. I felt her shoulders stiffen and heard her mutter under her breath – and then I realized she thought they were staring at _her_.

"Relax, sweetheart," I said wryly. "You're not the freak show in this pair."

I glanced down at her, and she frowned. "What are you talking about?"

With a shake of my head and a small noise of discontent, I muttered darkly, "I'm sure you'll find out soon enough."

She stopped, grabbing my backpack, and I was forced to stop and turn to look at her. She arched an eyebrow at me pointedly.

I shrugged. "I'll tell you myself." Taking a quick look around at all the bodies streaming past us, I twisted so that she had to release my bag. "But later. After school. Okay?"

She tilted her head, lifting her chin as she studied me before she nodded at last. "Yeah, alright." I felt a sharp punch to my ribs, and my head whipped around at her in surprise. "But you _will_ tell me."

_Fucking packs a punch… _

"Yeah, yeah…I said I would, didn't I?" I shifted my bag back onto my shoulder and started down the hall again. She walked beside me in silence, and I had to wonder what she might be thinking – and what clues she might be putting together. I was sure Newton wouldn't have let the entire morning go by without mentioning at least a little something about me…_especially_ when he was near Crowley.

When we walked into the cafeteria, my table was empty, so I led Bella to the lunch line. We filled our trays with what they passed off as pizza, salad, apple slices, and corn, of all things, and I grabbed a carton of orange juice, while Bella opted for chocolate milk.

As soon as we entered the cafeteria again, I saw that Emmett and Jasper had arrived and were sitting at our usual spot. Before I could begin leading Bella to my friends, however, she said, "Oh, hey…there's Emmett!" and waved, heading straight for him.

_The asshole._

Of _course_ she would know Emmett already. Who didn't? I rolled my eyes and followed along behind her. When we got to the table, she sat down right beside him and then finally turned to look at me. "Oh! I'm sorry. Is it alright if we sit here..?"

I smirked. "I hope so…unless these two assholes have jumped on the Masen-is-the-Antichrist bandwagon."

Bella gave me an appraising look, this little wrinkle appearing on her forehead as her eyes filled with concern. I rolled my eyes again, feeling my nostrils flare. I _hated_ that look.

_Fucking pity. Who needs it?_

Emmett snorted. "Shit, dude, I'm leading the rally to run your ass out of town."

Jasper sighed, stretching his long legs out in front of him as he ran his fingers through his hair. "That shit gets old, Em. Stop being a douche."

"Right." I sat down across from Bella, and Jasper immediately reached out, snatching up a piece of apple from my tray. "Help yourself, dick," I muttered, and he flashed me a grin. "So I guess you know Emmett." Bella nodded, and I caught the way her cheeks flushed as she glanced at Jasper.

I felt a stab of irritation – my first real sign that I was more interested in Bella Swan than I was supposed to be. I shoved it down, trying to remind myself that she needed a _friend_, not another dick trying to fuck her…literally. "This is Jasper," I said. "Resident mooch."

He gave her the crooked grin he reserved for special occasions, and that little pink on her cheeks got even deeper. Before I could get too annoyed, Angela and Ben walked up with their trays in hand, and our happy little family was complete. I introduced Bella to the two of them, and we all spent the lunch break talking and getting to know Bella better. She told us a little about Phoenix, and I caught her sneaking glances at Jasper from time to time as she talked. It was almost a relief when she started talking books with Angela; before long, they were chattering about _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_, paying no attention to us at all.

Emmett and Jasper were talking about conditioning for track – they were both on the team – and Ben was, as usual, reading a comic book, so I took the opportunity to just observe while I ate.

And what I saw was that the attraction between Bella and Jasper was definitely not one-sided. He was in rare form, joking with Emmett more than usual, and his eyes kept cutting over to Bella like he was checking to see if she was paying attention. If they'd been birds, he would've been preening his feathers and strutting around, bobbing his head. As it was, he was practically strutting anyway – as much as he could while sitting down and looking like he didn't fucking give a damn about anything, of course.

Bella, meanwhile, glanced over at him while Angela was talking, and every time she caught him looking at her, she blushed again. I was beginning to worry that she'd pass out from all that blood rushing to her head, but thankfully, that particular crisis was averted.

_At least it's fucking Jasper's dumb ass and not goddamn Newton._

_Or Crowley. _

I actually shuddered at the image of Bella with Tyler, and I pushed my tray away, my appetite gone. Jasper pulled it in front of him and began eating as he and Emmett dropped all the sports talk and turned to me, asking what we were doing this weekend. I couldn't help but smile at the fuckers.

Unfortunately, I told them I didn't have a clue. Emmett wasn't affected in the least, though, asking Jasper if Rosalie was going to be home from college this weekend. Jasper grimaced and said, "Unfortunately."

At the look of excitement on Emmett's face, Jasper's eyes narrowed. "And you just better think of something else to do because I guaran-fucking-_tee _you you're not going near my sister."

"Dude! Why d'ya gotta be such a prick, man?"

I tuned out the bickering couple and tried to think of something we _could_ do this weekend. I usually had a plan – something to get me out of the house – but I'd been so busy at work and thinking about Carlisle's shit situation that I hadn't really thought about it.

Carlisle had never told me what went on between him and Charlie – shit, I didn't really want to know – but I could read between the lines, and I knew that there was a hell of a lot more to this Bella situation. He rarely ever let his own emotions get in the way of anything, but I'd seen the look on his face when he asked me to look out for Bella. He really cared about her, and the fact that she hadn't known Charlie was gay didn't exactly suggest she knew anything about Carlisle, you know?

I knew Renee and Charlie had split up when he realized he was gay – and that Carlisle was part of that realization. Hell, the whole _town_ knew that. What I didn't know was what Bella had grown up hearing. If she didn't know Charlie was gay, there was no telling what she thought about her parents' divorce. After finding out the truth – that Charlie had fallen in love with another man – she had to be wondering how all that shit had gone down, how the hell she'd even been born in the first place.

What a mindfuck.

Carlisle had explained a _very_ little bit about Charlie's reasoning, and I'd put together some of the gossip I'd heard in town all my life to figure out some more. It all boiled down to being afraid of losing Bella completely. But shit…what about losing _Carlisle_? Did Charlie not realize that that might've been a real possibility if the good doc hadn't been as damn understanding as he always was?

No matter what the reason or how much Charlie meant well, it sucked ass. And it wasn't fair to Carlisle. Now, I knew firsthand how unfair life could be and how much the people you loved could hurt you. But at least I was a prick sometimes. It didn't mean I deserved it, necessarily, but that was at least debatable. With Carlisle, there was no uncertainty - he sure as _hell_ didn't deserve it.

I was so lost in my own musings that the bell ringing to signal the end of the lunch period made me jump. Everyone stood up, still talking, and I followed suit, frowning a bit as I went to put my tray away. I was a little surprised when it was me that Bella looked up to hopefully.

"I have AP English next…what do you have?"

I grinned. "Looks like you're stuck with me another hour at least…"

Emmett held up his fist to me as we started to walk off, and I bumped it with my own, my attention still on Bella as she pulled out her schedule for me to see. I was aware of Jasper running his fingers through his hair as he stood there, for once at a loss for something to say. Angela and Ben fell into step with us, and Bella gave a little cheer when she realized they were both in the class as well.

We all walked in together, still talking comfortably, and Bella sat down in one of the empty seats near me. The class was far from full, and Mr. Mason taught with a mix of discussion and lecture, so our desks were all arranged in a semi-circle around his podium. He rarely used it, though, preferring to perch on the edge of his desk in between his bouts of pacing.

We had just finished reading _The Sound and the Fury_ before the end of the last quarter, so the next couple of days were supposed to be an overall discussion of the novel before our essays were due at the end of next week. As I was about to explain all of this to Bella, Mr. Mason walked over to introduce himself.

They exchanged greetings, and he handed her a copy of the book, saying, "Since you didn't read it with us, you may be excused from writing the essay, but we'll have a test over the novel at the end of next week. Do you think you'll be able to finish it by then?"

"I've already read it," she answered.

His eyes widened, his eyebrows appearing over the thick tortoise shell frames of his glasses. "Did you study it in Phoenix?"

She shook her head, giving him a small, almost shy smile, but I saw the haughtiness in her eyes. "No, I just read it on my own."

"Oh." Mr. Mason adjusted his glasses, standing up straight again. "Oh, well, very good, then. You should be all set?"

I don't think he intended for it to be a question. He seemed a little thrown by Bella, but there was admiration and a tentative respect on his face, too.

I grinned, even though it really had nothing to do with me. She took the novel from him and thanked him, saying she was sure she'd be fine. She cut her eyes to me as she said, "Edward said he'd be glad to help me study."

Mr. Mason smiled at that, genuine kindness brightening his eyes. He had a little bit of Carlisle's compassion, though it was mixed with that infuriating pity that – thank fucking god – I never had to deal with when I was talking to the Doc. He left us alone then, heading to the front of the room, where he sat on the corner of his desk and crossed one ankle over the other knee, revealing his argyle socks.

As soon as he opened his mouth and started speaking, Bella was gone. Completely absorbed, just like Jasper in History. I spent most of the class watching her in amusement. She answered a few questions and asked some of her own. I noticed they all had to do with Caddy, and each time she spoke, that little spark of respect in Mr. Mason's eyes grew.

By the end, he was absolutely ecstatic with his new student, especially when she mentioned someone named Luce Irigaray. I was goddamn lost, but I sat there after the bell rang, listening for a couple of minutes as the two of them chattered away. My grin was definitely amused, and it wasn't until other students started filing into the room that Mr. Mason finally sighed and said we'd better get to class. He looked regretful as Bella walked away, and I couldn't help but tease her as soon as we were out of earshot.

"You're just racking up the admirers today, aren't you, Swan?"

She frowned at me. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

My grin widened at her curse. "Mr. Mason…he was looking at you like he was seeing the second coming of Christ. What the hell were you two talking about anyway?"

She rolled her eyes at me and hitched her backpack onto her shoulders again as she blew her hair out of her eyes in annoyance. "Luce Irigaray? She's a French feminist theorist. I was just asking him about the idea of Caddy as a void. You know, an empty space?"

"Yes, I know what a fucking void is," I snickered as I steered her in the direction of the gym for her next class. We didn't have any more together, but thankfully there were only a couple of hours left. I listened to her as she went on about Caddy Compson not having a voice, and all too soon, we were at the door where we would have to split up.

"This is you," I said, winking with a smile.

She broke off mid-sentence and frowned at me before she sighed. "Fucking _hate_ gym."

"Cheer up, Swan. At least you have it with Newton." I nodded over her shoulder at him. He was leaning against the wall beside the gym door, watching us.

Her head whipped around, glancing at him before she looked back up at me. "You have _got_ to be kidding me!"

"'Fraid not, sweetheart." I leaned in closer, lowering my voice to whisper in her ear. "Try your best not to swoon. I know it's hard."

"Fucking ass," she grumbled, punching my ribs again.

_God _damn_, that shit's gonna bruise if she keeps that up. _

I didn't let her see my wince as I laughed. I straightened up again as the bell rang. "Hey?" I waited until she looked up at me and then gave her a small smile. "If you really do want to hear about umm…well, me…" My eyes tightened as they shifted to Newton again, knowing she might very well hear _all_ about me before then. "I'll be in the parking lot after school."

She studied me for a moment and then blinked, nodding. "I'm the monster red truck. You can't miss it."

That was the last she said as she turned and pushed open the door, heading to the gym with her head down. I watched as Newton said something to her, but she just glanced at him and then kept on walking.

I went to my last two classes with a smile on my face. As soon as I walked into Calculus, Jasper grinned and waved me over. We talked a little during class, but Mr. Varner was always a pain in the ass, so we didn't have time to say much, and I escaped without having to get into a discussion about Bella. I wasn't quite sure how I felt yet – either about her or about how _he_ might feel about her, too – so it was a relief to tell him I had to go and escape to the gym with Emmett.

We were playing basketball, so we spent the entire hour running up and down the court, and when it was over, Emmett and I walked around the court a couple of times, letting the locker room clear out before we went in. I refrained from rolling my eyes when the last couple of guys hastily finished dressing as soon as I walked into the room, but my jaw was clenching and my teeth grinding as I undressed and stepped under the shower.

Emmett didn't say anything – he knew better by now – and soon, we were both clean and dressed again and on our way out to the parking lot. We saw Bella at the same time. She was sitting on the lowered tailgate of an ancient red pick-up with a book in her hands, and Emmett bumped my shoulder with a grin. "Fucking lucky bastard," was all he said before he jogged a few steps ahead and called out her name.

She looked up and smiled brightly, waving at him as he ran up to her. He scooped her up in a hug and twirled her around, then put her back down on the tailgate, ruffling her hair just as I walked up.

She was staring at him, her eyes wide in shock with her mouth agape, and I snickered. "Good look for you."

She turned to me then. "Does he always manhandle people he just met?"

"Nope," I said, taking a seat on the tailgate beside her. "He must like you."

"Fuck off," he answered with a grin as he held out his hand to me. I reached out, slapping his hand, and he began walking backward, toward his car. "Hey, give me a call tonight, yeah?"

"Yeah, will do." I raised my hand, waving, and watched him walk a couple of more feet before I turned back to Bella. "So, whatcha reading?"

She stuck a post-it in the book to mark her place, and I caught the words, "miss you," scrawled in purple ink before she closed it and handed it to me.

"_The Diamond Age?"_

She nodded.

"What's it about?"

She turned around and scooted back into her truck bed, turning so she could lean against the side. "Nano machines and a little girl's primer." She smirked and shrugged. "Science fiction…it's not always my favorite, but I really like that one so far. A friend of mine gave it to me before I left Phoenix." She looked down at her knees, her fingers nervously tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she blushed.

Something about that blush and the way she said "friend" made my eyes narrow as I wondered just who this friend was. I didn't ask, though, just shifting so that I was sitting across the truck bed from her in a position that mirrored hers.

"Fair enough," I said with a smile. "You survived your first day okay?"

She grimaced but nodded, and we just talked idly for a few minutes before I shifted, my ass falling asleep sitting on the hard metal of the truck. Her face was down, but she was peering up at me through her eyelashes, and I could tell it was coming.

"So…" she said.

_And so it begins._ I kept my face neutral as I waited to hear what she'd have to say.

"I heard a few things about you today."

"Yeah?" She nodded. "I'm not surprised," I said blandly.

"Is it true?" she asked, and I sighed. I hated that fucking question.

"Depends on what you heard, I guess."

She rolled her eyes at me and ran her fingers through her hair. Her eyes stayed on me while she bit her bottom lip, her forehead wrinkling and making her look like she was thinking hard. Finally, she said, "Mostly I heard that I should stay away from you."

I smirked. "Again, not surprised."

"Don't you want to know why?" She sounded annoyed.

"I have a pretty good idea." My voice was dry, but for the first time in a long time, I felt a stab of something like regret. Most of the time I really didn't care what people thought of me, but it seemed…important…with Bella. Maybe it was because she was coming into this blind, with no preconceived notions, and it was my first chance to see what people from outside this little close-minded town might think about me.

_And maybe it's because you _do_ think she's fucking hot, and you want to impress her just like Jasper and goddamn Newton_.

My lips twisted in distaste. She frowned at me.

"It's alright with me if you're gay."

_How very wrong you are, sweetheart_.

Her statement caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting this conversation to go that way, much less start there. "It's alright with you, huh? How very magnanimous of you." My tone was harsh, and I was glad.

Her lip twitched like she was trying not to smile.

_What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?_

Then she giggled.

"Something funny?" I all but snarled.

"Magnanimous? Really? What are you, eighty?" She giggled again and then snorted when she tried to rein in it.

I couldn't help but chuckle, too. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm a freak." She shrugged and stretched her legs out in front of her. I did the same and glanced down at her shoes – light blue Converse with black ink drawings all over them. Pretty good drawings, at that, though I couldn't tell what they were supposed to be.

_Huh_.

I hadn't realized she was artistic, and the thought put a smile on my face when I looked up at her again. "So other than having the vocabulary of an eighty-year-old man, what else is wrong with me?"

She frowned at me. "Nothing's _wrong_ with you. But if you mean what else did I hear…sort of a lot." She wrinkled her nose – which was actually pretty fucking cute – and looked down, watching her fingers as she played with them in her lap and finally began to talk. "I just heard that you were gay…and that you were…umm…well, you got caught doing stuff behind the bleachers with your boyfriend. And that you have a bad temper. They said you got really pissed off at a track meet last year and beat the shit out of Mike Newton." When I didn't say anything, she finally looked up, tossing her head to get her hair out of her eyes. "Is it true?"

I shrugged, looking away from her. I took a minute to glance around the parking lot as I was trying to collect my thoughts and figure out how much to tell this girl I'd just met. Jasper and Emmett knew the truth, and Carlisle did, of course, but that was about it. My parents knew a censored version of it, but the rest of the town had created their own fucked up story about it. I realized the parking lot was empty – that Bella had let herself be alone with me, despite what she'd heard – and I decided to take a chance and trust her a little bit, too.

_Hope you're fucking right, Doc. _

"It's…sort of true." I looked back at her, watching her until she met my eye. "Look, it's not shit I like talking about, and most people make up their minds before they ever even meet me, so I haven't really had to tell anyone before." _Except Carlisle_, I added silently. But as she didn't know about that particular detail yet, I kept it to myself.

She nodded and looked back down. "I understand," she said in a small voice.

"But I'll tell you."

She looked back up at me, her eyes wide. "Really? Why?"

"Maybe I'm just a sadistic fucker and want you to choose a lonely life with the social pariah over party time with the wastes of space."

She gave me a little half-grin. "How do you know I'm not a waste of space?"

"Just do."

She licked her bottom lip and studied me for a minute before nodding. "Fair enough. So spill it, Masen."

She arched an eyebrow at me, and I took a deep breath, my playful mood evaporating as I realized I really was going to have to tell her my story – at least some of it. "Alright, so…" I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging at it before I let my hand drop and just started fucking talking. "Well, the bleachers stuff…that's true, unfortunately. I've sort of always known I was attracted to guys, and I've messed around with them and shit." I could feel her eyes on me, but I didn't look over. I wasn't sure how she'd reacted to Charlie's coming out, but she'd already told me she didn't care if I was gay, so she could deal. "And there was this one guy, James, that I really connected with. I _thought_ he was my boyfriend. He wasn't out yet, so everything was hush-hush all the time, but that was alright. I wasn't exactly declaring myself either, you know?"

I glanced at her automatically that time, and she was just watching me thoughtfully, giving no outward reaction at all. For some reason, that made my temper flare, but I pushed it down again, counting backward from ten the way Carlisle had taught me.

_Fucking happy now, Doc?_

I knew he would be – proud, too – and I shook my head with an annoyed smile. I took a few shallow breaths and then continued, "Anyway, so James was my boyfriend, sort of. We made out a lot, and we hung out a lot, but no one really knew about it – not even Emmett and Jasper because…I don't know why. I just didn't tell them. James was paranoid about his family finding out. He said he wanted to tell them himself, his way."

I made a face as I picked up a stick that must have broken off and fallen into the bed of her truck and began peeling the bark off slowly, just to have something to do with my hands, something to look at. "Well, he showed up at track practice one day and called me over. I won't get into too much of what happened, but suffice to say, we ended up behind the bleachers in a compromising position…" The memory of James' dick in my mouth left a sour taste even now, and I turned my head, spitting over the side of her truck with a grimace before I could go on. "One of the guys came looking for me, freaked the fuck out, and things got fucking insane from there."

I flicked at the bark with my thumbnail, not wanting to look up at Bella, but I was very aware of her sitting just a few feet away in complete silence. "I knew we were going to be in trouble, but I didn't expect everything that happened." I turned just my eyes to her, suddenly needing to have some idea of how she was reacting. Her face was stoic, giving nothing away, and I twisted my lips, looking down at the stick in my hand again. "He claimed I made him. Said it was all my fault, that he never wanted to do anything with me, and that I was basically an emotionally abusive bully who forced him."

_Yeah, I fucking _forced_ him to let me suck his cock._

I rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of that claim…a claim that everyone had believed. "Shit got…" There were no words for what happened after that, but I had to find some. I paused, tilting my head as I thought. "I don't even know. It was just like one thing happened after another. I was pissed off – and hurt," I admitted. I hated to even _think_ that, let alone say it out loud, but I'd actually cared about that fucking asshole. "My parents were _pissed_. They didn't know who to believe or what to think, and…it was just bad." I stopped short, realizing I'd been about to tell her everything.

_This therapy shit with Carlisle is dangerous. _

It seemed that after seven months or so of meeting with the good doc and pouring my heart out, it was starting to come a little too naturally. When I raised my head to meet her eyes finally, she was still just sitting there, staring at me calmly.

_What the fuck? Seriously._

"Yes?" I asked, just being an antagonizing asshole.

She frowned at my tone, her eyebrows pulling down as she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. "That seriously sucks."

I snorted. "Yeah, a little."

"So what happened then? I mean…what did James do?"

For some reason, I didn't think that was what she really wanted to ask…but I had no clue what she _did_ want to know, so I just answered as best I could. "Fucking ridiculous shit," I muttered under my breath before raising my voice, trying to keep the raw edge out of it. "He took it to the extreme. He was so fucking afraid of someone finding out that he was gay that he pushed it as far as he could. Restraining order, the whole bit. Eventually, his family moved to give him a 'fresh start' away from the 'hostile environment' I created."

I snapped the stick in two and threw the pieces as hard as I could before wiping my hands on my jeans. "I didn't handle it well," I said blandly, my eyes on Bella's. Despite what Carlisle said about her needing a friend, she also needed to know what the hell she was getting into if she decided to hang out with me. "The fucking morons around here had way too much to say, and I started getting into fights. I didn't even try to control my temper. I was pissed the fuck off, and the world knew it. It was pretty rough. Jasper and Emmett tried to help me. They convinced me to stay on the track team, ignore all the shit, and just live my life. They said everyone would forget about it eventually if I let them. It might've even worked except…"

I trailed off, clenching my jaw as I looked left, where I could see the track surrounding the football field in the valley. I could still feel the bite of the asphalt under my fingertips as I waited for a race to start, taste the sweat of my skin as I ran. I missed it in a lot of ways.

_Too fucking bad._

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, turning back to Bella, who was still sitting in patient silence. "It was stupid, really. Motherfucking Mike Newton made _one_ comment too many, and I snapped."

For some reason, that memory was always clear to me, always real, and it came to my mind unbidden, forcing me to take a moment to just breathe.

_My mind was calm for the first time in days. I could smell the asphalt and the ozone, feel the hot sun beating down on my shoulders. I stretched my legs, squatting down a few times before raising my arms over my head. As I lowered them, I shook them out and took my place on the starting block._

_I bent forward, placing my hands on the ground, just in time to hear Newtons's voice say, "Better watch bending over like that around Masen. He might-" _

_My fist connected with his face with a satisfying crunch, cutting off whatever comment he'd been about to make. I hadn't even realized I had straightened up, but I stood over him as he crumpled to the ground. My shadow stretched across his face, but I could still see the blood pouring from his nose and mouth clearly. _

"_Masen!" The coach's whistle drew my attention, and I turned my head to find him striding over angrily._

"_Oh, shit," Jasper muttered beside me, and I felt Emmett's massive hand clamp down on my shoulder. My hands were still balled into fists, and I realized I'd been about to hit Coach Clapp, too, if he said the wrong thing. _

_I worked hard to loosen my hands, trying to calm myself with slow, steady breathing, but as soon as he stepped in front of me and began yelling, asking what the hell I'd done, I lost it again. I heard my voice rising over his, obscenities spilling from my lips, but I didn't even really know what I was saying. _

_At least, not until I yelled, "Fuck this shit! I'm done."_

_I started to walk away. Emmett's hold tightened for a moment – right up until I glared at him over my shoulder. He let me go, raising both his hands in surrender, and I stalked off, hearing the coach say darkly, "You're already in serious trouble, Masen, but if you walk off this track now, you're off the team. Permanently."_

"_Fuck you." _

I sighed, still hating that I'd let that goddamn asshole be the one to finally get to me. At least he'd been kicked off the team, too. I ran both hands through my hair and looked at Bella. "I punched him on the track, and he fell like the pussy he is, but I just wasn't even thinking. Not really. I quit the team, walked off, and it just got worse from there. I had to meet with the school counselors, and they decided I was 'troubled' and needed more help than they could give me, so they hooked me up with a mentor…someone in the 'unique' position to understand my 'situation'." I made a face and left it at that, realizing that – at last – we'd hit the point where I'd have to give her the one little surprise I had left for her.

_Please don't let her get pissed and stop talking to me. _

It was a simple but earnest request, and I realized two things as I made it: maybe I wasn't quite the atheist I thought, and I already liked having Bella around…it would suck for her to just abandon me like so many others had.

"A mentor?" I could hear the frown in her voice.

I nodded. "Yeah, you know…someone to talk to, someone who's sort of been there and can pass on wisdom or whatever."

I was walking a fine line. I didn't want this to suddenly sound heavy and important, but I also really did respect Carlisle – and I knew he was likely to be a sore subject for Bella. It was a fucking terrible place to be, but it was something only I could do for him…so I would try.

"Wisdom, huh?" she mused. "Did it work?"

A smile flitted across my face. "Yeah, I think so. Not exactly the way they hoped, but it's…he's cool."

"Well, that's good." She brushed her hair away from her face and muttered, glancing up at the sky as it started to drizzle. "I'm really glad you found someone to talk to about…well, all that shit. It's kind of…" She stopped suddenly, sighing as she bit her bottom lip and shook her head. Her eyes widened as she continued, "I know how much it fucking sucks not to be able to talk to anyone about something."

Her words were cryptic, delivered in a darker voice, and I got the distinct impression that she was talking about more than just Charlie.

_So little Miss Swan has secrets of her own… _

I really didn't want to reveal _my_ secret, but there was no way around it, not being who I was in a town this small, so I didn't respond, steeling myself instead before I said, "Bella…you should know…" Light rain had started to fall, and I waited until she wiped the moisture from her cheek and met my gaze. "Carlisle's my mentor."

Her spine stiffened, and she stared at me, her eyes growing harder as her jaw tightened.

_Jesus, so that's what they mean by "shooting daggers"… _

Her head whipped around, her thick hair blocking her face from my sight as she scooted to the end of the truck and hopped down. I could hear her muttering under her breath, though the only words I understood were "should've fucking known."

I scrambled out of the truck and caught her arm. "Should've known what?" I kept my voice as calm and level as possible, trying that soothing shit Carlisle always used on me.

She squirmed, pulling her arm away. "I should've fucking _known_ Charlie would pull some shit like this! He can't even let me have a normal life at goddamn school!"

I held up both hands, spreading them apart as I tried to get her to calm down. "Charlie didn't do anything. I swear."

She just glared at me, her nostrils flaring, but at least she didn't storm off.

"Honestly. Look, if it helps, I think it's completely fucked up that he never told you. I mean…what a mindfuck, huh? Move in with your single, straight dad just to find out he's gay and…not single."

There was a flash of something in her eyes – pain, I thought, but something more – and she lifted her chin, squaring her shoulders like she was preparing to fight me or something. My own back straightened, responding to the implied threat, and I had to force myself to relax, to let my shoulders drop and my hands loosen.

"And I know how much secrets can suck, no matter which side of them you're on. So I didn't want you to go home not knowing that Carlisle is my mentor, but he has nothing to do with the fact that I want to hang out with you." I gave her a small smile that she didn't return. "I think you're pretty fucking cool. I like you, Bella, and I hope that we can be friends."

It was maybe the cheesiest thing I'd ever said in my life, but she gave me a small, timid smile before her face fell and she sighed, leaning back against the truck and running her hands across her face. The rain was beginning to pick up, and I stepped toward her, reaching out to open her door.

When it creaked, she lowered her hands and peered up at me, her face much closer than I expected it to be. I was still holding on to the door handle, but I couldn't seem to make myself move or tell her to get in the car. We stood there with the rain falling between us until she gave this weird groaning sigh.

"What is it?" I asked quietly.

"I'm just wondering why the hell I had to move to a town where _everyone_ is gay." There was frustration apparent in her voice, and I felt my lips twitch toward a smile as it became clear that – no matter what she thought of Jasper – she was attracted to me, too.

Of course, there was a glaring misconception I needed to clear up.

_And you're supposed to be her _friend_, remember? Just her friend._

I wanted to growl, but instead, I decided to tease her a little. "I hardly think the three of us would constitute the entire town." She rolled her eyes at me, and I leaned in closer, reaching up to cup her cheek as I traced the shell of her ear with my thumb. I lowered my lips to her other ear and breathed, "And besides…I'm not gay. I'm bi."

She gave this little gasp as I let my hand drop and turned around, striding away. When I'd walked a few feet, I looked over my shoulder at her and called out, "Get in the truck, Bella. It's fucking raining out here."

She gaped at me, and I faced forward again with a chuckle, feeling her eyes on my back as I went to my car and got in. When I started the engine, she was still staring, and I couldn't help but laugh at the expression on her face. I made a shooing motion with my fingers, and she jumped, narrowing her eyes at me even as her grin broadened. She climbed into her truck at last and closed the door as the engine grumbled and roared to life.

_Sorry, Carlisle…I'm trying, but she's so damn fun to mess with._

_And beautiful… _

It seemed like Doc and I would have quite a bit to talk about at our next meeting. I just hoped that Bella would be speaking to him by then – maybe that way he would be in a good enough mood that he wouldn't kill me.

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_**A/N:**__ And there you have it - Edward isn't gay. He's just open-minded ;) We hope you enjoyed hearing from Wishward. That boy certainly has a lot to say._

_On Friday, we were stunned to have two different sites review and recommend our other story, __**Marked**__! If you get a chance, stop by the __**Perv Pack's Smut Shack**__ and __**The Fictionators**__ to read what they had to say (links on our profile). Thank you SO much to everyone involved! We were extremely touched and spent the entire day squealing!_

_We really appreciate everyone who reads and reviews __**Be Careful What You Wish For**__. We know it's a very different pairing from what most people are used to, and we still get a lot of hesitant reviews. It means a lot to us that you're sticking around to see how life works out for these men :)  
_


	7. Run Like Hell

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much to our betas __**kimberlycullen10**__, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__ for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies__!_

_A note on the timeline: Chapters 5 through 7 all overlap. Chapter 5 was Charlie's POV and included the week following Bella's move to her first two days of school (Thursday and Friday). Chapter 6 was Edward's POV and included his observations of that Thursday. This chapter is Bella's POV of that Friday, which is when Carlisle moves back in._

_  
We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey._

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**BPOV**

The sky outside my truck window was a dingy gray like ratty old underwear, and the rain splattering on the windshield didn't do much to improve the image. Still, it couldn't touch my mood.

The stereo in the truck was a piece of shit – a radio in name only – but I was humming along to the sound of the Rolling Stones pouring through my iPod headphones. For the first time since I'd arrived in the hell known as Forks and found out my father's secret, I felt…happy. Hopeful.

Like maybe I would wake up from this nightmare and find _life_ again.

And I had to admit that it had a hell of a lot to do with the people I'd met yesterday, the same ones I was looking forward to seeing right now.

I stopped at the stop sign at the end of the street and took a second to zip up my hoodie. It was forty-four degrees outside – fucking freezing – and I had yet to do the shopping I'd planned to during my few days off from school, which left me with limited wardrobe options. The situation with Charlie had turned me into a much more whiny, listless person than I usually was, and I was beginning to hate it.

Thankfully, meeting Edward, Jasper, and Emmett yesterday had helped with that situation. Emmett was in my first period Trig class, so I knew I'd see him right away, which was fortunate because Mike Newton was in the class with us. He'd been the first person I met yesterday, mostly because he was hovering over my desk before I'd even had a chance to sit down. He'd seemed nice enough, I guess, in an annoying, lost puppy sort of way, but as the day wore on, he'd just gotten on my nerves more and more.

Especially when he started talking shit about people.

And then I'd met the subject of said shit-talking, who turned out to be far cooler than Mike motherfucking Newton ever would be.

I turned left onto the school's street with a stupid smile on my face as I thought about my first glimpse of Edward Masen.

_I turned the corner onto what I hoped was the right hallway and glanced up from my schedule to see a fucking gorgeous boy walking by. He had a broody pout on his lips, and he was ignoring absolutely everyone around him. He walked with confidence, like he was daring anybody to say anything to him._

_No one did._

_I stared after him for just a second until the bell rang, startling me into motion again. I hated this - hated being the new kid in a school this tiny. I never liked being the center of attention, but there was no avoiding it here. _

_Taking another look around, I spotted my classroom and ducked inside, scanning the room to find an empty desk._

_As soon as I sat down, a decent-looking blond guy sat on the corner of my desk like he owned it. His ass landed on the sketchpad I'd just set down, and I jerked it away in annoyance, smoothing the ruffled pages while he introduced himself. He didn't even have the decency to apologize; he just droned on about how happy he'd be to show me around._

"_Job's filled, Newton," said a deep voice behind me. "Sorry."_

_I turned to see a guy with shoulders wider than his desk leaning back in his chair. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he wore a cute grin that gave him dimples. When he caught me looking, he winked at me, and said, "I already told Bella I'd give her the grand tour. Right, Bella?" _

"_Absolutely," I said gratefully, mouthing, "Thank you," over my shoulder. His grin broadened, and I was about to start talking to him when I felt that idiot tap me on the shoulder._

"_Well, since Emmett has you today at school, how about I have you tomorrow night?" _

_I gaped at him. _Did he seriously just say what I think he said?

_He noticed my expression, and his eyes widened as he started backtracking. "I mean…can I take you to dinner tomorrow? That's all."_

_I frowned at him, trying to decide if he was a prick or just stupid – or possibly both – but class started before I could say anything else. I couldn't decide if I was the one who'd been saved…or if he was. _

Emmett had acted like we were old friends, talking and joking and occasionally slipping me notes, and I found myself feeling completely comfortable with him. He was totally not my type – in fact, he wasn't even the type of guy I was usually friends with – but he was a hell of a lot smarter than he looked, and I really liked him.

I pulled into the school parking lot and turned off my truck, running my fingers through my hair as I glanced around. I didn't see Edward's car yet, and I tried to fight back the weird feeling of disappointment. I couldn't deny that I was attracted to him, and I'd wanted to scream when he'd told me he really had been caught under the bleachers with his boyfriend.

But then he'd let me know there was hope.

I grinned as I got out of the truck, but my smile immediately fell into a grimace at the rain soaking my hair. I pulled my hood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder, leaving my earbuds in as I slammed the truck door and made my way straight into the building.

When I got to Trig, I bit my lip to stop myself from saying something rude – and completely deserved – to Mike, who was again sitting on the corner of my desk. Jessica Stanley had moved to sit right beside me, and it was only the sight of Emmett behind my empty seat that kept me from turning around and walking right back out.

I endured a few minutes of small talk with Mike and Jessica, mostly by opening my sketchbook and keeping myself occupied while Jessica fawned all over Mike and I tried not to gag. It hadn't taken me long to figure out that Jessica was the Charlotte of Forks. She was nice enough, but she was shallow, and we didn't really have a lot in common. I doubted she had any sort of real interests of her own, other than guys; it was easy to see in her eyes that she'd stab me in the back in a second if it meant she'd get Mike.

As far as I was concerned, she could have him whenever she wanted.

Emmett leaned forward and brushed my hair back over my shoulder so he could see my paper more clearly.

"That's pretty fucking cool," he said simply. "Who is it?"

I heard Mike stop mid-sentence and bit back my grin. We ignored him completely while I showed Emmett the drawing I'd started. It was supposed to be Peter, sketched from behind with the desert stretching out in front of him, though I told Emmett it was just a guy. I'd barely gotten started, so it was only a rough outline, but to be completely honest, while Peter was theoretically the model, he wasn't really the one I was thinking of…Jasper was.

I felt the heat on my cheeks that meant I was blushing and tried to make it go away. Emmett was nodding as he studied the picture, and then he grinned. "Draw more," he commanded.

I laughed, shaking my head at him, but I did as he asked. While I drew, I thought, and I was only vaguely aware of class starting around me as I remembered meeting Jasper in the cafeteria the day before.

He'd reminded me of Peter right away, with that messy blond hair and the laid-back attitude. He took up for Edward, even against Emmett's joking, and I respected the quiet strength he had. Didn't hurt that he was at least as beautiful as Edward, even if it was in a different way. He was a little rougher somehow, a little bigger, and he had a smile that made my pulse quicken and my thighs quiver.

My chair lurched, bringing me out of my thoughts of Jasper, and I realized Emmett had kicked it just as Mr. Varner started making his rounds to see if we were working. I snapped my sketchbook closed, pulled out a piece of paper, and started the monotonous page of problems he'd assigned.

By the time class ended, my hand was cramping and I was annoyed. Emmett walked down the hall with me as I tried to make my escape, but it was no good – Jessica was in my second period Keyboarding class. She sat down beside me and started chattering away, and I pulled out the nod-and-say-wow strategy that worked so well with Charlotte.

It worked, but her babble about Mike and some guy named Tyler was nauseating. We were supposed to be typing some mindless letter from the books set up on our stands, so I tried to pretend I was struggling and concentrating on the words. It made no difference. I seriously doubted Jessica even noticed, so I tuned her out.

Right up until I heard her mention Edward.

Without even thinking about what I was doing, I stopped typing and turned my chair toward her. She was thrilled with my heightened attention, and I guess she thought I wanted the "dirt" on him because she immediately started talking about how gorgeous he was.

"And I know you haven't seen him in a track uniform but oh. My. God. You have no idea. His thighs are…" Her voice droned on, and I felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips as I imagined what he might look like from her descriptions. She exaggerated, of course – I wouldn't have expected anything else – but I had to admit that the images were intriguing.

"It's really too bad he's into guys," Jessica's nasally voice broke in. "What a waste."

I bit my bottom lip, turning back to type more as I thought, _If you only knew…_ I'd wondered yesterday why Edward didn't just set people straight, but after dealing with Jessica and Mike and some of the other idiots who'd expressed their opinions on Edward, I thought I understood. They likely wouldn't believe him, for one thing – and I thought I knew Edward well enough already to know that he would die before he'd let them think they were getting to him.

If he wasn't letting Jessica in on his sexual orientation, I was all for that plan, and I wasn't going to say one goddamn word to her about it. As she went on, though, she started talking more and more about how "fucked up" he was. By the time she said, "I never would've known he was such a freak. Before all this, I mean. He always seemed alright, but then to find out he likes to…" she trailed off and leaned over, whispering, "suck dick…it's just so sad, you know?"

"Why the hell is that sad?" I hissed indignantly. The sympathy in her eyes was so fucking fake that I wanted to slap her.

"Oh!" Her eyes widened as she covered her mouth, and the false note was still in her voice as she said, "I'm sorry. I forgot."

My eyes narrowed as my jaw clenched. "Forgot what?"

"That…" She leaned in once more to murmur, "That, you know…your dad…"

"No, I don't know," I said tightly. "Care to explain?"

"I didn't mean anything by it!" She held he hands up like she was offering a truce, showing me she was carrying no weapons, but the reminder of the lie was enough to cut me. "I just meant that you have…a…a different perspective. That's all."

I didn't answer. I turned back to my computer, and she was mercifully silent for the rest of class. As soon as the bell rang, she turned to me and said, "Hey, Bella? I'm sorry."

For once, there was something genuine in her tone, and I sighed in the middle of putting my backpack over my shoulder. "Yeah, whatever. It's fine," I mumbled and then pushed past her into the hallway.

I was sort of proud of myself for making it out of class without hitting her, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I entered the sanctity of my Latin class. Jessica had acted appalled when I told her Latin was my foreign language – apparently only _nerds_ took Latin, and judging from the seven other students in the class, hers must've been a common sentiment.

I spotted Angela in the corner just as she saw me. She waved with a shy smile, and I walked right over to her. "Hey! I didn't know you were in here!"

She grinned and shrugged. "I'm usually pretty quiet."

"You were here yesterday?" She nodded, and I said, "Oh, sorry. I guess I was a little distracted…"

"It has to be so hard starting a new school in the middle of the year. Too many new faces. I wouldn't know what to do."

I smiled at the genuine concern in her voice. It was such a change of pace from Jessica, and we fell into easy conversation as we waited the few minutes for class to start. When it did, we didn't have to pause our conversation for long because we were given an assignment to translate a letter from Latin to English, and we were allowed to work in partners. I assumed Angela and I would be working together, but she seemed surprised when I took out paper and wrote down both our names.

I glossed over it, noticing the happy smile on her face, and I wondered if people like Jessica made her life hell the way they tried to make Edward's. I frowned at the thought, especially as the class went on and we talked about everything. Zombie movies somehow led into Southern literature, and it was as Angela was telling me that I really needed to read _Their Eyes Were Watching God_ that I realized she was…a freak.

_Like me_.

I grinned at the thought. Angela was an aberration – a combination of funny and nice and cool and girl that just doesn't occur often in nature. I really hadn't ever met anyone quite like her, and I found myself hoping that we would become good friends.

Our heads were bent in concentration, our books and dictionaries spread out all around us, and we were working so hard that we didn't even realize it was time for class to end. I jumped when the bell rang, and she smiled at me quietly as she helped clean everything up. Soon, my belongings were stuffed into my backpack, and I was brushing my hair out of my eyes.

"See you at lunch?" she asked a little timidly.

I flashed her a genuine smile and said, "You know it." Suddenly curious, I pulled my hair out from under the strap of my bag and paused. "Oh, hey…does that blond guy usually sit with you?"

_As if you don't know his name…_

I tried to keep the lie out of my eyes as she answered, "Blond guy… Jasper?"

"Jasper…yeah, think that's it."

_Pathetic, Swan. _

"Yeah, Jasper usually sits with us. Why's that?"

"He's just the only one I don't have any classes with…"

_And I think he's fucking gorgeous_, I added to myself as Angela and I walked out of the room. She stayed with me until we got to the Biology lab, and then she peered around me before looking back up with a grin. "I think Edward's waiting for you," was all she said before continuing on her way with a, "See you in an hour!"

I bit my bottom lip as I watched her walk away and then took a deep breath before turning in the door. Idiot Newton still hadn't caught on, apparently, as he tried to wave me over. I ignored him, heading straight toward my seat…and Edward. As I got closer, though, I tripped over Edward's backpack on the floor and nearly fell flat on my face. He hopped up quicker than I thought possible and caught me by the arm, laughing his ass off as he helped me to my seat.

I punched his shoulder and glowered at him. He just laughed harder, putting his hands up in front of his face to keep me from hitting him again.

"Asshole," I muttered under my breath, but his laughter was infectious, and I found myself giggling with him.

He calmed down, clearing his throat before saying, "Sorry about that…the look on your face was funny as shit."

I tried to be pissed off at him, but the grin he was wearing and the cocked eyebrow and the deep music of his voice mellowed me out a bit. My brilliant reply was, "Yeah, well, some dickhead left his bag in the middle of the aisle."

"Inconsiderate bastard," he said with an infuriating grin.

I rolled my eyes, fighting my smile as I dropped my own bag to the floor and unzipped it, pulling out my notebook and sketchpad. Even through my hoodie, I could feel the warmth of his fingers as they wrapped around my forearm. He leaned toward me, and I shifted closer, our bowed heads nearly touching as he whispered, "Seriously, I'm sorry. I don't usually…I mean…" He paused for a moment as if debating how to phrase something, and his voice was breathless and light when he said, "I don't really have to deal with people coming too close normally, you know?"

My throat constricted and my fingers tightened on my notebook. I felt for him, for his fucked up situation, but he'd made it clear that my pity was not something he wanted. I schooled my face before pulling away so I could see him. I nodded, and he nodded in return, giving me a small smile.

"Let me see," he demanded.

"See what?" I frowned at him.

He didn't answer. He just rolled his eyes and reached out, taking the sketchpad from me. He ignored my protests as he flipped open the cover, but when I didn't stop, he grumbled, "Jesus fucking Christ, Swan. Calm the fuck down."

He reached beside his chair, my sketches still firmly in his hand, but when he straightened again, I shut up at once. He handed me his own sketchbook, the cover bent and worn, and I sat back in my chair, exhaling loudly.

I sure as hell hadn't expected that one; I wasn't about to complain, though. Mr. Banner walked to the front of the room and began lecturing, but I didn't hear a word. My attention was focused entirely on the treasure in my hand, the book of pages filled with drawings. White space was rare, as each inch was filled with _something_ – even if it was just cross-hatching or experiments with shading, Edward made full use of the space available to him.

I found random eyes and lips and hands scattered in pictures of objects. Edward didn't seem to draw landscapes the way I did. Rather, he picked a particular point – _one_ thing that caught his attention – and he sketched it from every angle. There were imaginative elements, things that couldn't possibly be, but it was all grounded in reality.

His art was stunning, and I found myself flipping through the pages reverently. From time to time, I heard Mr. Banner's droning voice, but he never called my name, and I never looked up. Edward was at my side, and I could hear papers rustling from time to time, but I didn't look over at him either.

He put my sketchbook down at long last, but I wasn't finished with his, so I kept going. It wasn't until I felt his elbow nudging mine that I finally cut my eyes at him. He was wearing a perplexed look, his lips in a thin line, and I frowned, turning to face him.

"What?"

"We have an assignment," he answered, nodding at his open Biology book and the notebook on his desk. That didn't seem to be the source of his odd mood, though, so I closed his sketchpad and handed it back, determined to figure it out.

I noticed that my book was still open, lying to the side. "What's up with you?" I asked.

He shook his head, moving his textbook to sit in the middle of our table so we could both see it. We worked in silence for a few minutes after he told me what we were supposed to do, and I could feel my jaw clenching. I didn't like the way he was ignoring whatever was bothering him, but I just didn't know him well enough to demand he tell me.

Or did I?

God knows he would've demanded to know what my problem was.

_Too bad you're more of a chickenshit than he is._

I opened my mouth to speak and closed it again, realizing it was true. It would've been one thing if we were out in the parking lot, in the relative sanctity of my truck bed. It was kind of amazing, really, how in one afternoon, that had become a place of safety, but it just…had. I wished we were there now.

But as it was, I could feel the eyes watching us, sense every glance – furtive and obvious – that came our way as we worked together. Yesterday, I'd seen the looks of sympathy when I'd been paired with Edward. Seen, but hadn't understood.

Today, I saw them. I understood them. And they pissed me the fuck off.

I wasn't going to put him through further scrutiny, though. If he didn't want to talk about whatever was bothering him here, then…fine. I could wait.

Sort of.

I ripped the corner off his notebook paper, and he frowned at me. I pursed my lips and raised one eyebrow, daring him to say something; a little smile flitted across his lips as he shook his head and went back to work.

_You __will__ tell me what's up. This afternoon. My truck, _I scribbled on the scrap and pushed it toward him. His forehead wrinkled as he tilted his head, trying to read it. I watched as his nostrils flared and he rolled his eyes, resting his forearm over it as he went back to writing.

I wasn't about to be dismissed like that. I poked him in the ribs with my pencil, making him jump.

"What the hell?" he hissed.

I just looked at him pointedly.

I swear he gave this little growl – which was actually kind of hot – and then grabbed the slip of paper and wrote back, _Are you always this fucking persistent?_ He waited until I nodded. His lips curved up just slightly as he wrote back, _Fine. _

His mood improved after that, and we finished the simple assignment with time to spare. He passed my sketchbook back and then pulled out his own, and we spent the last few minutes of class drawing comfortably side by side, speaking from time to time. At first, I was relaxed, but as I became aware once again of our audience, the minutes seemed to grow slower and slower. I wondered if this was what it felt like for him always, and a wave of sympathy crashed through me, though I didn't let him see.

Though the class seemed interminable, it did end at least, and the weirdness between us seemed to have vanished as we packed up and got ready to head to lunch.

"You joining us again today?" Edward asked, glancing over my shoulder. I knew I'd find Newton if I followed his gaze, even before he said, "Or did you make other arrangements?"

I made a face at him and rolled my eyes, muttering, "Come on."

He followed me with a chuckle, and soon we were sitting at the same table as the day before. My stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch when I saw that Jasper wasn't there, and from the strange look Edward gave me, I wondered if my pout was clear on my face. He came in a few minutes later, though, sitting in the same seat as he let his legs sprawl out in front of him. He seemed utterly at ease, relaxed no matter what was happening, and I couldn't stop staring.

He was hot, yes.

Extremely so.

But it was his resemblance to Peter that kept getting me. His hair was a little shorter, and his smirk made an appearance far more often, but there was enough similarity to make me do a double-take more than once.

And every time I looked at him, I remembered Peter…and the things we used to do…and soon, I was squirming in my seat, struggling to keep the blush off my face. I couldn't help it. And I couldn't tell if my attraction was to Jasper or just the memory of Peter, but I knew it was there.

Lunch seemed to pass far too quickly. It was great to get to know everyone a little better. Jasper seemed more talkative than yesterday as he joked around with Emmett and Edward. I noticed that Ben was the quietest of the bunch – even more so than Angela, but he piped up every now and then, usually offering something funny before he'd go back to the graphic novel he was reading.

It shouldn't have surprised me, I guess, but I wasn't expecting the way Angela just jumped right into the middle of the boys' conversations. She…fit with them. Completely. And it made no sense. As I glanced around at our table, I tried to figure out how the five of them had become friends.

I made no progress and decided I'd have to ask Edward later. Angela and Ben were so reserved, so shy around new people, especially, that I didn't quite get how they'd come to be part of a group with three jocks. Well, two jocks and one former one. My friends back home were an eclectic group, but they didn't all hang out together. I just happened to be friends with all sorts of people, but I knew that when I, say, went to a party, only some of my friends would be there.

That didn't seem to be the case here. These five were solid.

And even though I'd yet to meet most of the other residents of Forks, what I knew of them had me hoping that the five would soon become six.

My musing left me quieter than usual, and I sat back, watching the five of them banter. I was beginning to realize that maybe I was more into Peter than I'd thought I was – or even wanted to be – because my brain kept conjuring up small comparisons. Edward had Peter's love of literature, but Jasper definitely had his blue eyes. The artistic side seemed to be in Edward's favor, although Jasper had the laid back attitude that I loved.

As lunch wore on, I realized what I was really doing. It had very little to do with Peter and everything to do with the fact that I was attracted to the two of them – a lot. I enjoyed watching them interact, the way they teased each other and talked earnestly.

_Too bad I can't have them both. _

I'd settle for one. I just didn't know which one…or if I could get either.

I wrinkled my nose, forcing myself to finish the sandwich I'd gotten for lunch. Much too soon, lunch ended without either of the two declaring his undying love, so I was forced to simply clean up and head back into the purgatory of high school.

My AP English class was my one little piece of heaven in the hell that was Forks. The only thing that would've made it perfect was if Jasper and Emmett had been in it as well, but as it was, I got to immerse myself in literature for an hour with Edward, Ben, and Angela. Mr. Mason was pretty cool, too, and he actually knew what the hell he was talking about, which was kind of rare in my experience.

He assigned our next novel – Chopin's _The Awakening_. Edward laughed at my excitement, but it was the first time in two years that my teacher had chosen a novel I hadn't read yet. He rolled his eyes at my explanation, but I caught him glancing at me several times with a smile on his lips.

The rest of the class was spent discussing particular points that were likely to come up on the short answer part of our exam. As usual, the things I enjoyed ended way too soon, and we were walking out of class well before I was ready. Edward acted casual, but I saw the happy gleam in his eyes when I groaned at the sight of Mike Newton waiting outside the gym doors.

For me.

He really seemed to have no fucking clue that I was not interested – at all.

"Cheer up," Edward said with a grin. "It's only an hour, right?" His eyes shifted to Newton again before he leaned down, reaching up to hold my chin between his thumb and forefinger. My head tilted toward his slightly of its own accord as he whispered, "Only an hour…of gym…with Newton…"

"And Stanley," I grumbled.

He laughed, and I punched his ribs, stepping away. I was pulling my hair into a ponytail as I walked when I heard him call out, "See you in a couple of hours, Swan."

Unfortunately, Newton thought the smile on my face was for him and pushed away from the wall as I came closer. "Hey, Bella!" His eyes were tight as he glanced behind me and then looked back at my face. "Is Masen messing with you? It's too bad you got stuck with him as a lab partner, huh? Hey, listen…" He tried to lean in close like he'd seen Edward do, but I kept walking, and he was forced to quicken his steps to keep up. "If you want, I can talk to Banner, arrange a trade?"

He sounded so hopeful that I stopped, clenching my jaw as I turned around to face him. "No, thanks. I like Edward."

His eyes flew wide before he blinked at me a couple of times. I could see the way my words just did not compute in that little pea brain of his, and I was thankful for the pause it gave, as I used it to escape into the locker room.

While I was changing into my shorts, Jessica bounded into the room, her ponytail swaying as she began babbling. It was clear that the mini-argument in Keyboarding was totally forgotten – by her, at least – and I just didn't have the energy to stay mad at her. It really was just like Charlotte; she pissed me off, but she wasn't worth the trouble of passionate emotions.

As we were leaving the locker room, she said, "So there's a party at Tyler's tomorrow night. Everybody's going. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Oh," I said blankly, pausing as a basketball flew by us. It bounced off the wall, and Jessica picked it up, tossing it back in bounds. "Umm…I'm not really sure if I can. First weekend here and all, you know? Dad might want to do something." I bit my bottom lip, my stomach churning uneasily at the thought of a weekend trapped with Charlie and that awkwardness again.

_God, something has _got_ to give. _

But the thought of going out with Jessica – spending a night with _her_ crowd – was equally unappealing. She was totally unaware of my internal conflict and was chattering on, offering advice on how to "get my way" with Charlie. She didn't realize that "my way" would be spending a quiet evening in my room, well away from her…and Charlie…and nearly anyone else.

She talked all the way through the basketball game we pretended to play, telling me about parties past and some of the stupid shit people had done. Jasper, Edward, and Emmett's names came up often, which I thought was odd, right up until she whined, "God, they were so much fun sometimes. Edward is such a selfish prick."

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Edward. He's selfish," she said as if by way of explanation. When I just looked at her, she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "He just wanted attention. He was always this Mr. Perfect, but he wanted to be a badass. He went too far this time, but instead of just growing up and apologizing, he's turned it into some us versus them bullshit, and of course Jasper and Emmett went along with him."

I blinked at her, my head shaking slightly as I tried to figure out exactly how things had become so twisted in her head. Was _she_ really so self-centered that she thought someone should just get over something so life-shattering and apologize to _her_ for disrupting her party plans?

I didn't even have words to answer her, so I just jogged down the court after the ball. We spent the rest of the class – which was blessedly not long – in silence. She asked me a couple of times if I was okay, and I just nodded.

After a quick shower, I got dressed again and headed out the door before she was ready. I heard her voice from the stall, though. "Call me if you need a ride tomorrow, Bella!"

I shook my head in disbelief and walked the short distance to my last class of the day. I felt confused, a little ungrounded, and I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone. I just wanted the day to end so I could go home and think in the quiet of my own room. I tried not to remember that the room wasn't my old, comfortable bedroom in Phoenix – it was the room here, smack dab in the middle of Charlie's awkward house.

I was in a foul mood when I reached my American History class, but it passed uneventfully. Soon enough, the bell rang, and I was free for the weekend. When I reached the parking lot, Edward's car was still there, but he was nowhere in sight. Since he'd promised – sort of – to tell me what was bothering him, I decided to wait like I had yesterday. My tailgate gave a groaning creak like the fifty-six-year-old ancient that it was as I lowered it, but it was sturdy enough when I hopped up on it.

I climbed into the bed and pulled out _The Diamond Age_ before stuffing my backpack behind me as a pillow and leaning against the side with my legs stretched out in front of me. I knew from experience that it would probably be in the seventies – at least – in Phoenix right now, and I grumbled at the gray sky as I shivered and pulled my sweatshirt sleeves down over my hands.

_This place is a fucking nightmare._

With a sigh, I opened my novel and paused for a second when I saw Peter's messy handwriting on the sticky note he'd left inside for me to find. It was a simple message – _To the girl who draws weird trees. Miss you._ – but it never failed to make me smile. I stuck it to my finger and tapped it against the book lightly as I began reading.

Soon, I was absorbed in the world of little Nell and nanotechnology, my brow furrowing as I bit my lip and leaned a little closer. I didn't notice the parking lot emptying; suddenly, I felt the truck lurch.

Just then, my book disappeared from my hands, and I looked up to see Emmett holding the novel with a grin while Edward settled in my truck bed across from me. I looked at him for a little longer than I should have, but I noticed he was staring at me, too. He'd paused in the act of sitting down, and his biceps were bulging beneath his shirt as he held himself in that awkward position. His eyes roamed my face as his smile spread, and then he moved at last.

I glanced away with a blush, snatching my book back from Emmett, who'd been reading a few lines with a thoughtful frown on his face. The frown faded immediately, and he winked at me, leaning against the side of my truck with his arms crossed. Just like the day before, he hung around for a minute or two, mostly giving Edward a hard time, until Edward finally said, "Don't you have somewhere to be, fucker?"

Emmett grinned brightly, the dimples in his cheeks giving him an innocent appearance that was shot to shit when he snickered and said, "Yeah, Rosalie's bed."

Edward laughed with him and muttered, "Better not let Jasper hear you say that shit."

"I'm not afraid of Jasper's skinny ass," Emmett answered, but he looked around the parking lot just the same. As he was leaving, he glanced over his shoulder and said cryptically, "Don't forget to ask her."

"Ask me?" I watched his retreating form. He didn't turn around, just lifting his right hand with a little wave. "Ask me what?" I yelled.

Edward chuckled, bringing my attention back to him. Emmett was immediately banished from my mind when I saw Edward running his fingers through his messy hair. It was the weirdest color, sort of half-red, half-brown, and I thought on anyone else, it would look ridiculous, especially standing up like it always did, like he was some goddamn anime hero. It didn't look stupid on him, though.

It fit him. It looked…good.

_Like he's some goddamn anime hero. _

I grinned at him, and he lifted an eyebrow curiously. I shook my head and pulled my backpack into my lap, putting the book back inside and zipping it closed before leaning against it once more.

He stretched his arms out to either side, resting his palms on the bed rail. "So what's happening in the world of nano machines?"

We talked for a few minutes about the book as I tried to convince him to read it. When he finally laughed and said he'd check it out, I said, "Good. Now it's your turn."

"My turn?"

I nodded. "Yup, I told you what you wanted to know. Now you tell me…what the hell happened in Bio today?"

He grimaced, dropping his hands from the sides as he drew his knees toward his chest. He rested his elbows on his knees while I sat up a little straighter, looking at him expectantly. Instead of answering me directly, he picked at his thumbnail and said casually, "Your sketches are really good. There's a sort of…" He paused, pursing his lips thoughtfully. "Higher level of detail to them. They look very real."

If he expected me to make it easy on him, he was about to be sorely disappointed. I listened in silence, and when he glanced up again, I was looking at him pointedly.

"I was a little surprised to find pictures of Jasper already. You move fast, Swan." He grinned as he said it, but I saw the way it didn't reach his eyes.

It took me only about half a second to figure out what he meant. After all, I'd spent a hell of a lot of time pondering the similarity between Jasper and Peter myself.

I smiled and kicked at his foot, knocking his elbow off his knee. "It's not Jasper."

"Coulda fooled me," he said lightly.

I sat Indian-style, leaning forward with my hands in my lap. "Did you take a look at the dates, smart one?"

He frowned, his eyes glancing up and to the right as he thought. "No, guess not…why?"

"Because I drew them when I was in Phoenix. They're not of Jasper. They're of Peter…" I felt the blush on my cheeks as I remembered when some of them had been drawn.

"Who the hell is Peter?" The question was predictable, but the annoyance in Edward's voice wasn't. I glanced over to find his eyes angry and his lips thin.

It just made me smile. I sat back, relaxing as I told him about Peter. I didn't get into everything – not because I didn't trust him, but because I wasn't sure he'd want to hear all the sordid details – but for the first time, I told someone about Peter and our arrangement. I owed it to Edward after the trust he'd shown me, but more than that, it felt really good to finally be able to say all that shit out loud.

He listened in silence as I babbled on, telling him about the first time I'd seen Peter, the ridiculous way we'd ended up kissing in the supply room, even the frustration I felt at wanting something more and at the same time…not. He didn't interrupt, letting me get it all out in the open, and then when I finished, I looked up to find him smiling at me.

"Lucky bastard," was all he said.

I made a face at him, and he said, "What?" all innocently, like he didn't know what I was getting at.

I rolled my eyes.

"Get mad all you want, Swan, but the dude had an agreement going that most guys would kill for." He shrugged.

His words stung. It was what I'd come to expect from Edward, though – complete honesty. I didn't like to think that maybe I'd just been a convenient arrangement for Peter…mostly because that was my deepest fear regarding our relationship. I had pretended that's all he was for me, but every time I thought of him since moving had shown me that I was deluding myself.

I guess I was holding out hope that Peter had been as well.

Of course, I would never know, as my phone was smashed. Besides, I had to admit that the possibilities moving to Forks had opened up were…intriguing.

My thoughts were circling, becoming a tangled snarl, and I recognized the mess for what it was – a defense mechanism to keep myself from thinking about the things that could possibly hurt me. I wrinkled my nose.

Edward must have taken pity on me because he shifted, leaning back against the side of the truck again. His legs were sprawled out in front of him on either side of mine with his feet near my hips. I pulled my legs in front of me to give him more room, and he smiled his thanks. "Hey." His voice was quiet when he spoke again, softer somehow, and he had my attention at once. "I just wanted to say thanks. I was a little worried you wouldn't talk to me today."

"What? Why?" My hands dropped to my sides, landing on his shins. Instead of moving them away, I held on, my thumbs running lightly along the seam near the frayed hem of his jeans.

His eyes flickered to my hands and back to my face before he gave a small smile. "Well," he began, dragging it out a bit, "because you seemed pretty pissed about my connection to Carlisle, first of all." He swallowed, his eyes shifting back and forth between mine as he read my expression. I gave a curt nod, struggling to keep the anger off of my face. Even though I _knew_ that Charlie had nothing to do with it, the situation still seemed a little too convenient – and, if I were being honest, it hurt to think that Edward might be hanging out with me just as a favor to Carlisle. "And because, let's face it…your life is kind of fucked up right now as it is. You could make it a hell of a lot easier by staying away from me."

"Ugh…yeah, and be left with the Newtons and Stanleys? No, thanks. I don't give a fuck what people think anyway." I smiled at Edward, but my smile fell as I tried to figure out how to address the whole Carlisle situation. I was at a complete loss there.

Hell, I didn't even know what to say to my own _father_, much less his lover.

His lover.

I tried to wrap my head around the word, especially the "love" part. Somehow, as twisted as it sounded, I wondered if it wouldn't have been easier to accept that my father was gay if it hadn't come with the revelation that he'd been in a steady relationship my whole life.

"As far as Carlisle goes…" I frowned, my chin down as I focused on my fingers playing with the zipper of my hoodie. "I don't even _know_ the man."

Edward gave me a moment, and then he said softly, "Look, there's no reason for you to listen to me at all, so feel free to tell me to fuck off...but maybe you should try to get to know him?"

I grimaced. When he didn't say anything more, I raised just my eyes to look at him. I don't know what he expected from me. Was I supposed to say, _Oh my god, Edward! You're _so_ right! Why didn't I think of that?_

He sighed and shook his head, his lips curving up just slightly at one corner. "So damn stubborn," he muttered. He rubbed his hands on his thighs and then turned, moving to the tailgate. "Just think about it, alright?"

He hopped down off the truck. I pouted and followed behind him, dragging my backpack with me. I idly thought that my relationship with Edward was yet another thing that Charlie and Carlisle were going to fuck up for me, but I couldn't seem to gather my usual anger toward them.

Before I could get too upset – or examine that new development – Edward said, "Oh, hey, I almost forgot to ask you. We're all getting together tomorrow night to hang out – Jasper, Emmett, Ang, and Ben'll be there. Wanna come?"

"Depends," I said coyly.

He narrowed his eyes at my tone. "On what?"

"Is Mike going to be there?"

"Fuck, no." His eyes flashed with disgust, and I pretended to pout at him for just a minute before I grinned.

"Good, then I will be." I winked at him, trying to leave him as flustered as he'd left me yesterday as I walked toward my driver's door. "You're cute with your nostrils all flared like that."

I heard his low, rumbling growl as I opened the door, but then his voice was playful as he said, "Hey, Bella?" I glanced at him over my shoulder, and I should've known from the devilish grin on his face that he was up to no good. "You've got rust on your ass," he said with a smirk before turning and strolling away arrogantly.

He was in his car before I could even begin to think of a comeback, and I glowered at him as I finally climbed into the cab of my truck. I caught him grinning as he sped away. I couldn't help the smile that was on my own lips when I turned the key in the ignition and headed for home.

The drive was short, and I hummed the whole way – right up until I turned into the driveway and saw a Mercedes sitting beside Charlie's cruiser. I froze.

_No fucking way._

I knew on some level, of course, that I would be meeting Carlisle eventually. I just hadn't expected it right this second. My hands were shaking as I turned off the truck and sat for a moment, collecting myself. A fleeting thought – a hope, really – passed through my mind. Maybe it _wasn't_ Carlisle's car; maybe someone else had just stopped by to see Charlie.

But I dismissed the thought immediately. A feeling of expectancy hung in the air even out here, and I just knew, inexplicably, that it was his car.

_Of course it's a Mercedes._

I glanced over at Charlie's utilitarian cruiser and my ancient truck. A kinship existed between our vehicles, some similarity in the dings and dents. They were working vehicles, tough, and Carlisle's sleek car was clearly from a different world.

I was stalling, and I knew it. I took a minute to steel myself, bracing for whatever impact was coming. I forced myself to remember the pictures of the two of them together, their arms around each other and huge smiles on their faces. The images stung – not because of who my father was with, but because he was with _someone_. Someone I had never met. Someone who had been kept from me. I blinked rapidly, forcing my persistent tears away, and took deep, calming breaths.

When I could think about the picture of the two of them on the driftwood log without my face screwing up and my breath catching, I pocketed my keys and slipped out from behind the steering wheel.

_I can do this._

I had no idea what I was going to say, what I was going to _do_, but I could handle going in and saying hello to Carlisle. I could be the adult, since Charlie clearly hadn't been man enough for years now. I closed the truck door as silently as possible and tiptoed toward the door. I wasn't sure why I was being quiet – it wasn't like my truck didn't announce itself for miles around – but it helped me feel somehow more confident, more in control.

And I'd take whatever control I could get at the moment.

The front door was unlocked, so I opened it and stepped inside, my stomach a ball of nerves as I took a few steps toward the kitchen.

It was like a slap in the face.

The blond-haired man from the pictures – _Carlisle_, I forced myself to think – was standing behind Charlie, who was sitting at the kitchen table. Carlisle's arms were wrapped around Charlie's shoulders, his hands rubbing up and down Charlie's arms soothingly, and their heads were bent close together. It was such an intimate image that I felt like an intruder in what was supposed to be my own home. The sight – the _reality_ – knocked the wind out of me, and my backpack fell off my shoulder, hitting the floor as I said, "Oh!"

I had thought I was ready. I'd had a few days to absorb the fact that Charlie was gay, and I'd taken a few trips into his room to see the evidence for myself. I _knew_ it. I was ready for it. But apparently knowing something and even seeing it in pictures was completely different than seeing another flesh-and-blood man's arms wrapped around my father.

We stood in utter stillness for a moment.

_Look at me, Dad. Aren't you even going to look to see if I'm okay? _

I knew he'd heard me – I'd seen him flinch – but he just sat there. Carlisle was the one who straightened, and it was Carlisle's eyes that sought my face. His eyes were kind, gentle, and I couldn't look at them. My own eyes focused on his hands, which were rubbing Charlie's shoulders, each touch driving home just how alone in this I was.

The _only_ one alone.

I saw Charlie close his eyes like a coward, leaving the two of us to deal with this. I didn't know _how_ to deal with this, though. I didn't even know what I felt, what I thought. It was so damn hard to hate Carlisle as he watched me with those soft eyes, and I felt my anger focus more and more on the man sitting silently between us.

That is, until Carlisle spoke in a quiet voice with a subtle British accent, "Hello, Bella, I'm Carlisle. It's a pleasure to meet you."

_It's a pleasure to _meet_ you? _

I felt rage surge through me. This man tore my family apart, caused my father to cheat on my mother – caused their _divorce_ – and he was just acting like everything was fine.

_What the hell is _wrong_ with them?_

I couldn't seem to make myself move or speak. My eyes flickered back and forth between the two of them, and suddenly a knife twisted in my gut as a thought hit me.

_Was he thinking of Carlisle when he slept with my _mother_? _

It was too much. The pain was a physical blow, and I fought the urge to double over, clenching my stomach. Charlie was hiding his eyes like he was ashamed – though whether of me or Carlisle or God knows what else, I had no idea. I tried to say something, but nothing came out, and I couldn't see through the tears welling up in my eyes. I blinked, trying to clear them, and then I just couldn't take it anymore.

I ran away. I went straight down the hall to my room, unable to take the sight of them before me. I slammed the door and growled in frustration when it banged open again. I deliberately took the doorknob in both my shaking hands and slammed it again, making sure it stayed shut this time. I needed noise, something to mask the images my mind was conjuring.

I kept seeing Charlie say, "I love you," to my mom while he was thinking of Carlisle. Charlie sneaking out to meet Carlisle. Charlie kissing Carlisle in _my_ room while I was asleep in my crib. My mom crying alone after Charlie told her he was gay. Charlie kicking my mom and me out so that Carlisle could move in.

Both my hands went to my head, trying to physically stop the imagined scenarios, but it didn't help. I went to the stereo and turned it on, blasting the volume even though I didn't even really hear what was playing.

I screamed.

It became some wild, growling sound as suddenly, I _had_ to know, just like when I had suspected Charlie was gay. I needed confirmation, to know one way or another if I was right.

I was afraid of what I might find in the kitchen, though, so I padded down the hallway quietly, anger balling my hands into fists as I breathed shallowly. I stood in silence at the doorway, my eyes closed as I tried to work up the nerve to step inside. To confront them. To demand answers for the questions my broken heart was asking.

For a moment, all I could hear was the wild drumming of my own heartbeat. Then I caught Charlie's voice, "…done hiding anything from anyone, especially my daughter. This is _your _home, too, and I will not let her, or anyone, run you from it ever again."

_What about me? Where's _my_ home? _

My shoulders slumped as I leaned against the wall. I felt defeated, utterly alone, and I fucking _hated_ the fact that the hurt in Charlie's voice hurt me as well. I wasn't even sure I was still welcome here. I didn't know where I wanted to be. I heard Carlisle protest, but it sounded weak, like he wasn't even trying, really, but I wasn't sure he should be. Everything was so incredibly fucked up that I didn't know…anything. Not anymore.

Carlisle's voice may have been weak and unsure, but Charlie's was strong when he said, "No, I mean it. Bella had better get used to having you around if she's going to live here. If she hates me because I'm gay, there's not shit I can do about it. It's just who I am, Carlisle. And I don't want to be anyone else - I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm just _not_, anymore."

I gasped audibly when I heard his words. It had never even occurred to me that Charlie might think I hated him. I didn't, not at all. I was pissed the fuck off, yes, and I wasn't sure things would ever be okay between us again, but I didn't _hate_ him. I hated being lied to. I hated being the last to know. But his being gay didn't have a damn thing to do with it. I would've felt the same hurt and betrayal if I'd found out he was married to a woman. In fact, in some weird way, it was easier knowing that he and my mom hadn't worked out because he was gay. It was like it made it impossible for them to be together, and that was easier to handle than the thought that he just didn't want us.

No matter how pissed off I was, he deserved to know that much – that I didn't hate him and that I didn't give a shit that he was gay. I pushed away from the wall and was about to go into the kitchen when something simple, something tiny, stopped me.

Carlisle said softly, "Alright, love," and I could hear it in his voice – the tenderness and love. Tears spilled onto my cheeks. I couldn't say why, but I was hurt and lonely, and I just couldn't face them right then.

Charlie's low voice rumbled, but I couldn't make out the words. It wasn't hard to guess what he'd said, though, when Carlisle said, "I love you, too, Charlie."

I fled to my room. As soon as I was inside, I closed the door as silently as possible, begging for at least a few minutes alone. Tears were pouring over my cheeks, dripping off my chin, and the music was too goddamn loud, and everything just seemed to be _too_ much. It was overwhelming.

I cut the music's volume in half and collapsed on my bed, holding a pillow tightly to my chest to try to stop up the gaping hole there. I completely let go, getting it all out as my shoulders heaved with my sobs and tears soaked my pillow. I cried for my parents' divorce, for the loss of what I thought I knew about myself, for what I thought I knew about Charlie, for the two men in the kitchen who were hurting, and for the fact that they were in there hurting together while I was abandoned. I cried for my mother, for the years she spent alone with this knowledge, for how much it must have hurt to hear that her husband was leaving her for another man, and for the fact that she had never told me. I cried in anger and sorrow and fear until, eventually, I was spent.

I was tired of it. All of it. I didn't like the guilty feeling building in my gut at the knowledge that Charlie thought I hated him, but I didn't know what to do about it. I was still pissed off and hurt, and it seemed like Charlie was choosing Carlisle over _me_, just like he'd chosen him over my mom. Everything was a fucking train wreck, and I didn't want to think about it anymore.

I sat up and angrily batted my hair out of my face, scrubbing my eyes with my fists. I took a few slow, deep breaths and stood up, calmly going to the dresser, where I looked at myself in the mirror as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. My eyes were red, bloodshot, and there were dark circles under them already. I hardly looked like myself – like the girl who'd had a pretty damn good day at school and been laughing only an hour before. A _normal_ day.

I rolled my eyes, grumbling under my breath as I went to change the stereo. Korn was blaring through the speakers, so I cut the volume even further and switched it to a Pink Floyd CD to try to mellow out a bit. My fingers twitched at my sides, and I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to draw.

But my sketchpad was in my backpack…which was in the hallway right across from the kitchen. I stood for a moment, biting my lip in indecision.

I was going to have to face them sometime.

I took a deep breath, exhaling through my mouth as I shook out my hands at my sides like I was getting ready to fight…or sprint, which was probably closer to the truth. My fingertips were trembling lightly when I reached for the doorknob, but I forced myself to open it and peer outside.

Nothing.

I licked my lips and looked up and down the hall, noting that the bathroom door was open and Charlie's door was closed. Then I stepped out, freezing when the floor just outside my door creaked.

I waited.

Nothing.

Gradually, I crept down the hallway, stopping just before I got to the kitchen. I listened, barely breathing, but I could hear only the sounds of something cooking and someone working inside. There were no voices, and I wondered if maybe Carlisle had left. Somehow, I doubted it.

I peeked just inside the doorway, my hand gripping the frame to steady myself, and I paused, staring at the sight before me. It wasn't Charlie cooking; it was Carlisle. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table, just staring blankly at the wood, while Carlisle worked. He was wearing a look of intense concentration as he reached into the cupboard and pulled out a colander before snapping his fingers as if he'd forgotten something. He turned quickly, and I ducked back out of sight, my hand going to my chest.

I spent a long, torturous moment frozen in panic that his face would appear right in front of me, but it never did. When my heart had calmed, I chanced another look and saw him carrying a small bag of potatoes toward the counter. While his back was turned, I grabbed my backpack, keeping my eyes on him as I escaped down the hallway.

I closed my door again and went to my bed, where I settled in the middle. I pulled out my sketchpad and shoved the bag to the side, sitting Indian style as I flipped through the pages. I glanced over the pictures of Peter, and a smile flirted with my lips as I remembered the jealous look on Edward's face. Thinking of Edward helped. It was calming, helping me remember that my entire world wasn't the madness that was currently reigning in this house.

With that in mind, I decided to draw a bit of the world I was beginning to enjoy here – the world I'd found at Forks High. I roughly outlined the cafeteria and began populating it with the people I'd met. Most of the faces were indistinct, their expressions unreadable though their clothing helped identify them as part of a particular group. There were five faces, though, that were drawn with care.

The movement of my pencil as it shaded Jasper's lips was soothing, and I found myself smiling in response to the lazy grin on his face. I worked hard to capture Emmett's playful nature, and his dimples gave me fits until I finally felt good about them. My smile became a grin as I shaded in Ben's comic book, and Angela just seemed to fit naturally at his side. Edward was the last figure I focused on, and I spent the longest time trying to figure out how to draw that ridiculous hair of his. In the end, it looked like something straight out of manga, but it seemed to suit him.

I put the drawing on my bed, propped against my backpack, and sat back against my headboard as I studied it and thought of them. Again, my mind drifted to Edward and Jasper, and I couldn't help comparing the two of them. Jasper reminded me so much of Peter – from his easy smile to his mischievous blue eyes and even his laid-back way of speaking. It was easy to like Jasper, so easy to talk to him, but it was Edward who really seemed to get me.

I was studying Edward's eyes when a loud knock scared the shit out of me. "Fuck!" I breathed, hopping up off the bed and reaching out to turn the stereo down. I was trying to calm down when the knock came again, and I went straight to the door, yanking it open in frustration.

_Impatient much?_

Charlie was glaring down at me, his jaw set stubbornly as he said harshly, "It's five forty-five. Dinner's at six."

I couldn't even answer. I just stared up at his hostile face, wondering if maybe I'd missed my chance. Maybe he didn't want to talk anymore.

"You will be there, and you will be civil. Be upset with me all you want, but Carlisle has never done anything to you except love you and want to meet you, and you _will_ be nice to him."

_Love me? He doesn't even _know_ me!_

I opened my mouth, ready to…I don't know what. Scream, maybe. Tell Charlie it was his fucking fault that Carlisle had never met me, but he cut me off.

"You have fifteen minutes. I expect you to be at the table on time." He jerked the doorknob out of my hand and closed the door in my face.

I lasted about five seconds before my anger gave way to tears again, and I spun around, kicking the door with my heel hard. I waited for Charlie to yell at me, but he either didn't hear me or didn't care because there was nothing but the sound of my music.

I ran both hands through my hair, pulling it in frustration, and then I forced my face to go blank. I went to my closet, picking out clean clothes. I was a fucking mess from crying and raging, and I wasn't about to let those two see me like that.

I'd played the pretend-to-like-the-boyfriend game enough over the years with my mom that I had become a master at it. I could do the same thing here. Strangely, _this_ felt familiar – dinner with some strange man that I didn't want to meet – and it helped to calm me down. After I'd settled on a simple green sweater and clean jeans, I grabbed underwear and a bra from the dresser and shoved open the door. I didn't bother looking down the hall; I just went straight to the bathroom and started the shower.

As the water warmed, I studied my reflection in the mirror. I looked like utter ass. My cheeks were red and streaked with tears, and the newest bout had done nothing to improve the whole eye situation. I exhaled loudly and turned around, stripping out of my clothes as I decided not to look anymore. I pinned my hair on top of my head and stepped beneath the water. It was nearly scalding, absolutely perfect, and I wanted to spend all night right there, pretending the rest of the world didn't exist.

But I knew I couldn't.

So instead, I showered quickly, and much too soon, I was standing on the fuzzy bathmat, drying off as my skin prickled with goose bumps. I got dressed, feeling slightly more human, and I was happy to see that my reflection showed me the same thing. I didn't look _good_, but I at least didn't look like I belonged in _Night of the Living Dead_. I added some mascara and dropped it back in the drawer, closing it with my hip.

When I got back to my room, my clock showed 5:56. I sat down on the edge of my bed to put on my socks and shoes and then I just…waited. My heels tapped against the floor nervously as I watched the clock, praying that dinner would be calm. I couldn't take any more drama tonight.

The green numbers on my alarm clock flipped to 5:59, and I stood up slowly, taking a deep breath. I squared my shoulders, lifted my chin just so, and walked into the kitchen.

Charlie was setting the table, putting out plates, so I went to the drawer near the stove and pulled out the silverware. Within a few minutes, the table was ready, and Carlisle had transferred all the food into serving dishes. I sat down as Charlie poured drinks for us. I listened to the water running in the sink behind me and assumed Carlisle was washing his hands. They both sat at the same time, and I couldn't help feeling like I was facing the firing squad.

I pushed down my nerves, taking a sip of the lemonade Charlie had poured for me as I tried to remember that I'd done nothing wrong. The only thing I'd done was be forced into a situation where it was hard for me to even know what was real anymore.

Near-silence reigned as we served ourselves, dishes being passed around the table to the tune of cleared throats and murmured thank-you's. Dinner actually looked fantastic, and my stomach twisted hungrily as I realized that it had been days since I'd _really_ eaten anything. I took a bite of my chicken, my eyes widening in surprise at just how good it was.

Since neither of them seemed inclined to say anything, I decided it would be up to me to get the conversation started. There was no way I could take half an hour of the scraping of forks on plates and the sound of people chewing their food. I cleared my throat, taking another sip of lemonade, and then wiped my mouth before saying, "This is really good, Carlisle. Thank you."

It was the first time I'd addressed him, of course, and I glanced up to catch his eager, baffled expression. "Oh, thank you, Bella," he answered, the same excitement in his voice that I could see in his eyes. "You're quite welcome. I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I just picked a few things Charlie enjoys and…" He seemed to realize he was babbling and stopped abruptly, taking a bite of his roll.

I saw Charlie's arm move beneath the table to what looked suspiciously like Carlisle's thigh. I swallowed, trying to remind myself that even though I was new to the party, they'd been together for years. I'd better damn well get used to their little habits.

I felt an intense rush of homesickness, and I wished like hell that I hadn't smashed my phone. I needed to talk to someone – to my mom, specifically, to see how she'd dealt with this. To see _why_ she hadn't told me, no matter what Charlie had asked her to do. I was lost and felt helpless, and it fucking pissed me off.

But I couldn't talk to her, and right now, I had a dinner to get through, so I did my best. I sucked it up, turning to Carlisle deliberately as I said, "So you're from England, yeah?"

He smiled at me tentatively as he nodded, and then he launched into a long explanation about his hometown. He mentioned a sister and his parents still living there, as well as an uncle and niece. I nodded politely, but I was having a hard time following him. It was a combination of his accent – even though it was fairly mild – and the fact that the whole time I was watching him, I became fascinated with the image of him kissing my father.

I had never really imagined Charlie kissing _anyone_. I'd thought he just wasn't interested. This whole new situation was fucking with my head.

It didn't help, either, that there were things about him that reminded me of Peter. It was mostly just the blond hair and blue eyes, but he had this lazy way of running his fingers though his hair that was very familiar. I actually giggled in disbelief – totally inappropriately, too – when I realized that my father and I had the same taste in men.

And then it kind of pissed me off. Again.

He and Charlie exchanged a look – one that was clearly questioning my sanity – and I had to sneak a glance at my watch to see if it might be getting close to an acceptable time for me to retreat. I was trying. I really was. And I thought they were, too.

But there was just no way to get past the awkwardness of the situation, and I wasn't really ready to get into deep discussions about it. Possibly when I'd had time to process what was happening and get used to the fact that I now had – as Charlie had so eloquently put it – two stepdads, I might be able to be a little more open and forgiving. For now, I just needed to get out, which reminded me of what I wanted to ask Charlie.

I waited for a lull in the conversation – of which there were _many_ – and said, "Oh, Ch-" _Fuck._ "Dad."

He glanced over at me, an angry wrinkle on his forehead that he tried to hide with a small smile. "What is it, Bells?"

I blinked and swallowed at the use of his nickname for me. For a moment, I thought I saw affection in his eyes, and I wanted to see more of it. Charlie had always loved me – I'd never doubted that – and I fervently hoped that was still the case, despite my difficulties in accepting his unexpected news.

"I was just wondering…" I began, pausing to take a drink when my voice was a little strangled. "Would it be okay if I went out with some friends from school tomorrow night?"

That little wrinkle turned into a full-blown frown as he asked, "Friends? Who?"

I was keenly aware of Carlisle's eyes on me when I said, "Edward Masen and some friends of his. I think you know him?"

There was a question in my voice, but it wasn't because I didn't know if Charlie knew Edward – it was because I was wondering just how much he'd admit to me. Carlisle was in motion again, eating his dinner, and I wanted to call him out.

_Yes, I am well aware that you are Edward's mentor. He was honest with me. Can't say the same for you two._

Charlie cleared his throat and took a long pull from his beer before he put it back down. "Yeah, I know him. Good kid, even though…" he trailed off and shifted in his seat. "Who else is going?"

I clenched my jaw at the way they were avoiding the subject of Edward. I should've been happy, really – it would've led far too easily to the reason for Carlisle's mentoring and to related subjects, such as my dad's sexuality – but I didn't like the way it felt like they were dismissing him. I sighed, just letting it go. I knew it was for the best. "Jasper Hale, Emmett McCarty, Angela Weber, and Ben…" I paused, realizing I didn't know Ben's last name.

"Cheney," Carlisle supplied, and I glanced over to see him smiling. "He's a nice boy. Quiet, though."

"Yeah, he is." There was a weird pause where neither of them said anything, and I glanced expectantly from one to the other. Finally, I said, "Well? Can I go?"

They shared another look, some sort of silent conversation taking place before Charlie picked up his fork again. "Yeah, you can go. Be home by midnight." I bristled at his gruff tone, and he must've picked up on it – or just realized on his own that he was kind of being a douche – because he looked up again and said, "Okay, Bells?"

"Yeah, okay." I nodded down at my plate and began picking at my food again, a small smile on my lips. At least I wouldn't be trapped here tomorrow night as well.

Dinner ended fairly soon after that, and we cleared the table in silence. We each rinsed our dishes and put them in the dishwasher, but when Carlisle began running water to wash the pots and pans, Charlie said quietly, "Just leave those for now, baby. I'll get them."

I tried to tune them out as we finished straightening the kitchen, but I heard them murmuring. I couldn't avoid it any longer when Carlisle said, "Feel like watching a movie, Bella? You're welcome to pick out whatever you'd like to see."

I was reaching into the refrigerator to put away the leftover potatoes, and I paused, taking an extra minute to rearrange things to give me time to gather myself.

_Are they that fucking insane that they think I'd voluntarily set myself up for more of…this?_

I put a smile on my face as I straightened at last and closed the door, turning around to face them. "Thanks…I appreciate the offer, but I think I'm just going to go check my email and maybe read for a little while. I'm pretty tired."

Carlisle was extremely nice as he said he understood and asked me if I needed anything. In truth, he was a little like a host at a hotel or something, which didn't exactly do a lot to help the whole feeling-at-home situation. Charlie, though, stood to the side with an unreadable expression on his face. He was leaning against the counter with his hands on either side of his hips and his ankles crossed. He didn't move from that position until we said our good nights.

He reached one hand out like he was going to hug me, but then he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, settling against the counter once more. I couldn't decide if I was disappointed or relieved, but I didn't stick around to figure out either.

It was still early – very early – but I beat a hasty retreat to my room, where I changed into pajamas and sprawled out on the bed, opening my copy of _The Awakening_. I read for hours, shifting positions occasionally, and I was still awake when I heard Charlie and Carlisle going to bed. I wasn't sure I was ready to hear whatever…sounds…they might make, so I got up and turned my stereo on quietly. After another chapter or two, my eyes were heavy, and I was yawning. I didn't try to fight it – there was no point in staying up – so I stuck a new Post-it in to mark my place and dropped the book on my nightstand, falling asleep almost at once.

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_**A/N:**__ Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! We have truly appreciated hearing your words, and we're looking forward to your opinions on Bella and Charlie after this chapter._

_We're taking part in the __**Fandom Gives Back**__ auction for Alex's Lemonade Stand in June, so we wanted to go ahead and mention it. We know it's still a bit in the future, but there are groups forming who are determined to win us (which blows us away ;) Thanks, Team Whitlock-Masen!), and it is for such a good cause. We're up for both a standard auction __**and**__ some first come-first served, so if you're interested, be sure to stop by and bid on the fantastic authors up for grabs! The forums are not open yet, but we will have a link on our profile and blog when they are._


	8. Let It Be

_**A/N:**_ _Thank you so much to our betas __**kimberlycullen10**__, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, and __**theladyingrey42 **__for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey._

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**Carlisle POV  
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A soft snoring was the first thing that penetrated my awareness, followed swiftly by the jerk of his arm as it tightened around me. I smiled – my eyes still closed – as I allowed myself to soak in the comfort of being home, in my own bed, in the arms of my love. Everything was blissfully quiet, the world only just waking up – like I was. I turned carefully, so as not to wake Charlie, and placed my hand on his chest, resting my chin on it as I watched him. He looked peaceful, content – and that, in turn, caused me to feel so as well. It wasn't often that I had the chance to watch him like this, and it was with some difficulty that I did so now without tracing his features like I wanted to.

I had missed him this past week, more than I had let on – as I always did. I knew that every separation was one he blamed himself for, so I did what I could to prevent him from feeling worse about it. After all, this time, it had been _my_ choice.

I sighed softly, closing my eyes as my mind went back to the previous night and how uncomfortable things had been. Meeting Bella had gone about as well as I had expected, though worse than I had hoped. As much as I had tried to convince Charlie that all she needed was more time, and that things weren't as bad as he thought them to be...I couldn't deny that they were definitely not good. I anticipated some level of hostility toward me, given what Charlie had told me of the interaction they had had. Still, it had shocked me a little to have her storm off and slam her door the way she had. I had to keep reminding myself she was a teenager – a young woman who had just had her life turned completely around.

To say I was surprised by her sudden interest in me over dinner would be an understatement, and I felt hopeful that I had been right after all – that she really just needed some time to come to terms with things. I blushed, remembering my over-enthusiastic response to her compliment on dinner. And then, when she had asked me where I was from, I just couldn't help myself. I wanted her to know me so badly – and I wanted to get to know her, too – that I ended up rambling about my hometown, my family...everything.

I groaned softly. _Carlisle, you are truly an idiot at times. You need to let the girl come to you, not bombard her at the first small sign of interest. _

I really did hope that her asking about me last night was a true sign of her wanting our situation to improve. I knew it would mean the world to Charlie for them to be able to get past all of this, and for her to finally get to know him – accept him for who and what he was. And it would mean everything to me, too - not just because I wanted to finally be a part of Bella's life, but because I wanted Charlie to be whole and happy. I knew deep down he hadn't been, not since Renee had left and taken Bella with her. He had always tried to make the best of things, though, and maintain as much of a relationship with her as he could. He was typically honest and open, with one notable exception, of course - never telling Bella about us. And now that was coming back to haunt him. More than anything, I just wanted him to not hurt anymore.

I shifted a little, burrowing closer to him – needing to feel him. Charlie's snores paused for a second as he instinctively moved with me, picking up their low cadence again once we were both settled. Sighing softly, I watched as Charlie's lips twitched in his sleep, forming first a smile, and then a slight pout that left me wondering what he was dreaming about...and aching to kiss him.

My eyes roamed his face, taking in every feature, grinning when I remembered watching both him and Bella as we ate. She was so much like her father it was almost uncanny. The longer I observed her, the more of Charlie I could see. It wasn't just his eyes that looked back at me, or the curls in her long, brown hair – exactly the same shade as his. It was the way her lips would pucker just slightly as she thought...the small frown that appeared in the exact same spot on her brow as it did her father's...the way she ran her fingers through her hair when she became frustrated. So many similar traits - some obvious, and some only so if you knew them well...or, in my case, knew her father well. I wondered if either one of them were even fully aware of just how alike they were.

A quiet grunt-sniffle alerted me to Charlie's waking up, and I watched as he blinked several times before his eyes landed on mine. He smiled sleepily at me, his voice gravely as he murmured, "Good morning, sweets."

I chuckled softly as he pulled me on top of him, wrapping his arms securely around me as he lifted his chin up at the same time as I lowered my face to his, our lips brushing together briefly. "Good morning, love."

He pressed his lips to mine again with a soft hum, and I closed my eyes as I returned his kiss, enjoying this simple exchange of tenderness. I could feel our hard lengths caught between us, but I tried to ignore it. I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of doing anything - not with Bella on the other side of the hallway, and especially not with things still as precarious as they were.

Charlie's hands roamed my back leisurely as he deepened our kiss; the way his fingertips caressed my skin - alternating between firm strokes and barely-there touches – sent shivers down my spine. I pulled away reluctantly, shifting my weight so I rested most of it on my left arm while my right hand cupped his cheek. "Charlie, love, we can't...not right now."

His eyes flickered briefly before I saw the virtual penny drop, and he shook his head with a soft groan, muttering something under his breath. I frowned slightly, my thumb tracing his cheekbone tenderly. "Charlie?"

He grumbled, shaking his head again as he sighed and looked at me apologetically. "Sorry...you're right, baby...I wasn't thinking."

I smiled, kissing him lightly before whispering against his lips, "It's alright, love. It's going to take some getting used to...for all of us." I shifted so I could whisper in his ear, "I'm happy to be home, too."

His arms tightened around me, and he hummed as he nuzzled my neck. I smiled when he turned so we were on our sides, facing each other. He slipped his leg between mine, pulling me to him as closely as possible. We lay like that for a while, just enjoying being together again, stealing kisses and caressing each other.

I cupped his jaw with my hand, my eyes searching his; I could see the hurt lingering in their depths, though I knew he was trying to hide it. "Charlie, love, are you alright?"

He smiled tentatively, his eyes closing for a moment before he gazed back into mine. "Yeah, I'm fine, sweets. Better, anyway, now that you're home again."

"Good, I..."

We both lifted our heads and turned to look at the door as we heard music coming from Bella's room. Charlie flopped back down on the bed with another groan, muttering, "Oh yeah, definitely gonna take some getting used to..."

I chuckled, pulling my leg up and resting my arm on it as I sat up. I grinned at Charlie. "She's a teenager, love. It's what they do. Come on...go grab a shower while I make us some breakfast."

He put his hand on my thigh, rubbing his thumb along the outside of it as he smirked. "Join me?"

I frowned at him, my voice carrying warning disbelief as I said, "Charlie..."

His smirk gave way to a look of feigned innocence as he sat up as well. "What? I'm a man in love. Trying to seduce their lovers is what they do."

I blinked twice, shaking my head as I starting laughing. "Oh, Charlie..." I reached over and pulled his face to mine, kissing him tenderly before murmuring, "I love you, too."

He kissed me back and chuckled as he got up and walked to the bathroom. I called after him, "You'd better behave yourself, mister."

He turned to me with a raised eyebrow, and I could see his lips twitch as he raised his hand above his head and made a circling motion as if to indicate a halo there. He winked, and I lost it again, laughing as he stepped through the doorway. I was glad to see he still had a sense of humor about everything. I knew he would behave, though; he would do anything to try to fix this situation between him and Bella. I only hoped it wouldn't take too long – I wanted them both to be happy.

I got up, put on my jeans, and grabbed a t-shirt, pulling it over my head as I walked out of the bedroom. Bella exited her room right as I was tugging the shirt down my chest, and I blushed slightly, making a mental note to make sure to be fully dressed before leaving our room. Bella stood for a moment, her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape as she watched me with a blush of her own coloring her cheeks. I cleared my throat and ran my fingers through my hair, shifting my weight awkwardly. "I'm sorry, Bella... Good morning...I, err...I'm about to make breakfast. Is there anything in particular you like?"

She blinked, seemingly snapping out of things as she muttered, "Umm, morning...French toast?"

I smiled, nodding. "I can do that."

She nodded in turn, her brow furrowing as she cleared her throat, her eyes flickering between me and the bathroom down the hall. "Excuse me..."

"Oh, yes...of course...sorry."

I stepped aside to allow her room to pass, which she did very quickly, closing the door behind her with a soft click. I thought I heard her say, "Oh. My. God..." but the soft thud as she presumably leaned against the door made it unclear. Either way, I figured it was better not to inquire, so I made my way to the kitchen. I was happy that she had given a request for something special for breakfast, taking it as a good sign that she was at least trying – and I would do no less. I didn't often make French toast, though I knew Charlie loved it, too. I reserved it for special occasions, though - birthdays and anniversaries, usually. I smiled when I realized that it was yet another thing they held in common, and I wondered whether they had ever had French toast while she had stayed here.

By the time Charlie was showered and dressed, I had already prepared a sizable stack of French toast. I was in the process of cooking it, as well as slicing bananas and toasting chopped pecans, when he walked into the kitchen. I didn't look up, but I heard his deep intake of breath and the low whistle as he stepped behind me, placing his hands on my hips as he murmured, "Pulling out all the stops, I see. Trying to impress someone, baby?"

I shrugged, my lips tugging up in a half-grin. "Perhaps...I ran into her in the hallway and asked if there was anything she liked. She said French toast, so I figured...why not?" I paused, stilling my hands as I looked over my shoulder at him. "Would you mind setting the table and warming the maple syrup?"

He smiled, kissing me lightly on the lips before moving to do as I asked. Bella walked in a while later, blushing when her eyes caught mine. She looked swiftly away, and I saw her eyes widen as she took in the food that was laid out on the table.

I kept my eyes on her, smiling softly as I said, "Bella? Would you mind putting the orange juice and milk on the table before you sit down?"

Holding my breath, I hoped that by asking for her help, I was doing the right thing. I wanted her to feel at home – to feel included. Last night, she had helped set the table without being asked to, but I wasn't sure how she would feel about my asking her for anything like that – I wasn't her father, after all. She glanced at me, nodding as she walked to the fridge without a word. I heard Charlie clear his throat lightly before wishing her good morning. Bella seemed to freeze for just a moment, something I would've missed completely had I not been watching her closely for a reaction. She recovered quickly, though, murmuring a "good morning" of her own as she straightened up, holding a carton of juice and milk in each hand.

She closed the door with a check of her hip and walked to the table, setting the cartons down and resting her hands on the back of her chair. I noticed her taking a slow, deep breath as she closed her eyes briefly – that all-too-familiar frown making a short appearance before she schooled her expression and looked up at me with a smile that didn't _quite _reach her eyes. "Did you need anything else...?"

She frowned again as she let her words trail off, shaking her head – seemingly at herself – as her gaze slid down to her plate.

I grabbed the last plate of French toast and made my way to the table, taking a seat. "That's alright; I think we're set."

Charlie had taken a seat already and was pouring a glass of orange juice. He glanced at her as he asked if she wanted one, handing her the glass when she said yes. The smile that played on his lips was almost identical to the one I spotted on Bella's, and I couldn't keep my own grin from forming. For just one brief moment, last night's awkwardness seemed forgotten, and things felt almost...normal. Charlie handed me a glass of juice as well before pouring a glass of milk for himself.

As we each started to plate up, I noticed Bella watching us with a slightly skeptical look as Charlie and I both put bananas, pecans, and maple syrup on our French toast. I smiled at her. "Would you like to try?"

She blinked as she turned to me with some uncertainty. "Umm, sure?"

I held my plate out to her so she could take what she wanted, watching her closely as she took her first bite. I bit back a chuckle as her eyes widened, much like they had the night before – and much like her dad's had the first time I made this for him. I took a bite myself to keep from saying anything about that, figuring that a reminder like that would only serve to harm the frail comfort that seemed to exist this morning. It was Charlie who asked if she liked it, and when she nodded, I saw him grin, winking at me before he said he was glad.

Bella added the toppings to her own plate, and soon we were all enjoying breakfast, which was interspersed with small talk. As we were almost done, I looked at her. "So, Bella, aside from the party tonight, did you have any plans for today?"

She cleared her throat as she put her utensils down and wiped her mouth. "Actually..." She shifted her eyes to Charlie as she continued, "I was hoping it'd be okay if I went to Port Angeles? I need some clothes since I didn't bring a lot, and I'm kind of running out of options."

Charlie mimicked her actions, frowning a little – his eyes cutting to mine quickly before finding hers again. "Have you checked out Pam's store yet, Bells?"

I shot him a quizzical look, only turning my attention back to Bella when she said, "I haven't...I'd forgotten about her, to be honest. I'll check there first, but Ch-...Dad..." Both she and Charlie flinched at her slip, and I had to bite my tongue. I knew this was a sore spot for him, but I could also tell she was trying. She took a sharp breath, letting it out just as quickly before continuing, "If I don't find anything there, can I? I'd be back before dinner..."

"I don't know, Bella..."

His frown deepened as he lowered his eyes – I put my hand on his thigh, wanting to lend him support. His eyes cut to me before flickering back to Bella as she said, "C'mon, Dad. It's Port Angeles! Nothing happens there, just like nothing ever does here. I can't imagine the place has changed that much..." She muttered, "Forks sure as hell hasn't..."

Charlie looked at me with a soft sigh, running his fingers through his hair as he asked in a low voice, "What do you think, sweets?"

At once, I wished he hadn't asked me – not because I didn't appreciate the fact he wanted to include me and wanted my opinion, but I noticed Bella stiffen in her seat, and I could almost see the shutters close behind her eyes as they hardened. Her voice was terse when she spoke again, reminding him that she was seventeen. She told him that Phoenix had been a hell of a lot bigger than Port Angeles and Renee never had any problems letting her go shopping on her own.

My grip on Charlie's thigh tightened when I sensed his temper rising, and I wanted desperately to avoid this becoming something it didn't need to be – a fight to assert who had the power between father and daughter. I could see - and agree with - Bella's point, but I knew that Charlie still saw her as a little girl. He hadn't been there to watch her grow up, so the idea of her off on her own was still new to him, and I could only imagine his fear of something happening to her, especially when he just got her back. His eyes flashed as he looked at me, his jaw clenching a few times as he took in my expression while I silently pleaded with him to let this one go – it wasn't worth it; there would be bigger battles ahead.

Finally, Charlie let out a short huff and nodded as he turned his attention back to Bella. "You're to check in town first – and put in an honest effort, young lady. I will hear about it if you don't."

He stood up and walked out of the kitchen after holding up a finger to Bella to indicate she was to stay seated and remain quiet. I winced internally but tried not to give any outward sign that I thought he was being a little harsh. She gave me a dark look, her nostrils flaring as she seemed to struggle with her own temper. I silently began to clear the table, sending up a quick prayer that this would go well.

Charlie walked back in, and I leaned against the counter to watch the exchange. He stood next to her chair and put his cell phone and a can of what I recognized as pepper spray in front of her as he said, "If you really can't find anything suitable, you are to call Carlisle's cell and let me know you're heading to P-A. Call me when you get there, and when you're heading home. Be home no later than five."

I saw her open her mouth to object to his demands, but he shook his head and pointed to his phone and the spray again, his voice softening a little as he said, "Bella, I understand that you feel you're old enough, but you are my daughter. You are a seventeen-year-old _girl_, heading into a town you barely know. I'm a _cop_, Bells. I've seen what happens to girls your age, and I do _not_ like the idea of you going alone, so be happy that I'm letting you. All I am asking for in return is that you adhere to the rules I set out. Keep the phone and the pepper spray on your person at all times. Call if you need anything."

They continued to stare each other down for what felt like hours, but after a minute I heard her heave a heavy sigh as she picked up his phone. "Fine." I saw Charlie raise an eyebrow as he gave her a pointed look, which was shortly followed by another sigh from Bella as she added, "Thank you."

Charlie nodded, muttering, "You're welcome. Good luck shopping."

She grimaced. "Thanks."

She picked up the can of pepper spray and rolled her eyes. She took another deep breath before turning to look at me, giving me a semblance of a smile as she thanked me for breakfast. I nodded. "You're welcome. I hope you have a good day, Bella."

Charlie put the dishes together and walked over to me, placing them next to me on the counter as he took a deep breath of his own. Bella walked out of the kitchen, this time without helping, though at this point, I was glad that she wasn't hanging around. Charlie looked like he wanted to just collapse, and I didn't think it would help for her to see that. He rested his hip against the counter as he put his forehead on my shoulder and said softly, "Tell me it isn't going to be like this all the time, that things'll get better?"

He raised his eyes to me, a pleading look in them as he searched mine. I placed my palm on his cheek, smiling tenderly at him. "In time, I'm sure it'll get better, love. She's trying, I think."

Covering my hand with his own, he turned his head to place a kiss on my palm. He sighed softly, murmuring, "I hope you're right..." He looked me in the eye again, and I could see the emotions warring in his – hope, fear, love...they were all there. "I'm sorry for putting you in the middle like that. I shouldn't have..."

I slipped my free arm around his waist, pulling him a little closer and brushing my lips against his. "Shh, none of that now. I know you weren't trying to, and I do appreciate you wanting to include me. It's just going to take awhile, baby. This was bound to happen – and it'll likely happen a few times yet."

Letting out another soft sigh, he smiled tentatively at me. "I love you, you know?"

My lips twitched as I fought back a grin. "I may have picked up on that over the years."

He gave a low growl, taking a step closer to me, and opened his mouth to say something when we heard Bella's door close. He instantly stepped back – a mixture of frustration and apology on his face as he did. I mouthed, "It's fine," right as Bella peered inside and said, "Umm, so...I'll see you later?"

We both turned to find her looking at us, her eyes going back and forth between us with a slight frown marring her brow. Charlie cleared his throat, his fingers running through his hair nervously as his eyes cut to mine briefly, as if asking if I was sure this would really be okay. I nodded, bumping his shoulder lightly with my own to get him to pay attention to Bella. He swallowed hard but nodded at her.

"Have fun, Bells...and be safe, please. Call if you need anything."

She gave a short wave in acknowledgment as she turned and left. We both stood quietly, listening to the front door close behind her, followed shortly by the truck door opening and closing and the engine roaring to life. Once we heard her pull out of the driveway, it was as if we were free to breathe again, in a way.

Charlie took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he closed his eyes. I hooked my fingers in his belt loops and tugged lightly, urging him to come to me as I wrapped my arms around him. I smiled, nuzzling his neck lightly when he held me tight. Kissing him right below his ear earned me a soft moan before he lifted his head, his eyes searching mine. Spreading my legs a little, I pulled him closer so he stood between them, one hand splayed between his shoulder blades while the other rested on his lower back. I smiled, tilting my head just so as I closed the distance between us. His contented hum was enough to fuel my need to remind him that we were still 'us', that we were okay, and that everything would turn out fine in the end. There was no rush in this kiss, no urgency – just a sweet, tender moment of reconnecting.

That is, right up until Charlie shifted his hips against mine – not once, not twice, but several times – forcing me to grab hold of his hips to still him. My voice caught when I tried to speak, and I had to clear my throat to get it to work right, though it still sounded lower than normal. "Charlie...not now, love. She could be back soon..." I took a slow breath to calm myself, because if I were being honest, I wanted him as much as he did me. That thought made me smile as I cupped his cheek, kissing his lips briefly. "Why don't we get this mess cleaned up first?"

He grumbled playfully about needing to learn to make the most of the time without kids in the house, causing me to chuckle. "There'll be plenty of times, love."

He sighed, pulling away and heading back to the table with a "Fine..." As he turned, he brushed the back of his hand against my crotch. I bit my lip to stifle my moan, but he caught me as he looked over his shoulder with a playful grin. I rolled my eyes at him, chuckling softly. "When did you become so insatiable?"

His grin became more pronounced as he said, "Oh, I think it was right around the time when you asked me if you could kiss me – it's kinda gone downhill from there." He winked, and I stepped up to him, smacking his ass lightly as I shook my head at him and laughed.

We set about cleaning the kitchen and ended up getting some other chores out of the way by the time Bella called to let us know she was heading to Port Angeles after all. Charlie reminded her to be careful and to keep the phone and spray on her at all times. It was clear to see that he cared for her and that he was worried about her going off on her own. As he disconnected the call, I stepped up behind him, slipping my arms around his waist, resting my hand over his heart as I kissed his neck and whispered, "She'll be fine, love. As you said, she's your daughter, which means she's got a good head on her shoulders. She's a sensible young girl, Charlie; have faith in that."

He gave a quiet huff as he leaned back into me. "It's not her I don't have faith in, sweets; it's the crazies on the streets I'm worried about."

The house line rang, and I went to answer it. "Swan residence."

Even though this had been my home now for the past decade or so, it had never made sense to me to answer differently. This house had been home to the Swans long before I had arrived, and even before Charlie was born, so to me that was what it was.

"_Hey, Carlisle, it's Renee..."_

She sounded strained, worried, and I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable as I asked her how she was doing. She and I had never really talked much, though there had been times – like now – when we had ended up on the phone. It wasn't that I didn't want to get to know her or didn't feel for her – exactly the opposite was true – but she was always reserved when I answered the phone. And part of me would always feel somewhat responsible for the breaking of her marriage, though rationally I knew it hadn't been my fault – it hadn't been anyone's fault, really.

Mercifully, Charlie came in to see what was going on, and when Renee heard him, she asked if she could speak with him. I made to leave in order to give him peace to deal with her, but he grabbed my hand, silently imploring me to stay, so I leaned against the table and laced our fingers together. They talked for a while as he updated her on Bella – I squeezed his hand lightly when I saw his smile as he told Renee about dinner, as well as breakfast, though the smile didn't last when he got to the Port Angeles discussion. I heard him say, "Yeah, you're probably right...that's pretty much what Carlisle said, too."

I ducked my head, turning it away so he wouldn't see me smile – for some reason, it felt good to know that Renee and I were, at least in that aspect, on the same wavelength. Charlie tugged my hand, and when I looked up, he narrowed his eyes at me – the smile that played on his lips belied any annoyance he feigned, though.

They talked for a few minutes more, and whatever Renee was saying seemed to improve Charlie's spirits. I was curious about their conversation, but figured I could ask about it later. As soon as he hung up the phone, he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms tightly around me as he grinned mischievously. He leaned in, his lips dragging along my jaw until he reached my ear, his voice a low grumble that I could feel against my chest as he spoke. "Carlisle?"

"Hmm?"

I shivered as his breath fanned across my skin - any thoughts about his talk with Renee were forgotten as I became hyper-aware of him. My hands rested on his hips as he continued, "Bella's not here – she won't be back for a few hours. You know what they say about the cat being away, right?"

Nodding slightly, I swallowed several times, trying to find my voice. He moved his hands, cupping my ass as he pressed closer to me – my fingers digging into his thighs in response.

"Carlisle?" he said again.

"Yes, Charlie?"

He nipped at my earlobe. "No more excuses, baby. I need to feel you."

I moaned softly, shifting my hips against his as I whispered, "I need you too, love."

He pulled away slightly, his eyes searching mine briefly before he planted a searing kiss on my lips – one that I returned with equal heat. After a minute or so, he took my lower lip between his and bit it lightly before releasing it and growling out, "Get your ass to the bedroom, sweets. I'll be right there."

I heard him go to the front door, locking it while I made my way to the bedroom after grabbing my phone. I walked straight to our bed, placing my phone in its dock on the bedside table before pulling the small bottle of lube from the drawer and putting it on the bed. It wasn't likely anyone would call, but since Charlie had told Bella to call my phone in case of an emergency, I didn't want to chance leaving it out of reach.

Pulling off my t-shirt, I dropped it on the chair by the bed, my fingers immediately working on the buttons of my jeans. Charlie's chuckle reached my ears at the same time I heard the bedroom door shut, and I turned around, hooking my thumbs in my waistband and pushing my jeans over my hips. His eyes widened slightly – as did his grin - when he saw that I hadn't been wearing any underwear.

He flipped the lock behind him before stalking toward me, his gaze flickering to the bed briefly. I stepped out of my jeans at the same time his hands found my hips, and he leaned in, his lips a hair's breadth from mine as he said, "Always the Boy Scout."

He kissed me hard then, and I moaned as my hands found their way respectively to his hair and his lower back, pulling him closer to me. After a moment or two, I became annoyed by the fabric that was between us, needing to feel everything. I pulled away, just far enough to reach between us and tug on the hem of his shirt, lifting it up as I muttered between kisses, "Off."

He complied at once, lifting his arms so I could remove his shirt, throwing it on top of mine. As soon as that was done, my lips found his again – my hands moving to his belt buckle, undoing it and the buttons of his fly as quickly as my fumbling fingers were able to. Both of our hands hurriedly pushed his jeans past his hips, and he stepped out of them, kicking them to the side as he pulled me against him. His hands were seemingly everywhere, running up and down my back - his fingers now squeezing my ass, then brushing my entrance. I whimpered softly as he continued to tease me, his lips moving from mine down the column of my neck until he reached the join of my shoulder, where he sucked the skin lightly.

I closed my eyes, my head tilting to the side to allow him more room. My voice was husky, almost gravelly, when I spoke. "Oh God...Charlie, please, love..."

I could feel him grin against my skin before he pulled away, his eyes dark and mischievous as he shifted his hips against mine. I felt the rumble in his chest as he told me to get on the bed and crawl to the middle. Trying to stifle my groan, I bit my lip and moved to do as he said. Even after all these years, I relished every time he took charge; my Charlie had gotten to be quite confident in the bedroom, and I loved every minute of it when he let it show.

I didn't even make it halfway across the bed before I felt his hands on my hips again, the edge of the mattress dipping slightly as he leaned against it. Before I could turn my head to ask him what he was doing, I felt his warm breath across my skin, followed closely by his lips as he trailed open mouthed kisses down from my lower back until he reached my entrance. He paused for the briefest moment, and then his tongue snaked out, teasing my sensitive flesh, sending shivers of pleasure up my spine. I dropped my upper body to the bed, my head resting on my arms as I folded them for support. Every lick, every probe of his tongue had me panting for more – I could hear my voice pleading with him, but I had no idea what, exactly, I was saying.

When he pulled away, I bemoaned the loss of his silken warmth but was quickly assuaged by the feel of his slick finger as it entered me, his other hand rubbing soothing circles across my back. I heard him murmur, only picking up words here and there as he continued to prepare me for him, "So beautiful... Missed you... Need you, baby..."

"Need you, too...please, Charlie..."

He pulled me back slightly so that he could stand by the bed and told me to turn around. As soon as I was on my back, he pulled my legs up to rest against his shoulders, grinning as he caught the look on my face. Running his hands along my thighs, he pushed into me slowly – almost reverently - as he always did. This gesture never failed to make me feel loved and wanted, especially when I could see the restraint clear on his face as he bit his lower lip, his brow furrowed in concentration and his eyes closed. He held still for a moment, his eyes opening and finding mine as he smiled. "I love you."

I shifted my hips as well as I was able in the position I was lying, moaning softly, needing him to just _move_. "I love you, too, Charlie...please..."

And with that, he pulled almost all the way out before rocking back into me – slowly at first, but determinedly and with sure strokes. My hands were gripping the covers as he started to move faster, harder, hitting that most exquisite spot over and over again. When he wrapped his fingers around my shaft, pumping me as he continued to pound into me, I cried out, my shoulders digging into the bed as my back arched. "Fuck..."

I lost all sense as he drove me to my release – all I was aware of was him and bliss as I felt him come inside me moments later. His hands rubbed my legs tenderly as he lowered them slowly, one at a time. He crawled onto the bed with me, helping me move to the middle as my limbs were weak and trembling.

He lay on his back with his arms around me while I rested my head on his shoulder. One of my arms was slung over his chest while my leg was over his thigh; once we were situated, we just lay quietly for a while, both of us absorbed in our thoughts. I felt utterly content, and I hummed when I felt his lips against my hair. He rubbed my arm tenderly – I smiled, lifting my head so I could kiss him.

I pulled away after a minute and snuggled closer to him, tightening my arm around him as I nuzzled his neck. I mumbled, "I don't want to move..."

Charlie chuckled softly, running his fingers through my hair. "I hear ya, sweets...but we'll have to eventually."

I sighed, pouting. Maybe he felt my lips purse against his skin, or maybe he just knew me well enough to anticipate my reaction, but he started to laugh. It was good to hear him do so again - it had been too long. He had been so nervous ever since Bella's phone call asking to move here, had been so preoccupied by everything. I smiled, pushing myself up so I could look at him, my hand cupping his face as he watched me. His eyes showed signs of happiness again, though I could see the ghosts of worry lingering, too.

He smiled, pulling me on top of him, and I settled comfortably in his embrace, letting him feel most of my weight as I ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes closed for a moment, his smile fading somewhat as he sighed. I could guess what was going through his mind, so I pressed my lips to his, murmuring, "Everything will be fine, love. It's just going to take some time."

His eyes searched mine, the smile on his lips turning lopsided as he said, "I really hope you are right, sweets. I'd love nothing better than to have us just be a family...but what if she can't get over the whole 'Dad's gay' thing? What if she won't accept us? What if-"

I shook my head once before silencing him with a soft kiss. "Shh, none of that, Charlie. You saw her this morning. She _is_ trying, love. You're her dad, and she loves you."

He snorted, making me frown as I shifted, nudging his side. "Charlie!"

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before finding mine again, an apologetic smile on his lips as he said, "Sorry, sweetheart, you're right...it's just...hard to believe right now, I guess."

I rolled off of him, tugging at his hip so he would roll with me. Once we were both lying on our sides, facing each other, I cupped his cheek and sighed softly. "Charlie...you know you have to try to get her to talk about all of this. She needs to hear what happened, and _you_ need to allow both of you to work through this. It's a lot for her to take, and it's been a lot for you to carry with you all these years. This isn't going to get better overnight, love. No matter how much we might want it to."

He grinned softly, holding my hand to his cheek as he turned his head to place a tender kiss on my palm. "How did you get to be so wise, hmm?"

I smirked. "I learned; had to, living with you all these years." I winked.

His eyes widened, and before I could react, he pounced on top of me – he was straddling my thighs, his hands going straight to my waist and tickling me until I was laughing, writhing under him, and begging him to stop. He was relentless, though, and it wasn't until I finally managed to pull him to me, my fingers wrapped tightly around one of his wrists, that he stopped.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, securing him to me as I lifted my chin, kissing him breathlessly. He rested his elbows on either side of me, returning my kiss before lifting his head to look at me. He brushed the tip of his nose against mine with a tender smile as he said, "I will never know what I did to deserve someone like you, Carlisle...but I sure as hell am glad you're mine."

I grinned at him, tightening my arms briefly. "I could say the same about you, Charlie."

We stayed in bed, just lounging and talking about little things for a while – stuff that we had been planning to do around the house or the garden – right up until the phone rang. I reached over and answered, "Swan residence."

"_Hey__,__ Uncle Carlisle!" _

I smiled, running my fingers through my hair as I lay back down with Charlie settling next to me. "Hey, Alice! It's good to hear from you." I glanced at the clock as Charlie started to make lazy eights on my chest with his fingertips. "What are you doing home at this hour on a Saturday night? No parties to go to?"

She chuckled. _"Oh, no worries, I fully plan on adding a few gray hairs to Mum's head tonight. I was calling to see if it was still okay for me to stay with you and Uncle Charlie when I come to the States to scout colleges?" _

Charlie muttered "Oh, fuck!" under his breath, and I frowned as he stilled completely. "Alice, can you hold for just a sec?"

"_Sure thing."_

I muted the call and lifted myself up to look at him properly. His face was buried in both hands as a continuous stream of curses flowed quietly from his lips. "Charlie?"

Nothing.

I put my hand over his tattoo. and he took a deep breath, but remained otherwise still. "Charlie, what's wrong?"

Still nothing, just a continued stream of curses as he seemed to berate himself, though over what, I couldn't hear. I frowned, glancing at the phone as realization dawned on me.

"Charlie...please tell me you told Bella that Alice is coming to live here for a while?"

He groaned, shaking his head as he scrubbed his face before burying his fingers in his hair, tugging on the ends in frustration. His eyes found mine, and the pain reflected at me had me aching for him as he said, "No...it completely slipped my mind with everything else that's been going on...Fuck. I can't do anything right lately...I'm sorry."

I rested my forehead on my hand, which was still covering his tattoo. "Oh, Charlie..."

With a sigh, he put his hand on the back of my neck, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape, his voice gruff with emotion. "Tell Alice that of course she's still welcome to stay here. I'm not going to go back on that just because of what's going on with Bella. Who knows...maybe it'll be good for her to have someone to talk to."

I raised my head and looked at him, searching his eyes to make sure that's what he really wanted. When I saw the determination there, I nodded and put the phone back to my ear as I un-muted it. "Alice, you still there, sweetheart?"

"_Yeah, I'm still here. Everything okay?"_

"Yes, everything's fine, lovey." I cleared my throat, my eyes on Charlie as I continued, "Uncle Charlie says you're welcome to stay, still; of course you are."

"_Alright...I just thought with his daughter coming to live with you and all... As long as you're sure. I don't want to make things harder for her." _She giggled softly. "_Just clear some space in the closet for me, then. I hear that magical things can happen there."_

I shook my head, chuckling at the horrible pun about what had to be Harry Potter. Alice was Potter-crazy, and she wasn't shy about sharing her love for both the books and films. With a wry grin, I said, "Alice, honey, I'm not going to put you in any closet, or are you trying to tell me you're wanting to come _out_ of one?"

She laughed, and I could almost hear her roll her eyes, even as I saw Charlie do the same while he ruffled my hair.

"_Haha, Uncle Carlisle, very funny. No, no coming out of any closets for me – I like my boys too much. Speaking of...tell Edward I said hi, and that I'll see him soon!"_

I laughed. "Sure, I'll pass on the message, sweetheart."

We talked for a few more minutes, during which she promised to email me her itinerary and confirmed that I would be picking her up in Seattle. Charlie said he'd try to get the time off to come with me but wasn't sure he would be able to swing it. I asked her to give her mom a hug from us and to pass along our love to my parents as well, which she promised to do. She said she would be having a big party before she came here, to say goodbye to her friends and family, since she would be stateside for a few months.

After we exchanged goodbyes of our own, we hung up, and I turned to Charlie with a sigh. He grumbled, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I know, I know...I have to tell her."

I sat up, smiling sadly at him. I had a feeling that the news of Alice's arrival would not go over well, though I hoped it wouldn't be too horrible. I had a feeling that Bella and Alice would get along well – provided Bella allowed herself to be open to the relationship, but I wasn't at all sure that she would be. Sighing softly, I ran a hand over my face, saying a silent prayer for things to work out for the best. Scooting to the edge of the bed, I turned and held out my hand to Charlie, who hadn't moved at all and still lay on his back, his hands over his face. I had to stretch and poke his side to get his attention.

"Come take a shower with me, love?"

His lips twitched to form a brief smile before he got up and took my hand, following me to the bathroom. While I turned the shower on and got the water to the right temperature, Charlie leaned against the counter, his palms on the surface as he stood, shoulders hunched. He was watching himself in the mirror, his eyes constantly moving as if searching for something. I stepped behind him, wrapping my arms around him, with my hand covering his heart, as usual. His eyes found mine in the mirror, and he smiled softly at me.

"Love, what is it?"

He shook his head with a sigh, his gaze once again going over his body before landing on where my hand was. He placed his own to cover mine and said, "How could I ever have let my truth stay buried for so long? How could I keep this – keep _you_ – from her for all these years? I mean...I know why I did what I did back then...but, still...looking back...I don't know how I ever managed it."

He looked at me again, his brow furrowed and his eyes glistening with emotion. The room was slowly filling up with steam as we stood there, our eyes on each other. I wasn't sure what to tell him because nothing I could say would make any of this better; nothing could possibly make this easier for any of us. So, instead, I turned him around, my lips brushing against his lightly. "I don't know, baby. But we're here now, and we're just going to have to do the best we can. C'mon..."

I grabbed his hand, pulling him into the shower with me. Once we were both under the spray, I grabbed the shampoo, putting a dollop in my hand before placing the bottle back on the shelf. Lathering up his hair, I began to wash it, massaging his scalp gently. I took my time with him, wanting to relieve him of as much tension as I could by taking care of him. After I was done with his hair and had begun to wash his body, he tried to do the same for me, but I just batted his hands away, shaking my head. I wanted to do this for him, and in the end, he surrendered to me completely.

When he was done, I directed him to stand under the second showerhead while I quickly cleaned myself. His eyes followed my every move, making me chuckle as I noticed how his body was responding to me. It had always been like this between us, and I prayed it would remain so for the rest of our days.

Turning off my side of the shower, I stepped over to him, my hands resting on his hips as I grinned playfully at him. "See something you like, love?"

His expression was serious as his eyes roamed my body before meeting mine, and he said in an even voice, "No."

I quirked a brow, my fingertips grazing along his shaft as I muttered, "Really? Could've fooled me..."

His chest rumbled as he pulled me to him roughly. "I don't see something I merely _like_, sweets; I do, however, see something I love."

I opened my mouth to tell him I loved him, too, but his lips claimed my own, swallowing any sound I made. We stood under the spray, languidly kissing each other as our hands roamed. Before too long, though, he began to pull me closer still, grinding into me as his kisses became heated, hungry, almost desperate. After a minute of this, he stilled, resting his forehead against mine as he closed his eyes and tried to get his breathing under control.

"Charlie?"

He raised his head, an indecipherable look on his face as his eyes locked with mine, his voice sounding almost pained when he simply said, "Bella..."

I frowned, running my fingers through his hair tenderly. "What about Bella?"

He shook his head with a small huff and a barely-there grin. "We probably should get out of here, in case she calls. I just..." He paused, rolling his eyes as he shook his head again, his voice barely audible over the shower. "God, I can't even believe I'm saying this...we have to stop, baby..."

I chuckled and pecked him lightly on the lips, relieved when I realized that he was merely worried about missing her call – or, more to the point, worried something might happen to her and he wouldn't be there to help. That didn't mean we had to stop, though, if I had a say in things – especially when I could tell he was still feeling out of sorts. "Sweetheart, I love you, but you need to shut up, dry yourself off, and get your ass to bed."

He blinked, a look of confusion clear on his face. I reached past him and shut the shower off before stepping out and grabbing us each a towel, handing him one of them with a raised eyebrow. When he still hadn't moved, I stepped up to him and whispered in his ear, "Now, Charles."

I rarely, if ever, used his full name – only when I really meant business – so when I did, it spurred him into action. It was almost funny to watch as he hurriedly dried himself off and went back into the bedroom. I took my time drying myself, hanging our towels up over the shower door. Pausing in front of the mirror, I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I tried to collect myself before walking into our room.

Charlie was sitting on the edge of our bed, facing me as I walked in, his eyes roving and dark as he took me in. I grinned, stopping right in front of him, and nudged his legs apart with my knee as I stepped between them. His hands went to my thighs, rubbing gently up and down as he looked up at me. I ran my fingers through his hair and smiled as I lowered myself to the floor, kneeling. His hands roamed up my sides before moving to briefly cup my face. He leaned in, kissing me; a small sound of longing passed his lips as my hands brushed the insides of his thighs.

I pulled back just enough to murmur, "Hands on the bed, my love, and don't move."

His eyes widened slightly, and he bit his lip in an effort to keep from grinning – he failed miserably, which just made me chuckle. I quirked a brow at him, and he moved to do as I said. Kissing him once more on the lips, I slowly began to work my way down his body, alternately kissing and nipping at his skin.

I flicked his nipple with my tongue and murmured, "Were there any messages?" I knew he would have checked straight away.

He moaned as I took it between my lips and sucked gently. "No, no messages..."

I grinned as I moved to his other nipple, biting it lightly before saying, "Then she's still out shopping?"

My hands were still on his thighs, slowly moving closer to where he wanted me to be but barely brushing against him with every pass even as my mouth moved lower. "Fuck...Carlisle, that feels good..."

I paused, and he added, "Yes, yes she's still shopping...Jesus..."

He shifted, trying to move his hand to touch me, but I gave a low growl, warning him. "Charlie..."

He stilled, muttering, "Fuck..." and causing me to chuckle as I moved lower still; my cheek brushed against his shaft, making him hiss at the contact. I turned my face slightly and licked the bead of pre-cum from his slit before looking up at him. He was watching me intently, his gaze burning with desire and need for me, and I loved that I could do that to him.

Keeping my eyes on his, I slowly wrapped my lips around his head, running the tip of my tongue around the rim before releasing him. "So, it's just you...." I repeated the action and continued, "and me?"

I needed him to see - to _know_ - that even with Bella now living here, with everything that was going on, we could still be us – that we _were_ still _us_. If I were being completely honest with myself, I needed to know, too - needed that reassurance just as much as he did. He nodded, his eyes hooded and his mouth partially open as he breathed out, "Just us, baby...God, please, Carlisle..."

It was enough for me – I ran my tongue down his shaft, relishing the feel of every vein as I ran over it. Charlie moaned softly as I worked my way up again before closing my lips around his cock. I hummed, closing my eyes as I let my senses guide me, taking in his scent, his taste, the feel of him against my tongue, the sounds he made as I drove him closer and closer to release.

His soft pleas for more were music to my ears as he asked me to please let him touch me or to keep doing what I was doing. I bobbed my head up and down, my teeth scraping his cock just lightly enough to tease before taking him all the way down my throat. His thigh was tensing under my hand even as I reached to gently roll his balls with my other.

"Please...so good, baby..."

I opened my eyes to look at him as I kept going – he was clutching the covers tightly, his eyes were screwed shut in concentration, and he was biting his lip. I wanted him to let go, though, so as I swallowed around him, I pressed and rubbed just behind his sack. It had the desired effect as he cried out, his head falling back and his hips jerking upward. I greedily took everything he gave, continuing to suck him gently as he came down from his euphoric bliss before letting him slip from between my lips.

He opened his eyes and looked down at me as I ran my hands over his thighs. I was hard, but I didn't care – the look on his face was all I needed in return; the feel of his lips against mine all I wanted. As we kissed, he threaded his fingers through my hair, anchoring me to him as he pulled me up to join him on the bed. Without breaking contact, he situated us so we were lying across it and slipped his knee between mine. His other hand began to roam my back slowly, making me shiver as he trailed his fingertips along my spine.

Before things could go any further, though, my phone rang, and we both groaned. Charlie crawled over me to answer it after checking the I.D. to make sure it was Bella. I heard her say that she was heading home and that she had found one or two things as far as clothes went, but that by and large the trip had been a waste on that front. She said she had managed to find the bookstore, which made Charlie grin as his eyes cut to mine. I smiled in return and after he told her to drive home safely, they hung up.

He put the phone back in its cradle and flopped back onto the bed with a heavy sigh, his face turned to me with a look of apology in his eyes. I cupped his cheek, smiling softly at him. "How about a movie, love?"

His brow furrowed slightly, and he cleared his throat, his eyes searching mine. "Sounds good..."

I rolled my eyes at him, leaning in to brush my lips against his and murmur, "Sweetheart, it's not like it's the first time we've ever been interrupted, nor will it be the last. I'm fine." I grinned, rubbing the tip of my nose against his as I added teasingly, "You can always make it up to me tonight after Bella leaves."

He grumbled playfully as he muttered under his breath. When I quirked a brow in question, he just rolled his eyes and shook his head, saying, "Nevermind. Let's get dressed, baby, and you can pick a movie?"

I smiled, nodding in agreement, and before too long we were dressed. Charlie went to grab us a couple of beers and a small bowl of honey roasted cashews, which were a guilty pleasure of mine, while I debated between _Radio, Rudy,_ and _Invincible_. Charlie loved football, and these were some of his favorites. I ended up putting in _Rudy, _and I caught Charlie's grin as he settled on the couch, one leg along the side so I could snuggle up with him.

I accepted the invitation, leaning in and kissing him briefly before settling against him. The moment my back was against his chest, he put his arms around me and nuzzled my neck. He whispered, "Thanks, sweets."

Turning my head, I pecked his lips. "You're welcome, love."

I hit play, tossing the remote next to my phone on the coffee table so I could burrow further into his embrace as the movie began. It wasn't long until we were absorbed in the movie, oblivious to the world around us. My head was resting against his shoulder, his arms snug around me as my fingers lazily caressed his forearms. One of us would make the odd comment about what was going on; it was always the same, both of us wanting to shake Rudy's father for putting his son down all the time and not supporting his dream. Charlie inevitably had a hard time when Rudy's best friend was killed, and I could always tell when he'd relax again once Rudy started to really work toward his goals.

It wasn't until Bella cleared her throat that either of us realized she'd gotten home.

I looked over Charlie's shoulder at her. "Oh, hey, Bella...home already?"

When I saw the look of discomfort on her face, I started to sit up, but Charlie tightened his grip on me. He had also noticed her expression, and when I turned to him, I saw that his jaw was set. He shook his head as he murmured quietly, "She's going to have to get used to seeing us together, sweets."

I inhaled lightly at the determination in his eyes. The way his arms were still wrapped around me combined with the look on his face to make me realize that he had meant what he said last night. He was through hiding me - hiding _us_.

Closing my eyes briefly, I nodded. I was torn – I didn't want to make Bella uncomfortable, and she certainly appeared to be just that. But at the same time, Charlie's words, as well as his deeds, had me feeling lighter than I had before. The fact that he had always hidden me away had stung more than I would ever admit, so to have him be affectionate with me – even with something as simple as just holding me – in front of her...I couldn't deny that it made me feel like he had finally let me in fully. I had every part of Charlie now, and I struggled to try and keep my perspective. I had to remind myself that Bella was there...and she was still getting used to the idea of her dad being gay. As much as I loved Charlie for trying to stand his ground, I knew he didn't want to hurt her any further.

I twisted around so I could face him. I brushed my lips against his ever so briefly, whispering that it was okay and asking to let me get up, under the pretense of needing to go to the bathroom. He reluctantly let me go then, and after a quick "I love you," I walked past Bella, smiling softly – albeit hesitantly – at her. Her eyes followed me as I walked down the hall and escaped to the bathroom, closing the door behind me with a heavy sigh.

Part of me felt like a coward for leaving them alone, but I wouldn't have been able to school my reaction for very long, and I didn't want to make things worse for them by being too happy about Charlie's show of affection to me. It felt as if it was rubbing it into her face, and I could not do that to her – I knew Charlie couldn't either, if he thought about it. I knew that he was reacting to what was going on, and that wasn't always the best way to go, but I couldn't very well point that out to him in front of Bella. In all, it was better to just give everyone a few minutes and step aside for the time being.

I could hear them talking, catching bits and pieces of the conversation. All I really got was a sense that Bella felt she needed to go to Seattle in order to get the clothes – and shoes – that she wanted, as none of the shops in Port Angeles had what she was after.

I didn't reemerge until after I heard Bella's door close. I was a little shocked to find Charlie standing right outside the bathroom, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and a curious look on his face. There was music coming from Bella's room, and I briefly wondered if she had put it on because she liked it, or if she used it as a barrier.

Any thought I had was driven from my mind when Charlie stepped up to me and pulled me to him, his fingers hooked through my belt loops. He frowned slightly and murmured, "You're a terrible liar; you know that, right?"

I could feel the heat rise on my cheeks – he rolled his eyes, his lips twitching in amusement. "Thank you. Again."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." I frowned slightly. "How did you know?"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Like I said, you're a terrible liar. And you didn't flush."

He grinned at the puzzled look on my face. "You _always_ flush, and you _always_ wash your hands. I didn't hear you do either. I'm willing to bet you were just standing around in there, trying to keep your emotions in check."

A brief sound of disbelief escaped me as I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against his. _My Charlie, the cop. _Of course_ he'd pick up on that._ I sighed softly, pressing my lips to his tenderly. "You know me too well, I think."

He shrugged, smirking, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Hate to break it to you, sweets, but you're not that hard to figure out."

I scowled at him, huffing indignantly and causing him to laugh. Narrowing my eyes at him, I purposely didn't respond to his kiss. I wasn't really upset, and he knew it. When he kissed me again – this time guiding me back to the wall, effectively pinning me as he pressed hard against me – I couldn't help but return his kiss. I was very aware of Bella being in the house, just a couple of doors away, so I tried not to let us get too carried away, but it was very difficult.

Charlie pulled away with a soft hum of contentment, giving me three short pecks against my lips before he let me go. He rested his forehead against mine and smiled. "C'mon, baby, let's finish watching _Rudy _before we have to start thinking about dinner?"

I grinned and rolled my eyes at him as I pinched him lightly in the ribs. "You mean before _I_ have to start thinking about dinner?"

He chuckled, twisting away as he grabbed my hand to pull me to the living room. "Potato, potahto..."

Muttering, "Ass," under my breath, I bumped his shoulder, causing him to stumble slightly. He just laughed, pulling me to him as he whispered against my lips, "And here I thought you liked my ass, sweets?"

Squeezing aforementioned ass with both hands, I kissed him hard before leaning in and speaking softly into his ear, "Wait until Bella has gone to her party, and I'll show you just how much, too."

He groaned, his forehead resting on my shoulder as he muttered, "Fuck..."

I grinned, turning my head and nipping at his neck, whispering, "That's the general idea, love."

He looked up with an almost pained, pleading expression in his eyes, his voice low as he said, "Christ, Carlisle..."

I kissed him tenderly, cupping his cheek as my thumb brushed his cheekbone lightly. "Movie?"

He took a deep breath and nodded. "Movie."

We settled back onto the couch the way we were before we'd been interrupted. Once we hit play, our attention refocused on _Rudy_, both of us grinning like idiots by the end. I turned to look at Charlie, placing my hand on his cheek and pressing my lips against his when I saw his glistening eyes – I knew better than to suggest he had gotten emotional over the movie, though.

He tightened his hold on me for a moment before letting me go. He ran his hand along my thigh and smiled at me. "Need a hand with dinner, baby?"

I grinned, shaking my head as I grabbed his other hand and lifted it to my lips, placing a soft kiss in his palm. "No, but I won't say no to your company."

He smirked and patted my thigh. "Didn't figure you would. C'mon, then."

We got up, and when we got to the kitchen, he took his usual spot at the counter. He was just out of the way but close enough to allow us to have a conversation as he leaned against it with his hands resting by his hips. We had gone shopping for groceries not long after Bella had hidden herself in her room the previous night, so I took a moment to go over our dinner options before turning to Charlie. "Chicken alfredo, or my ravioli?"

The way his eyes lit up at the mention of my ravioli made me laugh – he didn't even need to say the words. "In that case, sweetheart, you actually _could_ give me a hand."

I pulled out the block of parmesan cheese and handed it to him with a grin. "Here you go; you know what to do with that."

He groaned softly, but took the cheese and started looking for the grater and a bowl. Before too long, we were both busy, and we chatted easily as we worked side by side. I made the dough first, which Charlie put through the pasta machine to make sheets while I cooked up the mushrooms and spinach. Once those were done, all that was needed was for me to put the ingredients for the filling in the food processor, and we soon had a large batch of ravioli ready to cook.

I had put a pot of water on to boil already, so everything was set to go. Charlie took out a jar of my homemade tomato sauce from the fridge and began to carefully warm up enough sauce for tonight's dinner - under my watchful eye, of course. Last time I had left him to his own devices, he had managed to burn the sauce, and neither of us relished the idea of revisiting _that_ particular smell...or the clean up.

Whether the smell of food had lured her out or she simply figured that dinner would be the same time as last night, I didn't know, but Bella showed up shortly before the food was done. With one glance at what was cooking, she began to set the table without a word. Charlie and I exchanged glances but remained quiet as well, unsure of what to make of it – though I took it as a good sign.

We all sat down together, making small talk as we passed the food and began to eat. Bella told us a little more about her day in Port Angeles, though there really wasn't much to tell. As soon as she took her first bite, her eyes widened, and she looked over at me with a smile. "This is really good...Carlisle..." I noticed the pause before she said my name, but at least she _was _saying my name.

I caught Charlie's smile out of the corner of my eye and squeezed his thigh when I saw him trying to hide it behind a bite of ravioli. Before long, the conversation moved to the party Bella would be attending, and Charlie asked her if she was sure she knew how to get there. She gave him a wry smile and said, "Just how big do you think this town is...Dad?"

Again, there was a pause, but at least she hadn't started to say his first name. I thought we were making some progress, however slight, and I could feel the tense atmosphere begin to crack just a bit as she joked. Charlie smiled at her, but he insisted on making sure she knew how to find Jasper's house, and he also told her to keep his cell phone in case she needed to call.

I could see the tension in his shoulders and knew he was worried about letting his little girl go out - with teenage boys, no less - so I rubbed his knee soothingly and asked Bella what she thought of Forks High so far. She gave me an impenetrable look before answering quietly, telling us about the Literature class she loved and the math teacher she couldn't stand.

I wondered what that look was about, but didn't feel like I could ask her...yet, anyway. We talked for a few minutes more before she turned the conversation back to me, asking about the hospital and the hours I usually worked. She frowned suddenly, looking at me curiously. "By the way, please tell me you don't work in the ER?"

Charlie and I turned to each other with what were – I was sure – matching puzzled looks before we both looked back to Bella. "I do, as a matter of fact – well, at times, anyway. Why?"

She groaned, sagging slightly in her seat, an air of defeat around her as she muttered, "Great."

I sat forward, my elbows resting on the table as I watched her with concern. "Bella?"

Shaking her head, she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair as her eyes fell on mine. "Nothing. I just tend to end up there more often than I'd like. Gym and I don't get along."

She huffed in annoyance, and I could see Charlie's shoulders relax ever so slightly. His lips twitched minutely as he said, "Let's hope you and Gym won't be having any big fights this year, hmm?"

She rolled her eyes at him and muttered, "Whatever, Dad." Clearing her throat, she added, "May I be excused? I need to get ready for the party."

At Charlie's nod, she picked up her dishes and rinsed them before putting them in the dishwasher. As she walked out of the kitchen, she stopped and looked over her shoulder at me with a small smile, thanking me for dinner.

"You're welcome, Bella. Is there anything in particular you would like at some point?"

I felt Charlie's hand on my thigh, rubbing it gently while I waited for her to answer. She tilted her head for a moment before shaking it, making it seem as if she had something on her mind she decided against saying. "No, nothing I can think off right now. I'm fine with whatever."

"Alright. Let me know if and when you do think of something, and I'll see what I can do, okay?"

"Sure."

And with that, she walked away. Charlie helped me clear the dishes, and I was surprised to find that there had been no leftovers. I asked him if he thought there had been enough or if we needed to make more next time, but he shook his head.

He leaned against the counter, his hands gripping the edge and his eyes fixed on his toes as he sighed. I stepped in front of him, putting my finger under his chin and lifting it up so he would look at me. I smiled softly at him, the worry for his daughter – his little girl – apparent in his eyes even as he returned my smile hesitantly.

"Sweetheart, I know you're worried. And I know you know the things Edward's done, but they're normal teenage things. I can tell you with complete confidence that he's a good kid - better than most. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her or betray our trust. We're much better off with her hanging out with him than anyone else. Trust me."

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before nodding and looking at me again. "You're right, sweets. I know it, but that still doesn't make this any easier. She's my little girl – she'll _always_ be my baby – and these are young, hormonal, _teenage boys..."_

Bella's door closed, abruptly putting an end to his argument. I sighed and pleaded softly with him to try to relax. He nodded right as Bella poked her head in to say she was leaving. I turned to her and said, "Have fun, Bella."

Charlie cleared his throat. "Yeah, have a good night, Bells. Don't forget...midnight."

I bit my lip when it appeared she was trying not to roll her eyes at him, instead offering a quick, "Okay, see ya," before hurrying out the door.

Turning back to face Charlie, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hugged him. I whispered in his ear, "Not too bad for letting your cygnet out to fly for the first time, Papa Swan."

His arms went around my waist even as he grumbled at my teasing, muttering under his breath, "Smart ass."

I chuckled, pressing my lips against his neck before lightly grazing his skin with my teeth. "I seem to recall making you a promise earlier, love."

He tightened his hold on me briefly before pulling away enough to claim my lips with his own. We stood like that for a few moments, our bodies molding together as we kissed, but it wasn't long before Charlie began to push away from the counter. He never broke our kiss as he walked me backwards, moving us through the kitchen to the hallway. He started to guide me to the bedroom, but I chuckled and stepped away in the other direction, winking when I saw his pout.

I locked the front door and turned around to see his smile returning. As soon as I was close enough to him again, he pressed me against the wall and kissed me hungrily, one hand cupping my ass while the other lifted my shirt. He pinched my nipple as he bit my bottom lip, and I moaned as I pulled my head back and whispered breathlessly, "Please, Charlie...I can't wait any longer..."

With a wicked grin, he moved to the middle of the hallway and led me to the bedroom, where I fully planned to make good use of the next few hours we had alone.


	9. Roll the Bones

_**A/N:**__Thank you so much to our betas __**kimberlycullen10**__, __**EchoesOfTwilight**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__ for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but we do own their story. We hope you will enjoy their journey._

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**EPOV**

I pulled into Jasper's driveway just in time to see the front door open. His mom stepped out and half-turned, sticking her head back in the doorway to say something I couldn't hear. She rested her hand on the door frame for a moment, and then she nodded and turned around again, lifting the same hand to wave at me with a smile.

I smiled and waved in response, shutting off the engine and hopping out of my car. She came down the front steps carrying a basket, which I took from her as soon as I reached her. Being nice to the parents never hurt, and Jasper's parents had always been good to me, anyway.

"Just in time," Hannah said, flashing me a smile as she kissed my cheek, patting the other one before she turned around and headed back into the house.

I was leaning into the SUV, putting the basket in the backseat, when something hit the back of my leg, making my knee buckle. "Fuck!" I muttered, straightening up to find Jasper grinning at me.

He was holding a garment bag in one hand and a suitcase in the other. "Out of the way, fucker…this shit's heavy."

I raised an eyebrow at him, flipping him off as I slowly stepped to the side. He muttered something under his breath and stepped up to the car, dropping the suitcase in the floorboard before hanging up the garment bag.

"You know it's true," he said finally. "My mom packs like she's never coming home again."

"They're only gone for the weekend, right?"

"Yup," Jasper said and then pushed away, heading back to the porch when he saw his dad step out with more bags. Our fathers worked together – some sort of higher-ups for the bank, though I couldn't tell you what the fuck either one of them did. Our mothers were both stay-at-home moms who – thank fucking _god_ – did a lot of volunteer work that kept them out of the house. On top of that, Jasper's mom was a writer, so she spent a lot of time locked in her home office typing away.

She specialized in those trashy romance novels that she could turn out in no time. Out of curiosity, I'd picked one up at their house once in middle school and flipped through it. Knowing Jasper's mom wrote about throbbing, turgid lengths and slick folds had been way too much information for my adolescent brain, and I'd been torn between sporting a raging hard-on and wanting to laugh in her face all summer.

I'd done both.

Jasper's parents were heading out of town for the weekend to go to some convention at which Hannah Hale was to be a prominent feature. For Jasper's mom, it meant a weekend in the limelight…which, for Jasper's dad, meant a weekend filled with bouts of boredom and mind-blowing sex. I kind of wished I didn't know that last part, but he had the unfortunate habit of talking to my dad about way too much personal information, and he never could seem to remember when I was in the house.

For us, it meant a weekend of unsupervised fun.

Sort of.

Rosalie was coming home from college, theoretically to "watch" us. She rarely had much to do with us, though – I think a lot of that had to do with Emmett's uncontrollable drooling whenever she was around making her uncomfortable.

"Hey, jackass." I took a step to the side to keep my balance after Jasper punched me on the shoulder. "What the fuck are you thinking about?"

He was grinning at me with that goddamn mischievous look in his eyes that meant he was about to give me a hard time. I beat him to it. "Your mom and throbbing cocks."

I took off running before I could see the realization on his face. "Asshole!" he called out as I heard his feet pounding the pavement behind me. I swerved to the right, leading him into the backyard, and then I hit the ground fucking hard when he slammed into my back. He pinned me down, punching my ribs as his elbow dug into my shoulder blades, and I was laughing breathlessly when he finally pushed my face into the grass and stood up, muttering, "Dick."

I rolled over onto my back and squinted up at him. He was standing with his hands in fists at his side, and I couldn't tell in the glare from the sunlight – bright, for once – if he was really pissed or not. I took a chance. "Hey, at least I wasn't thinking about your dad's throbbing cock."

There was silence.

Then, "You're one sick bastard. You know that, right?" He held his hand out to me, and I took it, pulling myself up.

"So they tell me."

He rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath, but I could tell from the way he carried himself – shoulders loose, arms swinging – that he wasn't really mad. I said, "Sorry, man, couldn't resist…"

He chuckled finally and shook his head. "I just can't believe she writes that shit. Swear to god, I'm scarred for life."

I grinned and then laughed outright. Jasper would have a lot to tell his therapist someday. In fifth grade, he'd once picked up a file folder that he thought had his paper in it. He had to stand up in front of the class to present his report, only to find himself reading about breathless panting and quivering thighs. Thankfully, he'd realized the mistake before he actually read any of that out loud. Of course, the three of us – me, Jasper, and Emmett – had hovered around it over lunch, our eyes fucking popping while we read it over each others' shoulders.

We walked around to the front of the house again as Jasper's dad, Gary, put in the last of the suitcases. We spent a few minutes making nice and saying good bye. Before they left, Jasper's mom hugged me and kissed my cheek again, saying, "Tell Lizzie I'll call her when we get back about lunch on Monday, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," I answered, and she pressed her lips into a thin line. Her eyes were shimmering the way they always did when she looked at me these days. I could see the way she felt for me and worried about me, and I hated it. I wanted things to just go back to normal. I didn't want to be the subject of pity or worry or fear or hate or anything else.

When would I get to be just Edward again?

I kept it all inside, though, shoving the emo away. I was here to have fun with the few people who still treated me like a normal human being.

I heard the rumble of Gary's voice as he gave Jasper some last minute instructions before hugging him. He shook my hand and pulled me closer, patting me on the back, and soon, they were pulling away. We stood in the driveway, waving at them until they'd backed out. Then Jasper clapped me on the back and said, "Come on…we've got a couple of hours before everyone else gets here."

We went inside and began putting away the more valuable, fragile stuff sitting around. We really were having just a few people over, but we'd learned the hard way that Emmett alone was enough to fucking trash a room. In the middle of our Emmett-proofing the dining room, Rosalie arrived. She wandered in, took one look around, and said, "Having a party while the parents are out of town? How very teen movie of you."

"Fuck off, Rosie," Jasper said, but he grinned and walked over to hug her. She made a face and pushed him away, grumbling about touching her while he was sweating. They'd been the same since I met them – despite their outwardly antagonistic relationship, they were actually very close.

She didn't respond to him, asking instead, "So I guess I missed Mom and Dad?"

"Yeah, by about half an hour," Jasper said. "Hey, we're gonna order some pizza. Want some?"

"Sure, sounds good…I'm freaking starving." Rosalie brushed hair back from her face, smoothing it into her ponytail even though I couldn't see anything out of place. Her nails were done, of course, and she was dressed meticulously. She and I didn't get along very well because I thought she cared about all the wrong things – and gave her hell about it – but she was alright.

"It's not a party," Jasper answered. "Just a few people coming over. You know most of them."

"Most?" Rose caught the opportune word and arched a manicured eyebrow. "Who?"

"Emmett, Ben, Angela…and Bella." I listened to the way Jasper said Bella's name, trying to pick up any hint of how he felt. There was nothing – so far, at least.

Rosalie latched on to the new name and asked about her. I paid attention without seeming to, leaning against the wall and picking at my thumbnail like I was bored. Jasper filled her in on the basics – Charlie Swan's daughter, moved from Phoenix, fucking hot – and I realized as he talked that he was definitely interested. Not necessarily _interested_ interested, but there was a hint of something in his voice.

I wondered if maybe it was just because she was new. I had to admit that that particular fact was pretty appealing. We'd gone to school with nearly every girl we knew since kindergarten, which didn't leave a lot to the imagination.

Just as Jasper was winding down, there was a knock at the door, followed immediately by it opening. Emmett came wandering in, his eyes lighting up when he saw Rosalie standing there with us. Before he could even say anything, she said, "Hello, Emmett," and then, "I'm going to go change," to Jasper. "Do you mind grabbing my bag?"

"Here, I got it," Emmett said without missing a beat, but Jasper shouldered him out of the way, muttering, "I don't fucking think so," under his breath.

Rosalie pretended not to notice the two of them struggling over her duffel bag as she turned and headed into the hallway to go upstairs. Emmett hissed, "What's your problem?"

With a final tug, Jasper yanked the bag out of Emmett's hand and reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes. "You think I'm letting you go anywhere _near_ Rosie's room? It took me for-fucking-ever to convince her that the underwear you stole – fucking disgusting, by the way – must've gotten lost in the dryer. You're keeping your nasty ass down here."

I couldn't help laughing at the look on Emmett's face – part indignation, part mischief. He absolutely would've stolen another pair if he thought he could get away with it. Luckily for him, Jasper turned away without seeing Emmett's expression, and as soon as he disappeared into the hallway, I distracted Em by saying, "Hey, what kind of pizza do you want?"

We settled on five larges with a variety of toppings, and I called the order in before sticking my contribution to the pizza fund on the counter. I made sure Emmett paid up, and then Jasper joined us as we parked ourselves in front of the Wii to play some _Mario Kart_ while we waited for the others.

Ben and Angela showed up together not too long after, but the pizza arrived before Bella did. I felt a little antsy, though I didn't know why. I was sure she was coming – she _had_ to want to get out of that house for a little while – and I guess I just wanted her to hurry the hell up already so we could…well, hang out. Exactly like we were right now.

I frowned.

It was becoming more and more obvious to me as I picked at my pizza, my appetite lacking, that I was too interested in Bella. What I wasn't sure of – yet, anyway – was what to do about it.

_She needs a friend, asswipe. _

I half-nodded and then caught myself, glancing around to see that no one had noticed. We were all piled in the living room, where half-eaten pieces of pizza were on plates scattered around the room while Angela, Emmett, and Jasper were racing. I was watching them while Ben read his comic book, so when the doorbell rang, I had the perfect excuse to go answer it.

My jeans had been sliding down my hips, so I hitched them up as I walked, pulling my bare feet free from the frayed hems – it would be really fucking uncool to trip on my way to the door. When I pulled it open, Bella was standing there, biting her bottom lip as she peered up at the gray sky.

"So, does it ever fucking stop raining in this town?" she said by way of greeting.

My lips turned up in a wry grin. "'Course it does. Otherwise, we'd drown in that truck bed of yours."

She smiled at me kind of shyly, and I kept my hands at my sides to keep myself from reaching out to brush her hair from her forehead. We stood watching each other for a second, and then she lifted an eyebrow expectantly and said, "So, did you invite me over to stand out on the porch all night, or can I, ya know, come in?"

I laughed and braced my elbow against the door frame, leaning down so that my lips were close to her ear. "What if I just wanted to see if I could get you to come?"

I heard the innuendo in my voice and quite honestly didn't know if I would take it back if I could. I watched as she shivered…and then I saw her lower lip tremble as I straightened back up and realized what I was doing.

What the fuck was it about her that made it so hard for me to control myself?

I took a step back and waved her inside, closing the door behind us as I told her where to find the others. "I'm gonna get something to drink…want anything?" I asked her.

She said, "Sure," and flashed me a smile, any uncertainty or excitement or whatever the hell else had been in her eyes fading as she went into the living room. I heard everyone else greeting her, but I took a few minutes to go into the kitchen and try to get my thoughts – and the growing problem in my pants – under control.

_Okay, so you're definitely attracted to her. So what?_

So what.

I exhaled slowly as I leaned into the refrigerator, taking a little too long to search for the drinks that were right in front of my fucking face. It wasn't like I was new to the whole idea of not acting on my impulses. I'd learned the hard way how those could fuck up your life. I definitely still had problems with my control, though, and it seemed like Isabella Swan was going to be one of those problems.

_Don't fuck it up, Masen. Remember Carlisle. _

The thought of my mentor's serene blue eyes – eyes that I knew would be understanding and compassionate even if I went into his office tomorrow and said, "Hey, by the way, I fucked your stepdaughter" – was enough to cool the desire I felt far better than anything else could have. I had no doubt that Carlisle would be disappointed and hurt, and I quite literally couldn't stomach the thought of hurting him.

_When the fuck did that happen?_

I'd always been the type to weigh my options, decide if the crime was worth the punishment, and I'd hurt my own mother from time to time with my actions. But, somehow, Carlisle was different.

Realizing I'd been standing for a really long time, staring into the refrigerator as if it had the answers to life's greatest mysteries, I snorted at myself and grabbed a couple of sodas, closing the door before I went back into the living room. Bella was already settled in – right in between Emmett and Jasper – with a plate in her lap and pizza sauce on her chin.

I watched as Jasper laughed and reached over, wiping it away with his thumb. Blushing, Bella reached for a napkin and wiped her chin herself, and I fought the urge to punch Jasper in his smirking face. Since that was hardly a real option, I stepped closer and handed her the can before settling in the armchair in the corner so I could watch the action for a bit.

Rosalie came downstairs and fixed a plate, for once staying in the room as she hung out and talked to us – well, to Bella, really – for a bit. I couldn't get a read on what she thought. She asked questions and listened to the answers like she was interested, but the look on her face was bored.

Of course, with Rosalie, how could you tell?

She probably had that same expression during sex…and probably told the guy exactly what he was doing wrong.

_No, thanks._

After about half an hour, Rosalie headed back upstairs, claiming she had a paper to work on. As soon as she'd gone, Emmett went out to his truck and returned with a cooler of beer. His older brother David always bought it for him, and while Rosalie had never turned us in, we also didn't flaunt it in front of her. Usually.

He passed the cans around, and I watched from the corner of my eye as Bella popped the top on hers and took a long pull. There was no hesitation, letting me know she wasn't new to it, but she made a slight face as she lowered her can. Apparently she didn't like it quite as much as the chief did.

As the night wore on, we hung out, got to know each other a little better, and…got a little trashed. No one was to the point of passing out, but we were clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol when Emmett started complaining that it was too hot. His face was bright red, and his hairline was shining with the sweat that he kept wiping away before it rolled onto his cheeks.

It was fucking November. In Forks. But we trotted our happy asses out into the backyard, being careful to stay out of the light of Rosalie's window. Just because she hadn't narc'd on us yet didn't mean she wouldn't…and sometimes, she was bitch enough to do it just to do it.

Emmett immediately breathed a sigh of relief, so we all sprawled around on the back porch. Angela sat in the swing, and Bella went to sit beside her. They were talking again, this time about _The Awakening_, which I had yet to crack open.

I leaned against the porch railing, half-listening to them as I talked to Ben about the upcoming _Avengers_ movies. He was completely excited, and his babbling allowed me to pay more attention to what was going on around me than to him. I caught Bella shivering and rubbing her upper arms despite the fleece jacket she was wearing, but what I missed was Jasper disappearing inside.

He reappeared a few minutes later and held out his leather jacket to Bella. I could see her blush even in the faint light from the house windows, and she smiled up at him as she stuck her arms through the sleeves with the jacket on backwards. Jasper leaned against the house near her, and I heard him say something, his voice a low murmur that kept me from making out the words.

It became obvious, though, when he grinned at her and said, "Cool." He reached into his pocket, pulling something out, and I saw the flare of a lighter as he lifted it to his lips. I grinned, pushing away from the railing as I went to stand near him.

The sweet, soothing fragrance tickled my nose, making me rub it as I waited for Jasper to pass the joint. It went to Bella first, and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as Jasper lit a second and passed it my way. Obviously, Ms. Swan wasn't new to this either.

I felt the burn of the smoke as it filled my mouth and filtered into my lungs, leaving my chest feeling tight. Emmett's fist bumped my shoulder, and I held it out to him automatically, my eyes still closed as I let Jasper's special blend work its magic.

I opened my eyes finally, exhaling in a cloud of smoke that cleared to reveal Bella's eyes trained on me. She licked her lips slowly, and it was as if her brown eyes – so ordinary, really – were sucking me in…as if they were some black hole that wouldn't let go until Ben reached out his hand, putting the small white roll in hers.

It was fucking weird, but I…liked it.

The longer we smoked, the lower we found ourselves on the porch until we were finally all sitting against the house with our legs sprawled out in front of us – all except Jasper, who was sitting on the railing, his feet hooked behind the spindles as he leaned back as far as he could to look at the stars. It had stopped raining, but clouds still covered the sky, so he wasn't seeing a hell of a lot. He was fucking determined, though.

I was sitting just to the left of the back door, while everyone else was to the right of it. Bella settled in beside me, lowering her head to my shoulder as naturally as if she did it every day. At some point, she'd put Jasper's jacket on, and she stretched her arm across my waist, her fingertips slipping under the edge of my shirt to idly caress the skin at the top of my hip.

I was instantly more alert.

"So soft," she murmured quietly. I could hear the others around us talking, everyone falling into random conversations that stopped and started with no rhyme or reason.

"What…" I started to ask, but Rosalie picked that moment to open the back door and poke her head out.

"How did I know?" she said. She shook her head, looking around at all of us. Jasper didn't even bother looking up. He was still leaned back so far that I thought he might fall, but it didn't seem to worry him. Rosalie's eyes fell on Emmett, who was lying flat on his back with both hands behind his head. She had his undivided attention – he craned his neck to get a good look at her – but she still barked, "McCarty!"

He pushed himself up to his elbows and said, "What is it, Rosie?"

I thought I saw her lips twitch at the nickname, but her voice was stern when she said, "If you're ever going to have a chance, you have to stop acting like a fucking teenager." With that, she turned on her heel and went back inside, slamming the door.

Everything was silent for a moment.

Then… "Oh, _hell_ yes," Emmett said, pumping his fist in the air and sitting up against the railing. "Did you hear that shit?"

"Oh, hey, I see one," Jasper said, his voice far away.

He'd clearly missed the whole exchange – or didn't care at the moment – but I laughed at Emmett. "Seriously, man, she just called you a child."

He frowned at me and shook his head, arguing right away. I really didn't feel like focusing on him, though, because Bella sighed and leaned into me, so I shifted and put my arm around her shoulders, conceding defeat to Emmett. Without any opposition, he eventually grew quiet and rested his back against the post in the corner, staring up at Rosalie's window. I caught him muttering something under his breath off and on – it sounded like he was debating going up to her room.

_I would pay to see that. _

I really didn't think Rosalie had any intention of giving Emmett a chance – especially not while he was still in high school – and I would've been willing to bet that he'd get himself slapped if he went upstairs. Luckily, he seemed a little too wasted to make up his mind.

The night grew quiet after that. Jasper climbed down from the railing and went out into the yard, lying flat on his back as he looked up at the stars. The sky had cleared a bit, so a few were visible, giving enough light for me to have a clear view of Angela and Ben making out on the other side of the doorway. Ang had shifted to her knees and was straddling Ben's lap while his hands were all over her back and thighs.

I chuckled, glancing away. I didn't need to see the show again; I'd seen it often enough, and it wasn't like I'd be getting any help if I got myself all riled up.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Bella sat up and pushed herself to her feet. "I want to see the stars," she said, her words a little slurred.

I stood up with her. "It's wet out there." We both glanced to where Jasper was sprawled out, and I looked back at her with a smirk. "Trust me. He just doesn't notice it yet."

"I want to see them," she said, her quiet voice insistent. Something in her eyes worried me. She looked…lost. Like she needed this.

"Alright," I answered just as quietly. "Let me get a blanket, yeah?"

She nodded, and I stood for a moment longer to make sure she was going to stay put before I went inside. The linen closet downstairs was always packed with sports equipment, but Jasper's mom kept a few old quilts in the top. We used them for watching fireworks on the Fourth of July and that sort of thing. I grabbed two, hoping the thickness would help keep the damp grass away from our clothes. I didn't know what was going on with Bella, but getting sick wouldn't help, I was sure.

She was still standing where I left her, one arm wrapped around her waist as she bit the thumbnail of her other hand. Her eyes darted to Ben and Angie and then away again, finding Emmett where he'd passed out against the railing. He was snoring lightly, and I knew he'd stay there until morning if we didn't wake him up and make him go back inside.

"Come on," I murmured as I walked by her. I sensed her falling into step behind me. I led her around to the side of the house, away from the light of Rosalie's window. If she wanted to watch the stars, I was going to do my best to make sure she could. The skies over Phoenix had to be a hell of a lot clearer than Forks.

I spread out both blankets, and before I'd even straightened fully, Bella was stretched out on her back. I moved more slowly, lying down beside her on my back. I put both my hands behind my head, taking a few minutes to just…breathe.

Those moments were rare for me.

And that particular one didn't last very long as Bella shifted, drawing my attention right back to the girl beside me. She made a little noise that made me smile, and I turned my head to look at her.

She was staring at the sky, a look of enchantment on her face. Her lips were parted into a tiny smile; she seemed at peace for the first time since I'd met her. My eyes traced the lines and curves of her face, allowing myself to really study her, really take her in. I felt an inexplicable urge to reach out and brush back the wisps of hair that had to be tickling her ear.

And that was when I knew I better turn the fuck around.

I shifted my eyes back to the sky, but I didn't really see the stars. My mind was in overdrive, worry and attraction and whatever the hell else all mixed together in one what-the-fuck-do-I-do moment.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I heard Bella mutter something under her breath. I turned to her again, whispering, "Hmm?"

"How can everything be so fucked up?" she answered quietly, but she seemed to be talking to herself. Her eyes scanned the sky, moving slowly back and forth as she talked. "I used to make Dad do this, you know? Even if it'd been raining all day like usual, he'd gather up every blanket he could find and put down goddamn trash bags so I wouldn't get wet, and we'd just lay there and not talk, but that was alright because at least we were hanging out together." A smile flitted across her face and then disappeared, replaced by a frown so quickly that I wasn't sure I'd really seen it.

"And now I…" she paused, shaking her head and taking a breath. "Now I have to fucking wonder if it was goddamn Carlisle's blanket…"

She grew quiet. I took it for as long as I could, and then I shifted my weight, lying on my side so I could look at her. She didn't look at me, and I took the obvious distance between us to be a warning to keep my mouth shut.

So I did…for now.

I had a million questions – what, exactly, it was that she didn't like about Carlisle. What she thought about his relationship with Charlie. What was going on at home. What she thought of Jasper. What she thought of _me_.

But I could tell from the slightly vacant look in her eyes that she wasn't exactly in a state for deep conversation. So, somehow, I bit my tongue, and we spent a little while longer looking at the stars before I started shivering. Bella acted like she was fine, but I knew her body had to be cold, even if she wasn't registering it.

I made her get up and go inside, though she grumbled all the way. She woke up Emmett while I went to retrieve Jasper. His back was fucking soaked, and he was freezing, so he went inside without complaint. Angela and Ben surprised us by coming with us, and soon we were all settled around the Wii again with coffee in hand.

Bella had made it, so it was drinkable for once, if a little weak. Jasper disappeared upstairs to change, and we heard his voice arguing with Rosalie before he reappeared again. We were all tired and winding down; we spent about another hour sobering up and playing games before Bella stood and said she had to go.

I was a little disappointed that we hadn't been able to talk more, especially with all the questions that were now on my mind, but she at least seemed more relaxed and happy than she had since I met her. After she said goodbye to everyone, I walked her to her truck, noticing the tightness around her eyes when she joked, "Pray they're not going at it on the couch when I get home?"

I frowned at her. I couldn't imagine Carlisle doing anything like that. I kept the tone light, though, joking back, "Has that been a problem?"

She wrinkled her nose, shuddering a little, though I couldn't tell if it was from the cold or not. "Not exactly. But they were…cozy…when I got home earlier."

She bit the corner of her bottom lip and looked up at me, her eyes filled with hurt. I couldn't begin to piece everything together – not with my slightly inebriated state – but I tried to hold onto the look and the terrible joke as I hoped that we'd have a chance to talk about whatever was going on at home for her soon. I felt like there was something there, something important, but I just couldn't grasp it.

She wrapped her arms around my waist, holding me close as she pressed her cheek against my chest. "You have _no_ idea how glad I am I met you," she murmured.

I was frozen for a moment, my hands hovering at her back before I caught her up in my arms, hugging her tightly. My chin rested on the top of her head, and I was struck with how fragile she felt. I knew better than to say that shit, though. I'd end up with another bruise on my ribs.

Our goodbyes were quiet. The carefree feeling from earlier in the evening had evaporated completely, leaving behind this weird melancholy funk that seemed to be around Bella a lot. I watched helplessly as she drove away, wishing I had told her to text me or…something…when she got home. As I thought about it, though, I realized that I'd never seen her with a cell phone.

_Fucking weird…_

I made a mental note to get her number as I walked back inside. Everyone was still sprawled around the living room, so I plopped down next to Emmett on the couch and spent the next two hours racing with everyone and kicking some ass at boxing. Angela and Ben disappeared a little before 2:00, and it wasn't long after that that the three of us decided to call it a night.

Emmett and I didn't feel like driving, so we borrowed some of Jasper's pajama pants and then passed the fuck out on the couches downstairs. Jasper had been unusually quiet all night, but I really didn't care to think too much about him right now.

Bella was the one I couldn't get out of my mind as I listened to Emmett's goddamn chainsaw snoring from the couch while I was crammed into the loveseat. He always claimed that he was bigger, so he needed the room, but my being skinnier didn't exactly matter when my feet hung a good two feet off the end.

I don't know how long I laid there, trying my damndest to forget about her, but Bella's eyes were still swimming in the darkness in front of mine when I finally fell asleep.

I woke up to Emmett's massive ass landing on my abdomen as he sat down on me hard. His meaty paw reached out, ruffling my hair as he said, "Wake the fuck up!"

"Oof." I grunted, any other protest silenced by the fucker bouncing and knocking the wind out of me.

"You're such an ass, Em," Jasper grumbled. His voice broke off into a yawn, and then Emmett's weight mercifully lifted from my chest as he tackled Jasper.

The two of them wrestled, punching and kicking while I sat up slowly and blinked, trying to do what Emmett said and wake the fuck up. When I felt a little more steady, I stood up and walked into the kitchen, kicking one of them along the way.

I chuckled at the muffled, "Hey!" I heard, and they stopped acting like idiots and got up to follow me. We ate cereal in relative silence with only random questions and comments answered by grunts.

I glanced at the clock on the microwave and sighed when I saw it was close to 9:00. "I better go."

Jasper frowned at me, looking up with milk dribbling over his chin. I laughed at him, and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Already?"

I nodded. "Yup, building some character with Dad today." Jasper grimaced and nodded. Ever since my incident, my dad had decided that he didn't spend enough time with me, so I was subjected to regular family time, which usually involved a hell of a lot of back-breaking work. "Then I've gotta meet Carlisle this afternoon."

Jasper perked up at that. "What are you gonna say?" He lifted his bowl to his lips, draining the milk while I thought.

_What the hell _am _I going to say?_

After the initial meetings, Carlisle and I had never had any sort of friction between us. I was open and honest with him, like he always told me to be, and he gave it to me straight, too. But now with Bella…

I shrugged. "Same shit I always do, I guess. Yes, I'm still bi. Yes, people still stare. No, I don't give a shit."

Jasper gave me a wry smile and nodded. He looked at me a little longer than normal, and I knew his mind had gone to the same place – Bella.

I felt a flare of annoyance. Jasper and I fought sometimes, of course, but this weirdness was…well, fucking weird. We'd never been interested in the same girl before, and I honestly didn't know what to do about it.

And it was too damn early in the morning to try to figure it out.

Emmett had sat quietly the whole time, eating his way through his third bowl of cereal with a little too much concentration. I clenched my jaw. These two had been the only sanity I'd had for the past year-and-a-half. I didn't want things to be strained between us.

I walked around the counter, running water in my bowl before I dropped it and my spoon into the dishwasher. Then I went back over to where they were sitting, giving each of them the guy-hug. We talked for a couple of minutes more, and then I was on my way out the door, feeling a little unsettled.

When I pulled up at home, my dad was already in the front yard with a rake in hand. There was another propped against the nearest tree, so I had no doubts about what I was supposed to do. I waved to him as I parked and went inside. He waved back with a smile.

_At least it doesn't look like he'll be giving me the third degree today. _

My mom was nowhere to be seen, so I went straight to my bathroom. One of the benefits of being an only child was definitely the privacy. I took a shower, even though I was about to be outside raking leaves – it was the only way to get rid of the paranoid feeling I'd have otherwise, wondering if Dad could smell the pot in my hair. I stuffed my dirty clothes in my hamper; times like these were the only ones that made me thankful that my mom had insisted I start doing my own laundry when I was fourteen.

Once I was dry, I dressed in sweat pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, shoving a baseball cap over my damp, messy hair. I spent the morning outside, sweating despite the cold temperature. Dad and I made very little small talk, but he did ask me about school. He was mostly concerned with my grades and with whether or not I was going to try out for track again.

I shook my head, running my forearm across my forehead to catch the sweat beading there. A major point of contention between me and my dad was that he wanted me to just pretend nothing had happened when I knew the reality – I couldn't, not even if I'd wanted to because everyone else sure as shit remembered.

He asked about Jasper and Emmett, too, and then asked if Angela was still dating Ben. He fervently hoped that Angie and I would get together, and that just would never happen. I loved her dearly, but she really was like a sister to me. Besides, with the way she was always grinding on Ben, I figured she must like her guys a little nerdier than I was.

I knew what it really came down to as far as my dad was concerned anyway – Angela was the only girl I ever spent any time with and, therefore, his best hope at me ending up with a girl. My parents were both outwardly supportive, but I saw the confusion in their eyes. They didn't get it. And I, of course, didn't get how they didn't get it, so there was always this distance between us – which was typically a topic of conversation with Carlisle.

But we were all trying, and I had to admit that it was getting better. They at least didn't treat me like a pariah or some science experiment – anymore – so I did my best to stay out of trouble.

After enduring several hours of yard work and a somewhat uncomfortable lunch with both my parents, I showered again and headed to the hospital for my weekly session with Carlisle. In the beginning, we'd met three times a week, but the requirement had been gradually reduced to once. Not that I minded…in fact, sometimes we still met up after school for a little bit of ice cream and light "therapy."

On the drive across town, I let Jimi Hendrix blast through my speakers. It relaxed me, putting a smile on my face as I pulled into the parking lot, singing, "'Scuse me while I kiss the sky."

I pocketed my keys, humming as I walked through the doors of the hospital and headed straight for Carlisle's office. I grinned at Bree as she flipped me off and winked at me, her signal for me to go on in. She'd been such a tight ass on my first few visits, but it had only taken a few…irreverent comments to get her to loosen up. I knocked and went through the door into Carlisle's office, and all it took was one look at his tired face to bring me back down to earth.

_Fuck_.

I remembered at once that I had no idea what to say to him this time – no clue how far was too far. It was…fucking weird, this feeling of having to keep things from him. It was kind of ironic, too, that it was because he'd asked me to befriend Bella, and now I felt like I couldn't betray her trust. I liked her too damn much.

Which, of course, brought me back to the other problem of talking to Carlisle right now.

He gave me a sleepy smile that was interrupted by a yawn as he pushed up out of his desk chair and went to his refrigerator.

"Jesus, Doc…you alright?" The concern in my voice was genuine. His bloodshot eyes were worse than I'd ever seen them – and I'd seen him worn the fuck out after pulling doubles at the hospital all weekend.

He nodded, yawning again as he pulled out two cartons of ice cream and handed me one. I smiled, thanking him for the Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake. He said, "Of course," and grabbed two plastic spoons, tossing me one before slumping back into his desk chair.

"What's wrong with you? You sick?" I asked. I had a good idea of what was going on, but I wasn't really sure how much I should ask about how things were going at home. It was on that list of possibly off-limits topics. I frowned at the thought, taking a big bite of my ice cream to try to make myself shut the hell up.

He was quiet for too long, and when I glanced over, it was to find him watching me with that thoughtful look he had sometimes. He was tapping his spoon on the corner of his tub without even realizing he was doing it, which wasn't like him. When I caught his eye, he sighed, seemingly coming to a decision.

"No, I'm not sick. I just haven't been sleeping well. We had kind of a late night last night."

Immediately, I was on edge. I wondered what the hell had happened – had Bella gotten caught coming in? Did Charlie know she'd been drinking? That she'd been smoking?

_Shit._

I didn't know how to ask – or if I _should_ ask – because I didn't want to get Bella in trouble or stick my nose in their business.

_Fuck, this is going to be complicated. _

I sighed. Ironically, I knew that Carlisle smoked pot from time to time – and that Charlie didn't approve. That particular revelation had come about when my dad had caught me and pitched a shit fit the likes of which I'd never seen before. I would've thought that after having been caught with another guy's dick in my mouth, a little weed wouldn't have been a big deal. I'd been dead wrong.

That had been a particularly heinous week at home, not long after the incident that started all of this mess, and I'd been about as worn out as Carlisle looked right now. He'd encouraged me to be honest with my parents, open the lines of communication and all that. I'd followed his advice to a certain extent, but when it came to telling them every time I did it, I'd told him he was fucking insane.

I'd compared it to walking up to my parents to announce I'd fucked a guy - or, hell, a girl - the night before, and I'd been surprised when he relented and agreed. He'd explained that there were certain things that were personal and private, and that what mattered was that I maintained an honest, healthy relationship with my parents rather than filling them in on every single thing I did.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" My head jerked up, my face turning toward the sound of his voice. I realized I'd sort of zoned out, becoming lost in my own thoughts as I wondered how to navigate this fucking minefield I found myself in.

"I asked how things are going at home." Carlisle's voice was gentle and quiet, while the look on his face told me he was worried.

"Oh." _Brilliant start._ "They're okay, I guess. Had some quality bonding time with Dad today that consisted of raking the entire fucking yard and not saying a damn word." I shrugged. "The usual."

He nodded, taking a bite of his ice cream as he sat back and crossed one ankle over the other knee. I was always amused by the slight British air that hung around him even after all the years he'd been here. It was subtle, but it was there in his mannerisms and, of course, his accent. His accent was pretty fucking sexy, actually, and there was something attractive about him despite his age. I'd once told him he was hot just to see him blush.

And because…well, he was. In a way-too-old-for-me-and-dear-god-that's-creepy sort of way. Still, I could appreciate his good looks. I could definitely see why Charlie was attracted to him, anyway.

_What the hell is your problem today, Masen?_

My mind was definitely all over the place, and I didn't know if it was because of my activities the night before or because, for the first time ever, I felt awkward in Carlisle's office. Whatever it was, it had me acting strangely, and I couldn't even find anything else to say until he asked me how school was going.

At least with that, I had a little more to say, and we talked a bit about how I was handling the Crowleys and Newtons of the world. Carlisle seemed relatively pleased with my progress, especially when I told him about how I was avoiding reacting to Tyler at all. Even though Newton was more vocal, Crowley was the one who was far better at getting under my skin.

As I was winding down with the latest tales from Forks High, I saw a guarded look in Carlisle's eye. He said, a little too casually, "So I understand you met Bella…how does she seem to be adjusting?"

I leaned forward, putting my carton of ice cream on the coffee table in front of the couch. Then I sat back, settling myself in the corner as I crossed my ankle over my knee much like Carlisle had. I spread my arms out – one over the back of the couch and the other over the arm – as I thought about how to answer.

"She's doing fine, I think. She's fucking clumsier than anyone I've ever met, but there hasn't been any permanent damage." Carlisle smiled at my assessment, and I saw the way his eyes brightened as he listened. He was so obviously eager to hear about this stepdaughter he barely knew, and for the first time, I felt a little bit pissed off at Bella. "I'm helping her steer clear of the fuckholes like Newton, but she was doing a pretty good job of that on her own. She's amazing at English. I never see her without a book in her face unless she's hanging out with us." I shrugged, unsure what else to say. "She seemed to have a good time with us last night…"

I threw the last out as a feeler, trying to get a sense of what had happened once Bella got home. Either Carlisle would talk about it or he wouldn't, but either way, he had the perfect opening.

He nodded slowly, eating a little more ice cream before he stuck the spoon in the carton and set it to the side. "That's good. I'm glad," he said with weariness in his voice. He put both feet on the floor, resting his elbows on his knees as he balanced his forehead on the heels of his palms. His fingers tangled in his hair, and I heard another jaw-cracking yawn before he looked up again. "We stayed up until she was home," he said by way of explanation. He gave me a small smile before continuing, "We didn't leave our bedroom, though, and Charlie kept me up wondering aloud if he should go check on her. After about an hour, I asked him to _please_ go, and she was asleep in her bed."

I just watched him, listening curiously. I wasn't sure how appropriate it would be to ask questions, but I felt the tension leaving me as I realized that Bella hadn't been caught.

_Thank god._

"I'm glad Bella's settling in well at school. Thank you for looking out for her. She's…having a tough time at home." Carlisle's blue eyes studied me thoughtfully for a moment before he added, "We all are."

I nodded slowly, feeling a little out of my element. I'd never really offered Carlisle advice before, but I wondered how they were handling everything. I knew Bella well enough already to know she was fucking hard-headed as hell, and she didn't like to be kept in the dark.

What I didn't know was how the hell to get back on her good side once you'd upset her.

"Has umm…has she talked to Charlie?" I finally asked.

Carlisle gave a small snort and a wry smile. "Only if you count Charlie grunting and Bella rolling her eyes."

My eyes widened. That was the closest I'd ever heard Carlisle come to saying something negative about Charlie. Sure, he told me they had problems to help me see just how "normal" I was, but I'd never seen it firsthand.

It was kind of cool.

"No, they haven't really talked. I…" He trailed off and leaned back in his chair, moving his elbow to the arm as he held his chin between his thumb and forefinger. He shook his head and gave an exasperated sigh. "Bugger, Edward. I have no idea how much to say to you. Are you having this problem, too?"

I laughed quietly. _Leave it to the good doc to get this shit out in the open._ "Yeah, a little. It's fucking weird."

He nodded his agreement, and I recognized the expression on his face. His lips were slightly pursed, his forehead wrinkled a little, and it always meant he was thinking hard about a compromise. I gave him time, picking up my ice cream again. I already felt a little lighter just having the problem out there. I trusted him to come up with some sort of solution. He always had before.

"Okay." He clapped his hands lightly once, rubbing them together before putting both hands on his knees. "You're Bella's friend. I'm Charlie's partner. Obviously there are certain things we can't really discuss without betraying a trust. Yes?"

I nodded.

"I won't ask you to tell me anything about her, but I will promise that anything you tell me will be between the two of us." I started to smile, and he held up one finger to stop me. "One caveat."

I frowned, wondering what it could possibly be. He didn't leave me waiting long. "If you tell me something that I feel endangers Bella's safety that I think Charlie should know about, I _will_ tell him, though I won't tell him where I got the information."

I took a moment to ponder his words before holding out my hand. "Deal," I said, and we shook on it.

"On the other side," he continued, "you may ask me anything at all, but I reserve the right to refuse to answer."

"Fair enough," I agreed, smiling at him.

From there, our conversation moved a little more smoothly. We were still side-stepping some stuff, but the awkwardness wasn't there anymore. I found out from him that Bella was barely speaking at home, which was kind of ironic considering it was hard to get her to shut up most of the time. As he talked, I realized something.

"You think Bella hates you?" I asked in surprise.

He blinked at me. I could see defeat and sadness in his eyes, and that little burst of anger at Bella from earlier flared up again. I didn't like him being hurt. I knew she had her reasons for being hurt in her own right, but causing him pain was damn near inexcusable.

"What else could I possibly think, Edward?" The defeat was there in his voice, too.

I frowned at him. "I don't think she does." Even as I said the words, though, I wondered about how true they were. She was definitely pissed off, and I guess I hadn't ever really asked her outright how she felt about Carlisle. She'd told me, though, that she didn't even know him, and I told him as much.

"I know." His voice was small, and he looked as close to frightened as I'd ever seen him. "I just don't know how to fix that when she won't talk to me." He shrugged, a small lifting of one shoulder.

Quiet hung in the air as I tried to think of a response. There was none. Not really.

Since there was nothing I could say to him right then, I decided to talk to Bella as soon as possible and see if I could figure out what, exactly, upset her. I had a million ideas, but that was the problem – they were just my ideas, my assumptions. I needed to know what she thought and how she felt if I were to have any hope of helping smooth things out between her and Carlisle.

When I didn't say anything, Carlisle rubbed both hands on his knees, and I could see him visibly pushing away his darker thoughts. He smiled at me and said, "Well, now, you didn't come here to listen to an old man lament. I have a message for you."

"You do?"

"Indeed, I do." The twinkle was back in his eyes, which crinkled around the edges as he grinned. "Alice says hi and to tell you that she'll see you soon."

"Oh, yeah?" My own grin spread automatically in response. I laughed, remembering Carlisle's fucking crazy niece. I'd met her last summer when she came to visit. I was hanging out at Charlie and Carlisle's a lot then, mostly avoiding my own house, so I spent a hell of a lot of time watching movies and doing random shit with Alice. We emailed back and forth sporadically, but neither one of us was great at keeping in touch. Still, every time I talked to her, it was just like it had been when she was here. "When's she coming?"

"In two weeks. She wanted to be here for a proper Yank Thanksgiving," Carlisle answered with a smile that faded. He licked his lips and then said, "Oh, ahh…Bella doesn't know yet, so keep it quiet until Charlie has a chance to talk to her, please."

"She doesn't know," I said flatly. It was not a question. I knew the look on my face had to reveal my complete disbelief that Charlie _still_ hadn't learned his lesson about keeping things from Bella.

"Ahh, no…and I know. I know." He held up his hands with his palms facing me as if conceding my unvoiced point. "He's…working on it."

Carlisle heaved a deep sigh, and I decided just to drop it. I thought it was ridiculous that he hadn't bothered to tell Bella that they were going to have a visitor for an extended period of time, but I guess compared to everything else, that was a relatively minor concern.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "It'll be good to see her, anyway. Alice is a lot of fun."

His smile was back at once as he agreed. We kept the conversation to light topics until it was time for me to go, but I could tell as we said goodbye that we both had heavier things on our minds.

My mind was cluttered with questions, all of which centered around Bella. I had no way to get in touch with her, other than calling the Chief's house, and I didn't think that would be the best way to get her talking. I stewed for the rest of the day, somehow managing to make small talk with my parents over dinner, and Bella was still on my mind when I went to bed that night.

All day Monday, I was just a little off. I had trouble focusing in class, and I had to fight the urge to start rapid-firing questions at Bella every time I was around her. As a result, I was distant with everyone. I didn't say much, and both Jasper and Emmett asked me what the hell was wrong with me. I saw the expressions on their faces, and I could tell they thought I was building toward another snapping point, but that wasn't it at all for once.

By the time gym class finally ended, I felt a mixture of relief and anxiety as I showered. Emmett was uncharacteristically quiet, so much so that I barely noticed him drying off and dressing beside me. On our way out to the parking lot, he punched my shoulder lightly and said, "Hey, you alright, man?"

I managed a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a lot on my mind, I guess." I hitched my backpack onto my shoulder again and ran the fingers of my other hand through my hair. "Had a long talk with Carlisle."

When I shrugged, he nodded, and his shoulders seemed to relax a little. I realized that he'd been ready to kick someone's ass on my behalf, and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Thanks for watching out for me, man."

He nodded and grinned. We were halfway across the parking lot, getting closer to Bella's truck, and Emmett lowered his voice a little. "Well, well…look who's waiting on you again." I made some random noise to let him know I heard him, but as soon as I saw her sitting in her truck bed with the hood of her new jacket pulled up against the light rain, all my focus was on her. "Wonder why she's sitting out in the rain," he mused aloud.

_Because that's where we talk. _

I had a stupid smile on my face as I told Emmett goodbye. Thanks to the rain, he didn't hang around. He waved to Bella and then went straight to his truck while I hopped up into Bella's truck bed.

"You know, we are perfectly capable of hanging out somewhere else," I observed wryly as I sat down, my ass immediately becoming soaked.

"Maybe I just wanted to see if I could make you sit out in the rain," she retorted.

"Fair enough," I said. "Sure you don't want to take this elsewhere, though?"

She looked up then, tilting her head slightly to the right as she studied me. Her jacket was thin but sturdy, and it had this massive hood with a blue bill that hung down over her forehead, making her eyes seem twice as big as normal. The cold breeze had put a permanent blush on her cheeks, but the rest of her skin seemed so…pale. Strangely so. "I'm good," she said, but her lower lip trembled as she tried to stop her teeth from chattering.

I had to fight to keep from rolling my eyes at the stubborn set to her jaw. "Suit yourself."

She smiled as I settled across the truck bed from her with my legs spread out around hers again. It seemed comfortable…normal. She lowered her hands to my shins, and we spent a few minutes just talking about random shit before she said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Expecting some random question about Forks or some of the people we went to school with, I was caught off guard when she said, "How are you…I mean…what…" She trailed off, frowning for a moment, and then she blurted out, "How are you attracted to guys _and_ girls?"

I felt one corner of my lips turn up into an amused smirk. It was a question I'd been asked before, but no one had ever said it in quite that way – with honest curiosity rather than derision. I decided to tease her a little. "How are you not?"

She frowned at me, moving her hands from my shins to her lap. "What do you mean?"

"What I said," I answered simply. "Do you seriously look at someone like Angela and not see what amazing eyes she has? Her beautiful lips?"

Her eyes narrowed, and her jaw clenched.

_She doesn't like me talking about other girls. _

I grinned. That new little bit of information was good to have. "I just…I see beauty in a lot of people. Doesn't matter to me if they're male or female." A dangerous course of action presented itself to me, and like the idiot that I am, I took it. "Take Jasper. He's gorgeous. Clear blue eyes, great runner's body, and that goddamn smirk is a killer."

Bella was watching me with an impenetrable look on her face. It unnerved me a little since I couldn't tell if she agreed or not; I decided to press on.

"Even Ben's got a lot going for him. He's kind of scrawny, but he has great hands, and his face is going to be stunning once he grows into his ears."

Still nothing from Bella.

I shrugged. "I'm an artist, Bella. I appreciate beauty wherever I see it, and it just so happens that I'm attracted to it." I couldn't stand the way she was just staring at me, so I tried to throw her off a little. "Take you, for example. You're beautiful."

"I'm beautiful?" she breathed, her wide eyes and parted lips finally giving away a little of her emotions.

"Absolutely. Flawless skin with big brown eyes, high cheekbones…great lips. Beautiful…" I paused for a second and then added, "Until you open your mouth."

She snapped her mouth closed and glared at me. I laughed at the expression on her face, indignant and calculating at once. I could see a little satisfaction in the set of her jaw, and I knew she liked that I thought she was beautiful.

_I wish I could show her just how much._

Since I couldn't… "I'm sorry. But you gotta admit that you deserved that. A little."

Her narrowed eyes told me she did _not_ agree, but she begrudgingly said, "Maybe a little." She kicked at my knee and then put her hands back on my shins. "Fucking ass."

"See, there's a little of what I'm talking about." My grin was incorrigible, and she rolled her eyes. I waited until her thumbs started rubbing circles on my calves, noticing that the rain had slowed to a drizzle, and then I said, "Does that answer your question, though?"

She pondered for a minute and then shook her head slightly. "Not really. I guess I just don't get it because I don't…get it. Does that make any fucking sense?"

I laughed. "Yeah, a little. You don't feel that way, so you don't understand how I do?" She nodded. "Goes both ways, you know."

She flashed me a smile. "Yeah, guess so."

"My turn?" I asked.

"For what?" Her tone was clearly puzzled, but she'd skirted too close to the issue I wanted to talk about, and she had given me the perfect opening with her question.

"Can I ask you something?" I clarified. When she agreed, I said, "So, you're okay with the fact that I suck dicks?" It was blunt, and I knew it. I wanted to see her unedited reaction to being faced with my sexuality both for my own information and as preparation for my next question.

She blinked slowly and muttered, "Where the fuck…?" She shook her head as if shaking away her confusion and said, "I told you. It doesn't matter to me. You're not exactly the first guy I've known who sucks dick." Her smile and tone were both wry, and I was nodding before she even finished.

"So…why does it bother you so much with Charlie? Is it just because he's your dad?"

Her eyes hardened, a little bit of that wall flying up in between us. I leaned forward, covering her hands with mine.

"Hey, this is just you and me. Tell me to fuck off if you want, but don't you dare give me some bullshit answer."

We stared at each other for a long moment, hard brown eyes meeting green, and then she nodded at last. "Fine." I laced my fingers through hers even though the way I was sitting was fucking uncomfortable as hell. I was leaning forward with my knees raised, my arms between my legs like I was some goddamn frog, and the ridges in her truck bed were digging into my ass. But I was holding her hands, and it looked like she was going to answer my question.

"It's…weird," she admitted at last. "I mean, I spent my whole fucking life thinking my dad was practically a monk." I heard the bitterness in her voice as she continued, "I thought he was up here pining away over my mom, you know? And then I get here, and not only is he _not_ in love with my mom, but he's been fucking around with some man – literally – for my. Entire. Life."

She broke off, giving an angry shake of her head as she tried to control herself. "I don't care that he's gay. In some ways, it's even easier because – obviously – my mom isn't a man, so they couldn't have worked out. But he fucking lied to me for I don't even know how long, and now I have all these stupid questions, and I can't even ask them because I can't look at him long enough without just wanting to…to…fucking _scream_ or some shit."

_God damn._

The little bout of anger I'd felt at her while talking to Carlisle fizzled as I looked at her face. Her eyes were filled with doubt and confusion and hurt, and I realized at once that I couldn't stand to see her upset anymore than I could Carlisle.

I'd already put together enough clues to guess at what she just said, so it wasn't really a surprise to me. "What questions do you have?" I asked as gently as I could.

She pulled one of her hands away from mine and pushed her hood off. She ran her fingers through her hair and glanced out over the side of the truck before she answered. "All kinds of shit," she said bitterly. "Was he fucking Carlisle while he was married to my mom? Did he ever even love her? Did he want me?"

Her voice broke on the last word, and she bit her bottom lip in what looked like an attempt to keep more words from spewing out. I gave her a few minutes, partly because it looked like she needed them and partly because I didn't know what the hell to say. I wanted to go sit beside her and put my arm around her.

And kiss her until she didn't feel like crying anymore.

But that was a dangerous impulse, especially right then, so I kept completely still. I watched her profile as her jaw worked a few times, clenching and relaxing, and then she took a shuddering breath.

"Hey," I said quietly. I waited until she looked at me. "For what it's worth, _everyone_ knows how much the Chief loves you." Her eyes held flat disbelief. "It's true. For about a month before you guys go on vacation, you're all he fucking talks about."

She blinked rapidly but didn't answer. I saw a little bit of something – hope, I thought – flicker in her eyes, so I took that as an encouraging sign. "And you know how gossip goes in a town like this, right?"

She gave a curt nod.

"Well…this town is fucking nosier than most, but I've never heard anything about your dad cheating on your mom. There's plenty of other talk – they're one of, like, two gay couples, not to mention _who_ they are – but I've never heard _that_."

Her expression was calculating, and I could tell that she'd at least heard me and was taking it in. What she made of it, I had no idea, but there was one more thing I needed to tell her. "Bella, I really think you need to talk to them. I don't even care which one, but you're just going to make yourself miserable this way."

Her chin quivered once before she lowered her head and nodded. I didn't know what, exactly, that meant, but I had some hope that maybe she'd take what I said to heart.

It was quiet in the truck bed again until she brushed her hair away from her face and looked up at me. "It's just like I don't know anything anymore, you know? Every single time I've seen Charlie for as long as I can remember, he's been miserable. Just…lonely and depressed, and I always thought that it was because he was still in love with my mom and missed her. I felt sorry for him. And it sort of killed me to learn that he _was_ missing someone…but it was someone I'd never even met." Her brown eyes were fixed on mine when she quietly admitted, "I don't know how to move past that."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's…shitty…"

She snorted and rolled her eyes at me.

_Yeah, yeah…_

I knew that was a complete understatement, but what the hell was I supposed to say to that? I sighed, sitting back so that I was leaning against the side of her truck. "I don't know. I don't think you can just do it all at once. I think you just have to sort of take it one day at a time. At least, that's how it worked for me." I shrugged, thought about it for a minute, and then gave a wry smile. "Well, I'm still working on that one."

Bella glanced up at me, finally grinning for real as she nodded. She sighed heavily and leaned back. "I'm just so fucking tired."

"Go home and take a nap," I suggested. She did look beat. The dark circles under her eyes rivaled Carlisle's, and I wondered just how much of this could be avoided if someone would just fucking talk in that house.

She nodded again, yawning this time. "Maybe I will." She looked at me for a moment, and then her lower lip stuck out in a pout. "I don't want to leave. This is, like, my only moment of sanity every day." I smiled at her, reaching down to squeeze her calves, and her frown curved into a playful grin. "I might be addicted to you."

_You haven't even had a taste yet. _

The thought put a wicked grin on my face as I teased her. "Better watch saying that too loud. Next they'll have me strung up on drug charges." I shifted to the end of the truck and hopped onto the ground, holding out my hand to help her. "Come on…you need to get home and out of those wet clothes."

She followed behind me, and we talked briefly as I walked her around to the cab of her truck. She smiled up at me as she hugged me again, and I heard her breathe, "Thanks."

"No problem," I answered gruffly, holding her close before letting her go. I helped her climb into the cab and then closed the door, giving a single wave before I walked to my own car.

When I got home, my mom was out – most likely still with Jasper's mom hearing all about his dad's sexual prowess – and Dad wasn't off from work yet. The house was blessedly quiet, and I went straight to my room, kicking off my shoes and changing into some dry clothes before I pulled out a sketchpad and sat down. I grabbed my iPod and spent the hours before dinner getting lost in my drawings.

It made the somewhat uncomfortable couple of hours I spent with my parents easier to manage when I was relaxed. My mom was in a good mood because Hannah had brought her back an autographed copy of a book by one of her favorite authors, so she did her best to run interference when my dad tried to get on me too much.

After dinner, my own exhaustion hit as I was checking my email and visiting a few of my favorite websites. I shut down the computer, deciding that I might as well take advantage of the fact that I was tired and felt like I could really sleep for once.

At school on Tuesday, it struck me how well Bella was fitting in with the five of us. She seemed perfectly relaxed with everyone, and everything she did made it clear that she was _with_ us. I watched her turn down advances from Newton and brush off Jessica Stanley, and I couldn't help the shit eating grin on my face every single time.

We spent the lecture part of Biology sketching again, and I became so absorbed that I didn't pay any attention to what Bella was drawing until I heard her sigh. I glanced over and saw what looked like a twisted tree, and she was frowning down at it like it had personally wronged her or something.

I bumped her elbow with my own, nodding at the drawing when she shifted her eyes to me. She grimaced and shrugged, going back to shading in a figure at the base.

I turned my sketchpad so a blank corner was facing me and scribbled, _What the hell is that?_

She shook her head. I looked at her pointedly until she huffed, exhaling loudly as she rolled her eyes. _After school_, she wrote.

I started to nod and then frowned, writing back, _Can't. I have to work. _

She read the words and pouted at me. Her eyes shifted to the front of the room, where the teacher was fighting with the TV. When she looked back, she started to whisper something, but just then, Banner won the fight, and music blared from the speakers. He quickly turned it down a little and snapped off the lights, leaving us in relative darkness.

Bella sighed. She didn't do anything else until the TV screen brightened, and then she leaned over to write, _K. Go be responsible, I guess. Selfish ass. _

I caught her grin out of the corner of my eye, and she bumped my shoulder with hers. She stayed a little pouty all through the video Banner was showing, but she perked right up when we entered the lunchroom. She and Jasper talked more than they ever had, since they hit upon a common love of the Rolling Stones that I just didn't share. I didn't mind them, but I certainly didn't know every single album and song the way those two did.

I glowered like the selfish ass she'd accused me of being, but I tried my best not to let on that I minded.

Emmett distracted them by asking Bella about getting together for some Trig project they were working on. While the two of them chattered away, Jasper and I both joined Angela and Ben in their ongoing debate about the most powerful superhero. They were having an old argument – whether Batman could really be considered a superhero since he technically didn't have any superpowers – and it was fun to interject just to goad Ben. I loved watching him get all flustered. His face turned red, and he straightened his glasses constantly, leaning forward with his elbow on the table as he gestured wildly to make his point.

_Too fucking funny. _

The rest of the day was pretty normal – predictable, even, but after the last couple of years, I welcomed every goddamn predictable day that didn't include me being the focus of some sort of scrutiny.

As I walked out to my car after gym, I half-expected to see Jasper sitting in the back of Bella's truck with her. It was a stupid, irrational fear, but somehow I felt like that was _my_ place, and I didn't want to see any other fucker anywhere near it. Thankfully, Bella's truck was gone, a fact that made me smile like a goddamn moron all the way to work.

Beth greeted me with a hug as soon as I walked in to the hospital cafeteria. Her long, blond hair was pulled back into a bun just like it always was, letting me see the little bit of gray just at the temples. She fussed over me, telling me I looked too skinny and asking me if I was sleeping enough. I told her I was fine, and after she grilled me on how I was doing in school, she finally handed me my apron and said, "Alright then…you're in the dining room today."

Her tone was suddenly brusque and businesslike, but her smile was fond. She patted my cheek and then schooled her expression. "Go on, now."

"Yes, ma'am." I grinned, slipping the apron over my head and wrapping it around my waist to tie it. I spent the first hour or so bussing tables, and I was refilling the napkin dispensers when I glanced over to find Carlisle sitting at a table in the nearly empty cafeteria…with Charlie.

They were sipping coffee and talking quietly. Both of them looked fucking dead on their feet – or, rather, in their seats. I watched them for a minute, glancing at them as I kept working. I wasn't sure if they'd seen me, and I couldn't decide if I should go say hi or not.

The absurdity of that particular thought was what made me shake my head, grumbling at myself for being an idiot as I walked over to their table. Carlisle saw me first and glanced up with a smile. "Edward! How are you?"

"Hey, Doc…Chief…" I nodded to them both, smiling.

"Good to see you, Edward," Charlie answered. "How're Ed and Liz? Treating you okay?"

Charlie had somewhat intimate knowledge of the whole situation, since he'd been involved in investigating some of the claims made by James. Thankfully, he had never let it color the way he looked at me – or, at least, not that I could tell. He and Carlisle had been nothing but welcoming and supportive of me, and it was as I was standing there, looking at their tired, withdrawn faces that I made a snap decision.

I needed to tell them _something_.

I gave myself a few minutes to decide what, exactly, I should say by making idle conversation. We talked about my parents and how things were going at the bank. Charlie asked about Emmett and Jasper, and when I told him they were doing great, he asked if Angela was still dating Ben.

"Yes, sir," I answered with a smile. "I don't see them breaking up anytime soon."

Charlie nodded, his smile hidden beneath his mustache but obvious in the way his cheeks lifted. After a couple of more minutes, I noticed a few people leaving and knew I really needed to get back to work.

_Now or fucking never._

"Hey," I said quietly. I didn't wait for an answer. I just plowed ahead and hoped like hell Bella wouldn't kill me. "I think you should know that Bella doesn't hate you."

Charlie tensed, freezing in place, and Carlisle drew a sharp breath. Neither of them said anything, so I continued, "She's pissed off that you lied to her, and she has a hell of a lot of…technical questions…but she doesn't hate you." I felt Carlisle watching me and turned to meet his eye before adding, "Either of you."

Carlisle gave me a small smile, real happiness beginning to appear in his eyes again even as Charlie said, "Technical questions? What the hell do you mean?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, man. That's between you two. I'm probably going to be in deep enough shit as it is, but I just…I thought you deserved to know that." I shrugged, glancing around before I said, "Look, I've gotta get back to work. I'll see you later."

Their eyes were heavy on my back as I walked away to bus a newly emptied table. As soon as I left them, I felt slightly sick as I wondered what they would say to Bella…and what she would have to say to me. I prayed that I could count on Carlisle's diplomatic ways to keep me as far out of this shit as possible.

And then I realized that it didn't matter if they told Bella or not…because I was going to.

_Fucking. Hell. _

Somewhere along the way, all of Carlisle's advice about honest relationships had sunk in, and I felt…creepy, somehow, keeping that from Bella.

A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, and I glanced over to find Carlisle standing beside me. He gave me a weary but happy smile and said, "I just wanted to say thank you. You really didn't have to do that, but it means a lot to him…" He glanced over his shoulder at the counter where Charlie was paying the bill and then looked back at me, his smile widening. "To both of us."

"No problem, Doc," I answered with a genuine smile. He squeezed my shoulder and then patted it once before walking away.

I watched him go and then cleared the rest of the table, carrying the dishes to the back. As I walked over to grab a broom, I felt a twinge in my ribs and rubbed my side, wondering just how hard Bella could punch.

I had a feeling I might find out.

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	10. Things Can Only Get Better

_**A/N: **__Thank you so much to our betas, __**EchoesofTwilight**__, __**kimberlycullen10**__, and __**theladyingrey42**__, for reading this continuously and giving us fantastic feedback. We love you ladies!_

_We don't own any of these characters, but these two boys sure as hell own us. We hope that you grow to love them just as much as we do._

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**Carlisle POV**

"I'm sorry, sweets," Charlie mumbled as he nursed his coffee. The dark circles under his eyes hinted at his exhaustion, but it was more evident to me in the way his voice was just slightly slurred. "I wish I could be there tonight. There was just no getting out of this shift."

I smiled at him and reached out to squeeze his hand. He had stopped by the hospital to see me on his lunch hour, which was much later than usual as he was working the evening shift. I'd suggested coffee in the cafeteria, hoping to help keep him alert. He looked like hell, if I were being honest, because he was worrying himself sick. He wasn't sleeping, which meant I wasn't sleeping in turn.

Of course, the irony was that the less sleep he got, the shorter his temper was with Bella, so in some ways, things had gotten even worse at home. Every time I thought they were making headway, one or the other of them would blow up over something seemingly innocuous, and we'd be right back at the beginning.

It was maddening.

They were trying, though. I had to give them that. They were just too much alike.

"Why don't you order a pizza?" Charlie continued. "Eat in the living room or something. Just make it easy." He shrugged and ran his fingers through his hair.

"We'll be fine, love," I murmured, smiling at him. I felt much more nervous than I let on – I didn't think it would help Charlie to know I was completely unsure what to say when left alone with Bella. She still wasn't speaking directly to me often, and we'd never been alone for more than a few minutes at a time. Tonight's dinner would change that. "We're not going to change anything just because you're not there. I'll cook, and we'll eat in the kitchen just like every night."

Charlie looked skeptical, and I sighed, not relishing the idea of arguing with him. I was struggling to come up with a change of subject as it seemed that Bella was _all_ we talked about any more when my eyes fell on Edward. I smiled as I always did when I saw him at work – he was so much happier now than the sullen, angry boy who'd first come into my office.

He was clearly coming over to see us, so I greeted him by saying, "Edward! How are you?"

As he returned the greeting, I let out a small sigh of relief, appreciating the distraction he provided. He and Charlie spoke for a few minutes about Edward's family and friends, while I took the time to simply enjoy my coffee. I was technically off duty and would be heading home right after we finished, but I was beginning to think I needed the caffeine just to stay awake on the drive.

My mind was drifting, thoughts of my pillow calling me, when Edward said something that caught my attention immediately. He said, "Hey," and then lowered his voice, licking his lips and glancing left and right before his eyes focused on Charlie. "I think you should know that Bella doesn't hate you."

I inhaled audibly as Charlie froze. I saw the hope in his eyes – and the fear to even hope. I didn't know what to say to that. I had told Charlie as much time and again, but Edward _knew_ her, or at least knew her a damn sight better than I did.

My eyes were focused on Charlie, gauging his reaction, so I nearly missed it when Edward continued, "She's pissed off that you lied to her, and she has a hell of a lot of…technical questions…but she doesn't hate you." I was a little baffled by his phrasing, so I turned to ask him but was stopped in my tracks when he added, "Either of you."

It felt as if my heart stopped for a moment before beating rapidly, fluttering until it was nearly uncomfortable. All I could think was that Edward must _know_ – she must have told him or at least made it clear to him. He was not cruel enough to give me hope if there was no hope to be had.

My smile widened, becoming more genuine, and I felt rejuvenated somehow. I could feel Charlie's relief as well, see it in the way his shoulders squared even as he demanded to know what Edward meant, exactly. I was confused by the curious phrase he'd used, but I assumed he must mean questions about what, exactly, had taken place all those years ago.

She'd made comments here and there since she moved in that hinted at a definite misunderstanding of our relationship, which likely stemmed from her uncertainty about…well, all of it. How it started, who initiated it, just how long it had been going on. I would've been happy to answer them for her, except for two things – first, she needed to talk to Charlie. I didn't want to come between them, and he had already lost a lot of respect in her eyes. Second…why would she believe me?

Edward batted away Charlie's request for more information, and I hid my quiet smile behind my coffee mug. I was proud of him, proud of the way he'd grown. He clearly genuinely cared about all of us and wanted to help, but he wasn't willing to betray the confidence of a friend. That showed tremendous maturity in such a short span of time.

He excused himself and went straight back to work, while Charlie and I sat in silence for a moment. Charlie was watching Edward, but my eyes were on the man I loved. I couldn't quite read his expression, not until he looked back at me with a quiet smile and a new glimmer of life in his eyes.

_That's my Charlie. _

"Do you think he's telling the truth?" Charlie's voice was skeptical, his eyes sliding back to Edward as Chief Swan emerged.

_And that's my Charlie, too. _

I grinned and reached over, covering his hand with my own. "Yes, I do. That was tough for him, Charlie."

He nodded, his eyes narrowing just slightly as he studied Edward before turning back to me. "Sure wish she'd show it," he said gruffly.

I struggled not to roll my eyes in exasperation, determined not to fall – once again – into the same circular conversation. "This is a good thing. Edward wouldn't have said anything without knowing for sure. You know how he is. He plays his cards close to his chest, and that was a risk for him to take, especially with how…" I trailed off, licking my lips as I pondered my word choice. "…unpredictable Bella can be."

Charlie snorted and stared at his coffee cup before shaking his head. He lifted his mug and drained it, putting it down on the table before he spoke again. "I know you're right, Carlisle. I'm just…scared." He gave me the little half-smile that made his vulnerability plain – the one that had only ever been for me.

I squeezed his hand and gave him a smile in return. "I know you are, my love. But Bella is here with you. She's staying, and now you know something you didn't before – something positive. Just hold to that."

He nodded again. "What would I do without you?"

"Starve," I joked, lightening the mood.

He laughed, his brown eyes truly happy. He thought about it for a moment and then shrugged, muttering, "Too true," under his breath. He raised his voice and said, "I need to head back…"

I frowned, not liking the idea of parting even though I knew we had to. He went to pay the check, and I started to follow behind until I saw Edward bussing a table. He was frowning slightly, scrubbing at a sticky mess someone had left behind.

Beyond the pride I felt, there was a growing sense of gratitude, and as I watched him muttering to himself, I hoped he wasn't regretting his decision to tell us. I walked over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder to let him know I was there, and when he turned to face me, I said, "I just wanted to say thank you. You really didn't have to do that, but it means a lot to him…" I glanced at Charlie, seeing his broad shoulders covered by the police jacket he wore so often and the wavy brown hair Bella had inherited, and realized that – finally – I had a chance at the family I'd always wanted with him. I looked back at Edward and smiled when I corrected myself. "To both of us."

"No problem, Doc," he answered with a grin, brushing it off just like always. He was never one for the spotlight, and I didn't make him uncomfortable by heaping the praise on him that I wanted to.

I went back to Charlie, who was just finishing up, and we walked out of the hospital together. The cruiser was parked next to my car, and he leaned against it, spreading his feet slightly as he pulled me into his embrace. My arms encircled his shoulders, my fingers playing with the hair on the nape of his neck as he kissed me.

Our kiss was innocent and chaste at first, but that never lasted with us. His lips parted mine, our tongues meeting, and all too soon, I had to pull away. My mind was conjuring images of Charlie in our bed, and on any normal day, I would've grinned wickedly at him and told him to get his ass home – and he wouldn't have hesitated.

He groaned, his hands tightening their grip on my hips, and his jaw clenched before he said, "I know."

I chuckled and reached up to cup his cheek. "Sorry, baby. I wish we could, too."

He grumbled under his breath about me not making it any easier, and with one final kiss, he sighed and straightened. "I should be home a little after eleven…think you'll be up?"

I rolled my eyes. "Like I'd miss my chance at more of this…" With that, I leaned in, kissing him thoroughly, and he moaned, returning the kiss eagerly.

"You're a dangerous man," he breathed when we parted, and I gave him my most angelic smile. "Definitely dangerous," he muttered in response. "See you tonight, sweets. I love you."

"I love you, too, Charlie," I answered with a smile. I stepped back as he got into the cruiser, and it wasn't until he'd pulled away with a wave that I finally got into my own car.

My thumbs tapped nervously on the steering wheel as I drove through town. The closer I got to home, the more keyed up I felt. I was sure Bella would have beaten me home, and I was equally sure that she'd be holed up in her room. She knew Charlie was working late, and I seriously doubted she would risk a run-in with me alone.

I sighed at the thought, my heart heavy as I wondered – yet again – how to fix the mess we were in. I hoped that, despite knowing we were alone, Bella would come out for dinner at 6:00. I wasn't sure what to do otherwise. Knock on her door? Demand that she come eat with me? Leave her alone?

None of those ideas sounded particularly pleasing, and as I parked my car beside Bella's red truck, I pushed the thoughts away. It was still nearly two hours until that time, and experience had shown that I would have those two hours to myself, as Bella would not emerge until necessary.

As soon as I was inside, I hung up my coat and went to our room, where I took a quick shower and changed into fresh jeans and a clean undershirt before standing in our closet, staring at my clothes blankly. I had no idea what to wear. It had never seemed like a big deal before, but I didn't want Bella to think I was being too formal…or trying too hard to be casual.

I was waffling between a pale blue button down and a maroon long-sleeved t-shirt when I decided I was being ridiculous. Bella had seen me most often in my work attire, so I grabbed the button down and pulled it on. I left the top two buttons undone and rolled the sleeves up to my elbows before padding down the hallway barefoot.

Ever since I found out that Charlie would be working late, I'd been trying to decide what I could fix that Bella would appreciate. Charlie had very simple tastes in general – he was a meat and potatoes man at heart, though I'd broadened his horizons a little over the years. I wanted to make something that might help Bella feel more at home, so I'd stocked up on flank steak and everything I needed to make carne asada.

As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, I began chopping and mixing ingredients for the steak marinade. Once it was settled in the refrigerator, I turned my attention to the pico de gallo and avocados I was preparing to go with them. I hoped Bella would like it, since I was pretty much flying blind when it came to her tastes.

Working in the kitchen was calming, and the time passed quickly as I fixed the rice and refried beans and then heated my iron grill pan. The steak was still sizzling in the pan, just moments from being ready to come up, when I heard the clatter of plates behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder and found Bella watching me. Her eyes were wide, so much so that I had trouble glancing away to read her expression, but she seemed…shy. Nervous. She flashed a small smile and turned around quickly, going to the table.

I looked back at the steak, keeping my eyes on my work. I couldn't help the smile on my face as the tension in my shoulders relaxed some. She'd come out of her room. She was going to have dinner with me, and she was even setting the table just like every other night.

_Thank heaven for small miracles. _

Of course, even as I felt relief, my nerves began to build again. I wasn't sure what to talk to her about, what to say when it was just the two of us. I knew we shared a love of literature, but would it be strange to bring that up? I wasn't sure how aware she was that I had been the one leaving her books for years. Everything seemed…dangerous. A field riddled with land mines that were sure to go off with a small misstep.

After all, I'd watched several of her explosions with Charlie – many this weekend. He kept trying to talk to her, but something always seemed to go wrong. He would mention something that would make her eyes flash, and then she'd be slamming a door in his face. Or she would call him Charlie, and he wouldn't be able to stop the grimace on his face.

One thing I had picked up on, though, through their little tiffs was that Bella clearly blamed her parents' divorce on…well, me. Or us, depending on how you looked at it. It was becoming alarmingly obvious to me that she believed Charlie had been disingenuous with Renee, when he had actually been open and honest.

I didn't really blame her for being upset with me. In all honesty, if it hadn't been for Charlie's attraction to me, they might possibly still be married, so her anger was somewhat valid. I knew without a doubt that my Charlie would not be happy, not like he was with me, but I wasn't sure if Bella would be mature enough to realize that – or to care if she did.

But the fact remained that it would be an irrational anger. Charlie couldn't control who he was attracted to, and he'd handled things the best way he knew how. It was up to Bella how she took that – once she had all the facts.

I sighed, absentmindedly rubbing my temple as I pulled up the steak and arranged it on a plate. I was back to where I started, just as I had been for days – wondering if I should say anything…how much I should say…_what_ I should say. I knew without a doubt that I didn't want to undermine Charlie, but we couldn't take living like this much longer – and _I_ couldn't take Bella's disdain for her father. Every time I caught a mutter about liars or saw blatant disbelief in her eyes, I felt indignation and sorrow.

Charlie wasn't perfect, but he was far better than she was giving him credit for.

I'd taken all the time I could plating and slicing the strips of steak. I began transferring the food to the table, arranging the bowls of rice and refried beans beside the platter of avocado slices and the smaller dish of pico de gallo. Bella's eyes widened when I said, "I hope you like carne asada. I took a chance."

She hesitated for a split second and then smiled, nodding. "Thanks…Carlisle." She cleared her throat, her smile wavering before she forced it back in place. "Do umm…do you want me to warm some tortillas?"

My own smile was surprised but genuine as I told her that would be lovely. She grinned at my choice of words and then nodded silently, going to the refrigerator. "You want cheese and sour cream?" she called, her voice muffled as she dug around in the crisper.

"Bring whatever you'd like to the table, dear." The term was automatic, and I saw Bella's spine stiffen, but she made no comment. I half-expected another temper tantrum of the type I'd seen her throw with Charlie, but she took a deep breath, closed the refrigerator, and got to work warming the tortillas on the stove.

We lapsed into silence again, and soon everything was ready. Our kitchen table was small, and for years, Charlie had been sitting on one side while I sat at the end – it was easier to talk and touch that way. When Bella joined us, she began sitting across from Charlie, which put her on my other side. Normally it wasn't an issue, but tonight, I was especially aware of the proximity.

We assembled our food without a word being spoken until Bella took her first bite. "Holy…" she trailed off, swallowing before she tried again. "This is fantastic, Carlisle! Seriously."

I smiled and tried not to preen under her praise. I murmured my thanks, and Bella surprised me by saying, "You can really taste the lime. How many did you use?"

"Two," I answered, feeling slightly off balance. We were able to talk easily about cooking then, and it became clear to me that Bella had done more than her fair share in Phoenix. She seemed to enjoy it, and I made a mental note to talk to Charlie about seeing if Bella would like to cook dinner occasionally.

I wouldn't say our conversation was perfect by any means, but it did flow smoothly. It took me a while to figure out why, but gradually I realized that we were able to relax more without the added pressure of wondering what Charlie thought of what we were saying. Bella wasn't…warm…by any means, but she wasn't cold either.

I asked her about school, and she mentioned finishing _The Awakening_ for her AP English class. Seeing my chance, I wiped the corner of my mouth with my napkin and cleared my throat. "So what do you think of _Wuthering Heights_?"

Bella was quiet for a moment, pushing small pieces of steak around on her plate with her fork. She was still looking down at her plate when she said, "You left it for me?"

_No turning back now._

"I did," I answered, just as softly. "I knew you liked to read, and Charlie isn't much for it, so…"

All I could see was the top of her head as she nodded, and then she looked up. Her eyes were a confusing mixture of emotions – some I wasn't even sure she was aware of – and she finally whispered, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," I said simply. I could see in her expression that there were more questions on her mind, so I went back to my food, giving her time and space to think.

I wasn't surprised when she dropped the subject of my giving her books altogether and instead said, "I enjoyed it. It's interesting to me that gothic novels can be so…honest."

"Honest? How do you mean?" I asked, fighting a smile as I listened to her describe the treatment of physical and mental cruelty, the way that gothic novels were unapologetic. I found myself nodding, actively engaged with her as we moved through the Bronte sisters and into other areas of literature.

The rest of dinner passed quickly and comfortably – much more so than other meals we'd shared. When we were finished, we stood and began clearing the table, and I felt more relaxed and hopeful than I had since before Bella moved in. She was still keeping her distance, but once she'd begun talking about books, she'd exposed a chink in her armor that allowed me to gain some ground.

I was making a plate for Charlie while Bella started washing the dishes when I began to realize that this might be my only chance to talk with her alone for a while. Charlie was typically around – for which I was thankful – but there were some things I wanted to say without him hearing. He was so tenderhearted when it came to Bella that I didn't want to risk him being hurt anymore, and I also thought that she might place more weight on my words if he weren't around.

Maybe.

"Bella, can I be frank?" I surprised myself by speaking when I hadn't even fully decided on what to say.

She tossed her head, brushing her hair back of her shoulder as she turned her penetrating gaze to me. After a protracted, awkward moment, she bit her bottom lip and nodded, looking back down at the plate she was washing.

Now that I'd started, I didn't know where to go, so I finished putting plastic wrap over the leftover avocados before saying, "I'd like to say thank you, first, for having dinner with me tonight. It was…nice."

_Nice_ seemed woefully inadequate for the change in the tempestuous atmosphere, but I hoped she would understand. She nodded – whether in agreement or simply acknowledgment, I didn't know.

I transferred the steak to a plastic container and sealed the lid. "I ahh…I also think there's something you should know."

All pretense of working stopped as Bella shut off the water and dried her hands. The air in the room was charged once again when she turned around, leaning against the counter. I was standing on the other side of the kitchen, and I could see the way her eyes were hardening. She was deciding already that I was meddling, that I was taking Charlie's side just because, and I didn't want this night to end like that. We were facing each other when I said, "Just listen?"

She huffed, crossing her arms and looking down at the toes of her shoes. Finally she looked up again and nodded. "I will." I gave a small smile that quickly faded when her eyes lingered on it and her mouth tightened.

_Right._

Obviously the relative truce between us was tenuous. I wondered if it would snap under the weight of the words I was about to say, but I needed this truth – this small little bit – out there. Whether or not she believed me, just hearing it would at least give her pause.

I breathed shallowly and then forged on. "I know Charlie's not the best at communication." She snorted but otherwise held her silence. "And he's broken your trust in ways that will be very difficult to forgive. There is so much that needs to be said between the two of you that I wouldn't even know where to begin. I know, too, that you have no reason to believe anything I say…" I heard myself rambling, and in my struggle to stop myself, I stammered, "It's just…just that you should know…you should know that Charlie never cheated on your mother. I wasn't even aware of his attraction until after you and your mother moved to Phoenix."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the rest of the words from tumbling out, the words that Charlie needed to say. Bella needed to know how devastated he was to lose her, how his heart had broken that he couldn't be everything that she and Renee needed, but it just wasn't my place to tell her.

She made a small noise of disbelief, her hands moving to the counter on either side of her hips as her gaze returned to her shoes. At a loss as to what to do, I stood there looking at her shoes as well. They were light blue canvas sneakers, covered in drawings, and I let them catch my attention until she finally cleared her throat.

I glanced up to find her watching me. Her eyes were dark, unreadable, and she crossed her arms over her chest again as she mumbled, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," I answered softly.

I thought I saw her eyes reddening as she turned around, and her voice was gruff when she said, "I think I'll just finish these and go to bed. Okay?"

I recognized the question for what it was – a dismissal – and said, "Of course…good night, Bella." I took a few steps toward the hallway and then stopped. "Let me know if you need anything, please."

I heard a noncommittal noise over the rattle of dishes and felt my heart sink. The last thing I'd wanted to do was make her cry, though I supposed it was a good sign – better than her yelling anyway. Maybe she'd honestly listened for once.

I felt restless, every bit of me wanting to go back into the kitchen to comfort her, but I knew that wouldn't be welcome. Instead, I went to our room, deciding to change into something more comfortable and try to watch a movie until Charlie came home. I had to find something to occupy myself, or I would drive myself insane.

I took longer than necessary, trying to give Bella enough time to make her escape. I tossed my button down into the hamper and put my jeans away before pulling on a pair of Charlie's pajama pants. They were a little bigger than mine, and I just wanted some small connection with him then.

I was thinking of how, exactly, to tell Charlie what I'd done when I heard a door close and decided it was safe. I stepped out into the hallway and ran right into Bella, who was coming out of the bathroom. She collided with my shoulder with a small gasp, and I reached out automatically, catching her by the upper arms.

I dropped my hands quickly, my face heating, and I saw a crimson blush on her cheeks. "I'm terribly sorry," I murmured, stepping back.

"It's okay," she answered in a rush, not meeting my eyes. "G-good night, Carlisle."

Her door slammed shut before I could even finish saying, "Good night, Bella." I sighed heavily, reaching up to scratch the back of my neck before pulling our bedroom door shut.

_At least this time I was dressed. _

The thought put a wry smile on my face as I shrugged and walked into the living room. Typically Charlie was home with me at nights, so this one was the first I'd had relatively alone in a long time. I appreciated nights like this normally – they gave me some time to myself, let me relax and miss him so that I was even more eager for him to come home.

I tried to settle into my normal routine of picking out a movie and settling in front of the TV with a good book. Nothing seemed to be suiting my tastes, though, and I finally ended up putting in _The Mummy Returns_ for background noise and picking up my copy of _The Lost Symbol_.

I turned on the lamp and stretched out on the couch, propping my feet on one arm and my head on the other as I played with my hair and tried to get into the book. By the time the movie was over, I gave the novel up as a lost cause and tossed it onto the coffee table to pick up another day.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a pint of ice cream from the freezer. As I was pulling a spoon from the drawer, I heard music playing from Bella's room and wondered what, exactly, she did in there every night. There was no real way to find out, short of asking her or poking my head through her door – neither of which was appealing – so I took my dessert into the living room.

I changed DVDs, popping in _The 13__th__ Warrior_ because I hoped it might prove more entertaining – and, admittedly, because there were a few nice things to look at. I smirked around my spoon as I pulled my feet onto the couch beside me and leaned against the arm. This time, I really did pay attention to the movie, and I was leaning forward, watching Buliwyf fight the leader of the Wendol when I heard Charlie's keys in the lock.

The thud of his boots followed not far behind, and I heard him groan as he took off his coat and hung it in the entryway. "Carlisle?" he called lowly.

"In here, love," I answered automatically, my eyes still focused on the TV. He walked up behind me, rubbing my shoulders over the back of the couch, and I hummed my approval.

I heard his chuckle and then his voice rumble, "Needed some eye candy?"

I glanced over my shoulder, rolling my eyes even as I grinned. "Maybe?"

He leaned down, pressing his lips against the pulse point beneath my jaw as he murmured, "Maybe I can help you out a little later, hmm?"

My eyes closed, my head lolling to the side as he kissed up and down the column of my neck. He patted my biceps and then said, "But first, I'm going to grab something to eat."

I laughed and paused the movie, getting up to follow him into the kitchen. He raised an eyebrow at the empty ice cream carton as I tossed it into the trash, but he didn't comment. We talked quietly in the kitchen as he warmed up the food I'd set aside for him. He told me about his day while making his tacos, and as he took the first bite, he moaned, his eyes drifting closed.

I grinned. "If I'd known you'd like it that much, I would've made it for you."

He grinned, swallowing and wiping his mouth before he leaned over to kiss me. "Thanks, baby…it's fantastic." I grabbed a beer for him as we headed back into the living room, and I started the movie once more. Charlie picked up the remote and went to the scene selection, picking it up about midway again after asking if I minded. I didn't, of course, and we settled onto the couch and talked about nothing of importance as the movie played quietly in the background.

It felt good to be with him like this again. Every day, we were finding more and more moments of "normal". I smiled as he put down his empty plate and sat back, slipping his arm around my shoulders. There wasn't much left of the movie, and we watched it in companionable silence with occasional brushes of fingertips against skin and lips against cheeks.

As the movie was winding down again, Charlie turned to me, his brown eyes burning with a fierce desire. I couldn't stop the way my head tilted so my lips could meet his – I didn't _want_ to stop it. His lips parted, letting me taste the beer and spices and savory flavor of Charlie himself. His fingertips kneaded my thigh, his grip firm and sure, and when he pulled away, his gaze locked with mine.

"Let's go to bed, sweets," he murmured, a quiet rumble laden with promise.

"Charlie…" I started to protest, but he shook his head.

"Let's go to bed," he repeated. His tone matched the steel in his eyes as he squeezed my thigh once and stood. We both reached for his plate at the same time, but he pulled it away. "I've got this." He kissed me once chastely, his lips hovering near mine as he said, "Head on to our room. I'll be right there."

He turned then, heading into the kitchen, and I stood there, unsure what to do with myself. Automatically, my hands went through the work of straightening the living room, turning off the movie, and locking the front door. I felt a strange sort of giddy excitement, almost like I was a teenager again, as I went down the hall to our bedroom.

The silence was heavy behind Bella's door, and her light was off. I prayed she was asleep because Charlie clearly had plans in mind…and I was emboldened by the heady realization that I wasn't in the mood to stop him tonight.

I went through our room into the restroom, and by the time I'd finished my business and washed my hands, Charlie was waiting for me in the bedroom. He crossed the open space, taking me in his arms and kissing me hard before breaking away to nibble at my jaw. He bit down harder and then whispered, "Shower with me, Carlisle?"

I smiled, my body responding to his touch and to the memories of hot water streaming over us as we made love throughout the years. I didn't answer, at least not verbally – I just began unbuckling his belt, pulling the leather free with a metallic clink. Charlie put his hands on my hips and walked me backwards as we kissed.

We laughed when I bumped into the doorframe, and he whispered, "Sorry," before steering me to the right and through the door. I unbuttoned his pants and tugged the tail of his shirt out, but he turned away before I could finish my work. He reached into the shower, starting the water, and then his hungry lips were on mine again.

Our kisses were interrupted as shirts went over heads, and we were nude before steam began filling the bathroom. His hands were light and teasing as they ghosted over my length and drifted down my thighs. I bit back my moan, some part of me still acutely aware of Bella in her – now silent – bedroom. The need to be quiet was exciting somehow, and I took Charlie's face between my hands, pulling him to me for a searing kiss. His arms encircled my waist, flexing as they drew me close, and we both inhaled sharply when our sensitive, hardened flesh brushed together.

"Come on," he murmured, dropping his arms and stepping into the tub before I'd had a chance to register what he'd said. I followed behind and found myself pressed immediately against the shower wall as he dropped to his knees. The tile was cold against my ass, and I let my head fall back as I soaked up the warmth from the water.

Charlie turned me slightly, angling me so that my body blocked some of the water that had been spraying into his face. His hair was already soaked, dark waves sending droplets over his cheeks, and I reached down to brush them away. His eyes were focused on my cock just in front of his face, and he licked his lips, giving me a wicked smirk as he raised his eyes to mine.

His lips parted as his head dipped down, and I felt the teasing probe of his tongue as he took one of my balls into his mouth. I pressed my head against the tile again, staring at the ceiling as I focused on how he felt. He knew me so well, knew just what to do to have me panting and begging, so I tangled my hands into his hair and let him have his way.

A deep moan escaped my chest as he spread my thighs, licking just behind my balls, and he stopped at once. He stood just in front of me, our bare, wet bodies pressed together as he ran his tongue along the shell of my ear. "Shh, Carlisle…you'll have to stay quiet now." The words held a familiar cadence, and I recognized them as my own from so many years ago. I inhaled sharply when he took my cock in hand, pumping me slowly as he whispered, "Can you be very quiet?"

I nodded, biting my bottom lip and swallowing hard. He kissed my cheek gently and reached for the bottle of lube mixed in among the shampoos and body wash on the shelf. The snap of the lid made my eyes flutter closed as I felt him sink back to his knees in front of me. The struggle to control myself was arousing, especially when coupled with Charlie's slick fingers rubbing my entrance as he took my cock deep down his throat. His other hand wrapped around my base, and my world was nothing but tightness and heat and steam and the abrasion of teeth.

He was relentless in his attentions, every touch designed to drive me toward my release, and I understood intrinsically that _this_ was what he wanted. He wanted to control this corner of his world, to leave me panting and breathless as I came down his throat.

I gave myself over to him, relishing every touch, feeling every tingling nerve when he hit just the right place. I tried to keep my hips still, but it was at last a hopeless case, and my shoulders pressed against the tiled wall as my fingers tightened in his hair. The thrusting of my hips was fast and hard, and Charlie hollowed his cheeks, his fingers gripping my thighs as he did all he could to hold on.

A whispered, "Fuck," spilled from my lips with a muted growl as I came in hot, thick spurts. Charlie smiled around my cock, and I felt the vibrations of his inaudible hum as he licked at my head. I jerked, entirely too sensitive, making him chuckle fondly as he stood.

When he kissed me, I tasted myself on his tongue and felt my knees wobble as they nearly gave way beneath me. Charlie put a steadying arm around my waist and pressed his other hand against the wall over my left shoulder, deepening our kiss as if he just couldn't get enough of me.

I could feel him hard, pressing against my hip, but when he pulled away, he kissed my chin and my nose and murmured, "I love you," before turning and reaching for the soap.

I frowned, not liking the loss of intimacy with him. It wasn't like we always had to be equal – there were plenty of times when we'd done just what Charlie had right then – but I _needed_ him. I needed to feel him, needed to know that he still wanted me just as I wanted him.

It was irrational and ridiculous, but I realized suddenly that I was a little…jealous. Not of Bella, exactly – I wanted him to have a strong relationship with her – but of sharing him. I supposed it was more insecurity than envy, the idea that I might be replaced in some capacity, but whatever it was, I didn't like it.

My request was honest though my hands were devious as I stepped up behind him and took his cock in hand. I kissed along his neck and whispered, "Please, Charlie…let me feel you. I need you, love…"

He pressed back against me, his cheek against mine as he answered softly, "I'm not sure I can be quiet, baby. You feel so goddamn good, and I just…" He shrugged, and I bit back a smile. It was true – Charlie was quite vocal sometimes, but that didn't stop me.

"I know you can do it…" My hand squeezed as I went up and over his head, my other hand dipping down to cup his balls. "Come on, Charlie…" I reached for the lube and poured a little into my hand, warming it before resuming my attentions.

He uttered, "Oh, fuck…" and I heard the way his breathing stuttered, bringing a smile to my face.

"Make love to me…please…"

My last whispered plea proved too much for him, and he turned quickly, his hands squeezing my ass as he kissed me hard. "You're impossible to resist, you know that?" He mumbled breathlessly before spinning me around.

My hands went to the shower wall as Charlie spread my feet and stepped between. The slight sting as he entered me was exquisite; the way he hardened even further was every shred of evidence I'd needed that he was mine. I felt a little ashamed then that I'd had a bout of uncertainty, no matter how brief, but he left me no room for wallowing as his hips began to roll against mine.

His hands roamed my back and ass, speaking to me in soft caresses and harder pinches the way he usually did with words. One hand settled on my shoulder as he took me deeper, harder, and I rested my forearms against the tile, my forehead against them. My panting breath combined with the steam to make me dizzy, but the reality of Charlie's body rocking mine kept me grounded.

I felt him pulsing, his thighs quivering just before he grew utterly still. His fingertips were nearly painful, digging into my hipbones, but I would not have traded that visceral knowledge that he was _mine_ for anything in the world.

As he pulled away from me, I felt the serenity I usually knew settle into my chest once more. Charlie and I were okay – we were _us_, no matter what this life threw at us.

Shame still burned my cheeks that I had needed such a reminder as I turned around, but if Charlie saw it, he didn't comment. He kissed me tenderly and gave me a mischievous grin before facing the showerhead and reaching for his soap. We cleaned each other in relative silence, reconnecting and sharing occasional kisses.

My heart felt lighter when we climbed out and dried off. We spent a few more minutes getting ready for bed, and as we settled against the headboard, I wondered how, exactly, to bring up the things I needed to talk to him about.

He saved me the trouble as he sprawled out beside me. His cheeks were still faintly flushed when he glanced at me and said, "So…how did it go tonight?"

He must've taken my silence for some sort of reproach because he chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, sorry…guess I didn't give you a chance to say much, huh?"

I grinned. "No, you didn't…but you won't hear me complain." I kissed him once and then sat back, trying to decide where to begin. "Tonight was…good, actually."

"Really?" His disbelief couldn't have been plainer if he'd come out and said it, and I smiled wryly in response.

"Yes, really. It wasn't perfect by any means, but it was actually pleasant." Charlie set up straighter, asking questions, and I told him about Bella helping set the table and finish up with dinner.

"She really seems to like cooking, too. Do you think she might like to cook here sometimes? I didn't know how to ask her because I didn't want it to seem like she _had_ to, but I don't want to stop her if she wants to."

Charlie listened with a thoughtful expression and then sighed, running his hands across his face. "Hell, Carlisle, I have no idea. Maybe?" I frowned a little at the way he seemed to give up in exasperation so often with her. At my pointed look, he said, "Yeah, she might, actually. The last couple of years she came up here, she cooked some, but I thought it was just because I'm terrible at it."

I chuckled and reached out to take his hand. "Well, you are that."

His admission that he didn't know this about Bella brought me around to what I really needed to talk to him about. I felt a heavy sense of dread as I sighed, lacing my fingers through his. "I need to tell you something, Charlie," I began, deciding on the spot that it was best to just get this out in the open.

I waited for him to prompt me, to ask me what I was talking about, but he stayed silent. When I glanced at him, his brown eyes pinned me in place, and I found the words spilling from my lips uncontrollably. "I hope you're not upset, but I couldn't take the way Bella looks at you anymore. I knew she had a few things…twisted, and I had to set them straight. I wasn't trying to get in your way or tell her more than you intended her to know, and I definitely didn't want to undermine you, but-"

The flow cut off abruptly as Charlie's fingertips pressed against my lips. "Calm down, Carlisle." I could see the tightness and worry around his eyes, even though he tried to hide it. "I know you wouldn't do that, baby. What did you say, though?"

I exhaled audibly and murmured, "I told her that you never cheated on Renee…and that I didn't know you were attracted to me until they moved to Arizona."

One side of Charlie's mustache moved as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. His eyes were filled with questions that he never voiced – I wondered if he was afraid of the answers. Finally, he cleared his throat and said timidly, "What did she say?"

"She said 'thanks'," I answered simply. I let him absorb my words for a moment before squeezing his hand. He looked back up at me, and I added, "She was upset, Charlie. She looked like she was going to cry and just said she was going to finish the dishes and go to bed."

I could see the pain in Charlie's eyes – pain for his little girl – along with a hint of helplessness. I leaned down to kiss his forehead and pulled his head against my shoulder, putting my arms around him.

"She doesn't know what to believe, sweetheart," I began again. "Her world is upside down, and she doesn't know who to trust. You have to try to talk to her again, and it may mean taking a little bit of a beating from her. I know it's natural to want to defend yourself, especially in the things you _know_ you're right on, but it might help just to let her get it off her chest once and for all."

He let me hold him, his weight solid against my side. I ran my fingers through his hair, occasionally kissing the crown of his head as I gave him time to think things through. I knew where his thoughts were circling, so it was no surprise when he said, "What if she leaves?"

"If she were going to, I think she already would have." It was the first time I'd given him that particular answer, and he sat up, looking at me with eyes filled with questions. I gave him a small smile and brushed the back of my fingers along his cheek. "Think about it, love. Everything that Bella thinks she knows is based on the worst possible assumptions she could make. As much as I can't stand it, she thinks you lied and cheated on her mother. If she hasn't left based on that alone, why would she leave when she finds out what really happened?"

When Charlie didn't answer, I felt my smile falter. I swallowed slowly and forced the words out. "Unless…Charlie, do you think that our real story is _worse_?"

I had a sudden urge to cry as I considered the possibility that Charlie really was ashamed of me – or, at least, ashamed of the way our relationship had progressed. When my face fell, Charlie mumbled, "Oh god, I did it again…" and I was pressed back into the mattress at an awkward angle, his body weighing me down as he kissed my neck and cheeks, murmuring apologies.

At last, he sat up with a heavy sigh. His knees were on either side of my hips as he rested on my thighs, and he ran his fingers through his hair. He reached out a hand and pulled me up, crushing me to his chest as he said, "Damn it, I'm sorry." He sat back slightly and took my hand, placing my palm over the place where his tattoo marked his chest. "No, I don't. I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I just…fuck. I need this over. I need it to all be out in the open because I can't keep going like this. I think I'm actually going insane, and I keep hurting you, and…" He broke off, shaking his head and muttering under his breath. "I'm sorry," he breathed again.

"It's okay. Honestly. I understand…but you're right. We do need to get past this." I smiled. "Bella's here. She's living with us. We have a chance to be a family, but we can't just ignore this. It's not going away." He nodded, and I lifted my chin, kissing him softly on the lips. "Which is why I was thinking…maybe tomorrow's the perfect time to talk to her? No school for Veterans Day, and you're off, right?"

Charlie nodded and then frowned, his hands absently rubbing my biceps as he thought. "Yeah, maybe." He glanced up at me, pouting, and I knew then that he'd given in. He always turned petulant when I "made" him do something he didn't want to.

I chuckled, soothing him with kisses and quiet words, and we shifted back so that we were sitting side by side again. We spent an hour or so discussing the things he needed to bring up, and he asked for my advice on how to handle certain topics. It felt good to reconnect with him. So much about Bella had been off limits for years that, in some ways, it felt like I was being fully admitted into this part of his life for the first time.

We decided that they needed to be alone – perhaps Bella would be more agreeable if I wasn't in the house. I hated the thought that she found me threatening, but ignoring it wouldn't make it go away. We agreed that after breakfast, I would go in to the hospital a little early. My shift didn't officially start until 10:00, but I could use the time to catch up on some paperwork.

I was nervous, and I knew Charlie was, too, but I also felt a sense of impending relief. I could only imagine how rough tomorrow's conversation might get, but at least they would be _talking_. It had to bring progress of some kind.

I reminded Charlie that he needed to tell Bella about Alice's visit as well, especially since she would be staying in the tiny guest room for a few months. I resisted the urge to chide him for not telling her sooner. I knew all too well how easy it was to let something go and then continue to let it go.

By the time we went to bed, Charlie felt somewhat confident. He had a plan of sorts, and he felt better after talking through it with me. As we settled beneath the covers, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on top of him. He hugged me fiercely, and when his arms finally relaxed, we spent long moments kissing while his hands roamed my body tenderly.

"I love you, Carlisle," he whispered, and I heard countless unspoken apologies and reassurances. As I murmured my response, I hoped he could hear everything I felt as well – regrets and hope, understanding and compassion.

We rolled onto our sides, and though we often slept turned away from each other for comfort's sake, we drifted off that night in a tangle of limbs that made us one.

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_**A/N:**__ We'd like to remind you that the __**Fandom Gives Back**__ auction for __**Alex's Lemonade Stand**__ is coming up soon. We are offering up two types of auctions - first come, first served drabbles and a standard auction for a one-shot, outtake from one of our stories, or another chapter of a previous one-shot. The auction will run __**June 25**__ through __**July 2**__. Please check out http:/www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com/_

_We'd also like to announce the __**Plot Bunny Contest**__ taking place now through __**July 31st**__. __**SorceressCirce**__ is one of your hosts for the contest while __**naelany**__ is a judge. The contest is a different sort, with submitting plot bunnies which will be given out to other authors to write. Please check out http:/plotbunnycontest(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ for all the information!_


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